Members linthat22 Posted October 18, 2011 Members Share Posted October 18, 2011 I took a {censored} on the bathroom floor at my first real job. I was standing in front of the toilet, farted, and thought, "Man, I've got to {censored}!" So, I hovered over the toilet, let a little fall in the bowl, swung over and let a little fall on the seat, and finally made my partial circle and left a nice pile on the floor. Ended up wiping my ass and leaving all the poo stained pieces of toilet paper on the floor. In a nice half moon looking shape. Laughed my ass off about that one. *fast forward 3 months and my boss calls me up to the front where the building's management was there and he asks, "Did you {censored} on the floor of the bathroom?" Course of denied it. Fast forward 5 more months and he was demoted and I told him it was me that {censored} on the floor. To which he told me that if he knew then, that I would've been fired on the spot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members linthat22 Posted October 19, 2011 Members Share Posted October 19, 2011 Bump I could tell a LENGTHY story of when I was in high school when a buddy and I tried to get a punk to kill himself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Thy God Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 I farted exactly seventeen times at work today. And said "excuse me" exactly sixteen times at work today. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KCTigerChief Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 BumpI could tell a LENGTHY story of when I was in high school when a buddy and I tried to get a punk to kill himself? This IS a confessional thread...go... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OverDriven Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 Double teamed my neighbor's wife, but you guys may have known that already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members metalguy Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 Double teamed a guy friends friend in his apartment on his couch after the super bowl when the saints won he eventually found out about it, can't believe he kept the couch after finding out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Y0UNGBL00D Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 in katanya, sicilly, while in the navy, some buddies and i went to a restaraunt. they had been there the prfevious night while i was on duty, and said everything was cool. thta they had made friends with the chef and bartender and that if we went there, we'd be hooked up something fierce. after an hour of wandering trying t find a place that they found when drunk, we got down. drinks and food and more drinks until we realized we did not have enough money to cover. so we drank and ate and drank some more until it was time to head back. we bolted. i talked complete {censored} about a wingman lay being a fat guly stupid bitch. she heard about it. i made it up to her by banging her again. she took it as fair payment. i manscape religiously. spankwire dot com i have had sex with almost ten or so women in a location that could have gotten me actual federal imprisonment for no less than 15 years. im pretty sure i burned down a house when i was kid. it was a new contruction and we were lighting newspaper on fire in the sink. im not sure if it burned down or just burned the bathroom up. i used to throw my glasses away because i hated them. finally my mom stoppped buying them. i have above average vision to this day. i used to void out orders and through the totals in the tip jar at the burrito bar i worked at. i dont recycle unless i have to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ENdtime Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 I use my wife's towel to dry my ass and balls after I shower. Its not even because I'm getting back at her for something. And its the cleanest those regions can possibly be until the next shower, but I still don't want to use that towel to dry my face or hair after I wiped my ass with it. Lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ComOp Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 My fiance was married when we first started going out. We had sex in their house while he was home one night. I was in the process of moving at the time and she offered to let me crash on their sofa. Middle of the night she snuck out and we had glorious dangerous sex. I think he figured out something was up when she moved out of his house and in with me the next week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Y0UNGBL00D Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 youre a {censored}er. i would have hurt your balls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members this is paul Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 My fiance was married when we first started going out. We had sex in their house while he was home one night. I was in the process of moving at the time and she offered to let me crash on their sofa. Middle of the night she snuck out and we had glorious dangerous sex. I think he figured out something was up when she moved out of his house and in with me the next week. Just remember that event. Unfortunately history tends to repeat itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members superflyinmonke Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 Just remember that event. Unfortunately history tends to repeat itself. Definitely this. Don't date women who cheat. They never only do it once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members THEE HAMMER Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 Tomorrow I am driving hours to get drunk on the beach with a girl my best friend failed miserably with..... and I just quit talking to/screwing her best friend. The 4 became 2. I don't feel bad about it at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Crunchtime Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 My fiance was married when we first started going out. We had sex in their house while he was home one night. I was in the process of moving at the time and she offered to let me crash on their sofa. Middle of the night she snuck out and we had glorious dangerous sex. I think he figured out something was up when she moved out of his house and in with me the next week. Sounds like bad karma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members paul88lx Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 My fiance was married when we first started going out. We had sex in their house while he was home one night. I was in the process of moving at the time and she offered to let me crash on their sofa. Middle of the night she snuck out and we had glorious dangerous sex. I think he figured out something was up when she moved out of his house and in with me the next week. If it starts shady, it WILL end shady. Words to live by. