Members sah5150 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 ...and I only say that because unfortunately a lot of people never really end up meeting their true soul mate. You're {censored}in' kidding me, right? There are a million people you could have a happy life/marriage with. This whole idea of a "true soul mate" is a {censored}ing fairy tale created by the entertainment industry for morons to endlessly (and without the possiblity of sucess) chase after. This whole concept is responsible for a tremendous amount of heartache and dissatisfaction... don't perpetuate pure nonsense... Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pioneerprogress Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 this'll stir some {censored} up, but I don't care... if you're marriage ain't Christ-centered, it ain't gonna last and if it does, one of the two (if not both) will be unhappy I can't say I'm surprised by people's reactions here, even as a Christian. Yes, if you really and truly seek Christ first in your life (and are not just a person who goes to church every Sunday, or pickets gay pride marches , or tells other people that tells everyone they are a Christian), and as a result are always trying to better yourself, and look to serve others before yourself, then yes, one of the pleasant side effects is that your marriage will also be changed for the better. In the same way, if a non-Christian is willing to make their spouse more important in their little world than "the ol' #1", there's no reason they can't have success as well. Those two things have more of an A>B>C relationship, not A=B. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NixerX Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 You're {censored}in' kidding me, right? There are a million people you could have a happy life/marriage with. This whole idea of a "true soul mate" is a {censored}ing fairy tale created by the entertainment industry for morons to endlessly (and without the possiblity of sucess) chase after. This whole concept is responsible for a tremendous amount of heartache and dissatisfaction... don't perpetuate pure nonsense...Steve I think anyone with some common sense will realize that somewhere between your point and PurityS.L.G's point is the perfect spot to be in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sah5150 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 We look forward to coming home to each other everyday, ripping our clothes off for a while then doing our own thing the rest of the night (unless we go out of course) until we hit the sack for sleep. Sounds like a deep and satisfying relationship! Dare I say, you've found your soul mate! Congrats... Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members deadringer Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 this'll stir some {censored} up, but I don't care... if you're marriage ain't Christ-centered, it ain't gonna last and if it does, one of the two (if not both) will be unhappy ???? Centered?? As in we sit around a talk to eachother about how much we love Christ and stuff?? Like every day? What about our "sexy time"? Does he have to be there then too?? Do I have to do it like he's judging me?? Oh the PRESSURE!! I cant take it!! BTW, just "hackin" on ya, no hard feelings. I find comedy in some stupid crap sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sah5150 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 I think anyone with some common sense will realize that somewhere between your point and PurityS.L.G's point is the perfect spot to be in. That's where you're wrong. Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RSBro Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 You're {censored}in' kidding me, right? There are a million people you could have a happy life/marriage with. This whole idea of a "true soul mate" is a {censored}ing fairy tale created by the entertainment industry for morons to endlessly (and without the possiblity of sucess) chase after. This whole concept is responsible for a tremendous amount of heartache and dissatisfaction... don't perpetuate pure nonsense... Steve I pretty much buy into this here also. I've heard that as yet another excuse for divorce/separation... "Well after 23 years and 4 kids I decided Alan wasn't my soulmate so we, well I, split up." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ron Burgandy Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Wow. How pathetic. It sucks to hear those stories, but at the same time it is strangely satisfying to hear about her being the miserable one in the end. I would not want someone like that hanging around my house with my wife. It's people thinking with group mentality instead of using their own morals and making their own decisions. Of course, a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons and it just falls apart at some point. You're the best person to decide what you want, and you're a level headed guy. Like Matt said, not all women are crazy by a long shot. You'll do fine. If you do decide to get married, just know it takes communication. You don't have to be a bitch, but realize that it's not the same as living like a carefree single dude. My marriage has had it's ups and downs (went way down a year and a half ago), but it's stronger than ever now. It came down to a simple (and I mean simple) communication issue. No magic. No affairs. Just two people that thought the other one was moving on, and should have just asked what was up. Turns out we were both still very much in love, and the pressures of a demanding job (me) and senior year in college (her) were causing stress. Sadly, it didn't even need to get that far by a longshot, and I actually feel the emotional bond with my wife, that I didn't in the past. It's like this strange ESP thing... but these days we can talk about anything and everything. very very cool I wish you the best of luck, Chris. