Lousy Singer: What's your "lipstick for the pig"?

OK, so you've got your tracks recorded and in the can.

 

You've got to make it all sound pretty... or at least interesting.

 

Your lead Vox is lousy. But it's all you've got, no replacing him/her. The mics and recording are excellent, though, can't fault that.

 

Let's say your lead singer has:

 

 

 

bad pitch

 

a teenaged voice that hasn't blossomed completely

 

no musical understanding

 

not so much confidence

 

a tone that isn't rich or loud or especially memorable

 

breathes inappropriately

 

exhibits no "mic technique"To their credit, let's say they have a certain amount of enthusiasm, good natural rhythm, and have memorized all the lyrics. Your uber-client is representing this kiddo and wants to make a pop star out of him/her. They have the power and $$$ to do it... You have every modern digital wizardry at your disposal... And making silk purses out of sow's ears is your veritable stock-in-trade...

 

So... what are you tricks for putting "lipstick on the pig" ?

 

P.S. Sarcasm is welcome, of course... but I'm serious!

Your lead Vox is lousy.

 

do you have more than one vocal? the thing about pigs is you can't get into the mud with them, they love it - you have to encourage the pig to perform, that's why other pigs have asked you to record their performance.

 

Look for what's beautiful in the pig and you'll be amazed at what you can find if you only care to look.

 

 

 

Reads like a revolutionary new style of music. Leave it as is or it will sound as everything else.

Find that plugin or effect that makes Death Metal singers sound like monsters.

I was just shaping some girlies in melodyne two week ago, turned them into some grooving Aretha Franklin sort of

I was just shaping some girlies in melodyne two week ago, turned them into some grooving Aretha Franklin sort of

Reads like a revolutionary new style of music. Leave it as is or it will sound as everything else.

 

I dunno... sounds pretty familiar to me...

 

Serious question: What's the musical genre? You can get away with a lot more "creative" as well as "corrective" vocal processing with some styles than you can with others...

 

Listen to that catchy-but-AT'd-to-death song "Hey, Ramona," or "Hey, Rebecca," or WTF it is.

 

The AT couldn't get much thicker -- yet it seems clear the production team was not going for an "effect" -- they were apparently just trying to "fix" a presumably problematic singer.

 

Catchy song -- or it would be if it wasn't all but unlistenable.

 

 

BTW... caught the new Amy Winehouse record yesterday. Some of it's pretty okay. Some of it was somewhat disappointing. (I had high hopes, admittedly.) One track stood out: a somewhat credible version of "Moody's Mood for Love."

 

But elsewhere on the album there were a small handful of obvious AT-type "fixes."

 

One can understand the use of AT on your Britneys and Ashleys -- but Winehouse very much appears able to sing... As I've said before, I don't mind AT fixes -- as long as I don't have to hear them.

 

 

On another front, I thought I was hearing new Winehouse a day or two before on my local college station -- but it turned out to be an utterly shameless knock off of Winehouse's signature "Rehab" moves from some model-fab-looking personnage named Duffy. I hate to say that I liked the song but it was, indeed, shameless. A real rip.

....Then, use a tape saturation plug set mildly, into an L1 shaving peaks, into a warm compressor like the Massey set to slow attack to shape the dymanic evelope the L1 has forced into submission, into a good 7 band eq to notch the bad resonances his inexperienced vocal tract is subjecting you to while adding the weight and sparkle. Get his other passes and pretty them up some with more heavy handed Auto Tune. 1st one detune -10 and second one detune +10. Pan those halfway left and right to wrap the lead vocal. Mix them back. Send the lead vox first into a short Ambiance setting. Then set up timed delays. 8's, dotted 8's, 1/4 note. Trim the highs on these. Send the 1/4 note to a Hall. Time the decay of the hall to the snare hits. Continue per your needs.

 

Lee, that ain't lipstick. It's a complete makeover

Lee, that ain't lipstick. It's a complete makeover

 

Lipstick, hairdo, stockings with belt, and a pretty dress. Maybe some Botox as well.

