Members grumphh Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 it wasn't our fault.... it was him, not us. Your location says "South Jersey". If you are not meaning that particular british channel island but rather a location in the rather unsavoury state in the US i think it is safe to conclude that you, and you alone are responsible for whatever went wrong with your son.How the {censored} can you expect a boy to grow up and respect his parents if they live in "South Jersey"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pickinatit Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 That's what I was gonna say. Claiming helplessness to justify his own failures. Yeah, nice sound-bite type comment...but notice nobody answered my "what would you do" question. Believe me I understand. I thought the same way about it as you guys until I went thru it myself. You just haven't had the "pleasure" of receiving that education. Consider yourself lucky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OceansBetweenUs Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 Your location says "South Jersey".If you are not meaning that particular british channel island but rather a location in the rather unsavoury state in the US i think it is safe to conclude that you, and you alone are responsible for whatever went wrong with your son.How the {censored} can you expect a boy to grow up and respect his parents if they live in "South Jersey"? I grew up and currently live in this unsavory South Jersey you speak of. But anyway, obviously your son knows what he's doing at this point. He doesn't realize the later-in-life consequences, but he knows what he's doing. You definitely did not raise him from a very young age to be respectful/choose his friends wisely/etc. But that isn't here or there, because you can't really fix that now. I don't have a fix-all response for you, especially because I don't have kids. But you need to somehow make him aware of how his irresponsibiltiy now is going to {censored} his life up later. /endseriousresponse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grumphh Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 I grew up and currently live in this unsavory South Jersey you speak of. Makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OceansBetweenUs Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 Makes sense. Shhh Euro hippie. You know not what you preach. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mhr74 Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 I went through this with my daughter in middle school and her 1st 2 years of high school. I finally gave up, told her that her future is in HER hands and to not bother asking me for a single {censored}ing thing. "Dad can I have $20?" "NO" "Dad can you give me a ride to the mall?" "NO" "Dad can my friends come over?" "NO" She got REAL tired of hearing NO all the time so she got her {censored} together. Now she's got mostly A's and a few B's and made honor roll. I praised the {censored} out of her for it and now when she asks me for something, I say "YES!!!" this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cyprusg Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 You've obviously never had a kid that went all the way over the edge. If you grounded your kid and he jumped out the window every night what would you do? If you took him to school and dragged him into the school and then the second he was "unhanded" he took off out an exit, what would you do? The cops dragged my son home one day when he was truant and while I talked to the cop on the front porch my son was already going out the back window.You really don't have a clue about how powerless a parent really is. You only have as much power as your KID chooses to give you That's nonsense, complete modern age nonsense. How did your kid act when growing up? Parenting isn't easy, and there's no perfect way to raise a child, but if your kid disrespects you that much, I refuse to believe there weren't a hell of a lot of problems at home that led him to be that way. I don't know what his relationship is like with his mother but it sounds like there are some real problems and he's lashing out. It's tough man, but you absolving all the blame makes me think there's a problem at home that you don't want to face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PlayboyChris Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 Yeah, nice sound-bite type comment...but notice nobody answered my "what would you do" question. Believe me I understand. I thought the same way about it as you guys until I went thru it myself. You just haven't had the "pleasure" of receiving that education. Consider yourself lucky. There are a lot of people here and in the world at large who never have to answer that question, and not because of dumb luck. Sure, there are always exceptions, but generally, good kids are the result of good parenting, and lousy kids are the result of lousy parenting. And no kid just becomes a "gangsta" as if a switch has been flipped. You're saying there were no warning signs of impending danger? If so, you simply weren't paying attention and/or are in some serious denial. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Murdoch Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 Yeah, nice sound-bite type comment...but notice nobody answered my "what would you do" question. Juvie. Military school. There are options. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gary Cohn Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 Diamond plated rodeo belts to the ass, that's an option, too. Sometimes stupid can't be talked out of someone, it has to be beat out of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pickinatit Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 I grew up and currently live in this unsavory South Jersey you speak of.But anyway, obviously your son knows what he's doing at this point. He doesn't realize the later-in-life consequences, but he knows what he's doing.You definitely did not raise him from a very young age to be respectful/choose his friends wisely/etc. But that isn't here or there, because you can't really fix that now. I don't have a fix-all response for you, especially because I don't have kids. But you need to somehow make him aware of how his irresponsibiltiy now is going to {censored} his life up later./endseriousresponse This happened years ago. He's 28 yrs. old now. Has two sons of his own and three step children. He's doing well. He woke up like someone flipped a switch when his first son was born and started to completely turn his life around practically over night. You're wrong about one thing though. We definitely taught him to be respectful and stuff....but he romanticized and got caught up in the whole "gangsta" lifestyle thing and CHOSE to go the way he did. That's the part that people don't get if they haven't experienced this for themselves. Believe it or not kids can CHOOSE to go the wrong way regardless of what you have or haven't done. You might think not, but the professionals....the councilors, psychologists, police, judges, prosecutors etc. that we ended up dealing with over about a three year period disagree with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DrakkarTyrannis Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 Diamond plated rodeo belts to the ass, that's an option, too.Sometimes stupid can't be talked out of someone, it has to be beat out of them. This. I vote for WHOOPS DAT AZZ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OceansBetweenUs Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 This. I vote for WHOOPS DAT AZZ The only logical response. Oh, and grumphh is an idiot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PlayboyChris Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 This happened years ago. He's 28 yrs. old now. Has two sons of his own and three step children. He's doing well. He woke up like someone flipped a switch when his first son was born and started to completely turn his life around practically over night. Is he married? And how many baby daddys brought these five children into the world? