Members Jkater Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 Needless to say I am very unconfortable with this task (a bit scared even). But I have become increasingly fed up with this band. It is a band of "friends" (two of them are friends to me anyway) and they are not very good, especially the drummer who happens to be also the more dominant personality. He's too loud and doesn't understand musicality and what fills are for, etc. If you have ever played in a band with a bad drummer, you'll feel my pain. I joined one and a half year ago as a guest at a time when I didn't have a band and I did it for fun (I thought). After i joined, the band started to get more gigs and some paid reasonably well but they insist on putting that money in a common band account and no one gets a penny of that. They buy stuff, stuff, stuff and now they want to buy a closed trailer to carry the gear... But the reason to quit is not mainly money. It's the displeasure I have playing with them. I play in another band which I like alot and I'd play with that other band for little or no money. And I am still officially member of a terrific Big Band which might start again after new year and I would PAY for the pleasure and the honor to play with those guys. Wish me luck and courage to get through this unconfortable moment. I'll report afterwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BB123 Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 You're a good dude, i'm sure everything will turn out fine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kit_strong Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 Sounds like the right choice to me. Music should be fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members j*h Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 good luck dude! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mistersully Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 all the best with it mate... music shouldn't be a drag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PrawnHeed Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 Tell me about it! My old band had a terrible drummer (singers gf!) and it makes life miserable. We actually got together a few weeks ago to record some songs for a mutual friends wedding present. I haven't told them, but her playing doesn't actually feature at all in the final mix Be bold and your life will improve Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members smorgdonkey Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 I play in another band which I like alot and I'd play with that other band for little or no money. And I am still officially member of a terrific Big Band which might start again after new year and I would PAY for the pleasure and the honor to play with those guys. I think that you should focus on this as your reason for parting ways rather than the negative aspects of the band that you want to cease activities with. It may be that it is the time that you spend in total playing that has caused you to enjoy playing with them so much less so, the logical and practical thing to do is to cease playing with the group in which you have the least enjoyment with. It has run its course with you. The way to tell if that is correct: if you had no other music activities going on then you might be fine with it...how else have you made it as far as you have with them? My $0.02 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Geeter Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jkater Posted November 5, 2011 Author Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 Thanks all for the thoughts. I think that you should focus on this as your reason for parting ways rather than the negative aspects of the band that you want to cease activities with. It may be that it is the time that you spend in total playing that has caused you to enjoy playing with them so much less so, the logical and practical thing to do is to cease playing with the group in which you have the least enjoyment with. It has run its course with you. The way to tell if that is correct: if you had no other music activities going on then you might be fine with it...how else have you made it as far as you have with them? My $0.02 Very good input. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members craigny Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 Just be honest...if some of them are friends, and if your heart is not into it they'll understand...if not..their loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Burgess Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'm feeling you. If it's not fun and you're not getting paid, what's the point? If it paid well enough I'd play in a Polka band. These days I play strictly for fun and in fact I do spend more than I bring in with Voodoo Wing. But then again it is a hobby, right? I'd just simply tell them I'm no longer enjoying playing with the band so I'm respectfully bowing out. Simple and direct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jelloman Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 If you have ever played in a band with a bad drummer, you'll feel my pain. I feel your pain, Richard... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WRGKMC Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 Doing it in person is always the best. Cowards do it via email or text. I have no problem if someone has a better oppertunity and meet me in person to discuss it. I've been in many many bands and keep on good terms with many musicians and wind up being in bands with them again when things change. The ones I dont respect are those you spend allot of time working with and cowardly flake out. They dont even call sometimes and dont answer the phone when you call them. You dont knowif they're dead, they just walk away with no explanation which really pisses you off. Then when you meet up with them again, or someone asks you about the guy, the first thing you say is "oh yea, that guy. Hes a coward, or an uncaring individual who walks off the job with no notice. Watch out for him, He's no good" If tsomeone leaves in a business like manor, face to face, I can respect that. You can at least say, yea we worked together but he moved on to something he had more interest in. You cant bash him for being a jackass. Its no fun of course having to leave a situation. Just be sure to not leave them hanging with gigs lined up. You hurt peoples reputations when they have commitmentsand you wont be forgiven for that and develop the worst reputation you can get in a musical circuit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Grantus Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 Just be pleasant and it should work out fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mnewb1 Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 Having to to deliver an uncomfortable message is always difficult. Focus on the more positive reasons you need to leave...that you are over committed and need to simplify your schedule, etc. that gives you a reason to move on that does not place the other members in a defensive position. Life is too short the remain in situations where you do not feel comfortable. This moment will pass quickly and you will feel much better having done the right thing and moved through it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members joecool1963 Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 You were friends before the band, so that shouldn't change. Sounds to me like other interest have your attention. I have a great friend that I love dearly, but musically, we are like oil and water. We don't play together anymore, and we are still friends. Hope it works out. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BeanoBoy Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 The drummer in a band is crucial to your band's overall feel. I gigged for over 40 years and worked with TWO brilliant drummers. Not coincidentally, those bands were the most musically satisfying. Guys that speed up drove me NUTS! I had to leave a band a few times as well, it's not pleasant. Guys get their feelings hurt and sometimes lash out. Be calm and respectful. Think "It's not personal, I need a different direction or a different vibe." Good Luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SGRocker30 Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 You want out? Just bang the singers girlfriend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jkater Posted November 5, 2011 Author Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 You want out? Just bang the singers girlfriend. The singer IS a woman but who knows?.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rand-O-Monium Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 I have become increasingly fed up with this band. If you have ever played in a band with a bad drummer, you'll feel my pain. It's the displeasure I have playing with them. I'll report afterwards. Reason(s) enough...You'll be fine,man.& tell my drummer to {censored} himself while you're at it!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members =JL= Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 I had to do this about a month ago. The main reason I wanted to leave was that the singer was very capable but not pulling her weight. She became a lazy frontwoman and was dragging the whole band down. Like you, I had other projects, so I told her I was too busy to continue with the band. Kind of chickening out of telling her the truth I guess, but I saw no reason to hurt her feelings and score points in an argument over somebody I was unlikely to see again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jamdogg Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 hope all goes well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members chadd Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 But the reason to quit is not mainly money. It's the displeasure I have playing with them. I'm all for honesty, but being brutally honest with friends isn't always a great idea. Better to just say you have too much other stuff going on with the other bands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cobalt Blue Posted November 5, 2011 Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'm wondering if your having written "I'm quitting one of my band" instead of "I'm quitting one of my bands" might be your subconscious reaffirming that, no matter what, your leaving this ensemble is the thing that you must do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jkater Posted November 5, 2011 Author Members Share Posted November 5, 2011 I'm wondering if your having written "I'm quitting one of my band" instead of "I'm quitting one of my bands" might be your subconscious reaffirming that, no matter what, your leaving this ensemble is the thing that you must do. It's more my bad english but, yes, I feel this is what I must do. I'm not looking forward to telling them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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