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HCAF Confessional


Scott K

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Friend and I made a drunk bet one night that if we didn't get laid by the next coming Friday, we were going to spend the day eating only laxative chocolates and thai food. Known this guy for a long time, there's no lying among us. He says, "easy, I've been talking up that katie chick that was at our last party". Next day later, I am balls deep inside of katie and it was the first and only time I have ever busted out laughing while thinking of my poor friend {censored}ting himself while laying pipe.

Upon accomplishment he was wondering why she wasn't responding to his "Let's hang out tonight" text messages, and on that Friday I witnessed him make about 37 trips to the bathroom from 10AM to 4AM. I think his final dosage of laxative was about 24 doses? Youch.

The only way I could have made it better was to go around town and buy every box of wet-wipes.

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Friend and I made a drunk bet one night that if we didn't get laid by the next coming Friday, we were going to spend the day eating only laxative chocolates and thai food. Known this guy for a long time, there's no lying among us. He says, "easy, I've been talking up that katie chick that was at our last party". Next day later, I am balls deep inside of katie and it was the first and only time I have ever busted out laughing while thinking of my poor friend {censored}ting himself while laying pipe.


Upon accomplishment he was wondering why she wasn't responding to his "Let's hang out tonight" text messages, and on that Friday I witnessed him make about 37 trips to the bathroom from 10AM to 4AM. I think his final dosage of laxative was about 24 doses? Youch.


The only way I could have made it better was to go around town and buy every box of wet-wipes.

 

 

bravo

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Forgot about this one. I do some work with a PA company every so often. One gig, the band, particularly the singer, were a right bunch of asshats. So halfway through the set we put a slight pitch shift down on the singer's voice in his monitor along with an ever so slight delay on the kick drum.
He sounded great out front....:cop:

This patch is still saved for those special moments that require it.

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This IS a confessional thread...go...

 

Okay, I am not telling this in order to gain awesome points or to be told what an asshole I am. I have already apologized to this person and his mom and dad, so sit back an enjoy the tale of what I did to try and make this kid kill himself.

 

I'll tell it by numbering for individual incidents. This was mid-90's, so some had caller ID. My buddy was my accomplice and he went to church with the kid and his parents. Also we were all of close age range.

 

1. My buddy and I would call 1-800 collect and call his house. The thing is a recording would ask for you name and we would just scream or make some sort of noise. Then you'd hear it ring the line, they'd answer and then the recording went: Hello, this is 1-800 you have a call from "AHHHHHHHH!!!" And they'd hang up. We did repeatedly throughout the night and this lasted for a couple of months.

 

2. We'd call his house with three-way and when they answered we'd just play terrible 70's songs over the phone till they hung up.

 

3. His locker had a gap up top and no one occupied the locker next to his in high school. I opened 2 packets of syrup and laid them on the opening and it drained ever so slowly into his locker. It got all over his books, calculator, and his jacket. The janitor got pissed at him and made him clean up the mess. I saw him when I was in typing making repeated trips to the bathroom.

 

4. I would stick gum in the lock of his padlock on his locker.

 

5. Ripped mailbox number 1 off the post, stomped it flat and threw it in his driveway.

 

6. My buddy managed to just press numbers on his phone (just a pattern) and we ended up with some dude in California who would answer the phone, "Hello, this is Jonathan." And this was one of MANY calls to this guy and the last call to him ended with me telling him I was the other kid, that I had an abusive dad, my girlfriend was my hand, and that I was lonely and possibly gay.

 

7. Put raw pork stomach into mailbox number 2. His family wondered why their neighbor was bringing them their mail for a week and when they visited the mailbox the smell about knocked them out. They tried to save the mailbox by cleaning it, but the mail person thought it still smelled too bad and would deliver the mail to their neighbor.

 

8. We put fliers up all over town for this kid saying he was a D.J and his nickname was "buttslam"

 

9. I put a want add on a local BBS saying: "I suck dick, Kid ***-****" To which guys were calling his house at all hours of the day and asking for this kid. This kid's dad is a pastor of a church and proceeded to tell my buddies parent's, "There were the people, I think they were queers calling for Kid and they said that they got our numbers of a bulletin board."

 

10. Grabbed mail box number 3 and threw it in the lake.

 

11. The last time we called Jonathan I gave him Kids phone number and said, "If you call me, make sure you call at 10 o'clock your time to ensure I'll be up." With him being in CA I knew he'd wake up the Kid's house. So, like clock work, Jonathan called the kid's house and the kid's dad ended up kicking in his bedroom door and said, "KID!! Get your ass out of bed! Who is this on the phone?" Long story short, they found out this was all a ruse and an elaborate prank on them and Jonathan. That went on I think 2 or 3 months before they got the call.

 

12. My buddy and I called a bootleg VHS seller of concerts and cussed him out. I told him that my name was Kid and gave him Kid's number and said, "You better find out what happened to my Stryper and Motley Crue videos you asshole!" and hung up. Of course that dude called and talked to the kid's dad. Sure enough the dad was pissed and went crazy. The dad had a short temper for a pastor, but also was fed up with all the {censored} that was happening to them.

