My Little Girl is gone

[missingastring]

Oh, I'm so, so, so sorry. Prayers said.

[GuitarNoobie]

She used to walk into my gym many many times as a young girl and the the look of reverence was obvious.. No matter what happened in her world.. I was her safe haven.. That's just the way things were... I let her down... Can't see it happening....

Axe,
Man, I know you feel guilty dude, but this is not your fault.

Seriously Axe, in all love and respect and sympathy to you, it is impossible for a parent to maintain control and responsibility for a child for their entire life... I know you feel you should have or could have done something, but life is not really that straight forward. There are millions of variables, all of which you cannot possibly have control over...

I feel for so sorry for you dude, sending prayers and mojo...

hang in there Axe

[mcinku]

Axe, ... it is impossible for a parent to maintain control and responsibility for a child for their entire life... I know you feel you should have or could have done something, but life is not really that straight forward. There are millions of variables, all of which you cannot possibly have control over...

That is so true but it's easy for us to say and Axe to take in...
...but eventually Axe will get it, 'cause Erica would have wanted it and that's what's important now.

[katillac]

I'm 6'5-300+ and every night one of my deceased relatives including my recently passed brother, stops by in a dream to tell me that had I followed my instincts and taken this pc o trash out when I knew I should've , then this wouldn't have happened.. Then I wouldn't be hearing my daughter as a 5-6 yr old crying every night and NOT BE ABLE TO GET TO HER....... I've never met the punk.. One day.. So,, I know:( Believe me.. I know...... I'll carry that the rest of my life...

 

You will, at least to some extent. Second guessing yourself will happen

and I hope you get some form of counseling on how to cope with those feelings and thoughts. Right now, you're full of anger and have every right to feel that way, but it's not your fault. Though she had left the nest, she always would be, and will be in your heart, your little girl. My father was like that to me until the day he died.

 

 

I don't blame you for not posting details. I realise that a lot of people want to do what they can to help a brother and the spirit of vengeance is strong. I admit that I feel it too and I admire your strength in not going after that guy. Again, I do urge you and others who were close to Erica to seek counseling in order to learn to cope with the mass of feelings that you're experiencing. Even if just seeking out others who have been through the same or similar experience as you, it does help to surround yourself with empathic souls.

[Norton666]

I know,, I know.... Then I wouldn't be hearing my daughter as a 5-6 yr old crying every night and NOT BE ABLE TO GET TO HER.......

Wow man. This thread has been heart wrenching. This line especially got to me. My biggest fear in the whole world is that something even remotely bad will happen to my kids. You will be in thoughts and prayers for a long time man. Keep your head up and dont let a day go by where you dont let your loved ones know how much they mean to you.

Here are my kids:

[rvschulz]

Axe,

I once again am sorry and offer condolences on behalf of the other civil humans in the planet.

I just must say that ... y'all might be having a "bail his ass out of jail/get him a good lawyer" raffle if it was me. I don;t want to pry. If/when you feel up to it, I want to know what happened.

Why ? Well, as a parent of three, including a young lady a little younger than yours ... I know I can't watch and protect them all the time. But, by damn, given the chance and the opportunity to recognize a potential problem ... see assumed raffle reason above ... I know quite a few people locally, I might get off lightly, but after I'm done, I'm sure I'd be in REAL DEEP {censored}.

Take care of yourself. Really. I know you are hurting, and many of us are hurting for you.

[Cletus Spuckle]

Civil litigation isn't going to happen.. The individual in question is not worth it.. Nor is dragging my family down that long road to obtain a judgment that in all likelihood wouldn't be worth the paper it was written on. Thanks again to everyone that's sent well wishes & prayers...

 

 

I think this is a good move. Litigating against this POS won't get you anything but greif, even if you win.

 

Prayers to you, as always.

[Doctor49]

I think this is a good move. Litigating against this POS won't get you anything but greif, even if you win. Prayers to you, as always.

 

 

This has to be your call, of course, Axe.

 

My concern would only be that this happens again to someone else's daughter.

[BlackHatHunter]

Can't see it happening....

 

 

I hear you, man. That's what separates people like you from assholes like that POS who did what he did.

 

You're a good man. Don't ever forget that. Your little girl is damn lucky to have had you for a dad.

[salmonator]

She was my age.

I can't imagine what you must be going through.

My condolences.

[DRPool]

Axe, I'm no expert but I do have daughters. I'm sure all that you're going through is part of the natural process that takes place following these types of tragedies.

 

It's not you that did something wrong here. I would suggest that you not act right away on any impulses you might have, no matter how strong. Talk to people, keep posting here, seek out those who have you and your families interest at heart.

 

Give it time, you'll find your peace.

