Ebay seller phrases/words that make you want to smash something...

[fixintogo]

"The condition is easily a solid 8.5 out of 10..."

 

As if assigning a number to it somehow makes it less subjective.

[nicholai]

 

Instead of that meaningless babble, how about something like, "I've owned a lot of guitars and have this guitar setup with 2/64" action measured open at the 12 fret and about .005" relief...and this guitar plays as clean and buzz free as some of the better guitars I've ever played...and I play with a medium attack." THAT actually offers some useful info.

 

 

perfect.

[BryanMichael]

I reckon it's perhaps a YMMV kind of thing and some of these phrases might "wow" the weaker minded folks, but for me personally they are just a waste of time. Something that is irritating is when a seller says something like what you just posted, then I look at their return policy and it states "No Returns Accepted". If a seller stands by the guitar and wants to wow the buying public, then they should not just talk the talk, but also walk the walk and allow a return if the item is not as described. With the Ebay/Paypal dispute process, a buyer pretty much has a return policy anyway regardless of what the listing says. So why not build goodwill and actually offer the confidence and "guarantee" of allowing a return if not as described? BTW, I don't know if you offer returns or not....I was just making a general statement. As a buyer, I've only had 2 or 3 problem transactions on Ebay in the last 14 years and interestingly the sellers all had 100% positive feedback.

I do NOT offer returns. I describe to death what it is and illustrate it with pics. Once you buy it, it's yours. I've had very few problems on Ebay over the last 10 years, and even if I did, it's the way someone handles the problem more than the problem itself that results in good feedback.

I had a guy buy a BOSS pedal from me. Emailed me once, said it didn't work when he got it. I told him to call me, we checked a few things over the phone and he said it still didn't work. I told him to send it back and I refunded his money. The pedal worked FINE when I got it back, the guy just changed his mind. I also shipped an amp once that ended up being TRASHED by UPS despite better than factory packaging. Again, the guy sent me an email, I told him to call me. I called UPS, he took pics and sent them to me. I stayed in contact with him the whole time and refunded his money. I'm not out to scam anyone and that's why I have 100% feedback, but sometimes {censored} HAPPENS. It's how you handle that {censored}...

[EricJohn]

Why do people put L@@K in their ads? Frankly that just aggravates the hell out of me!

[Chad]

I do NOT offer returns. I describe to death what it is and illustrate it with pics. Once you buy it, it's yours. I've had very few problems on Ebay over the last 10 years, and even if I did, it's the way someone handles the problem more than the problem itself that results in good feedback. I had a guy buy a BOSS pedal from me. Emailed me once, said it didn't work when he got it. I told him to call me, we checked a few things over the phone and he said it still didn't work. I told him to send it back and I refunded his money. The pedal worked FINE when I got it back, the guy just changed his mind. I also shipped an amp once that ended up being TRASHED by UPS despite better than factory packaging. Again, the guy sent me an email, I told him to call me. I called UPS, he took pics and sent them to me. I stayed in contact with him the whole time and refunded his money. I'm not out to scam anyone and that's why I have 100% feedback, but sometimes {censored} HAPPENS. It's how you handle that {censored}...

 

I agree with what you are saying, but I still offer returns, but only if the item isn't as described. And state that in the event of a carrier damage claim, the buyer agrees to work with the seller to assist in getting the claim resolved.

 

There will always be losers on Ebay. No way you can stop or prevent that. So I still offer a return as a goodwill measure and to build buyer confidence. And like I said before, Ebay/Paypal are so slanted toward buyers anyway that sellers really have a return policy regardless of what they say in a listing especially if the buyer pays with a credit card.

 

Maybe you could say that you don't have a "return policy" per se, but will work with buyers to ensure they are pleased with the transaction. Problem with that is that it will still say "No Returns Accepted" at the top of the ad. Have to hope they read all of your listing.

