HCAF Confessional

[Samnite]

I changed the name of my ultra-religious neighbor's wireless network to "We_Love_Satan"

By the way, this is superb.

[Bigfiddle]

I let a fat girl suck my dick...twice.

[Scott K]

I let a fat girl suck my dick...twice.

 

 

My buddy did that too. I feel gross for him.

[Cliff Fiscal]

We used to pick up the local department store's carts up in the back of my truck, drive around, and randomly push them off into the roads around town.....either that or throw them off the highest things we could find. Never got in trouble.

Oh...then we'd {censored} ourselves.:poke:

[duncan]

We used to pick up the local department store's carts up in the back of my truck, drive around, and randomly push them off into the roads around town.....either that or throw them off the highest things we could find. Never got in trouble. Oh...then we'd {censored} ourselves.:poke:

 

 

kinda similar....

 

 

back in high school, me and a buddy would drive to the near-by walmart parking lot. i would park my car at the farthest (from any other vehicle) edge of the parking lot. from there, my buddy would put a shopping cart infront of my car, and i would then proceed to gun it, making it up to about 90kmh. then i would slam on my breaks, sending the shopping cart careening into parked cars. i would usually aim at the douchebags who park on the other side of the lot, away from any other cars, on an angle, as to prevent anyone from digning their door.

[mseriously30]

We used to pick up the local department store's carts up in the back of my truck, drive around, and randomly push them off into the roads around town.....either that or throw them off the highest things we could find. Never got in trouble. Oh...then we'd {censored} ourselves.:poke:

 

 

I laughed my ass off at that last line...

[peavey_impact]

I changed the name of my ultra-religious neighbor's wireless network to "We_Love_Satan"

Lmfao!

[JKD]

I let a fat girl suck my dick...twice.

So do I...as often as possible....she is my wife after all

["sasquatch"]

i once made a dummy out of overalls and a flannel shirt, gloves, boots, and shaped a broad-rimmed hat to look like a head, then put a hat on top of it. we put it in the middle of an intersection next to an empty bottle of whiskey and an old bicycle. cars were slamming on their brakes. one person did so, then got out of their car and i heard "call the ambulance, he's been hit."

yes, the cops and an ambulance/fire rescue or two showed up.

[Cliff Fiscal]

wow....my life is boring.

[Blackwater]

I have some great stories, but due to their illegality I must refrain.

 

However during my first semester in college I was lucky enough to be on a dorm floor full of like minded crazy assholes. We all loved causing havok and filmed 90% of it. For my first camera debut I {censored} in a ziplock bag and brought it too our cafeteria. It was the dinner rush which was perfect! I walked over to the microwaves right after the big buffet style troughs and threw the bag in and set it for ten minutes. After about 1 minute you could see the tables closest to the microwave start looking around like something was wrong. Literally the look of gold. All of a sudden the smell was everywhere. People were getting up and leaving. Lots of people would pass by the microwave and literally almost throw up in their mouths. Table by table people were rushing to get out of the cafeteria. It smelled so {censored}ing bad! we had placed two cameras around the area I was laughing so hard I had to leave or I would have been busted. The look of horror was priceless.

 

Another thing we loved to start our weekends off was called "fruit bombing" We would all meet in the wash area on our floor where we stashed the gravity bong. We would take a huge hit of salvia and spin around ten times. Harnessed in the window was a balloon launcher. The idea was to get twisted and try to hit a car/student as they walked to campus. Busses were easy targets. The first time I actually hit a person I felt so {censored}ing bad. This girl literally all in white (jeans/shirt) was walking with her books in hand. It was a super nice day. Any way I take a huge hit, spin around ten times and grab a huge orange. I pulled that {censored}er back so far and let it rip. It was like slow motion as the orange nailed the girl right in the stomach......she screamed so loud and dropped all of her {censored} as she fell down. Everybody started laughing so hard I am pretty sure we all pist our selfs. She was ruined! Orange, sticky {censored} all over her. She just laid on the ground pouting. After I could breath again, I felt really bad.....Karma has paid me back though....... Oh man I could write a book about the {censored} we pulled.

