my lazy, missing school/truant teenager

[Mesa4x12er2]

That's because you're not to be believed. So every "good" kid out there made that choice themselves, and how they turned out had zero to do with the influence their parents had over them? Talk about believing something to your own detriment. Don't use a broad brush dipped in the paint can of your dysfunctional family to paint a picture of parents everywhere.

 

 

Well said.

[Mesa4x12er2]

 

Kids are dealing with a lot more these days.

 

 

No they aren't. Kids are only dealing with a higher percentage of {censored}ed up peers thanks to the lack of good parenting this generation has ushered in. Otherwise they are living the same life we did with more toys.

[BryanFTWL]

I went through this with my daughter in middle school and her 1st 2 years of high school. I finally gave up, told her that her future is in HER hands and to not bother asking me for a single {censored}ing thing. "Dad can I have $20?" "NO" "Dad can you give me a ride to the mall?" "NO" "Dad can my friends come over?" "NO" She got REAL tired of hearing NO all the time so she got her {censored} together. Now she's got mostly A's and a few B's and made honor roll. I praised the {censored} out of her for it and now when she asks me for something, I say "YES!!!"

This works, it did on me anyways.
Now, I'm only 17 now, but about 3 years ago, I went through a period where I just didn't want to listen. I was the epitome of a skate rat that had no respect for authority.
Well, my dad beat my ass, and took my {censored} away. Any time I wanted to have social interaction, I'd have to earn it. He'd make me clean the whole house, mow the lawn, or even once he made me spit shine his shoes.

He'd throw the bare essentials down for food, small portions of the {censored} no kid wants to eat.
On top of that, I'd ask for $5 or so to pick up a meal while I was out, got a plain NO, just like said above. Basically he told me he wasn't paying for jack {censored} anymore past the stuff that keeps me alive and healthy, anything extra, I was on my own. So I got a job. I work 6 days a week now, pay for any gas, food, clothes, gear, games, phones, anything. The only things I'm not paying for are rent and home-cooked meals, which I'm sure if I'm not out the second I graduate, rent will be there.

Do I hate him for it? I did for a bit, I was an angry teenager, of course I did. Hell, I developed severe depression, which for me wasn't something that went away when the 'cause was fixed. The chemical imbalance never straightened out, and most antidepressants just made me feel like I was living my life through a 3rd person view, which made it worse. So keep that in mind, be strict on your son, but let him know it's out of love. I guess my father didn't want to look weak, so he wouldn't really show me the love side of it all, I just got the anger really. We have a good relationship now though, but it's not as strong as it could be.

What I'm trying to say is, show your kid who's boss, because trust me, no matter what he thinks, as long as he's under your roof, you're the boss. To the guy saying kids have no control, you're wrong, take it from the kid.

[grumphh]

Why do you try to make this about the ego of the parents?

 

Ooooh. Does it make you feel manly to take out your failure as a parent on your kid?

Betcha it does - and hey, the little critters deserve everything they get, right? Shows them who's the boss!

 

Come on people - you always advocate personal responsibility when it comes to fiscal matters, why not take on responsibility for the way you bring up your kid?

 

Kids actually try to be good and love their parents and basically do what they are told and, more importantly, shown.

 

So if the kids suddenly show signs of being totally out of line the rest of society is not to blame.

 

YOU are to blame, you and your apelike insisting on being the leader of your little pack of simians by domination and sheer force. Because that is what the kids will imitate.

 

...apparently some people still haven't evolved much beyond the social dynamics of a pack of gorillas. Loads of them in this thread.

[MatchFive]

[grumphh]

No one said to be an asshole and beat your kid.

 

Actually - a {censored}load of frustrated scum that should be culled from the human herd and thrown away into some deep mine somehere have in this thread advocated physical punishment for even very small kids. (And i am not even counting the trolls with their "get the most painful belt for best efffect" comments )

 

And as for discipline - if you are actually a good parent discipline comes all by itself.

 

Despising child abusers does not = lack of discipline.

[les_paul]

My dad tried the whole dictator thing. It worked out for me but not my big brother or sister. I mostly learned from their fails. They got kicked out of the house at 16 and 13 and had to live with grandma. My takeaway was that "{censored}, my dad will kick my ass out of this house if I {censored} up."

 

The bottom line is that kids respond differently. You're going to have to try several things more than likely.

[JR13]

The bottom line is that kids respond differently. You're going to have to try several things more than likely.

 

not if you hit them hard enough

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Mesa4x12er2]

Ooooh. Does it make you feel manly to take out your failure as a parent on your kid? Betcha it does - and hey, the little critters deserve everything they get, right? Shows them who's the boss!

 

You make a habit of missing the point don't you? I'm getting the feeling now that you were an abused child. Seriously. Sucks dude, sorry to hear.

 

BTW I don't have kids. Nice try.

[Mesa4x12er2]

 

And as for discipline - if you are actually a good parent discipline comes all by itself. Despising child abusers does not = lack of discipline.

 

 

Part of being a good parents is handing out discipline. No one said you had to "abuse" your child to do so.

