Members kurfu Posted April 1, 2009 Members Share Posted April 1, 2009 After playing with my (now former) singer/rhythm guitar player for over four years, and being friends for six, last Saturday after the gig we caught him stealing from the band's tip jar. When the drummer and I asked him about where all the money went, we caught him off-guard and he said "I needed it, I deserve it." In other words, he was too tired/drunk to make up a lie quickly enough to cover his ass. When I asked him what gave him the right to take the band's money and he got even more belligerent saying crap like "I deserve it" "I earned it" "I needed it" "You guys have good jobs" etc... So I told him that he had no right, and that he was fracking thief. We went round and round like this for a few minutes as we packed up, and then we all went home. He says that he quit, we say he was fired. Whatever. Now what bugs me even more is that he is still trying to justify his actions to some of our common friends, and he is trying to twist things around.... He is telling people that *I* hurt his feelings by calling him a thief. WTF? Seriously... WTF? :mad::mad::mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Funkwire Posted April 1, 2009 Members Share Posted April 1, 2009 Cut him dead. He IS a thief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members arf-boy Posted April 1, 2009 Members Share Posted April 1, 2009 He's a thief. Good riddance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 1, 2009 Moderators Share Posted April 1, 2009 Nice. Here's a story that might help (or not). We asked a guy cross the street, a real down and outer, to paint our kid's room. We paid him some good money knowing he needed it. When all was wrapped up we thanked him, paid him, said see ya. Later that night my 12 year old daughter realized her 100 dollars she'd been saving was gone. We thought it might have been misplaced but... after a week of looking. There one day, gone the next, it was painfully obvious what had happened. The guy's a drinker and user. My daughter, having lost 100 hard earned and saved dollars says, "I guess he really thought he needed it. Let's not say anything, but let's not hire him back. OK?" Ummm. I wanted to kick his ass. I wanted to call him out. I wanted to... but she was right. We weren't going to change him. And... we weren't going to be victimized by him ever again. I learned something from my kid there. So if I have any advise for you it would be to not talk him down to others, only say, "I guess he needed it." Then never work with him again. Sorry this happened to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Funkwire Posted April 1, 2009 Members Share Posted April 1, 2009 Nice.Here's a story that might help (or not). We asked a guy cross the street, a real down and outer, to paint our kid's room. We paid him some good money knowing he needed it.When all was wrapped up we thanked him, paid him, said see ya. Later that night my 12 year old daughter realized her 100 dollars she'd been saving was gone. We thought it might have been misplaced but... after a week of looking. There one day, gone the next, it was painfully obvious what had happened. The guy's a drinker and user.My daughter, having lost 100 hard earned and saved dollars says, "I guess he really thought he needed it. Let's not say anything, but let's not hire him back. OK?"Ummm. I wanted to kick his ass. I wanted to call him out. I wanted to... but she was right. We weren't going to change him. And... we weren't going to be victimized by him ever again.I learned something from my kid there. So if I have any advise for you it would be to not talk him down to others, only say, "I guess he needed it." Then never work with him again.Sorry this happened to you. That really stinks, Lee. The bright spot is you got a demonstration of what a great person your daughter is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ggm1960 Posted April 1, 2009 Members Share Posted April 1, 2009 A person that pulls that kind of {censored} loses far more than they gain. I'll never understand people who don't value honor, friendship, dignity and self-respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kurfu Posted April 1, 2009 Author Members Share Posted April 1, 2009 I learned something from my kid there. So if I have any advise for you it would be to not talk him down to others, only say, "I guess he needed it." Then never work with him again. Your daughter is a better man than I am. At this point I am just a little bothered that he is playing the victim card, and that some of our friends seem to be taking his side.... So, I thank all of you for the words of support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kurfu Posted April 1, 2009 Author Members Share Posted April 1, 2009 A person that pulls that kind of {censored} loses far more than they gain. I'll never understand people who don't value honor, friendship, dignity and self-respect. Ah... high ethical morals.... do you wanna be my new BFF? :love: :lol: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SpaceNorman Posted April 1, 2009 Members Share Posted April 1, 2009 When I was in the Army - a barracks theif was the lowest of the low - stealing from his own. That's how "accidents" happen - the rest of us made damn sure of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hard Truth Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 I disagree with Lee's daughter-those who are silent give consent. When you ignore a thief you are letting them know that it is OK to steal. I don't think I could be silent about a friend who stole from me because I would probably have been willing to lend him, or possibly give him the money if he needed it. I had a bandmate with all sorts of substance abuse and other issues and long term unemployment but he never stole from us during the 12 years we worked together. You don't steal from your friends if you want to have friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stevesherbert Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 do cock punches count as silence? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members supervillain Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 do cock punches count as silence? it's hard to keep cock punches silent, unless your steven seagal! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members StratMonster Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 unbelievable, makes ya wonder how many times he did that to you guys over the span of four years huh?....woof..classless act. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wades_keys Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 IN my younger, wilder years I learned all kinds of lessons about people after they crept stuff of me: my first electric guitar, paid for at age 15 out my paper route money comes to mind. In most cases I either couldn't do anything about, or the lesson was mine to learn - in other words I should have known better than to associate with known dirtbags. But one time a punk "friend" of mine made the mistake of creeping a necklace out of my kid sister's drawer. That necklace had been given to her by my father, who had died a few earlier when she was only 10 years old. Here's what I did: I call Mike up on the phone, with nothing but cheer in my voice, and tell him I've got some jewelry and other stuff to take to the pawn shop and somebody that will take the stuff in there (we were under 18 at the time). I told him that if he had anything he could think of worth pawning off, he might as well throw it in the pile - told him I was planning on getting a bag of green but it was selling quick....He says he's not sure what he's got, but come on over. SO I go to his house...he comes out with a ring and a couple of other little things. I said: "man, I though you had a necklace - why don't you go get that". The damn fool goes back in his room and out he comes with my old man's necklace. What happened next was I shot my hand out under his throat, lifted him off the ground and pinned him to the wall. Let's say I got that necklace back real quick. Of course his mom and younger brother are starting to yell and scream - I didn't say a thing, just snatched the necklace out of his hand and left his house. My sister couldn't believe I "found" her necklace; she knew Mike must have taken it but I didn't tell her the details and she didn't ask. I dunno, just felt like telling that story: My sis just turned 35 today and as far as I know she still has that necklace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members newmaxnew Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 I assume that this is probably not the first time you suspected him of this? Now he is painting you as the bad the guy for calling him on it? Damn, what a piece of work! Why can't some people take responsibility for their actions? So he is thief and you are bad person for hurting his feelings by busting him stealing? Wow I mean , just WOW! Max Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wades_keys Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 I assume that this is probably not the first time you suspected him of this? Now he is painting you as the bad the guy for calling him on it? Damn, what a piece of work! Why can't some people take responsibility for their actions? So he is thief and you are bad person for hurting his feelings by busting him stealing? Wow I mean , just WOW! Max Sounds like an addict. Best way to handle that is exactly how they handled it, IMO. In fact, I probably would have dug some change out of my pocket and thrown it on the floor for his sorry ass, just to watch him pick it up like the pathetic worm that he obviously is. "Here, have some more money you hard up mofo" - CLING. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stevesherbert Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 wades is the man. i'm not smart enough to have thought of such a diabolical trap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WynnD Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 I have a friend whose step-daughter couldn't be trusted. He got rid of her by leaving a $100 bill on the TV. The girl and the $100 vanished that night. Never heard of her coming back either. (She was 18) He probably got off cheap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stevie j Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 Wades, that was a great trap, I wish I could remain cool enough to let a trap like that work. Being a red head and former amateur boxer, I get angry easily and just lose it when someone tries something. Needless to say they don't try things again on me. And Wynn, where exactly did the girl go? $100 isn't a lot to run off on, did your friend check his wallet to see if his credit card was still there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kurfu Posted April 2, 2009 Author Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 unbelievable, makes ya wonder how many times he did that to you guys over the span of four years huh?....woof..classless act. Yes, we had all suspected that he was skimming for quite some time, and had told him many times to keep his hands off of the tip jar. The other night, we finally caught him off guard, and he admitted what he had done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cuffdc Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 I'm with Lee -- cut him loose and don't make it your mission to talk about him. Stuff like that eventually comes out anyway. Stealing from the tip jar...WTF. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhat Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 Your daughter is a better man than I am. At this point I am just a little bothered that he is playing the victim card, and that some of our friends seem to be taking his side.... So, I thank all of you for the words of support. Why do your friends know anything about this? Its an internal band problem. Put the guy down the road and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted April 2, 2009 Moderators Share Posted April 2, 2009 I disagree with Lee's daughter-those who are silent give consent. When you ignore a thief you are letting them know that it is OK to steal. I don't think I could be silent about a friend who stole from me because I would probably have been willing to lend him, or possibly give him the money if he needed it. I had a bandmate with all sorts of substance abuse and other issues and long term unemployment but he never stole from us during the 12 years we worked together. You don't steal from your friends if you want to have friends. Her name is Tyler. You and her probably don't disagree as much as you might think. Sure, there are times when you want to save that friendship. To help. It's a friend after all... I think Tyler would agree with you then. But there are those that pollute your life too. Some that really can't be changed or made to see the light without sucking too much from you. So... "condoning"? As if not saying anything is somehow playing part in their misdeed. Sorry, I couldn't disagree more. Unless that person is someone you can help, don't drag yourself down. Unless that person shows themselves to be a true friend, let them go. Understand them and cut them loose. You think that's condoning their actions? It sounds to me like this guy that took the tip money has showed his true colors and is sticking to his guns. He needs to go somewhere else to be saved than me. Unless he wants my friendship. And shows that through remorse. This tool did not show remorse. Ignore him, cut him out your life. Not worth the time. Condoning or not. See ya. Good luck to ya. Enjoy the cash. I sorry you felt you needed it and I feel for you, but you will not further pollute my life. Ok... that was me there, not Tyler. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kurfu Posted April 2, 2009 Author Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 Why do your friends know anything about this? Its an internal band problem. Put the guy down the road and move on. Yes, it should be an internal band problem. But we have mutual friends... Anyways... we are moving on, keeping the gigs, keeping the band name, etc... and have several leads on some really talented people that want the position. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zon5string Posted April 2, 2009 Members Share Posted April 2, 2009 Well, I don't know how much he stole from the jar, but it sounds to me like it is worth that amount not to ever see him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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