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pickinatit Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 There are a lot of people here and in the world at large who never have to answer that question, and not because of dumb luck. Sure, there are always exceptions, but generally, good kids are the result of good parenting, and lousy kids are the result of lousy parenting. And no kid just becomes a "gangsta" as if a switch has been flipped. You're saying there were no warning signs of impending danger If so, you simply weren't paying attention and/or are in some serious denial. You are absolutely wrong about this. That's EXACTLY what it was like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pickinatit Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 Juvie. Military school. There are options. Try to find a Military school that will take in a child against the child's will and secure them there. Tried that. They don't. They won't. There aren't any. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pickinatit Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 Is he married? And how many baby daddys brought these five children into the world? He has custody of his two sons....from the same mother. He hooked up with a great girl that has three children...one by her first husband that died of cancer at the ridiculously young age of about 24 and two from a second husband that ended up taking off on her (drugs were a big part of that; him, not her). They've lived together about two years now. I expect they'll get married before too long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DoubleBarrel Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 ..but he romanticized and got caught up in the whole "gangsta" lifestyle thing and CHOSE to go the way he did.My kid did that, so I took him to the 'hood and dropped him off there every day for a week. I told him "you waana be 'hood ? well here it is, let's see how much of a thug you really are"By the 3rd day he was beggin not to go back. But I made him do it for a week. Cured that {censored} right quick. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OceansBetweenUs Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 My kid did that, so I took him to the 'hood and dropped him off there every day for a week. I told him "you waana be 'hood ? well here it is, let's see how much of a thug you really are" By the 3rd day he was beggin not to go back. But I made him do it for a week. Cured that {censored} right quick. God thats even better than beating his ass a few times with a belt.Except, you're in Florida and the likelihood of him beign abducted, assraped, and killed are pretty high. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members '63-Strat Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 This happened years ago. He's 28 yrs. old now. Has two sons of his own and three step children. He's doing well. He woke up like someone flipped a switch when his first son was born and started to completely turn his life around practically over night. You're wrong about one thing though. We definitely taught him to be respectful and stuff....but he romanticized and got caught up in the whole "gangsta" lifestyle thing and CHOSE to go the way he did. That's the part that people don't get if they haven't experienced this for themselves. Believe it or not kids can CHOOSE to go the wrong way regardless of what you have or haven't done. You might think not, but the professionals....the councilors, psychologists, police, judges, prosecutors etc. that we ended up dealing with over about a three year period disagree with you. Impossible for any of the arm-chair shrinks in here to determine as they weren't there. We only have your account to go on, which is at best only part of the story, though. Nonetheless, people seem to think that you can engineer your kids to be however you want, which is utter nonsense. How many of us on here turned out exactly as our parents wanted? I'm guessing nearly none. Personality is largely predetermined at birth, upbringing plays a role but cannot negate genetics. Tons of real psychology journals will back this up too. But no doubt the resident experts on HCAF know better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PlayboyChris Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 He has custody of his two sons....from the same mother. He hooked up with a great girl that has three children...one by her first husband that died of cancer at the ridiculously young age of about 24 and two from a second husband that ended up taking off on her (drugs were a big part of that; him, not her). They've lived together about two years now. I expect they'll get married before too long. So based on your use of the word "custody," the baby mama of his two biological sons (was he ever married to her?) is not the great girl he's hooked up with. And we have two baby mamas, one of which has been married twice, and three baby daddys. Did I get all that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PlayboyChris Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 Impossible for any of the arm-chair shrinks in here to determine as they weren't there. We only have your account to go on, which is at best only part of the story, though. Nonetheless, people seem to think that you can engineer your kids to be however you want, which is utter nonsense. How many of us on here turned out exactly as our parents wanted? I'm guessing nearly none. Personality is largely predetermined at birth, upbringing plays a role but cannot negate genetics. Tons of real psychology journals will back this up too. But no doubt the resident experts on HCAF know better Cats open themselves up to such scrutiny when they spill out intimate details of their lives on forums such as these, which is mistake number one. Mistake number two is not expecting to be called out on their "Maury" show existences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OceansBetweenUs Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 Mistake number two is not expecting to be called out on their "Maury" show existences. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Murdoch Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 My kid did that, so I took him to the 'hood and dropped him off there every day for a week. I told him "you waana be 'hood ? well here it is, let's see how much of a thug you really are" By the 3rd day he was beggin not to go back. But I made him do it for a week. Cured that {censored} right quick. Sure you did. Absolutely. I believe every word of this post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members '63-Strat Posted December 7, 2011 Members Share Posted December 7, 2011 Cats open themselves up to such scrutiny when they spill out intimate details of their lives on forums such as these, which is mistake number one. Mistake number two is not expecting to be called out on their "Maury" show existences. Granted, the family tree of sorts you just laid out above is interesting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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