[chakosh]

I have some great stories, but due to their illegality I must refrain. However during my first semester in college I was lucky enough to be on a dorm floor full of like minded crazy assholes. We all loved causing havok and filmed 90% of it. For my first camera debut I {censored} in a ziplock bag and brought it too our cafeteria. It was the dinner rush which was perfect! I walked over to the microwaves right after the big buffet style troughs and threw the bag in and set it for ten minutes. After about 1 minute you could see the tables closest to the microwave start looking around like something was wrong. Literally the look of gold. All of a sudden the smell was everywhere. People were getting up and leaving. Lots of people would pass by the microwave and literally almost throw up in their mouths. Table by table people were rushing to get out of the cafeteria. It smelled so {censored}ing bad! we had placed two cameras around the area I was laughing so hard I had to leave or I would have been busted. The look of horror was priceless.

 

 

You sir are my new hero.

[thenakedarab]

I used to shoot passing cars with marbles launched from a wrist rocket when I was a teen.

I took action pics of the chick I did yesterday.

I want to slap my cock between the easily 50 EE all natural tits of this 19 yr old hottie I'm working on a project with at school, then bend her over and pound the hell out of her very round and sexy ass. She reminds me of Deborah Burke when 1st and 10 aired on HBO, you know, the pre Lane Bryant super hot Deborah Burke.

There, I feel much better now.

[mseriously30]

I once took a marker to every 2X4 tile in our hallway. Had to have taken hours to do, but when you're blasted, everything speeds past.

In those 2X4 tiles I prophetically wrote the word: phallus.


I planned on revealing that sometime down the road, but never got around to it. Oh, how retardedly immature.

[Ultron]

However during my first semester in college I was lucky enough to be on a dorm floor full of like minded crazy assholes. We all loved causing havok and filmed 90% of it. For my first camera debut I {censored} in a ziplock bag and brought it too our cafeteria. It was the dinner rush which was perfect! I walked over to the microwaves right after the big buffet style troughs and threw the bag in and set it for ten minutes. After about 1 minute you could see the tables closest to the microwave start looking around like something was wrong. Literally the look of gold. All of a sudden the smell was everywhere. People were getting up and leaving. Lots of people would pass by the microwave and literally almost throw up in their mouths. Table by table people were rushing to get out of the cafeteria. It smelled so {censored}ing bad! we had placed two cameras around the area I was laughing so hard I had to leave or I would have been busted. The look of horror was priceless.

 

 

 

Holy {censored} is that hilarious! Nuked {censored} FTW!

[xbryanx]

epic thread. would read again.

 

very funny stories, but im glad i dont drink hahaha

[thenakedarab]

I have some great stories, but due to their illegality I must refrain. However during my first semester in college I was lucky enough to be on a dorm floor full of like minded crazy assholes. We all loved causing havok and filmed 90% of it. For my first camera debut I {censored} in a ziplock bag and brought it too our cafeteria. It was the dinner rush which was perfect! I walked over to the microwaves right after the big buffet style troughs and threw the bag in and set it for ten minutes. After about 1 minute you could see the tables closest to the microwave start looking around like something was wrong. Literally the look of gold. All of a sudden the smell was everywhere. People were getting up and leaving. Lots of people would pass by the microwave and literally almost throw up in their mouths. Table by table people were rushing to get out of the cafeteria. It smelled so {censored}ing bad! we had placed two cameras around the area I was laughing so hard I had to leave or I would have been busted. The look of horror was priceless. Another thing we loved to start our weekends off was called "fruit bombing" We would all meet in the wash area on our floor where we stashed the gravity bong. We would take a huge hit of salvia and spin around ten times. Harnessed in the window was a balloon launcher. The idea was to get twisted and try to hit a car/student as they walked to campus. Busses were easy targets. The first time I actually hit a person I felt so {censored}ing bad. This girl literally all in white (jeans/shirt) was walking with her books in hand. It was a super nice day. Any way I take a huge hit, spin around ten times and grab a huge orange. I pulled that {censored}er back so far and let it rip. It was like slow motion as the orange nailed the girl right in the stomach......she screamed so loud and dropped all of her {censored} as she fell down. Everybody started laughing so hard I am pretty sure we all pist our selfs. She was ruined! Orange, sticky {censored} all over her. She just laid on the ground pouting. After I could breath again, I felt really bad.....Karma has paid me back though....... Oh man I could write a book about the {censored} we pulled.

