playing with shy guys

[Delmont]

Interesting jam last night.

 

Was invited to a little guitar pull a few towns away. Took a dread, a squareneck, and some harps. Three guys there - the host and two other guys. One has been playing for years, one (the host) for just a few years, and one (at least apparently) for not long at all.

 

All three sang in whispers and barely touched their strings. The not-long-at-all guy only had one song, Norwegian Wood. I played a lot, and mostly loudly, which was fun - kind of like playing with for and audience. The three of them go to a local workshop to help shy players - but it hasn't seemed to have paid off yet.

 

I'm no party animal, but these guys were party vegetables. Have any tips on drawing people out?

[katopp]

Get them out of the bedroom/livingroom and somewhere, like a pub or the likes. When I play at home, I have to be slient'ish not to disturb wifey etc. - hence I do not whack the strings, nor do I belt with my voice.

[daddymack]

I don't think taking them out to play an open mic would be the right idea at this stage. My guess is they lack confidence and direction.

What I would do:

1) Record them with a single room mic. Play it back. When they see they can't be heard, they should try to up their volume.

2) Take them out to a park or similar where they won't be disturbing anyone, and no one will be judging them, and get them to up the volume..

3) Create arrangements that push them to harmonize vocally, and give them specific parts to play on their guitars during the songs.

[Grant Harding]

Positive reinforcement might help, but it's always tough playing with inexperienced players. As long as you're all enjoying it then you're golden.

[katopp]

Nah, not on stage We have so-called "Acoustic Sessions" in our pubs where some musos meet up, sit together in a corner and enjoy a friendly jam together. No stage pressure, but still enough noise around to realise that if you want to play with someone, you have to PLAY with someone.

[kwakatak]

Is there a two drink minimum there, katopp? If it works for comedy clubs here in the US then why not open mics?

 

Seriously though, I'm thinking that there does need to be a change of setting - and putting microphones and assigning parts for them to practice in front of them would just kill the joy of it all - for me at least.

[DeepEnd]

Some folks are just introverts. Playing/singing when there's no one else around might help, as would a beer or two but keep your expectations reasonable.

[Idunno]

Confidence is the key and in the absence of it no one will drop their guard. Also, humility is a hurdle. Humility and a lack of confidence combine to turn a person into a guitarist pantomime.

 

But, give a guy some skills that he's confident with and an atmosphere that isn't competitive (where one or more persons tactlessly dominate instead of recognizing their surrounds and nurturing it into a bonafide jam session) and watch him feel at home and easy with himself. Most times it isn't just the person exhibiting shyness. It takes two for a jam session, minimally, and the stronger player must take ownership of it and make it succeed as such. Otherwise, the weaker player ends up being a captive audience and, well, no bueno.

 

This is why I don't jam. I'd be a lousy session contributor. The many times I've joined in on one there's no plan and there's one or more dominant players using it to showcase themselves. Not my idea of fun. I don't listen to any music whatsoever and being shanghaied in a jam session to do just that gets my heels fidgety enough to showcase them with an early exit.

 

When the dominant player comes to the session with a plan and leads all the players into a workable and enjoyable time together, that's a jam.

[Grant Harding]

It really comes down to knowing the material or being good enough that you can ask what key it's in and just go.

 

The worst thing you can do is show off and intimidate them back into their shells. Start with some easy common ground and resist the temptation to show off is the best in my experience. Also good to ensure that everyone knows it's not a competition.

[Delmont]

All good tips. But - you don't listen to ANY music?

[Delmont]

Must confess that I did do some showboating - just to fill the silences! They seemed relieved that someone was embellishing. I also sang audibly. I'm not a great singer OR player, but it seemed like some initiative was called for.

[Delmont]

Positive reinforcement might help, but it's always tough playing with inexperienced players. As long as you're all enjoying it then you're golden.

 

We did indeed have fun.

[Delmont]

Good thoughts, though I don't think sticking a mic in the middle of the room would relax these folks!

[Delmont]

I don't belt at home, either, unless we're throwing a party.

 

Actually, those guys like open mics more than I do. I like gigging, busking, and house jams. Open mics mean sitting around for three hours for a chance to play for ten minutes with people you have nothing in common with. And paying the price of a beer to do it.