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PurityS.L.G. Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 You're {censored}in' kidding me, right? There are a million people you could have a happy life/marriage with. This whole idea of a "true soul mate" is a {censored}ing fairy tale created by the entertainment industry for morons to endlessly (and without the possiblity of sucess) chase after. This whole concept is responsible for a tremendous amount of heartache and dissatisfaction... don't perpetuate pure nonsense... Steve Aww look, somebody wants to have a pissing match with me again since I hurt his feelings in the LA Amp fest thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sah5150 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Aww look, somebody wants to have a pissing match with me again since I hurt his feelings in the LA Amp fest thread HA! You're priceless, dude - go find your soul mate - she's just around the corner! Run! Quick!!!! Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JerEvil Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Bitches is crazy yo!As someone that's been married 11 years, women change, you change, and I'd be lying if I said I had never thought about leaving. What it takes is hard work, trust, forgiveness, love, and two people being committed to each other no matter what. It's not all roses for sure. We aren't perfect, but we keep working at making it better. This right here.My wife and I got married at 24 and just had a 12 year wedding anniversary last month. Been together almost 14. We were good friends a few years prior to that even! The deal is, like Mr Brady says, you got to be in it for the haul. Anyone starting out thinking, "If it doesn't work, we can always get divorced" and yes I know folks who have said that, it's never going to last. We have been through just about EVERYTHING besides physical abuse and infidelity (as far as I know - LOL) but the thing is you decide to work out your problems or you stew on them and poison your relationship. My wife and I are too strong willed to just let each other slide on {censored} that is actually important. She is my best friend and supports me even when she knows I am {censored}ing up. After 14 years the sex is just as dirty and frequent as when we were dating, and let me tell you that is hugely important. We just really enjoy each other. If you don't have that you are doomed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jnurp Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 this'll stir some {censored} up, but I don't care...if you're marriage ain't Christ-centered, it ain't gonna last and if it does, one of the two (if not both) will be unhappy you know as crazy as this {censored}ing sounds i think I can partly agree with it. If there is a spiritual connection between the man and the woman they have something FAR deeper in common than two friends that get hitched or two people with a strong sexual attraction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members FastRedPonyCar Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 sucks to hear this bro. Not fun any way you look at it. My wife and I got (as far as I know) all the skeletons out of the closet when we dated so there woudln't be any surprises. After all the crap I put her through the 4 or so years we dated before getting married, she stuck around through that so I assume she's here for good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members charveldan Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Have penis>will travel.:poke: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PurityS.L.G. Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 I pretty much buy into this here also. I've heard that as yet another excuse for divorce/separation... "Well after 23 years and 4 kids I decided Alan wasn't my soulmate so we, well I, split up." Thats because....are you ready...they were NOT ideal for each other. I'll give you and Steve this...the words "soul mate" do sound {censored}ing stupid when you physically say it. Whether you want to buy into it or not, there is somebody ideal for everyone out there. Doesn't mean everybody gets to find that person. You can deny it all you want, majority of people just settle. I have done it my whole dating life up until my current woman. I've sacrificed personality for looks, sacrificed responsibility for looks, sacrificed looks for personality and responsibility, etc. etc. etc. If you feel you are making a sacrifice with somebody, you are simply settling for somebody that only time will tell how long you will actually tolerate them before a relationship goes bland or to {censored}. If you are not satisfied with all aspects of your opposite mate, they are NOT your soul...oops...I mean ideal mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HKSblade1 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Can't necessarily say its getting married young... though many people will have been married 2-3 times before they turn 40. It's more often the fact they had no real opportunity to be independent which is a big part of a persons growth and maturity. They get married and bammm dependent again. Look how many couples still live at home when they announce their engagement. Always having that cushion, they now have to become dependent upon each other. If you are in this circumstance, hold off on things until you have the opportunity to really be independent in terms of responsibilities and living arrangement. Getting