Again, I'm sorry you were abused as a child.

[Murdoch]

And as for discipline - if you are actually a good parent discipline comes all by itself.

 

 

You are clueless.

[grumphh]

 

Part of being a good parents is handing out discipline. No one said you had to "abuse" your child to do so. Again, I'm sorry you were abused as a child.

 

You don't have kids... (Thannk god!

What the {censored} do you know anyway?

 

And "handing out discipline" through violence is simply another way of saying child abuse.

 

Again, anyone believing that using a belt on a kid is not the parents own personal fault is severely deluded.

[Mesa4x12er2]

 

You don't have kids... (Thannk god! What the {censored} do you know anyway? And "handing out discipline" through violence is simply another way of saying child abuse. Again, anyone believing that using a belt on a kid is not the parents own personal fault is severely deluded.

 

 

Aside from the fact that you're clearly having serious issues with this topic... what do you know about me that would make you say this?

[grumphh]

 

You are clueless.

 

 

Oh, another child-beater.

 

...yeah yeah, i get it, it makes you feel all powerful and manly to be able to inflict pain on that little body that you yourself spawned and raised?

[Machine Gun]

 

No they aren't. Kids are only dealing with a higher percentage of {censored}ed up peers thanks to the lack of good parenting this generation has ushered in. Otherwise they are living the same life we did with more toys.

 

 

I disagree. They have access to A LOT more information. They can be harassed even playing a video game. Not when I was a kid. I didn't watch the news, or read the newspaper, so I really didn't know each and every world event.

 

L

[grumphh]

 

Aside from the fact that you're clearly having serious issues with this topic... what do you know about me that would make you say this?

 

 

Of course i have issues with grown "men" beating the {censored} out of children.

...with the pityful excuse that it serves as discipline.

 

Is that really so hard to understand?

 

So far i have seen you approve of the child beaters in this debate, that is of course what i base my derisive comments on.

 

Now if you were a person that would actually dare saying out loud that you would under no circumstances beat your child deliberately and premeditatedly, i could respect you.

 

But people who think that scaring their kid {censored}less through the threat of violence is good upbringing deserve nothing but contempt.

[Murdoch]

Oh, another child-beater. ...yeah yeah, i get it, it makes you feel all powerful and manly to be able to inflict pain on that little body that you yourself spawned and raised?

 

 

You know what, {censored} you and your self-righteous attitude. Where in that post did I say that I advocated hitting a child? WHERE? I'm not advocating anything. I think each situation is its own and should be handled as such. Every family is different. What I addressed was your idiotic statement that said simply "if you are a good parent, discipline comes by itself". That's one of the dumbest things I have ever read. It's patently false. This isn't the 70s or 80s, and to some degree, the 90s, where parents had more control what influenced their children. Facebook, phones, iPads and things of that ilk have changed the game COMPLETELY. If you don't think that's the case, you're just daft. Even if you hinder access to computers, to internet, to television, you still have to send these kids to school. What is at school? Peer pressure from other kids with smartphones, with Facebook, with television shows on their wireless devices. Computers to help teachers, where your kid can access the very thing that you are trying to restrict access to.

 

Peer pressure is exponentially worse these days because of technology. Just being a "good parent" does not mean that discipline is automatically present. To say that it does is not only naive and completely idiotic, it's just NOT THE CASE.

[Mesa4x12er2]

 

Of course i have issues with grown "men" beating the {censored} out of children . ...with the pityful excuse that it serves as discipline. Is that really so hard to understand? So far i have seen you approve of the child beaters in this debate, that is of course what i base my derisive comments on. Now if you were a person that would actually dare saying out loud that you would under no circumstances beat your child deliberately and premeditatedly, i could respect you. But people who think that scaring their kid {censored}less through the threat of violence is good upbringing deserve nothing but contempt.

 

 

Obviously at this point you are trolling. I have never mentioned once to "beat the {censored}" out of children. I also mentioned in my post about being spanked that my dad did not go overboard. There is a line you know. I would not "beat the {censored}" out of a child. Also I'm not advocating terrifying your children. I am advocating teaching them that there are consequences to your actions. They should fear the consequence not fear you.

 

Let's be real... consequences govern a lot of our actions from childhood all the way up through adulthood.

[grumphh]

 

What I addressed was your idiotic statement that said simply "if you are a good parent, discipline comes by itself".

 

 

Just what is idiotic about that statement? Please elaborate?

 

Being a good parent does not automatically exclude actually teaching the kid right from wrong?

[Zozobra]

A small kid might need a little slap in some circumstances as they need a quick adjustment. Slapping the {censored} out them is out of order though.

I don't see this being terribly effective against older kids, especially if it is too excess. My uncle used to beat one of his sons and he ruled through fear which was fine for him until his son was old enough and big enough to leather the living {censored} out of him and he was kicked out of his own house.

[Murdoch]

Just what is idiotic about that statement? Please elaborate? Being a good parent does not automatically exclude actually teaching the kid right from wrong?