[seven58]

I know I keep saying it, but find a group or a counselor to unload your feelings on. I can go ahead and tell you that they probably have nothing deeper to tell you than what you have already heard. BUT, just saying it will take a burden off of you. I speak from experience.

Life is a crazy thing. There are so many things that happen in the matter of seconds that impact the rest of our lives. One second here or there and it is the difference between a regretful memory or a terrible tragedy.

You cannot beat yourself up with hindsight. What if you had dealt with the piece of {censored} like you thought you should have and Erica had gotten hurt in an auto accident coming to see you upset about it? You would be torturing yourself that you had been overbearing and that it was your fault. We do what we think is right or the best for the moment and that is all we can do. Sometimes terrible stuff happens. Nothing we do can ever take that away. The lesson you have taught me is to remind me to cherish every moment, because no matter how hard we try, sometimes bad things happen. God bless you man!

[jbviper4]

Still thinking of you and yours. hang in there, man.....

[slideroni]

Sending positive thoughts your way, Axe.

 

Still can't get my head around the no charges filed thing. Just don't get it. I bet you feel this way times 1000.

 

I guess some stuff in life doesn't get resolved. Hoping we can all find peace eventually. Right now, I don't know...

[bdhn]

came over to look around and this thread really touched part of me as a father that made me stop and think about the time i spend with my child and that i need to take stock in the time i am given with my family,cause you just dont know how it will go....im sorry for your loss man,truly...stay strong....here is my reason for being,its one of my fav photo's.hard to believe she's only four

[Gilgators]

I know I keep saying it, but find a group or a counselor to unload your feelings on. I can go ahead and tell you that they probably have nothing deeper to tell you than what you have already heard. BUT, just saying it will take a burden off of you. I speak from experience. Life is a crazy thing. There are so many things that happen in the matter of seconds that impact the rest of our lives. One second here or there and it is the difference between a regretful memory or a terrible tragedy. You cannot beat yourself up with hindsight. What if you had dealt with the piece of {censored} like you thought you should have and Erica had gotten hurt in an auto accident coming to see you upset about it? You would be torturing yourself that you had been overbearing and that it was your fault. We do what we think is right or the best for the moment and that is all we can do. Sometimes terrible stuff happens. Nothing we do can ever take that away. The lesson you have taught me is to remind me to cherish every moment, because no matter how hard we try, sometimes bad things happen. God bless you man!

 

 

I agree with Marc - on all counts.

[Axeslinger]

I thought about speaking with a grief counselor..Thought about it a number of times.... But unless you've been down this exact road and know without question what the end game is.. And in my mind no one alive possibly could.. Then I don't want to hear a load of speculative bull{censored}..

 

This is such a weird place to be.. I've always been supremely confident in myself in no matter what the circumstance was.. I screwed this up royally.. I have to guide me, and my remaining family through this myself.. Or I'm through as a man..

 

Does anyone understand that?

[dcindc]

Does anyone understand that?

 

 

yes.

 

You are being unmercifully hard on yourself. Holding yourself to some intangible higher standard. Don't. For you and your family's sake, don't.

 

I believe in my heart that Erica would totally disagree with the idea that you "failed her".

 

This is just what happened.

 

Perhaps you should read, "when bad things happen to good people". I haven't read it, but it is often recommmended to people dealing with the VERY same feelings you are having now. It's probably available at your library.

 

You are not alone. You are not a failure. You are not a horrible person.

 

Peace and love, brother.

[DaveAronow]

I thought about speaking with a grief counselor..Thought about it a number of times.... But unless you've been down this exact road and know without question what the end game is.. And in my mind no one alive possibly could.. Then I don't want to hear a load of speculative bull{censored}.. This is such a weird place to be.. I've always been supremely confident in myself in no matter what the circumstance was.. I screwed this up royally.. I have to guide me, and my remaining family through this myself.. Or I'm through as a man.. Does anyone understand that?

 

 

As well as I can.

 

It is easy for us to offer advice from our perspective.

 

It is NOT easy for us to imagine what you and your family are going through.

 

I know ME very well, and I know that I would definitely NOT seek help with dealing with any kind of a tragedy.

 

But looking at it from the outside in, it seems that it probably couldnt hurt much to try.

 

You are not expecting much going into it, so at worst, you get to tell yourself and everyone else, "I told you so" it was a waste of time.

 

But there is a chance you could get lucky and find someone really special who has a real talent for helping people.

I may be wrong, but I believe most of these councelor types, are people that have experienced great tagedies themselves and although they can have no idea about your specific situation, at least they may be someone that can relate on a level that people who have not gone through similar things cant.