LOLZ, we had an orange tree, and two grapefruit trees in our back yard when I was young, and me and a few friends would lob them over the neighbors house and bomb the passing cars. One dude almost caught us one day, but he was too old and chubby to make it over the fence fast enough.

[xbryanx]

Another thing we loved to start our weekends off was called "fruit bombing" We would all meet in the wash area on our floor where we stashed the gravity bong. We would take a huge hit of salvia and spin around ten times. Harnessed in the window was a balloon launcher. The idea was to get twisted and try to hit a car/student as they walked to campus. Busses were easy targets. The first time I actually hit a person I felt so {censored}ing bad. This girl literally all in white (jeans/shirt) was walking with her books in hand. It was a super nice day. Any way I take a huge hit, spin around ten times and grab a huge orange. I pulled that {censored}er back so far and let it rip. It was like slow motion as the orange nailed the girl right in the stomach......she screamed so loud and dropped all of her {censored} as she fell down. Everybody started laughing so hard I am pretty sure we all pist our selfs. She was ruined! Orange, sticky {censored} all over her. She just laid on the ground pouting. After I could breath again, I felt really bad.....Karma has paid me back though....... Oh man I could write a book about the {censored} we pulled.

minus the salvia, ive had a couple experiences like this. one in my friends college dorm we had a high powered water balloon launcher that we took into the hallway. they were in the bassment of the dorm which had 3 12 person suites. 2 of them had flooded so his was the only one wiht people in it. so we launch this water balloon down a 100 foot hallway probably.... balloon busts a gigantic hole into the dry wall it hit... we dont even know if the balloon broke cause we didnt see any water....

other time was on a friends beach property, lauched a water balloon into what i thought was a vacant area, as i let it go i see an old person walk around the corner.... things pretty much went in slow motion from that point on as i watched it connect directly with his face. i ran like a little girl.


and my final story... at the same dorm from the first story my friend had his PA system from a show we had played at the school. so he puts the speakers in the windows and finds the dirtiest, nastiest porn he can find on the net - like girl screaming "I WANT BOTH YOUR COCKS IN MY ASSHOLE" - and cranks the volume with the PA hooked into his laptop. as were doing this, theres a handful of people moving into the dorm still and we were told you could hear it a block down the street by some friends at my school. the RD comes down and my friend answers the door, guy asks him whats going on and my friend plays dumb. RD leaves it as "look i dont know what you guys are into, but we dont want to hear about it..."

[Blackwater]

 

You sir are my new hero.

 

 

 

For some reason I have a ton of "{censored}" stories. A few years back we decided to really {censored} with this guy who was a total asshole and treated my friends like {censored}. So we decided to crash his birthday party. He had no idea we hated him. So we made a cake pretty much out of dog {censored}. Mixed it in the batter and then baked it. Covered it in tons of brown frosting. Any way so we show up to the party and roll in with the cake all of a sudden they grab the cake and put candles in it etc. Have some big dramatic speach about this duoche bag. He bends over blows out the candles and they start slicing up the cake. I was trying so hard not to laugh knowing it could ruin the whole thing. So slices are passed, homboy puts a bite in his mouth just before he spits up everywhere screaming "This tastes like {censored}".......we all busted out laughing and made a b-line for the back door. We ran like hell.........they were jocks and outnumbered us by the dozens.

