Members Chrisjd Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 I read Madryan's thread regarding his unfortunate(or perhaps fortunate) situation with his wife. I then read all the responses, many who have had or are going through similar situations. Every time a similar thread is posted, we hear the same stories over and over. "I married my wife. things were good for a while but then after the baby she turned into a monster." or "we were together for 10 years, but then she decided she needed to find herself and that meant the end of us." I am a little confused as to what's going on? It seems as though you guys are marrying these ladies, and then sometime down the road they pull a complete 180 and are no longer the same person they were prior to marriage. Most of you dudes seem really solid, and while I am sure you're not perfect, it seems as though it's mostly your wives/girlfriends who go crazy and ruin things. My question is, WTF is up with these women? You guys are scaring the {censored} out of me! I am 27, and have been dating an amazing girl for about a year now that I could see myself getting married to. I know relationships are always a gamble, but I don't want to marry someone only to have them turn into a different person and decide they are no longer interested in being committed. {censored}-in-a...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members guitarbilly74 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Can't speak for everyone, but my mistake was marrying too young (26) and only after being with my ex for one year. If I ever get married again, I will be a lot more careful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kerouac Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 I'll never get married or have kids. I might take on a live-in GF someday, but I'm too accustomed to my independence and lifestyle to compromise that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members charveldan Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Old Marshalls & Les Pauls are the only thing worth my time, {censored} is not worth the investment return. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NixerX Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Society man. People love drama these days. Its much hotter to be a whore than a stay at home mom. its way more hip to be a {censored} whipped man-bitch or a super macho asshole than a steady minded loving husband / father. Just my Opinion mind you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HKSblade1 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 For one, marrying at a young age. Both seem ohh yeah now we can be independent and do what we want whenever... until........ financial burdens, homestead burdens, job commitments, etc. All those things change and change the persons as well. It's at this point when the changes turn to neglect, lack of commitment, etc. Other examples are women or men that had less of a teen age or early adult wild stage.. In my case, my wife was preg at 16. I met her when she was 19 and married a few years later. She partied all the time. I was more the baby sitter so it seemed or the decent guy enough to be her kids dad maybe.. IDK.. I loved her son as my own so the rest didn't matter. Since we had more kids I figured maybe a phase and give it time... I did that for several more years until it got to the point of infidelity and worse. IDK, I can't put a finger on to the trend, some even call it a backlash of what women put up with growing up in similar situations... having Mom's saying their dad's are assholes, all men are jerks, etc.. Then the other situation where the chicks were all princesses at home, catered to, and spoiled. Then they get married and they are no longer the center of it all. Many younger married people lack understanding the term "unity" imo, and from my experiences talking with either "side" its always something selfish involved which takes priority above the commitment to the marriage. OTOH, many can say {censored} the old man, I'll be the best Mom still. Some are, but many are not and often leave the task of raising their kids to the grandparent or they seek another more "parental figure guy" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sah5150 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Can't speak for everyone, but my mistake was marrying too young (26) and only after being with my ex for one year. If I ever get married again, I will be a lot more careful Exactly! People get married way too early in life, before they are who they will be for the rest of their life. If I'd have gotten married at 26, I am 100% positive I'd be divorced now as well. I was a very different person then... but once I reached my mid-30s, I had developed into someone that wasn't going to change drastically any more. Luckily, I had the sense to wait until then to get married. Too many people marry based on initial attraction and that is rarely going to work long term.... I know people will chime in with their, "Well... me an' my wife got married at 11 and 50 years later we're more in love now than ever... blah... blah... blah...", but the truth is that is the anomaly not the rule... IMO, men should not get married until at least 35 and they should marry a woman at least 10 years younger... That's just my opinion though... Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mr. Brady Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Bitches is crazy yo! As someone that's been married 11 years, women change, you change, and I'd be lying if I said I had never thought about leaving. What it takes is hard work, trust, forgiveness, love, and two people being committed to each other no matter what. It's not all roses for sure. We aren't perfect, but we keep working at making it better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sleewell Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 been asking myself these same questions lately. my last 3 relationships have been over 2 years and each time i considered marrying each one untill things changed out of nowhere. i dont know what happens, i am surely not perfect, but i am doubting if true love actually exsists or if people just learn how to put up with each other in lieu of being alone. i do know that as much as it hurts to break up and have your heart repeatedly broken its better to love and lose