married, getting the presents and the Honeymoon sound great to girls especially.. its that dream they have. The problem is fairy tales do not depict real marriage at all. Another reason I believe is lack of morality. Its easy to get married and just as easy to get divorced and move on. Divorce to many is just as simple as a high school break up... I got bored with you so I need something/someone else... If a chick says its not YOU or they need to find themselves, it almost always means Joe Dude #2 is ready and waiting or she's already went outside the marriage. That poor guy just has no clue what he's in for usually. Then you have the case of the remarriage for one, first for another... If the girl is getting remarried, then the guy better be {censored}ing prepared to play second fiddle to most everything in that first marriage, especially the kids. This is what {censored}s things up for kids... these situations more than others. Kids have to deal with the ongoing battle in their minds and hearts of what they are in terms of a position within their Mom/Dad's new relationship. Is it fair for a spouse in a second marriage to say "the kids come first?" really... when you think about it how fair is it to the person they wish to marry? It's a built in policy of you will never be considered as much to me as my children are... in fact, this is the very biggest reason second marriages fail. The most successful of this situation is when the new spouse or step parent understands their position as "secondary" but also provided that their husband/wife do not play the power game with them. Typically the custodial parent in this situation will be the control freak and the other spouse becomes more the fire hydrant that gets pissed on daily or the fire extinguisher. Bottom line is independence is personal and highly valued. It is part of becoming mature enough to survive on your own. If you never achieve that, often the marriage will fail. It does not matter what age this occurs, but statistically, most men/women have not really had their independence before marriage. This might have worked in the 50's when you married a girl out of high school, but will not work in todays climate of equality, or what what we have in varied positions of power (who's income is greater). Any and all of the stresses of marriage can be avoided since most are usually trivial. It's when those things turn into neglect, lack of communication, sense of entitlement,selfish behaviors that marriages fail. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SnaxSlingerAns Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 You're {censored}in' kidding me, right? There are a million people you could have a happy life/marriage with. This whole idea of a "true soul mate" is a {censored}ing fairy tale created by the entertainment industry for morons to endlessly (and without the possiblity of sucess) chase after. This whole concept is responsible for a tremendous amount of heartache and dissatisfaction... don't perpetuate pure nonsense...Steve I don't know about this. While I don't really buy into the "soulmate" idea as a term, I definitely think there are unique individuals out there of whom could be so well suited for you, as a person, because of nature/nuture/circumstances/etc., that no one else will fit as well. I think there's a big difference between comfort and contentment, and that difference lies in "1000's to be happy with" and "soulmate", for lack of a better term. -Ans Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RSBro Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 ^^^ (HKS) That's actually a better way of looking at it, and I agree wholeheartedly. for you x1000. That's one reason I've told my current gf we aren't getting hitched until she graduates and at least works on her own for a little bit. I'm not going to be Dad #2 when it comes to the bills, etc.. No damn way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Slaymoar Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 I read Madryan's thread regarding his unfortunate(or perhaps fortunate) situation with his wife. I then read all the responses, many who have had or are going through similar situations. Everytime a silmilar thread is posted, we here the same stories over and over. "I married my wife. things were good for a while but then after the baby she turned into a monster."or"we were together for 10 years, but then she decided she needed to find herself and that meant the end of us."I am a little confused as to what's going on? It seems as though you guys are marrying these ladies, and then sometime down the road they pull a complete 180 and are no longer the same person they were prior to marriage. Most of you dudes seem really solid, and while I am sure you're not perfect, it seems as though it's mostly your wives/girlfriends who go crazy and ruin things.My question is, WTF is up with these women? You guys are scaring the {censored} out of me! I am 27, and have been dating an amazing girl for about a year now that I could see myself getting married to. I know relationships are always a gamble, but I don't want to marry someone only to have them turn into a different person and decide they are no longer interested in being committed.{censored}-in-a...... Rules of thumb (by experience now lol): 1. DO NOT MARRY BEFORE 25. AT LEAST 3 years before getting on one knee. AT LEAST 5 Years before saying I DO. The longer you wait the better, but if you want children early in life, then it is the only reason to think about 25. At 25 though, you have to be EXTRA careful of what you are getting into. You have to watch for flags. 