Why I Hate To Talk To "Regular" People About Being A Musician

[ggm1960]

They can't seem to separate the art/enjoyment/hobby of playing/recording/writing music from the apparent universal desire to be rich and famous.

 

I was on FB last night and a guy I barely know initiates a chat with me. He's on my friends list because he was a student, and good friend, to my Dad many years ago. I mentioned that I was awaiting my new computer and that the older one would go downstairs to my studio. He was apparently unaware that I was a musician and if I had a nickel for every time I've heard his next line I would be rich!

 

I probably don't even need to repeat it but it was pretty much like this, "when you get rich and famous you can send me tickets to your concert and I can tell everyone I knew you when...etc..". The first thought I had was good grief man, you must know that I'm 50 years old! You really think I'm playing music with the idea that I'm going to get rich and famous??!

 

I also found it interesting that he never bothered to ask where or how he might be able to hear any of my music.

 

Do I really believe that I'm still going to be a big star and I'm just in denial or is this just something that is programmed into the brains of people; no one could possibly play music just for the simple enjoyment of it?

[blue2blue]

Are you sure he wasn't just engaging in a little light-hearted, good-natured irony?

 

I mean, I say stuff like that sometimes to folks -- and I know and they know it's not gonna happen. It's wink and nudge stuff, an implicit acknowledgment that we musicians serve a higher purpose than Mammon. (And if they don't, well, joke's on them. )

[ggm1960]

Are you sure he wasn't just engaging in a little light-hearted, good-natured irony? I mean, I say stuff like that sometimes to folks -- and I know and they know it's not gonna happen. It's wink and nudge stuff, an implicit acknowledgment that we musicians serve a higher purpose than Mammon. (And if they don't , well, joke's on them. )

 

Even when that's the case (and it probably is) it still tends to annoy me because it's sort of like being treated like a silly kid. Maybe I'm just letting it bother me for no good reason.

[UstadKhanAli]

To a lot of people, playing music is an indulgence, or something that they used to do, or something that they wish they did. That kind of thing is typically more joking around because they don't know what else to say. I got those sorts of "rich and famous" comments when I played sports. My brother got it when he was on the wrestling team. I get it when I do photography or do music as well. It's not just arts; it's just someone saying something that they think is cute. I wouldn't read too much into it.

[Asmodaus]

I agree with him though, it's still annoying.

 

People in music forums have a very skewed view of music. They see it from a different perspective. As those that are producers of music as well as consumers of music our perspective and our pass times. Few I know think it odd to go out and buy a $200 guitar hero setup but if I go by a $200 microphone to record I get comments like ggm1690. Would I like to be rich? u bet. but that's not why I do it. I just can't seem to stop.

[Bookumdano2]

We've all probably had a variation on that line flown at us at one time or another. I sort of equate it as a prelude to "Have a nice day" ... like, who cares. Just a bunch of words to make their quota for the conversation. If you were a lawyer, they'd probably say , "hey I'll call you first when I have my next car wreck".

 

I don't tell anyone I'm a musician unless they already know. I keep the description limited to "computer programming" in the company of strangers. NOBODY in the general-normal world wants to ask you anything about that. Guranteed.

 

I also can't speak with "normal" people about music anyway. Anyone who knows me will say ... is that a good song? Like I'm supposed to decide.

 

Which is my fault because i can't listen to music anyway most of the time. All I hear is structure, arrangement, does this or that work, is this a formula, does the chorus start at exactly 1 minute, is that an edit I hear, what was that effect, hey, this guy's out of tune on that note, why does this song sound exactly like ten others I know ...next song please ...

[rjt]

We've all probably had a variation on that line flown at us at one time or another.

 

I'll venture a guess that every profession has something similar. My profession certainly does...... several in fact. They don't annoy me because I blow it off as small talk or ignorance. Does it get a bit old, sure.... but a heck of a lot of things people say annoy me more than stereotypic statements. I agree with what the OP said though, I rarely tell people my job because, after the smarmy comment, they ask for free advice.

[blue2blue]

Even when that's the case (and it probably is) it still tends to annoy me because it's sort of like being treated like a silly kid. Maybe I'm just letting it bother me for no good reason.

People are going to be people, no matter what. How you react internally and respond is all you can control. I used to be a highly reactive person (You, blue2blue, how could that be? Seriously -- I was much worse then.) I walked around hating 90% of everything and pissed off at the rest. But I finally realized that all that stuff I was hating on was, for my purposes, up inside my head. Sure, there's (I'm willing to allow for argument's sake) a real world out there. But it was the reflection of that world up inside my head -- and how I cut it up, analyzed, categorized and valuized it -- that was making me miserable. I couldn't change the ways that people are. I couldn't control what had already happened to me. Or control the circumstances that had shaped others.