[chakosh]

For some reason I have a ton of "{censored}" stories. A few years back we decided to really {censored} with this guy who was a total asshole and treated my friends like {censored}. So we decided to crash his birthday party. He had no idea we hated him. So we made a cake pretty much out of dog {censored}. Mixed it in the batter and then baked it. Covered it in tons of brown frosting. Any way so we show up to the party and roll in with the cake all of a sudden they grab the cake and put candles in it etc. Have some big dramatic speach about this duoche bag. He bends over blows out the candles and they start slicing up the cake. I was trying so hard not to laugh knowing it could ruin the whole thing. So slices are passed, hombie puts a bite in his mouth just before he spits up everywhere screaming "This tastes like {censored}".......we all busted out laughing and made a b-line for the back door. We ran like hell.........they were jocks and outnumbered us by the dozens.

 

 

Oh dear lord. I almost snarfed my Coke Zero...

[OverDriven]

This one's kind of bittersweet. I've known this chick since my first year at college ({censored}, that was 1990.) We've always liked each other, and we used to spend at least two weekends a month out hiking/canoeing/camping. During all those years, we were always dating other people, and trying to be honorable, we never went after each other out in the woods. There was a lot of mutual lust there, however. She's a very hot, dark Italian chick. Used to be a basketball player. Very athletic. But curvy. I'd pretty much wanted to {censored} her since the first time I laid eyes on her, but the timing never worked out. Fast forward. I start dating a woman I like very much. So much so that I ended up marrying her. Things progress as usual, until my bachelor party. Yup. Ol' camping buddy shows up. Looking amazing. We all got hammered, but what was I going to do? It was the night before my wedding. I couldn't betray my fiancee and look her in the eye the next morning while saying "I do." So I bottled it all up, until right before the party wound down. I found myself alone with her, and after a little awkwardness, she told me that she had always been in love with me, and that while she liked my wife-to-be, she was extremely jealous, and always wondered what it would be like if we were together. To be honest, I was angry at first. I mean, jesus christ. We had spent literally 10 years giving each other the runaround, acting all coy and stupid, and to be honest, she was the one who was always caught up in bad relationships with morons. I could have been tapping that ass the ENTIRE {censored}ING TIME. But what was the point? It was over. Instead, I grabbed her, pinned her to the wall, and kissed her as hard as I could. It was a long, slow, deep kiss, and I put as much of my regret about where our friendship had been (and more importantly, not been) as I could. She returned it with equal passion, and it stretched out, lasting for maybe 3-4 minutes. I ended it when the urge to reach under her shirt or down her pants was almost to strong to resist. It was really probably the most remarkable kiss of my life. And while it felt good to clear the air between us, our friendship has never been the same. How could it be? I'm married, but I still lust after her, and I still, to this day, wonder about the possibilities we pissed away.

Man that's pretty tough. I can imagine how you must have felt. IMO though, when you find the right girl to marry, you will forget about all the rest. If you still had thoughts of "damn...I wonder what could have been", then you shouldn't have married, ya know? I know that's easy for me to say and all, and things get really complicated, but I think I would have had to break the relationship off. Do you and your wife have the relationship you had hoped for?

[chakosh]

 

Yup. Ol' camping buddy shows up. Looking amazing. We all got hammered, but what was I going to do? It was the night before my wedding. I couldn't betray my fiancee and look her in the eye the next morning while saying "I do."

 

 

It's not betrayal if it's teh buht-secks.

[bikehorn]

This thread is ultra epic.

Every year at my university there's a rowing competition at the end of September which is a huge party involving basically all students and visiting rowing teams. So one time in first year, as people in my residence(dorm, if you like) were just getting to know each other we all(like 25 people or something) set sail for a keg party. We got there just as the kegs were being tapped and drank ourselves to destruction. We were trying to stick together because we didn't know the town and needed to catch a bus or taxi back to our residence, so eventually someone in the 'organisation' suggested leaving and eventually we all got outside and as we were walking to the bus stop someone spotted a Subway so of course we all went in, and somehow I managed to buy the same sub I always buy. I took two bites out of it when I suddenly felt a wave of nausea so I handed the sub off to my friend Steve and RAN outside. I leaned over the curb(this is the corner of an intersection) and started heaving. At this point I actually didn't throw up at all, though I was trying. As I was heaving, a car drives by and the driver leans out his window as he's making the turn and yells - "stop puking, you waste of food!".