2. Values/Sociability (before getting on one knee): Is she fun to be around? Does she get along with your family and friends? Do you get enthusiastic around her? Are you yourself around her? More energised? 3. Dynamics: Is there an overdominating partner? Is she too passive? / vs / do you let her boss you around too much? Activities you do, are they all her / your idea? Can you guys talk for long periods of time and have intelligent conversations? 4. Sex: Is it fun? Is it relaxing and easygoing? Expect rules and limitations, but if they are too restricting then you need to talk. The important part is that you both have fun, and it doesn't feel like a chore or pressure to "perform" to a standard you do not understand. Yes, you should know how to please a woman, but it should be a fun process to get there. 5. History: Have you been serious with at least 2 other women? Usually it is a better indication if you have been in several relationships to at least have a reference point of what is acceptable to you. Oxytocin is usually what gets most couples married, and into toxic relationships. If you know how to recognize it vs true compatibility, then you are a winner. If you find that in this relationship you are compromising too much, then its time to go. I am sure there are other very important points, but these are some valid ones I can tell you are major flags that will pretty much all reflect into each other once you are with someone. If that person is fun and easy to be with, then they will also be fun and easy in the sac and will be fun and easy around your siblings and friends etc... If someone here is in a bad relationship, it is because they did not pick up on a red flag early on (they usually show up early), or chose to ignore it because some other things in the relationship seem to compensate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dolf Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 It's not about age, it's about having the maturity and the integrity to stand by your decisions. Loving someone despite themselves is a choice that many people aren't willing to make. As far as I'm concerned, "till death do us part" means exactly what it sounds like and my wife and I both feel the same way. I'd like to think that I'm not jaded enough to feel that you never really know someone, but I've been burned before by my willingness to see the best in people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sah5150 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Thats because....are you ready...they were NOT ideal for each other.I'll give you and Steve this...the words "soul mate" do sound {censored}ing stupid when you physically say it. Whether you want to buy into it or not, there is somebody ideal for everyone out there. Doesn't mean everybody gets to find that person.You can deny it all you want, majority of people just settle. I have done it my whole dating life up until my current woman. I've sacrificed personality for looks, sacrificed responsibility for looks, sacrificed looks for personality and responsibility, etc. etc. etc. If you feel you are making a sacrifice with somebody, you are simply settling for somebody that only time will tell how long you will actually tolerate them before a relationship goes bland or to {censored}. If you are not satisfied with all aspects of your opposite mate, they are NOT your soul...oops...I mean ideal mate. Dude... I don't even know where to start. You've obviously been watching too many Reese Witherspoon flicks... Ok, though... in all seriousness... let me understand what you are saying. Tell me if I'm wrong. You are saying that in the current world human population of ~ 7 billion people, there is one, and only one, ideal mate for you? Is that what you are saying? Because that is what "soul mate" means... My contention is that there are millions of women out there that a given man could love and have a fantastic marriage/life with. Do you agree with me? Seriously. Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sah5150 Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Rules of thumb (by experience now lol):1. DO NOT MARRY BEFORE 35. Fixed! Steve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members FastRedPonyCar Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 HKS be droppin some knowledge up in this piece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RSBro Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 I'd like to ask how many people espouse the "kids before spouse" line of thinking, and how that works out for you? I somewhat feel the opposite, but that's just me. Kids grow up, move on, have their own lives. Is it really supposed to be proper where you a lot of times downright shun your spouse for their sake? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members yourguitarhero Posted December 21, 2010 Members Share Posted December 21, 2010 Dunno {censored} about anyone else's marriage, can't comment there.I've been married 1 year and 9 days. I'm 29, so is the little lady. We dated for 2 years before getting hitched. We're both from stable families (lots of kids, no divorces, no alcoholics or abusive parents etc). We're happy as {censored}. There are 4 key components to a good marriage - You, Them, Commitment, Love. You: You each gotta know yourself and be happy with that person before you guys got together. Don't look for another person to fix your own problems.Them: You have to accept the other person for who they are and don't think "yeah, they'll change".Commitment: You have to be in it for the long haul. You gotta imagine being wrinkly-assed pensioners who smell of piss together. And like it.Love: You have to be able to watch the other person take a {censored}. That's true love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.