than never love at all. also, being alone sucks but its not enough of a reason to be with the wrong person. i dunno, i am mess right now too, you are not alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rleechb Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 I married at a pretty young age (nowadays at least). Fell in love, thought I wanted to spend the rest of my life with a girl, and married her after only a year and a half. Fast forward three years later, she gets complacent, and decides to have an affair. If I ever marry again, I'm taking my sweet ass time, and making sure I know a woman through and through before going all in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The Anomaly Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Exactly! People get married way too early in life, before they are who they will be for the rest of their life. If I'd have gotten married at 26, I am 100% positive I'd be divorced now as well. I was a very different person then... but once I reached my mid-30s, I had developed into someone that wasn't going to change drastically any more. Luckily, I had the sense to wait until then to get married. Too many people marry based on initial attraction and that is rarely going to work long term.... I know people will chime in with their, "Well... me an' my wife got married at 11 and 50 years later we're more in love now than ever... blah... blah... blah...", but the truth is that is the anomaly not the rule... IMO, men should not get married until at least 35 and they should marry a woman at least 10 years younger... That's just my opinion though...Steve This. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LikesLoomis Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 this'll stir some {censored} up, but I don't care...if you're marriage ain't Christ-centered, it ain't gonna last and if it does, one of the two (if not both) will be unhappy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ComOp Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 this'll stir some {censored} up, but I don't care...if you're marriage ain't Christ-centered, it ain't gonna last and if it does, one of the two (if not both) will be unhappy lol, no. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mhenson42 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 for every sad story you read there are more with the opposite experience. I met my wife during my senior year of college - I was 21. We got married at 25. Kids at 33. I'm 40 now. Nothing changed with my wife. People who are happy just don't post threads about how happy they are. We don't need mojo. lol. I'm not in a christ-centered marriage either. We are both non-believing heathens. lol. 15 years. go figure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PurityS.L.G. Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Majority of people have a misconception of marriage. It is NOT for everybody...and I only say that because unfortunately a lot of people never really end up meeting their true soul mate. A lot of people just end up settling on somebody when deep down their not 100% satisfied. There are also plenty of instances when one simply doesn't spend enough time with somebody to truly learn what all that other persons moods, habits, etc. are. I'm sorry but spending 2 years or less with somebody is still not ample time to learn about somebody. Besides, after 2 years, I notice a lot of couples start to get bored with each other. I've been guilty of that as well as a victim. I'm going on just over 4 years with my woman and it's still like we're dating. We look forward to coming home to each other everyday, ripping our clothes off for a while then doing our own thing the rest of the night (unless we go out of course) until we hit the sack for sleep. Marriage is something you don't go out and rush to do. If your woman is still your best friend 5-10 years down the road and you STILL enjoy each others company quite a bit, thats when marriage would be more appropriate to consider. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ron Burgandy Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Society man. People love drama these days. Its much hotter to be a whore than a stay at home mom. its way more hip to be a {censored} whipped man-bitch or a super macho asshole than a steady minded loving husband / father. Just my Opinion mind you. Pretty much this. everyone is all about immediate, ondemand instant gratification. trying is too much work. it's much easier to just throw hands up and walk away. The huge population of bitter divorced women that did the same thing are always looking for new members in their club. Misery loves company here. but my wife has been around enough of those bitches to realize how miserable they really are at home, by themselves. They just fill their nights with trips to the bar to be wild and crazy party girls again, but realize... a.) they're now too old and b.) they weren't wild and crazy party girls in the first place. but they group together and convince the outside world they're happy. I've heard the desperate pleas from my wife's friends, and man are they some miserable bitches in real life. Not according to their constant Facebook updates, but in person away from the other 10 or so bitches, they're hurting inside. I'm not saying people should force relationships to work, but when it's simply ending over communication issues, or boredom... there's one bitch specifically... she watched on Facebook as her friends went out and acted a fool, and started to get bored in her relationship. She didn't mention this to her husband, who is a pretty nice guy. Over the course of a couple months she just emotionally disconnected from him, so when she finally told him she was leaving she was done with the relationship and had already moved on. It completely blindsided this guy, and their kids. He didn't do anything to upset her, aside from not providing the constant "excitement" that she thought her single friends were having each night. She bought some new clothes, divorced him despite his requests to get counseling, etc... now she's at the same local {censored} hole bar with her friends. none of whom have boyfriends or any guys interested. they're all cows that take ducklip pictures for FB, because no one else will come over to their table. anyway, I can't count how many times this bitch has