 

All I could really do was try to figure out a way to interpret their actions in such a way that it didn't trap me in emotional reactionism.

 

I came up with a sort of paradoxical approach that worked for me: I sort of imagined that, for all purposes, other people (particularly those who vexed me) were simply the product of the environment and processes that had shaped them, that they were, in effect, slaves to causality. Me, on the other hand, I figured that, at the moment we laughingly call now, I do have a certain free will. I can't change my past, but I can change how I react to now... or at least I was willing to imagine I could. And, whaddya know, that gave me some tools to help stop feeling trapped and bounced around by the perplexing and often vexing actions and attitudes of others. And stopping that feeling allowed me to be free to rise above. As they say.

[LeonardScaper]

Folks in my life know........I am a recording musician. And I find a way to make sure they all know.

 

They smile nicely when I mention that I have a particularly good mix going and then they go back to the conversation. Some of them will occasionally actually ask me what I have in the works....those folks are on my Christmas list.

 

I've been doing this for a very long time. I don't play out any more but I spend every possible minute playing and tracking. I care deeply about getting folks to hear what I'm doing as that's pretty much all I have these days. But as far as how 'regular folks' feel about my chances for success relative to my investment in this endeavor, I shall quote the infamous Rhett Butler.....'Frankly my dear.............':wave:

[blue2blue]

Yeah... I found that the majority of my 3DW friends -- even the musicians -- really have little interest. People have their own orbits. Every once in a while one of them will stumble into some of my music (which is hardly hidden away) and say something like, "I didn't know you were a musician!"

 

In fact, back in '98, I was getting ready to put out an album of music from a collaboration between my one man ambient echo loop band and another friend's similar one man outfit. It was, by all means, the avowed favorite of all my 3D friends. My own mutant pop stuff just raised eyebrows and got the ol' "interesting" comment.

 

 

But when I put both up on Mp3.com in early '99, I was shocked (shocked, I tell you) that the mutant pop stuff flew off the site compared to the ambient. No contest. Yet I had been about to pop for a 1000 run on the ambient. (Happily, I avoided the whole thing, since I was able to sell CDs on demand out of Mp3.com, as well as order them for myself relatively cheaply to sell at shows.)

 

You can't necessarily judge larger populations by your 3DW friends, even if you've got a lot of them.

 

 

But speaking of not picking up the clues -- how many of you guys who have links to your music in your signature lines here or at other sites have had people on those sites ask you where they can hear your music? It happens to me all the time.

[UstadKhanAli]

I'll venture a guess that every profession has something similar. My profession certainly does...... several in fact. They don't annoy me because I blow it off as small talk or ignorance. Does it get a bit old, sure.... but a heck of a lot of things people say annoy me more than stereotypic statements. I agree with what the OP said though, I rarely tell people my job because, after the smarmy comment, they ask for free advice.

 

I completely agree with this...all of the above.

 

I teach sp. ed. When I tell people that I teach sp. ed., most people react similarly:

"Wow. You must have a lot of patience."

"I'm so glad there are people doing what you do."

 

When I tell people I am a musician, the often react like the OP:

"Don't forget us when you get rich!" or things like that.

 

It's just small talk, and sure, a lot of it is stereotypical, but in many cases, I'm just happy that someone is being friendly and taking the time to talk to me. If the conversation gets going, then sometimes, they might ask more in-depth or less stereotypical questions.