 

13. My buddy used his 3-way calling to call another buddy of mine. This 3 buddy had three way as well. We had him call Kid (tried to have all the phone lines stuff go to friend 3). So here were 3 of us on the phone calling the kid's house and his mom answers. I proceed to do all the talking while the other two were on mute. I tell the kids mom that I found out that I have AIDS and that I was afraid her son might be positive for it as well. She was {censored}ting her pants and you heard her holler for her son on the phone. She was panicked. She asked where me and her son did the deed (and me finding out what their house layout was like and blah blah blah) I proceeded to tell her that we had sex in their room and that he had gay porno's in his closet. She was hysterical and you could hear the kid in the background going, "Mom, I don't know who this is!!!" In the end, I started cracking up and told everyone to hang up. I picked up the phone and it was silent; some dip{censored} didn't hang up; and I said, "Hey?" and then I heard loud and clear the kid's dad yell, "WHO THE HELL IS THIS?!?!!?" :lol: Of course I hung up.

 

There might be some things I was forgetting, but all this went on for at least 9 to 10 months straight. The reason why I did all this? It all boils down to stupid high school stuff, but needless to say, I am ashamed that I did all that.

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I once stepped on my dick.

 

I was newly married and going to school full time. I had late classes so I'd wake up and get high before class. I was getting ready to smoke a bowl in the bathtub and was picking music out of a CD case. The case was on the floor and I was already naked. My dick was hanging down and for some reason while I was squatting there I put the heel of my foot on the head of it.

 

Fast forward about 5 minutes. Found a great CD and put it in the player.

 

Stood up. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU forgot I was still standing on my dick.

 

 

{censored}ing hurt. Felt like a moron. Never told anyone. Till now.

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I used to blow up mailboxes with dynamite.


CSB

 

 

You could blow up mailboxes with cola and mentos. Way to waste some dynamite.. if I had dynamite there would be news helicopters and the lead story on the evening news.. Lol

 

 

 

On a slightly related note, I once lit an entire dried out marsh area on fire. That made a blub on the morning news. It was a very dry hot summer. One of the biggest droughts I could remember. This field and marsh was totally dried out. All those long cat-tail thingies were in abundance. I don't know if there are different Sized cat tails, but these were like as high as say a corn field. When we walked thru the heart of it, they were well over our heads. I'm not sure how flammable the cat tail part really is, but the long stalks definitely were. Anyway we used to go hang out and smoke weed. And one day we accidently started a fire by tossing a cigarette. It got fairly big say 10 foot across but the trees slowed it down as were in a more wooded area so we would be hidden and there wasn't as much of the dead grass and cat tails there. But because it started so fast we got to thinking how quickly this place would light up. Smart, right?

 

so a couple days later we were smoking up and started piling a large pile of long dead grass, the cat tails etc. it was a nice pile. Light the.match.. poof! That {censored} went up so fast. We start running. My one buddy stops and the look on his face(pure excitement in his case) was something I remember. I turn around and it is an inferno. By the time it was all said and done acres and acres were in flames. It was huge! Tons of smoke and fire trucks eventually everywhere. Luckily this area was pretty much separated from the houses but it got to within 100 ft or so of the houses. The part of the marsh by the houses still had water and was moist enough that the flames pretty much died out. The rest of it burned almost all the way to the streets that surrounded it. My guess is this is where the firemen saturated the area to keep it under control.

 

I remember my dad commenting as we drive by a few days later " I hope this wasn't you." Lol

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Friend and I made a drunk bet one night that if we didn't get laid by the next coming Friday, we were going to spend the day eating only laxative chocolates and thai food. Known this guy for a long time, there's no lying among us. He says, "easy, I've been talking up that katie chick that was at our last party". Next day later, I am balls deep inside of katie and it was the first and only time I have ever busted out laughing while thinking of my poor friend {censored}ting himself while laying pipe.


Upon accomplishment he was wondering why she wasn't responding to his "Let's hang out tonight" text messages, and on that Friday I witnessed him make about 37 trips to the bathroom from 10AM to 4AM. I think his final dosage of laxative was about 24 doses? Youch.


The only way I could have made it better was to go around town and buy every box of wet-wipes.



Damn, you have your way around bowel movements! :cop::o

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Fun thread to read.


1) first boobie I ever touched/girl I made out with was 4-5 years older than me and my baby sitter when I was 12/13.


2) Got cockblocked by one of my best friends Friday night - long story short, met a cute girl, got all of my friends introduced to her friends, best looking one of the bunch is into me, he pulls the, "What do you do? I'm in my last year of med school" card at which point all focus shifted on to him. Gold diggin' bitchez from poor surrounding towns FTL. Big grudge being held against him for sinking that low.

3) Nothing noteworthy, but this thread makes me feel like a class act. My friends and I all have an unspoken no-no rule when it comes to ex girlfriends. We've all been friends since middle school. Half of the guys in this thread sound like every girl you've ever met is fair game regardless of other relationships.

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Just thought of a good one.


When I was 17 I had my first serious girlfriend, and this story is from a few months before we started officially dating. I made plans to just 'hang out' but refused to bring a girl back to my parents house unless we had been dating for a while. So rather than coming up with a public place to hang out, I remember my friend mentioning his friend was out of town out of town, but they never lock the back door to their house.

I proceeded to bring this super innocent, shy, prude girl back to my friend's friend's house while he's out of town. We fool around, I see the best tits of my life and get a {censored}ty handjob.


Fast forward 3 months. We're dating. She has her wisdom teeth out. I'd just trained her how to blow me, but that wasn't gonna happen. So I just start titty {censored}ing her. Another month later, I'm {censored}ing her.

She breaks up with me when we head off to college because our relationship is only about sex - becomes a voracious whore while at school, going from 'the nice girl next door' to telling mutual friends, "I use men for sex now," and pregnant->forced into marriage at 22. I feel like I owe her an apology for sexually corrupting her in every way possible.


Still never told that friend's friend I broke into his house and busted a nut on his family sofa.

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