come to our house, or sat on the phone with my wife complaining about how sorry her life is. Or how much ass her Ex-Husband is now pulling, because I believe she finally understands she was the boat anchor in their relationship. She is QUICK to tell others how awesome it is to be single again, but after hearing her sob and moan because no guy wants to touch her... I blocked her from coming over anymore after she started trying to convince my wife how fun it is to hang out at the local bar each night. Like, seriously, you cry each night about how much your life sucks, and then try to drag my wife in to your mess? {censored} you, bitch. Anyway, my wife was tired of her too, so after some drama they no longer talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pioneerprogress Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Bitches is crazy yo!As someone that's been married 11 years, women change, you change, and I'd be lying if I said I had never thought about leaving. What it takes is hard work, trust, forgiveness, love, and two people being committed to each other no matter what. It's not all roses for sure. We aren't perfect, but we keep working at making it better. this. And yeah, sometimes people just go nutzo and there's nothing you can do.It's not as common as you would think, though.I would wager most of the time it's a story of two people with different priorities and desires, who don't put their spouse before all the other stuff. Instead, their TV time/hobby/social club/whatever gets put first, the relationship suffers, and you have two people who "grow apart"There's a lot of other things that can happen, not saying it can't, but my bet would be that lack of prioritizing is what claims most marriages these days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Pincookie1 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 for every sad story you read there are more with the opposite experience. I met my wife during my senior year of college - I was 21. We got married at 25. Kids at 33. I'm 40 now. Nothing changed with my wife. People who are happy just don't post threads about how happy they are. We don't need mojo. lol.I'm not in a christ-centered marriage either. We are both non-believing heathens. lol. 15 years. go figure. See above post. Just like anything else in life, it's about timing. Right person, right time. My girl and I have been together 5 years now. It's not perfect, but you make it work when you love someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gdwill2u Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Marriage requires a deep commitment. We all marry out of infatuation mixed with caring-infatuation is mostly chemical/biological and will fade, caring is spiritual love, unselfish and sacrificial and giving by it's essence. This can grow with practice and a continued choice of the will. For many of us when the infatuation wears off, we try to hang on out of maybe a sense of duty or higher ethics but our lack of spiritual development and commitment to be loving and caring people first and people of selfish desires second prevents us from being able to last and separation becomes the only solution. My first wife and I failed because of the dynamics mentioned above. My current wife of 24 years and I are both committed Christians (easy now, calm down and don't over-react), who have maintained, even with, at times, a very weak effort, to put our God first have found the grace to stay together. Sex is selfish, love is work. We like lust (Oh yes we do), and we are lazy by nature. Divorce is easy, marriage at times is tough as hell. Good luck OP, I was married at 19 and divorced at 26, remarried at 36 (dated my current wife since I was 30), you can be a winner......pick a loving girl, be a loving man and both of you will succeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The Anomaly Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 this'll stir some {censored} up, but I don't care... if you're marriage ain't Christ-centered, it ain't gonna last and if it does, one of the two (if not both) will be unhappy That could be the funniest thing I've ever read, and a part of me thinks you're serious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sah5150 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 this'll stir some {censored} up, but I don't care...if you're marriage ain't Christ-centered, it ain't gonna last and if it does, one of the two (if not both) will be unhappy Mine is Satan-centered and we're delirious with happiness... Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chrisjd Posted December 21, 2010 Author Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Pretty much this. everyone is all about immediate, ondemand instant gratification. trying is too much work. it's much easier to just throw hands up and walk away. The huge population of bitter divorced women that did the same thing are always looking for new members in their club. Misery loves company here. but my wife has been around enough of those bitches to realize how miserable they really are at home, by themselves. They just fill their nights with trips to the bar to be wild and crazy party girls again, but realize... a.) they're now too old and b.) they weren't wild and crazy party girls in the first place. but they group together and convince the outside world they're happy. I've heard the desperate pleas from my wife's friends, and man are they some miserable bitches in real life. Not according to their constant Facebook updates, but in person away from the other 10 or so bitches, they're hurting inside. I'm not saying people should force relationships to work, but when it's simply ending over communication issues, or boredom... there's one bitch specifically... she watched on Facebook as her friends went out and acted a fool, and started to get bored in her relationship. She didn't mention this to her husband, who is a pretty nice guy. Over the course of a couple months she just emotionally disconnected from him, so when she finally told him she was leaving she was done with the relationship and had already moved on. It completely blindsided this guy, and their kids. He didn't do anything to upset her, aside from not providing the constant "excitement" that she thought her single friends were having each night. She bought some new clothes, divorced him despite his requests