 

~~~~~~

 

I just started a new job, switching schools. The first school I worked at, principals, and for that matter, co-workers, judged me as being a weirdo simply because I liked to travel and was artistic...and they weren't. And when the new principal came in, she immediately had pre-conceived notions of what I would be like based on the previous principal's reports that I was "weird" and "creative" and a "free spirit" and her stereotypes of someone who traveled to different countries and played music. "Look, I know that your friends are very creative..." or "I know that you like..." I'm thinking, "You just met me. You don't know me. You don't know my friends."

 

So when I switched to a new job, I didn't tell anybody anything about who I was. I wanted to be judged on who I was, what I said, and what I did.

 

Thankfully, the new school has people who are into different things - art, travel, photography, non-profit organizations, writing, etc., very different from the first place, which was filled with people who didn't do art or travel.

[Lukenskywalker]

Do I really believe that I'm still going to be a big star and I'm just in denial or is this just something that is programmed into the brains of people; no one could possibly play music just for the simple enjoyment of it?

 

'Money fer nothin', chicks fer free'

 

I use to have a drink after last set with bar-flies, fans, after our weekend gig at a local Trenton, NJ club, circa 1979-1988... always the same question...'

 

'So, this is what you do for a livin'.. Gonna cut a record.?..youse guys are {censored}in' good man'

 

me

 

'No, I'm a County Investigator'

 

Universal reply,

 

'Hey, you ain't gonna arrest me are ya?' followed by;

 

guffaw, nudge, nudge,

[Lukenskywalker]

I completely agree with this...all of the above. I teach sp. ed. When I tell people that I teach sp. ed., most people react similarly: "Wow. You must have a lot of patience." "I'm so glad there are people doing what you do." When I tell people I am a musician, the often react like the OP: "Don't forget us when you get rich!" or things like that. It's just small talk, and sure, a lot of it is stereotypical, but in many cases, I'm just happy that someone is being friendly and taking the time to talk to me. If the conversation gets going, then sometimes, they might ask more in-depth or less stereotypical questions. ~~~~~~ I just started a new job, switching schools. The first school I worked at, principals, and for that matter, co-workers, judged me as being a weirdo simply because I liked to travel and was artistic...and they weren't. And when the new principal came in, she immediately had pre-conceived notions of what I would be like based on the previous principal's assumptions that I must be "weird" and "creative" and a "free spirit" and her stereotypes of someone who traveled to different countries and played music. So when I switched to a new job, I didn't tell anybody anything about who I was. I wanted to be judged on who I was, what I said, and what I did. Thankfully, the new school has people who are into different things - art, travel, photography, non-profit organizations, writing, etc., very different from the first place, which was filled with people who didn't do art or travel.

 

It was once generally assumed by the Hoi Polloi and the 'Great Unwashed' that 'Degreed' people were all free thinking, Bohemian Socialists...

Sooo, we've come a long way.

 

The previous Principal's assumption that you are indeed, 'weird' is still open to debate and conjecture by some of your most intimate friends and collegues...

[blue2blue]

Note to self, must come up with new, platitudinous pleasantries for when I finally meet Ken in the 3DW...

 

[Gus Lozada]

Well, it comes with the job. It's a part of the "mysticism" of being a musician and well, I don't get bothered by that.

 

[blue2blue]

 

'Money fer nothin', chicks fer free' I use to have a drink after last set with bar-flies, fans, after our weekend gig at a local Trenton, NJ club, circa 1979-1988... always the same question...' 'So, this is what you do for a livin'.. Gonna cut a record.?..youse guys are {censored}in' good man' me 'No, I'm a County Investigator' Universal reply, 'Hey, you ain't gonna arrest me are ya?' followed by; guffaw, nudge, nudge,

Biting my tongue trying not to say something about Cop Rock...

 

 

[i'm trying to figure out a way to get royalties on facepalms...]

[Lukenskywalker]

 

Oh, aren't you on a roll t'night... I heard the 'Henny Youngman' drum roll after your comment to 'You Can-Cannoli'...

 

On your 'Cop-Rock' comment , I heard the drum roll AND a rim shot...

BTW

I've I ever bit my tongue, a thousand women would commit suicide:facepalm:

 

hey, ain't you never hard of a band called 'The Police?':facepalm:

Facepalms...I got yer facepalms...right fu**kin' heeere!

[UstadKhanAli]

Note to self, must come up with new, platitudinous pleasantries for when I finally meet Ken in the 3DW...

 

Let's see, you could try:

 

"My mother taught special ed. for a little while."

"Now, special ed....is that...is that...kids with, you know, disabilities?"

"That must be really hard."

 

 

Those aren't nearly as common.

 

You know, I don't really mind any of those, or the ones that people have on musicians or something (unless, like my last principal, the comments are laden with false assumptions, such as that I'm "weird" and "irresponsible" because I backpack throughout Peru and play guitar, and my friends like anything that is "strange" and "subversive". Apparently, early in her life, this principal must have been mistreated by a musician who had a backpack with a camera in it).

 

And fortunately now, I'm in a place where a lot of people travel and play music and have interests, so I'm not adversely judged for that.

[Geoff Grace]

I never get the "when you're famous" line when I tell people I'm a composer. Nobody expects composers to become famous.

 

Best,

 

Geoff

[Folder]

 

They can't seem to separate the art/enjoyment/hobby of playing/recording/writing music from the apparent universal desire to be rich and famous.

 

 