 

As far as how I respond to the "No Returns Accepted" situation, I guess it depends what I am buying. If it's a $500 item and they have great pics, excellent feedback, etc. I may let the return policy issue slide. But if I'm looking at a guitar that is $2,000. They are probably gonna turn me away if they don't have a return policy regardless of how much "confidence" a seller tries to instill in the rest of the listing.

[dcooper830]

".......has tone for days 'cause of the old growth hog bod and AAAAAAAAAA top, and the braz board makes it play like buttah. She's got all kinds of mojo for her price point. I would describe her tone as a swirly warm low end with growling mids and a creamy top end. The sustain is incredible due to the vintage thin skin finish. She's a keeper for life, but I'm letting her go 'cause I just can't bond with her."

[BryanMichael]

I agree with what you are saying, but I still offer returns, but only if the item isn't as described. And state that in the event of a carrier damage claim, the buyer agrees to work with the seller to assist in getting the claim resolved. There will always be losers on Ebay. No way you can stop or prevent that. So I still offer a return as a goodwill measure and to build buyer confidence. And like I said before, Ebay/Paypal are so slanted toward buyers anyway that sellers really have a return policy regardless of what they say in a listing especially if the buyer pays with a credit card. Maybe you could say that you don't have a "return policy" per se, but will work with buyers to ensure they are pleased with the transaction. Problem with that is that it will still say "No Returns Accepted" at the top of the ad. Have to hope they read all of your listing. As far as how I respond to the "No Returns Accepted" situation, I guess it depends what I am buying. If it's a $500 item and they have great pics, excellent feedback, etc. I may let the return policy issue slide. But if I'm looking at a guitar that is $2,000. They are probably gonna turn me away if they don't have a return policy regardless of how much "confidence" a seller tries to instill in the rest of the listing.

 

 

 

Funny, I just sold my LP for $1900. NO RETURNS. Feedback read "Great, honest seller !! very good communication, item in perfect condition."

[Chad]

 

Funny, I just sold my LP for $1900. NO RETURNS. Feedback read "Great, honest seller !! very good communication, item in perfect condition."

 

 

Awesome. Congratulations. Thousands of other sellers do the same thing everyday. I was simply stating my opinion from the perspective of both buyer and seller. And I will add that I haven't been listing much lately, but typically my listings bring the highest amounts compared to other listings. So I must do something right. You might have got more money for that LP if you had offered a return policy, but then again maybe not. No one thing works perfectly everytime. I just try to do things that I think will improve my success over the long haul over many listings. It's a number kind of thing.

[Chad]

Another one:

 

"Pre-Fender"

 

in Gretsch, Jackson, etc. listings.

[Guitar Heel]

As someone who's sold more than 100 guitars on eBay, I have a quiver of phrases that are just as bad, though I haven't used any of these... Maybe I should write some of them down.

[Doctor Morbius]

Why do people put L@@K in their ads? Frankly that just aggravates the hell out of me!

I hate that too. L@@K or LQQK push me away, although I have done that as a joke in the spam thread.

[xrleroyx]

Fender (Squier).

Gibson (Epi)

LTD (ESP)

Ibanez (Gio)

HAMER!!! (Import)

There's nothing wrong with a lower end guitar but if I'm looking for a Gibson Les Paul and I click an as that says "Gibson Les Paul" and it's an Epi Special, it really pisses me off.

[Arr0wHead]

 

I agree with what you are saying, but I still offer returns, but only if the item isn't as described.

 

 

That, by Ebay terms, would mean you do not offer returns. Ebay policy is that if the item is not as described, you must allow them to return it. Regardless of whether you accept returns or not, the item must be as described.

 

By accepting other returns, you're not saying you will only return if not as described. You're also offering returns for any reason whatsoever, as long as they return within the time specified. In other words, if you accept returns within 3 days of receipt, I get 3 days to play the guitar and decide I don't like it before I ship it back to you.

 

It seems this particular example is a combination of your misunderstanding the ebay policy and not having been bit in the ass by a buyer taking advantage of the return policy yet.