to get counseling, etc...now she's at the same local {censored} hole bar with her friends. none of whom have boyfriends or any guys interested. they're all cows that take ducklip pictures for FB, because no one else will come over to their table. anyway, I can't count how many times this bitch has come to our house, or sat on the phone with my wife complaining about how sorry her life is. Or how much ass her Ex-Husband is now pulling, because I believe she finally understands she was the boat anchor in their relationship. She is QUICK to tell others how awesome it is to be single again, but after hearing her sob and moan because no guy wants to touch her...I blocked her from coming over anymore after she started trying to convince my wife how fun it is to hang out at the local bar each night. Like, seriously, you cry each night about how much your life sucks, and then try to drag my wife in to your mess? {censored} you, bitch. Anyway, my wife was tired of her too, so after some drama they no longer talk. Wow. How pathetic. It sucks to hear those stories, but at the same time it is strangely satisfying to hear about her being the miserable one in the end. I would not want someone like that hanging around my house with my wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RSBro Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Yeah it's a big jump from my parents' times to mine. They got married at 20, had me at 24, and are still two of the most in-love people I've probably ever seen. They thoroughly enjoy being around one another and doing things together and that's something I don't even see in friends' parents who've been together their entire marriage (no divorce, separation, etc.). IMO as referenced above it's "trendy" to be a "cool mom" or "cool dad" moreso than a good, firm, strict parent so if that means succumbing to your kids' demands and that ruins your marriage, that's ok you can just remarry as long as your kids are happy. Personally, I say {censored} that noise. I want my possible/future kids to go to boarding schools as is. However, you do see a lot of chicks that completely go haywire or blow a gasket, fuse, etc. when that kid is born and think that they're the only thing that matters anymore, and that well we've already had a kid, so just work harder, make more money, gtfo with your physical needs/wants/desires b/c we have 1-+ kids now, so I don't have time for you. My answer to that is I'm taking my cash and bailing. I just turned 29 and still am not ready to get married yet. To me, I dunno, I would like to be more than just a sperm donor to some chick who only wants to get hitched b/c having a kid or kids outside of marriage is still a no-no to lots of people (I don't condone getting knocked up either on purpose but it happens) and then well I'm stuck with me and 'Ol Lefty and have to pick up the tab while the girl plays "mom". But ya, whatever ho's. They be trifilin'!! :mad:x1000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jenksdrummer Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 I read Madryan's thread regarding his unfortunate(or perhaps fortunate) situation with his wife. I then read all the responses, many who have had or are going through similar situations. Everytime a silmilar thread is posted, we here the same stories over and over. "I married my wife. things were good for a while but then after the baby she turned into a monster."or"we were together for 10 years, but then she decided she needed to find herself and that meant the end of us."I am a little confused as to what's going on? It seems as though you guys are marrying these ladies, and then sometime down the road they pull a complete 180 and are no longer the same person they were prior to marriage. Most of you dudes seem really solid, and while I am sure you're not perfect, it seems as though it's mostly your wives/girlfriends who go crazy and ruin things.My question is, WTF is up with these women? You guys are scaring the {censored} out of me! I am 27, and have been dating an amazing girl for about a year now that I could see myself getting married to. I know relationships are always a gamble, but I don't want to marry someone only to have them turn into a different person and decide they are no longer interested in being committed.{censored}-in-a...... If you live in fear of what could happen, you'll never know what may happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rvschulz Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 A lot of people just end up settling on somebody when deep down their not 100% satisfied. There are also plenty of instances when one simply doesn't spend enough time with somebody to truly learn what all that other persons moods, habits, etc. are. Marriage is something you don't go out and rush to do. I thought I had found the one while I was in college, but she dumped me ... turned out to be a good thing. I met someone at 24, got married at 25 and have been married for 25 years. That being said - we have made some major compromises and been through some ups and downs. We didn't discuss everything down to the finest detail when we were dating or engaged - some things just occurred and we deal with them. People change. Both of us are a lot different than we were 25 years ago. We like each other enough to accept it or we decided to say '{censored} it' and ignore it. I still get {censored} when the toilet seat is left up and I am expected to server her coffee even though she has been up goofing off for a couple of hours when I awaken. I don;t touch her clothes ... she pays the bills ... we both work ... we have 3 kids in college at the same time ... bills are unbelievable. I exercise, she's a sloth. She's quite intelligent - so am I. We get it. Many couples have a couple of deadly flaws. The 1st is that one will change the other ... NEVER HAPPENS ... if you meet her drunk at a bar and she {censored}s your brains out and you fall in love - you better accept she's a lush who likes to {censored} drunks. Hopefully you are the drunk. When You aren't ... Another deadly flaw is the money ... you bothe better be on the same trusting page with how much you will make and how it will be spent or after the divorce the only ones with cash will be attorneys and bill collectors. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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