And he'll still look like an outcast from the NY Dolls.

 

 

 

Lipstick, hairdo, stockings with belt, and a pretty dress. Maybe some Botox as well.

 

What has do be done has to be done !!!

 

Make Yourself Amazing.

 

 

Liposuction, fat removal, body reshaping, facial surgery, augmentation mammaplasty, concurrence is strong, Timbaland Mosley even applied umbrella quarter note stereo delay yesteryear year year year year, rumors go around that he has some revolutionary ideas how to apply augmented and diminished chords next year for the first time since 1935

Skimpy outfits and dance lessons to learn sexy moves. Don't fix the vocals too much, people like to hear some vulnerability and childishness.

 

P.S. hire a well known rapper for the middle section.

 

Let's say your lead singer has: bad pitch a teenaged voice that hasn't blossomed completely no musical understanding not so much confidence a tone that isn't rich or loud or especially memorable breathes inappropriately exhibits no "mic technique" To their credit, let's say they have a certain amount of enthusiasm, good natural rhythm, and have memorized all the lyrics. Your uber -client is representing this kiddo and wants to make a pop star out of him/her.

 

 

I assume then that they'd be willing to pay for voice lessons?

 

And why do they want to make a pop star out of him or her? Does this person write good songs? Or are they just cute and enthusiastic?

My experience (and a favorite R.Heinlein quote):

"Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig."

 

I've run into the same issue - - I had a band of four 18-20 year olds who played fantastic instrumental tracks (some of them sounded like Rush). Then they laid down vocals, and the vocals completely ruined the songs. Every song.

 

The band realized it, and went off to audtion for singers, didn't find any, and, as is often the case with bands of this age group, broke up within a couple months & never came back. I still have an archive of the tracking session.

 

If the music isn't there in the vocal, what are you recording? and why? (it seems heartless to take money from people for accurately reproducing their horrendously bad singing. But some wannabees are convinced the tools & toys will take them to the top, and talent will develop along the way - - and are determined to pay SOMEBODY to record them.

 

The question is: Is this what I want to put my limited precious time into? Or is there somewhere else my time would be better spent?

1. Comp the best vocal you can.

 

2. Tune/time correct the snot out of it, it doesn't have to sound good, just be in tune and in time.

 

3. Do a quick mix and send them home with it, for a week or so.

 

4. Retrack the vocal, after they've heard what "in tune" and "in rhythm" sound like. Most catch on quickly, and can imitate the guide track.

 

MG

1. Comp the best vocal you can. 2. Tune/time correct the snot out of it, it doesn't have to sound good, just be in tune and in time. 3. Do a quick mix and send them home with it, for a week or so. 4. Retrack the vocal, after they've heard what "in tune" and "in rhythm" sound like. Most catch on quickly, and can imitate the guide track. MG

 

 

That's a good idea. I like that.

Tell them what you think, then if they do nothing release as is, watched lesson get learned..

Seriously, this is what I would do and I`m not being sarcastic...

 

Money being no object... I would hire the two dudes who produce Janet Jackson... if they can get her to sound half decent, jeez... I`m home free!

 

Then I would pull one from Rick Rubins bag of tricks and slap my name on the album as "Executive Producer".

 

EB

Lee, that ain't lipstick. It's a complete makeover

 

Damn right it is!

Lee, you think you can do me? I wanna look twenty years younger, and have bosoms till tuesday.

Let's say your lead singer has:

 

too old for this scenario. My bad.

 

Heavy handed compression will get you halfway there. It's shocking how much gain reduction you need to sound commercial.

Have them sing a bunch of passes. Comp the best.

 

If not good enough, repeat process, only this time, get the singer drunk.

I would comp the hell out of it, compress it shockingly, ADT it, and er, that's it. I don't have autotune - it's against my beliefs, a tool of the devil. Actually, I've just finished a job pretty much like the scenario in the OP. It took bloody ages. It's a very, how you say, individual and quirky performance. And totally faithful to the reality. And pretty much unlistenable. But the client is delighted.