 

I'd rather be home playing with my cat.

[bigald18]

A thread after my own heart! I have been playing on and off for 50 plus years. I was discouraged and belittled by my father for my voice and git playing skills. Only after learning a few Flamenco pieces did he acquiesce and concede that I might have some playing skills. I have played in front of a large audience only a couple of times in those years as part of a group. My playing has always remained a private thing for me. Today my skills are poor because of arthritis so I don't even think of it. My participation in the VOMIT was the most I've gone towards public performing. Recordings that I put up on soundclick, surprisingly, have been on their top ten list in the folk genre. Surprised me more than anyone else. I recently gave up guitar because my fingers wouldn't do what I wanted them to anymore. `I mIssed it so much that I bought a classical guitar and now have ordered a parlor guitar. How good I am or was I'll never know and at this point don't really much care. My playing is for me and my maker, that's it. As long as I enjoy it that's what counts. As for shyhness and confidence,they were both major factors. Add in that pride or fear of failing and you've got what I used to be about. Don't push those guys. You don't know what you're dealing with.

 

BigAl

[Delmont]

Sure I do!: A few guys who just need a little encouragement and a friendly place to tell some jokes and do some musical socializing. Just like me.

 

Re rebelious fingers: Mine have been starting to give out, too, so two or three years ago I bought a squareneck. Ever try it? Easy on the fingers - painless, in fact! - and it opens up a whole new guitar world. I just use the standard GBDGBD tuning, and it's amazing the things you can discover once you start to get the hang of it. I'll be playing it long after I've sold off my beloved roundnecks.

[Tony Burns]

I wouldn't worry about them- we all have different desires and drives - some of us are introverts and some of us are extroverts -

- as long as they enjoy your company and you theirs , thats all that matters .

 

[bigald18]

The parlor git that I'm waitin on is a v-neck. Never thought I'd play with my underwear. LOL may be that'll be better on my arthritis. Other problem is that I have diabetic neuropathy real bad and can't feel my fingertips. I'nm plowing along though. Maybe I'll record a VOMIT track.

[Delmont]

I know about diabetic neuropathy. It's a case of just do what you can and don't sweat what you can't. I love the steel bar and finger picks for dobro because you don't need the touch sensitivity that playing a roundneck takes. Keep on pluckin', man!

[TheForkWigger]

Make them wear a costume and invent characters for themself

[Delmont]

Make them wear a costume and invent characters for themself

 

Great suggestion! When I perform, I pretend I'm an imaginary guitar hero. It's the only cure I've found for stage fright.

[valentsgrif]

 

Great suggestion! When I perform, I pretend I'm an imaginary guitar hero. It's the only cure I've found for stage fright.

 

Woah, thats my trick. It really works. I use it for public speaking too.

 

Also, two scotch and waters and my introversion abates. I strongly suggest no negative vibes ever. I play at occasional sessions with my very accomplished relatives who can be passive aggressive when faced with playing with someone not as skilled. One or two of the old timers can be impatient with the young 'ens. and it kills their spirit like nothing else. Just remember they are not there to please you or anyone else. Its an exhibition and not a competition.

[Delmont]

 

Woah, thats my trick. It really works. I use it for public speaking too.

 

Also, two scotch and waters and my introversion abates. I strongly suggest no negative vibes ever. I play at occasional sessions with my very accomplished relatives who can be passive aggressive when faced with playing with someone not as skilled. One or two of the old timers can be impatient with the young 'ens. and it kills their spirit like nothing else. Just remember they are not there to please you or anyone else. Its an exhibition and not a competition.

 

Yup, I used booze to overcome math anxiety in college. Read about it in a book, and it sounded like fun, so I gave it a try. Two shots before homework did the trick. I aced the class.

[DeepEnd]

Word of caution about using booze to "loosen up:" There may be unintended consequences. There are some inhibitions that shouldn't be lost.

[BroadST]

You hit the nail on the head for me. Been picking for years but just started to sing and mostly just to myself but I have been shy for most of my life. I have gotten over it for the most part but when dealing with something new, liking singing and playing, it all comes back. I would say for me it would be words of encouragement. I know you don't know them well but maybe if you play with them again, say something to them about playing a little louder. Like "You guys sound great but can you play a little louder." I know that would work for me.