[Doctor Morbius]

Fender (Squier). Gibson (Epi) LTD (ESP) Ibanez (Gio) HAMER!!! (Import) There's nothing wrong with a lower end guitar but if I'm looking for a Gibson Les Paul and I click an as that says "Gibson Les Paul" and it's an Epi Special, it really pisses me off.

I hate that too. For some reason our local Craig's List is full of Gibson Epiphone Les Pauls.

[xrleroyx]

I hate that too. For some reason our local Craig's List is full of Gibson Epiphone Les Pauls.

 

It's the same over here in Michigan.

[Chad]

 

That, by Ebay terms, would mean you do not offer returns. Ebay policy is that if the item is not as described, you must allow them to return it. Regardless of whether you accept returns or not, the item must be as described. By accepting other returns, you're not saying you will only return if not as described. You're also offering returns for any reason whatsoever, as long as they return within the time specified. In other words, if you accept returns within 3 days of receipt, I get 3 days to play the guitar and decide I don't like it before I ship it back to you. It seems this particular example is a combination of your misunderstanding the ebay policy and not having been bit in the ass by a buyer taking advantage of the return policy yet.

 

 

What I'm saying is that there has to be a reason for the return. They have to point out something that contradicts the description and/or pictures. I am extremely anal with my listings, but at the same time I am human and not perfect. In the unlikely incident that I DID overlook something, that's where the return policy comes in to play.

 

I admittedly have not reviewed Ebay policy terms as far as how limited/broad checking off the tab that says you allow returns for a certain amount of time are. Nor have I recently studied the extent to which terms stated in the description can override the general info provided when you check off the tabs while placing a listing. Gonna research that now. If it does indeed mean that checking off the box means you have to accept a return under any circumstance, then I'll have the rethink my position, but I'd be surprised if it reaches that far. There are huge corporations like Buy.com and so forth with their own return policies. I highly doubt they have to adhere to merely what info the checkboxes provide.

[Mr_GoodBomb]

I agree with all of these, especially the "L@@K" bull{censored}, and the "lawsuit guitar" being any guitar that resembles another brand and maybe shouldn't.

However, I'd say "serious bidders only" basically means "no tools who are considering it, will bid it up to whatever, and know they can decide later they don't feel like paying or don't really want it anymore," but a better option would be "payment required within __ hours/days of auction end," that way if they don't pay in a few days, you can relist it or offer it to another bidder and that's your right, as per your own listing terms.

The "squier as fender," "epiphone as gibson," etc BS is just obnoxious to me. It's more crap that others have to dig through, and I can't imagine it's ever increased sales. Best case scenario, someone says, "weeell, I wanted a Fender, but sure," which I can't imagine has ever happened; worst case scenario, they misread it as the higher value brand and are either forced to deal with a return (which generally costs the buyer AND the seller money) or work out other options with the seller (like a partial refund, which defeats the purpose of the seller being deceptive).

[Chad]

What I'm saying is that there has to be a reason for the return. They have to point out something that contradicts the description and/or pictures. I am extremely anal with my listings, but at the same time I am human and not perfect. In the unlikely incident that I DID overlook something, that's where the return policy comes in to play. I admittedly have not reviewed Ebay policy terms as far as how limited/broad checking off the tab that says you allow returns for a certain amount of time are. Nor have I recently studied the extent to which terms stated in the description can override the general info provided when you check off the tabs while placing a listing. Gonna research that now. If it does indeed mean that checking off the box means you have to accept a return under any circumstance, then I'll have the rethink my position, but I'd be surprised if it reaches that far. There are huge corporations like Buy.com and so forth with their own return policies. I highly doubt they have to adhere to merely what info the checkboxes provide.

 

 

I stand corrected. After reviewing, apparently this has changed since I last checked into it. When you check off the tab to accept returns, indeed it is an "All Returns Accepted" policy meaning the floodgates are open. And stating "No Returns Accepted" still requires the seller to accept returns in a "not as described" situation. Considering that, I have to eat crow on what I stated earlier and will be no longer accepting returns in my listings. But I will state this within the description (possibly with slight modification as I further think this through):

 

Return Policy: Even though the listing states, "No Returns Accepted", this item is fully guaranteed to be as described in this listing. In the very unlikely event that something is not as described, I would accept a return as long as the item and contents are returned in the same condition as when shipped. Returns will not be accepted for "buyer's remorse", bought wrong item, subjective characteristics (like "tone"), etc. If you have any questions, please ask before bidding. If you do not agree with any of these terms, please do not bid. Thanks!