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lealand987 Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 i {censored}ed a girl on the side of the street infront of a biker gang's HQ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 3shiftgtr Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 Not proud of this one. The blonde in this story really loved me and I really loved her. And you shouldn't treat people who love you this way. But I was young. And was knee deep in fresh {censored}. Late 80's. We were in love. And I was banging 2 other chicks. I was living in the upstairs apartment of an insurance agency in a house. I just got done {censored}ing my blonde, 5'2, sweet, big titted, tiny waisted, birthing hips screamer of a girlfriend into a coma (think a young, blonde Bernadette Peters with bigger tits). It was one of those nice sweaty 45 min afternoon {censored}s. She was almost passed out and I heard a knock at the door downstairs. Put a robe on and went downstairs. Other girl at the door. This chick was a dead ringer for Kelly LaBrock (the Woman In Red). Tall, 5'9, leggy, b-cuppers. "Sorry I'm busy. You can't come up." I say. Pouty face. "Why didn't you call?" I say. More pouty face. "But I made you these cookies." Pause. "And I'm horny. {censored} me." What a bitch. She knows I got my girlfriend upstairs, doesn't she? So put the cookies down, and I grab her by the back of the neck and walk her to her car in the driveway in the back. "Hey, what are you doing?" I open the back door to her old 70's Caddilac Sedan DeVille, and throw her in. She knows what is coming and offers no resistance. I get her nekkid, eat her monkey, and {censored} the {censored} out of her in broad daylight, in the back seat of her car for about 15 minutes. Chick came and came and came. 3 houses could see. Dunno if anyone did. Didn't care either. When I finished, I stood outside the car and tied up my robe as she lay in that back seat with my splooge dripping out of her, onto the seat. "Woman, you have never looked more beautiful. Now get the {censored} out of here. I'll call you at 10 tomorrow morning. You hear me?" Eyes closed. Nodded yes. Grabbed the cookies on the porch and went back upstairs. Blonde was asleep. "Who was that?" she said sheepishly. "Just somebody for the agency downstairs. I took care of it. Want a cookie?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mhr74 Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 If it starts shady, it WILL end shady.Words to live by. most likely Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mhr74 Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 meow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members munizfire Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 wow! I can't believe I have missed this thread so long... got a LOT OF PAGES to catch up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Y0UNGBL00D Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 yeah this will keep me busy for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sudds Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 Not proud of this one. The blonde in this story really loved me and I really loved her. And you shouldn't treat people who love you this way. But I was young. And was knee deep in fresh {censored}.Late 80's. We were in love. And I was banging 2 other chicks. I was living in the upstairs apartment of an insurance agency in a house. I just got done {censored}ing my blonde, 5'2, sweet, big titted, tiny waisted, birthing hips screamer of a girlfriend into a coma (think a young, blonde Bernadette Peters with bigger tits). It was one of those nice sweaty 45 min afternoon {censored}s. She was almost passed out and I heard a knock at the door downstairs. Put a robe on and went downstairs. Other girl at the door. This chick was a dead ringer for Kelly LaBrock (the Woman In Red). Tall, 5'9, leggy, b-cuppers."Sorry I'm busy. You can't come up." I say.Pouty face. "Why didn't you call?" I say.More pouty face. "But I made you these cookies." Pause. "And I'm horny. {censored} me."What a bitch. She knows I got my girlfriend upstairs, doesn't she? So put the cookies down, and I grab her by the back of the neck and walk her to her car in the driveway in the back. "Hey, what are you doing?" I open the back door to her old 70's Caddilac Sedan DeVille, and throw her in. She knows what is coming and offers no resistance. I get her nekkid, eat her monkey, and {censored} the {censored} out of her in broad daylight, in the back seat of her car for about 15 minutes. Chick came and came and came. 3 houses could see. Dunno if anyone did. Didn't care either.When I finished, I stood outside the car and tied up my robe as she lay in that back seat with my splooge dripping out of her, onto the seat. "Woman, you have never looked more beautiful. Now get the {censored} out of here. I'll call you at 10 tomorrow morning. You hear me?"Eyes closed. Nodded yes.Grabbed the cookies on the porch and went back upstairs. Blonde was asleep."Who was that?" she said sheepishly."Just somebody for the agency downstairs. I took care of it. Want a cookie?" :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sudds Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 A friend who owes me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Shenaniganizer Posted October 20, 2011 Members Share Posted October 20, 2011 I use my wife's towel to dry my ass and balls after I shower. Its not even because I'm getting back at her for something. And its the cleanest those regions can possibly be until the next shower, but I still don't want to use that towel to dry my face or hair after I wiped my ass with it. Lol I lol'd so hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sudds Posted November 26, 2011 Members Share Posted November 26, 2011 Can't remember whether I put this one up or not, apologies if I already have, but... My brother is terrified of spiders. Proper scream like a girl at tiny ones. So, when we were living in the same place a couple of years ago, every morning I'd have put a tidy sized toy spider (3 inch diameter) in his cup. Every morning, without exception, it would catch him out, he'd curse me and not see the funny side, but still give it back. Couple of weeks go by and I need to borrow a guitar case off him for traveling. So when I give it back to him I put the spider toy in the strap compartment, thinking he'd find it later on that night. He didn't open the strap bit for 3 weeks until he was out on a fairly big tour at soundcheck. Apparently he jumped about 4 feet in the air and screamed like a girl in front of a load of hot girls who were hanging around the main band.He hasn't yet given the spider back yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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