I've been thinking a lot about this lately. I thought it was because I was getting older but I really think that

people today don't value musicianship like they used to.

 

I think that in the sixties and seventies and well into the eighties there was an explosion of musical creativity so if you were in a garage band or just made a 45 to give to your friends, people were impressed because it was all so new and exciting. A much larger percentage of the population was "into" music and most people understood that popularity and quality were not necessarily correlated.

 

Today there is an oversaturation of all types of music so it is no longer considered extraordinary. I don't think people are as excited about music as they used to be so they aren't as "interested" in or "appreciative" of musicianship. If you were to become rich and famous, your passion and hard work may become validated in their eyes. But most people today don't see musicians as all that special.

[Phait]

I've had similar experiences and yes it's annoying. Why just the other night at the bar after having someone listen to what I've been working on, they mentioned something about doing this for money. I said no, it's not about money at all. It's because I enjoy doing it, and it's a catharsis.

 

And he didn't believe me.

[Ernest Buckley]

They can't seem to separate the art/enjoyment/hobby of playing/recording/writing music from the apparent universal desire to be rich and famous. I was on FB last night and a guy I barely know initiates a chat with me. He's on my friends list because he was a student, and good friend, to my Dad many years ago. I mentioned that I was awaiting my new computer and that the older one would go downstairs to my studio. He was apparently unaware that I was a musician and if I had a nickel for every time I've heard his next line I would be rich! I probably don't even need to repeat it but it was pretty much like this, "when you get rich and famous you can send me tickets to your concert and I can tell everyone I knew you when...etc..". The first thought I had was good grief man, you must know that I'm 50 years old! You really think I'm playing music with the idea that I'm going to get rich and famous??! I also found it interesting that he never bothered to ask where or how he might be able to hear any of my music. Do I really believe that I'm still going to be a big star and I'm just in denial or is this just something that is programmed into the brains of people; no one could possibly play music just for the simple enjoyment of it?

 

I feel your pain. I get that line all the time... "when you`re rich and famous..." I usually respond with, "I just want to be rich."

 

The best one I get is when I tell people what I do for a living... it usually goes like this...

 

them: So what do you do for a living?

 

me: I`m a music director in a church.

 

them: really? Cool. You actually get paid to do that? I thought those guys worked for free.

 

me: Yes, I get payed pretty good.

 

them: So, what else do you do?

 

 

The other experience is when someone finds out you write songs and ask you to play something for them so you pull out a guitar or play some recording for them and they start talking in the middle of the song... This has happened to me enough where I no longer play for people. I just tell them, heres my CD. Listen on your own...

 

Music has become something people put on in the background so they have difficulty sitting there for 3-4 minutes and just listening so I don`t even go there anymore. And yes, many non-musicians don`t understand the concept of doing something because of a genuine love to just do it. Its a sad reminder of how many people do things for $$$ but they have no heart in it. I can`t live like that.

[Ernest Buckley]

People are going to be people, no matter what. How you react internally and respond is all you can control. I used to be a highly reactive person (You, blue2blue, how could that be? Seriously -- I was much worse then.) I walked around hating 90% of everything and pissed off at the rest. But I finally realized that all that stuff I was hating on was, for my purposes, up inside my head . Sure, there's (I'm willing to allow for argument's sake) a real world out there. But it was the reflection of that world up inside my head -- and how I cut it up, analyzed, categorized and valuized it -- that was making me miserable. I couldn't change the ways that people are. I couldn't control what had already happened to me. Or control the circumstances that had shaped others. All I could really do was try to figure out a way to interpret their actions in such a way that it didn't trap me in emotional reactionism. I came up with a sort of paradoxical approach that worked for me: I sort of imagined that, for all purposes, other people (particularly those who vexed me) were simply the product of the environment and processes that had shaped them, that they were, in effect, slaves to causality. Me, on the other hand, I figured that, at the moment we laughingly call now , I do have a certain free will. I can't change my past, but I can change how I react to now ... or at least I was willing to imagine I could. And, whaddya know, that gave me some tools to help stop feeling trapped and bounced around by the perplexing and often vexing actions and attitudes of others. And stopping that feeling allowed me to be free to rise above. As they say.

 

 

Blue, you`re not alone...

 

You`re in the world but not of it.

[Phait]

Music has become something people put on in the background so they have difficulty sitting there for 3-4 minutes and just listening so I don`t even go there anymore. And yes, many non-musicians don`t understand the concept of doing something because of a genuine love to just do it. Its a sad reminder of how many people do things for $$$ but they have no heart in it. I can`t live like that.

 

A-freakin'-men!

[Philter]

I dread talking to musicians because 2/3 of the time they're on a huge head trip about how big they're going to hit it.