So my friends decide I'm not a good candidate for a bus ride and put me in a taxi(the taxi was a minivan, and this is important) with some other friends of mine - one of them had to get out for me to take his spot. I'm sitting in the middle row and one of my friends who is as hammered as I am is behind me. The taxi starts driving and I start feeling alcohol-exaggerated motion sickness, but I figured it was a short ride, and I could make the trip without puking if I closed my eyes. It seemed to be working when I heard the sound of puking right behind me and what felt like rain on the back of my right elbow. I'm thinking, "what the {censored}, is it raining inside this goddamn cab?". Right then it hit me...Donnie's puking and in the next 20 seconds a whole lot of {censored} is going to go down. Immediately I because nauseated again. Donnie pukes into his hat and my friend Andrew gets the cab driver to pull over. Everyone in the van is expecting Donnie to be throwing up but they're surprised when I leap out and throw up - in mid air as I'm jumping out of the van. As soon as I finished, Donnie started throwing up again, and we went back and forth about 4 times according to eyewitnesses.

Eventually the taxi arrived at our residence and I was dragged inside and put to bed. I thought I had been slick by putting a bucket next to my bed and drinking some water. The next morning I wake up feeling just fine, albeit much earlier than everyone else. Then people started knocking on my door and asking if I was alright. I was confused because I remembered nothing much after leaving Subway. I looked at my arms and discovered I was covered in blue permanent marker. As it turned out I took out a sharpie at the party to write down some girl's phone number, when 20 other people noticed and suddenly everyone was drawing all over each other. Then I was told how the puke bucket, water and changing of my puke-covered shirt had been arranged by my friends with the aid of the don(or RA) who unlocked my door to check that I wasn't dead. If my friend Nick hadn't given up his spot so I could take the taxi back, he would have been puked on.

[Samnite]

Man that's pretty tough. I can imagine how you must have felt. IMO though, when you find the right girl to marry, you will forget about all the rest. If you still had thoughts of "damn...I wonder what could have been", then you shouldn't have married, ya know? I know that's easy for me to say and all, and things get really complicated, but I think I would have had to break the relationship off. Do you and your wife have the relationship you had hoped for?

That and more. I used to feel the same way about "true love," but unfortunately, life ain't really like that. You always carry the tag ends of things from your former life around with you. I've really left all that behind now. My life with my wife is absolutely a dream come true. She's smart, funny, patient, good-looking, and great in the sack. I have absolutely nothing in the world to complain about. It's just that I spent a lot of years in fruitless love/lust with this chick, and you can't just turn that stuff off like a light.

I know, I know, I'm going all soft in my old age.

[OverDriven]

Oh...here's a regret confession. After dating this one girl for about a month (she is now my ex), we were in Nag's Head, NC with another couple doing a mini vacation thing. Anyways, one morning I started joking around about how I had been in tons of threesomes (I really hadn't ever...I was just messing with her), and she suggests that she and I {censored} the other girl that was was with us. I told her no because I thought we might have a good thing and didn't want to screw anything up with a threesome. The other girl would have been cool with it I'm sure, even though her boyfriend was there too. Years later she cheated on me and we broke up. Seriously that is one of my biggest regrets. Had a threesome with 2 hot ass chicks straight up offered to me and I turned it down! {censored}...I would have been ok with the other dude joining in for a real {censored}ing party even. Now I have a rule that if any girl I'm dating wants to do a threesome, I will say yes. Why? Well because if she wants a threesome then she's a slut anyways and that's not the kind of girl I would want to do the long term thing with, so I might as well.