 

 

You can try to teach the child right from wrong all you want. You can preach it from the rafters 24/7. That does not change the fact that a child is a human being, and thus, has free will. The child can choose to heed your teachings, or choose to ignore it. Does teaching improve the odds that the child will act in the right instead of the wrong? Yes. Does it guarantee it? Good lord, no.

 

The problem with your statement is that you stated it as fact. It's not. It's your opinion. It's wrong, but you're entitled have it, so feel free. Just because a child is taught something does not mean that child will act as such.

[Slaymoar]

Ooooh. Does it make you feel manly to take out your failure as a parent on your kid? Betcha it does - and hey, the little critters deserve everything they get, right? Shows them who's the boss! Come on people - you always advocate personal responsibility when it comes to fiscal matters, why not take on responsibility for the way you bring up your kid ? Kids actually try to be good and love their parents and basically do what they are told and, more importantly, shown. So if the kids suddenly show signs of being totally out of line the rest of society is not to blame . YOU are to blame, you and your apelike insisting on being the leader of your little pack of simians by domination and sheer force. Because that is what the kids will imitate. ...apparently some people still haven't evolved much beyond the social dynamics of a pack of gorillas. Loads of them in this thread.

I know where you are coming from and I appreciate you can take responsibility for your kids, but you also cannot blame yourself for everything your kid does. "Failing" as a parent comes in many shapes, but yes society has a large part in it. Your kid spends every day in school, away from parental control, and I am sure you can find many other occasions where teens are encouraged to gain independence. Now you might think "if I succeed as a parent, my child will know what to do when faced with problems on his/her own".. This can only go so far.. Too many variables can make a perfect parent look {censored}ty, or a less competant parent look worse.

First, there is no blame to throw around, you simply have to recognize that there is something you can do about it. As a parent(s) you have the fortunate position to have influence on your child's future, and now it is time to formulate a plan to help your child achieve better success. Focus on what you child is capable of, instead of pointing fingers towards yourself or others. Focus on positive reinforcement, proper boundaries and discipline, and then more positive reinforcement. Sometimes, it takes the "outside of the box" take of a professional to really redirect some wasted or backpedaling type parental behaviors.

I have been looking at this website, sub'd as well http://www.empoweringparents.com/

I have had several "hiccups" with my oldest one, even my youngest one. I put in a plan to spend at least 30 minutes with each of them every day (realistic), and make sure to at least find one positive thing or compliment every day. High praise is given for any chores completed, and even more praise when I don't have to give any reminders. Of course I am far from perfect so sometimes I might slip up etc.. But the thing is to always let the mistake be a mistake, and keep on going as planned.

The most important thing to me, is to have realistic expectations of your child. Set a goal that you know your child can achieve first (easy goal), then praise. Every time you can raise the bar to something a bit more challenging.. With time the child gains confidence because he/she receives praise all the time..

Praise: It can be as simple as a "ata boy", to a "you know I'm proud of the decisions you have made lately", to movie/concert tickets. But the best praise you can give, is to include yourself in the fun activities of your child. Yes, some things are better left to your teen and his/her friends to enjoy as a goup, but that is when you have to blance that with activities where your child is comfortable or desires your presence.

-D

[grumphh]

 

Obviously at this point you are trolling. I have never mentioned once to "beat the {censored}" out of children. I also mentioned in my post about being spanked that my dad did not go overboard. There is a line you know. I would not "beat the {censored}" out of a child. Also I'm not advocating terrifying your children. I am advocating teaching them that there are consequences to your actions. They should fear the consequence not fear you. Let's be real... consequences govern a lot of our actions from childhood all the way up through adulthood.

 

No trolling.

 

There is no line.

As soon as you hit a child deliberately and premditatedly the line has been crossed.

 

That is nothing more than child abuse and a pathetic act for a grown "man".

 

If you can't even control a child through other means than violence, then what sort of human are you?

 

And if you think that our actions as humans are only because of fear of consequences then i think that you are basically a sociopath.

 

Right and wrong - those concepts work just fine in children, even if you don't resort to violence to teach them that.

 

Otoh, a lot of kids that have been taught violence from home do apparently have issues with those concepts...

Come on, who are the kids that do all the {censored} in school - the ones from (reasonably) well adjusted homes or the ones that grow up with violence? See a pattern there?

[grumphh]

. Yes, some things are better left to your teen and his/her friends to enjoy as a goup, but that is when you have to blance that with activities where your child is comfortable or desires your presence. -D

Good stuff.

Be there as a {censored}ing parent. Simple really.

 

And yes, of course raising kids is a challenge

 

The big question is what to do when not everything goes your way - and violence against kids is just pathetic in my book.

 

My two girls (now 21 and 3 - yes, different mothers )

 

[Mesa4x12er2]

Otoh, a lot of kids that have been taught violence from home do apparently have issues with those concepts... Come on, who are the kids that do all the {censored} in school - the ones from (reasonably) well adjusted homes or the ones that grow up with violence? See a pattern there?

 

 

No I don't. I was spanked as a child and I have yet to go on a shooting rampage. Again you and the bull{censored} absolutes.