 

 

Thanks for the clarity, fellas. And sorry this thread got so derailed because of this tangent.

[Chad]

 

The "squier as fender," "epiphone as gibson," etc BS is just obnoxious to me. It's more crap that others have to dig through, and I can't imagine it's ever increased sales. Best case scenario, someone says, "weeell, I wanted a Fender, but sure," which I can't imagine has ever happened; worst case scenario, they misread it as the higher value brand and are either forced to deal with a return (which generally costs the buyer AND the seller money) or work out other options with the seller (like a partial refund, which defeats the purpose of the seller being deceptive).

 

 

I am an ESP fan, but not as interested in the LTD and other sub-brands. It's so ridiculous that I had to create a search string under guitars that is: esp -ltd -edwards

 

But there are still clowns that list LTDs with only ESP in the title, so my search string still fails.

[Arr0wHead]

^ that

 

I don't mind an ad that says "Ibanez GIO", but can't stand when they just put something like "Ibanez RG" only to click the link and see a fuzzy cell phone picture of something that is clearly a Gio.

 

I also have to say that another one I always hated was the "only played it a couple times". However recently I ran into the same dilemma with a guitar I was selling: I'd purchased it over a year ago, played it twice (as in for two days in a hotel room), and didn't bond with it. It's been adorning my wall for a year since. I found myself about to type "only played it twice!" but then realized that as a BUYER, no one ever believes that crap. So I just left it out. But it's sad, because it really WAS only played twice, was like brand new, and was something I considered worth a mention.

 

My guess is that even though I didn't mention it, my large and plentiful photos might have still conveyed the "newness" of the axe.

[ashasha]

The gibson epiphones and fender squiers are irritating as hell. All the other stuff is just sales pitch and I can deal with it. I do find it funny when someone talks about how it's the best guitar they've ever played....then why are you selling it? I'm always straight up; I'm either upgrading, downsizing, or need the cash (which is usually the main reason).

[slushpup96]

I hate seeing homemade relics. I think I've seen one guitar that was home-relic'd and impressed me, and that was in the forum (somewhere in the Guitar Pictures. thread that GreatDane posted in often.)

 

 

"I 'modified' this guitar by dragging the body (without the neck and hardware obviously) down my driveway behind my 66 Mustang and then I set it on fire for a while."

[Doctor Morbius]

Other things I hate are pictures with bare feet in them and crappy blurry cell phone pics. I won't buy an item from somebody who doesn't give a {censored} about their own ads. I don't care if it's on ebay, Craig's List or our very own spam thread.

[Gumkick]

HAMER!!! (Import)

 

 

I don't know what you'd put instead of Hamer if you're selling an import Hamer, the bad version would be "Hamer (not USA)", which would still only be half as bad as "Gibson strings" on some random guitar.

 

I'm fine with sales pitches, I find it more irritating when there's a thousand words of boilerplate and a twelve word description of the item with one small picture.

 

Also IMO "lawsuit" is fine for any 70s MIJ guitar that's a carbon copy, I think that's well understood, no need to get too literal about it. I wouldn't use it as a search term but someone might.

[jairic]

The Pre-Fender Jackson's really bug me, because the seller is rarely accurate with the statement. I believe Fender acquired Jackson in 2002, and there are guys with 2005 DK2 models talking about it being before Fender turned Jackson into garbage. W T F Beg your pardon but one of the most historically significant producers of, quality and reliable, guitars on the face of the planet buys a company and you want me to believe that the quality of the guitars has dropped? I can see someone saying they like their '88 USA soloist more than their 2008 USA Soloist, but to bash Jackson because they're owned by Fender......