Members sventvkg Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 I'm interested in opinions on the subject because It's a territory for me that i'm unsure about. I know there are some SERIOUSLY WISE people on this forum and I could think of no better place then to pose the question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alcohol Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 You know because it's unquestionable. There is no room for doubt when you're in love. You're smitten. You're a fool. If you're uncertain, you're probably not in love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Professor Tom Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 Love is when you care more for someone else than you care about yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mchen Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 Love is when all of the words to all of those sappy songs start to make sense! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BlueStrat Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 Being 'in love' and loving someone are two different things. Being 'in love' is a feeling. Loving someone is a decision you make after the feelings dissipate. I realized a long time ago that I was addicted to the rush of being 'in love'. And I would always break up with the person after that rush was gone. I finally learned the difference between the feeling and the act. The feeling was so attractive to me because it was the stage where I knew little about the other person and so I got to fill in the blanks with my own wants and desires. I basically fell I love with an attractive person of my own creation. When they would start to show their real selves-that they didn't really like the same music I did, held different core beliefs than I did, had different ideas about family and children, turned out to be a slob around the house and assumed I was going to do all the cooking etc-that's when the blush starts coming off the rose. And that's when loving them starts becoming a decision rather than just a feeling. To answer your question- if you feel anxious whenever you think of or see that person, or find yourself fantasizing about a life together, or not wanting to spend time away from them....you're probably in love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members diceman1000 Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 you'll know...when that one person is all you can think about,you'd give up the world just for 5 minutes next to them,and you would put yourself before them in any instance...most of the time when it happens it hits you like a freight train,you get butterflies in your stomach,sweaty palms,all that good stuff...you'll know,trust me... Damon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members slapjaw Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 Your wallets empty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members NoRomoFan Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 All of the above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Austincowbell Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 If a pole and "Pour some sugar on me" were involved, it isn't love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lostmenoggin Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 youre in love when you feel like you have to poo but actually dont have to Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Outkaster Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 Your wallets empty. LMAO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members GreenAsJade Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 Being 'in love' and loving someone are two different things. Being 'in love' is a feeling. Loving someone is a decision you make after the feelings dissipate. Word. There's something that follows from this: if you have the idea that "being in love" is something that you have to worry about, if you think you need to wonder "am I really?", you are mistaken. What I mean is the question "Gee, am I in love, because if I am I should commit to this person, 'she's the one'?" comes from poor understanding of how it works. Being in love is wonderful, and (as someone said) if you have to ask, you probably aren't really there in the way that it can be. You should enjoy it to the max. That said, it does't mean that either you Love the person, or that they Love you. (Using capital L to differentiate Loving from "being in love"). Have you noticed how love songs talk about "please don't leave me, I can't live without you?". Isn't it wierd ... like YOU can't live without ME ... tell me again why it is that this is a good reason why I should not leave you? I thought you would be telling me that YOU care about ME. Not that you care about YOU. Being "in love" is kinda mutually selfish. You are doing it because it makes _you_ high. And it's nice I guess that it makes the other person high too, though interestingly even this is kind of an ego thing. How nice it is to have someone looking at you with mooney eyes stroking your ego. This "chemical" stuff doesn't last. It's kind of driven by it's newness, so by definition newness wears off. Don't get me wrong: you can have it again with the same person through a long relationship, but the important thing is that it isn't the basis for a long relationship, because there will be lots of time when it is not happening. Fact. Which brings me to my main point: you don't need to ask "am I really in love?" The only purpose I can think of for that question is to try to figure out (misguidedly) whether you should "therefore" commit to the person, commit to Loving them. But as I've pointed out - being "in love" is no indicator for this. You need to work out whether you are going to Love them after the "being in love" wears off. _That_ is the important question, and (in a typical twist(*)) is the hardest to answer while you are experienceing being "in love" IMHO, based only on my experience and observation of the world, YMMV, etc etc. GaJ. *: "He who made kittens, put snakes in the grass, he's a lover of life but a player of games..." great quote from Jethro Tull I reckon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kramerguy Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 Bluestrat pretty much got it right. Being in Love is just the initial infatuation, and eventually will dissipate. Most people confuse this with "true love", which IMO is as fictional as fairy godparents and santa claus. "real love" is that feeling when long after that initial "in love" infatuation wears off, you still actually care enough about the other person that you want to keep them around, share mutual trust, and mutual respect, as well as continued mutual attraction. Humans, by nature, are not monogamous though, which is why cheating is such a commonplace thing. We are a pack-mentality breed, much like deer, the alpha male goes after all the eligible fawns... Marriage and monogamy are inventions of lesser men to pseudo-fairly spread the wealth. True love is a myth, although happy marriages aren't, but this should explain their rarity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ermghoti II Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 In b4 teh ATM/gape. Are you new here? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators BATCAT Posted January 29, 2009 Moderators Share Posted January 29, 2009 This "chemical" stuff doesn't last. It's kind of driven by it's newness, so by definition newness wears off. Don't get me wrong: you can have it again with the same person through a long relationship, but the important thing is that it isn't the basis for a long relationship, because there will be lots of time when it is not happening. Fact. You know what's crazy? Me and my lady have been in that googley-eyed, awestruck state since we first started hanging out, and that was last August. So I've had that intense falling-in-love feeling every day for half a year now. I wonder if we'll end up being creaky old lovestruck couple.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members GreenAsJade Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 Marriage and monogamy are inventions of lesser men to pseudo-fairly spread the wealth. Heh heh we could have a long thread on that one. There are _all sorts_ of (good) reasons (and bad) why human culture came up with marriage, and wealth spreading is lowish on the list. Note also that there are plenty of monogamous species in nature, so it's not a man-made invention. It's absolutely true (demonstratbly!) that humans aren't naturally inclined to monogamy, but there are enough upsides that marriage evolved. If nothing else, it's an agreement between two people that they would rather have the benefits of a partner without the rollercoaster of being in love (real high) and out again (real low). GaJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members GreenAsJade Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 You know what's crazy? Me and my lady have been in that googley-eyed, awestruck state since we first started hanging out, and that was last August. So I've had that intense falling-in-love feeling every day for half a year now. I wonder if we'll end up being creaky old lovestruck couple.... Good for you But do you know that 6 months is a mere blink, don't you... if you survive the 7 year itch and are still lovestruck, you'll know that you are a one-in-a-million pair... GaJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members pickinatit Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 Humans may "naturally" be attracted to others and in that regard are not "naturally" monogamous. However, I believe Jealousy is a much, much more powerful human emotion. Just think about it....what's easier to put aside, the attraction that you may feel toward another at any given time or the jealousy you feel if your significant other takes another.I think marriage/monogamy provides mutual protection against the raw pain of jealousy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators BATCAT Posted January 29, 2009 Moderators Share Posted January 29, 2009 Good for you But do you know that 6 months is a mere blink, don't you... if you survive the 7 year itch and are still lovestruck, you'll know that you are a one-in-a-million pair... GaJ I've been in a number long-term relationships- my last one lasted almost seven years. It wasn't a bad one per se, just not quite right, and I knew it within a couple months. I stayed in it for the wrong reasons, like not wanting to hurt my GF by leaving. I actually think you can tell a LOT about the future of a relationship from the first few months. I knew this one was right, in every way, from the first couple weeks in- by a month I felt for sure I never wanted to be with anyone else, ever. I'm 31 and I've never felt ANYTHING close to this before, in fact I never even imaginged one could feel it. There's not one thing I'd change about her or how we are together, in fact, I'm hard pressed to come up with even the smallest complaint about any detail of our relationship. You have to admit that's pretty rare at the 6 month mark... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wades_keys Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 I'm interested in opinions on the subject because It's a territory for me that i'm unsure about. I know there are some SERIOUSLY WISE people on this forum and I could think of no better place then to pose the question. How do I know when it's love? I can't tell you but it lasts forever. How do I know when it's love? It's just something you feel, together. -- Sammy Hagar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members callous Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 IMO, love is a verb. Love and be loved, and let the cards fall where they may. Don't get too hung up on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members El-Lardo Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 Love is when you dissapear into a bedroom with a girl for like 3 weeks straight and all your friends are like, WTF? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BlueStrat Posted January 29, 2009 Members Share Posted January 29, 2009 Good for you But do you know that 6 months is a mere blink, don't you... if you survive the 7 year itch and are still lovestruck, you'll know that you are a one-in-a-million pair... GaJ My wife and I have been together for nearly 28 years and married for nearly 26. We've had some hard times and some 'dry spells' in feelings for one another. But the last 17 years or so have been good ones and we love each other more now than when we first met and dated. Love is willingly giving yourself up for the other person. Not because they demand it but because they deserve it. And that is a decision one makes daily and is far more than just a feeling. Feelings come and go and frankly, there are some days you just don't feel like it. Love tells you to do it anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cooterbrown Posted January 30, 2009 Members Share Posted January 30, 2009 I am of the opinion that love, as in bonding, mating, shacking up/marriage and even platonic love are great. But they all seem to be missing just a little something.Maybe the "unconditional" piece.True, unconditional love, IMO, can only be experienced when you have a child. There is simply nothing else like it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members GreenAsJade Posted January 30, 2009 Members Share Posted January 30, 2009 My wife and I have been together for nearly 28 years and married for nearly 26. We've had some hard times and some 'dry spells' in feelings for one another. But the last 17 years or so have been good ones and we love each other more now than when we first met and dated. Me too. Different to "love struck" though? Love is willingly giving yourself up for the other person. Not because they demand it but because they deserve it. And that is a decision one makes daily and is far more than just a feeling. Feelings come and go and frankly, there are some days you just don't feel like it. Love tells you to do it anyway. Right - and that is a mile away from the whole "in love/lovestruck" thing. So I guess you could say the answer to "how do I know if I'm in love?" is "when you don't feel like it, but you're there for them anyhow". GaJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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