Even if you talk about completely unrelated things for an hour. I know there are veterans that will talk and talk and talk for hours or days or years with their combat brothers about the horrible things they have gone through, but will not even utter one sentence to someone that didnt go through it with them or similar things, because they know there is no way anyone else can even comprehend what they are talking about.

But alot of these guys seem to find some comfort in each other.

 

I, and I guess, everyone else here just wishes they could do something to help somehow. Anything.

[seven58]

I thought about speaking with a grief counselor..Thought about it a number of times.... But unless you've been down this exact road and know without question what the end game is.. And in my mind no one alive possibly could.. Then I don't want to hear a load of speculative bull{censored}.. This is such a weird place to be.. I've always been supremely confident in myself in no matter what the circumstance was.. I screwed this up royally.. I have to guide me, and my remaining family through this myself.. Or I'm through as a man.. Does anyone understand that?

 

I hear you man... Here is the bottom line. Would you ever do anything that would jeopardize the safety of those you care about? If the answer is no, then you have nothing to hang yourself over. IF we knew everything then ALL of us would have done MANY things differently. Life is a crazy thing. We swim around, "in a fishbowl" and do the best we can. There is absolutely "NO" question if you knew the outcome you would have done something differently. But the reality is that you did not know the whole story. That is NOT your fault.

I speak from pain. I have lost people. I know that pain. I haven't lost a child, and I don't want to even entertain that thought. But I do know that bad things happen to good people.

Please PM me if you want to talk. I would very much appreciate talking to you. Yes, I have a pyschology background, but I am not a card a carrying member of the bull{censored} academy. Actually, I'm a member of the longer I'm alive and the more I learn, the more I realize how ignorant I am. Hang in there man. Life is short. One thing I'm pretty sure of is that when we have it figured out we are too old for anyone to believe us.

[TrueBlueAutoX]

This is such a weird place to be.. I've always been supremely confident in myself in no matter what the circumstance was.. I screwed this up royally.. I have to guide me, and my remaining family through this myself.. Or I'm through as a man..

Axe... Axe... Axe... You are in no means ever going to be "through as a man" as you put it. The love for Erika and your family that you have speaks louder than anything, period. Don't ever feel like you have to do this alone.

[HighSpeedSpoon]

Axe,

 

I'm so sorry for your loss and continuing troubles. Even though we can't know exactly what you're going through, we would be remiss as your e-friends if we failed to disagree with you.

 

 

Real men don't always know what to do. Sometimes they get confused, become overwhelmed, and need help. It sounds like seeing someone, whether a grief counselor or perhaps a pastor (or preist/rabbi etc) just might be the best thing you could do for your family.

 

But we're here for you no matter what.

 

EDIT: Of course, no one can disagree with how you feel. You feel that you need to guide your remaining family through this yourself, or you would be through as a man. That's how you feel and that's that. We're just saying that there are other ways of looking at the situation, and it might be best for both you and your family to try to get to a different perspective. We're encouraging you to talk to someone who could help lay out a different perspective with you.

[sleepeatplay]

If you would like to help Axe out further click this link. Thanks.

http://acapella.harmony-central.com/forums/showthread.php?t=2058700

[BAXANDALL]

I just opened this thread for the first time. I had no idea. I'm very sorry and am sending healing energy to you and your family.

[ashasha]

I thought about speaking with a grief counselor..Thought about it a number of times.... But unless you've been down this exact road and know without question what the end game is.. And in my mind no one alive possibly could.. Then I don't want to hear a load of speculative bull{censored}.. This is such a weird place to be.. I've always been supremely confident in myself in no matter what the circumstance was.. I screwed this up royally.. I have to guide me, and my remaining family through this myself.. Or I'm through as a man.. Does anyone understand that?

I understand exactly where you are coming from and would feel the same damn way. Its really easy to spew out condolences and advice as an observer and nobody here has anything other than the best intentions. It can get a little preachy which is why I've bailed out of this thread for the last few weeks.

Its going to take time to learn how to deal with it and you'll never be completely over it, but it won't be the predominant thing that hangs over everything like it does now. It doesn't mean that you won't love her, just that you can only hurt this much for so long.

No advice from me here, just letting you know that your feelings aren't out of line or inappropriate. As the man of the house it is your responsibility to lead the family through this and while it may not be the right thing for everyone else in the world, I think that with your disposition and personality (as far as I can gauge) that this is your way of coping and the way that you live.

A counselor would be great for someone who doesn't know what to do or how to deal with the situation. I think that you are well grounded enough to know what to do. Its just going to be hard.

You're a strong man and you know what's right. I feel horrible for your situation and your loss, but this would have probably crushed a weaker man and destroyed a lesser family. We all know that old saying that God only gives us what we can handle....