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Bwahaha: Epic nosey neighbour ownage

thefyn

By thefyn
in Amps

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thefyn Newbie

thefyn

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This is so satisfying. Long story...but I just have to share my joy.

 

I have a neighbor opposite me who is the only problem in a very quiet neighborhood.

 

Basically he is friendly enough on the surface, but everyone knows he is a piece of work. He basically is one of those people who is always in his yard from 10am to 10pm. His garage open, grinding, welding, tinkering. I get the mail "Hey Owen!", I open my door "Hey Owen!", get out of my truck "hey Owen!". Picture Vincent Sansevere, with a brown mullet and you have what he looks like. Only strip him to the waist with jean shorts and boots. Not great.

 

He is in EVERYONES business: He'll stop the mailman about driving an inch on his lawn and making a track, he'll talk to people who pull up in my driveway and ask them all about themselves (only if they are chicks of course), he is "Mr grass" who goes around complaining to neighbors about their grass (only to turn around and offer to cut it for $$$) etc etc. I had a builder do $200 worth of work for me (put up 12 feet of privacy fence) next to my hot tub and obviously he was asking my builder for permits etc etc. So the whole street does a roll eyes whenever him and his fat fkn dog walk by because they put up with his thinly veiled helping hints.

 

He has the worst {censored}tyest house in the street, a little shack but it is well maintained because THAT IS ALL HE DOES DAY AND NIGHT. haha.

 

Aaaanayway, I put him straight after a few months of being civil that he keeps his opinions of my parking/lawn/offers for paid labor to himself. Fair play that worked, I get less of his BS on a daily basis. But I still see him interacting with other neighbours like he did with me. So now it is a hello, wave and no conversation.

 

Tidy.

 

The house next to him was vacant and up for rent. A week ago I am taking out the trash and I can barely make out a screaming argument. I look over to the house next to his and I see moving trucks.

 

There is a "woman" in the driveway next to his. She looks like a cross between Bette Midler and Rossanne Barr. She is SCREAMING in the face of a kid, who isnt listening because it looks like screaming does not work. I see 4 kids jump out of the moving truck like a wave of sugared up noisemakers. Squealing, playing, pinching their way into the house.

 

Over the next week every time I go out front, her kids are everywhere, mother screaming at them, yapping dog in tow and it is just CHAOS.

 

It's not a big deal for me because they are a distance away, and I spend my outside time at the back of my property...so it is far away from me where it isnt too bad, but it is RIGHT next to nosey neighbor 2000.

 

A load of times I have seen Rosanne Midler knock on the neighbours door, I have seen the kids in his yard and the yappy dog having barking competitions with Vinces fat dog. This is day and night.

 

I got a new truck so he comes over to ask me about it... Only it was more of a shoulder to cry on.

 

He told me he is at his wits end. They don't have a toolbox, and every 30 mins they are asking him for a screwdriver, or a flashlight, or a screw etc etc. The funniest story is he said he was grinding in the garage and he heard a blood curdling scream OVER his grinder. He said his heart dropped and he ran outside. A 7 year old girl was on his driveway SCREAMING down the road to try and get the attention of her brother who was literally about half a mile away. He told her never to scream like that again in this neighborhood, and she just ignored him and said her mother wanted to know if he knew anything about plumbing? He said he did, but he was working so he will come over later.

 

So the girl went back in her house and he got back to his grinding. 2 mins later Rossanne came over, and scared the {censored} out of him because she tapped him on the shoulder while grinding. And she asked him the same question the little girl just asked him. He asked her "didn't the girl tell you I was working?", and she said "yeah but it will only take a second". haha

 

wtf? She just walks into his garage...just like that? And won't take no for an answer.

 

It gets better: He's jumping through the hoops for her (she has a husband BTW) who I saw once. He looks like the diabetus cat with dead eyes (my heart went out to him when I saw him). He's always working. They have a nice place/car etc but the wife and kids are just a circus of color noise and drama.

 

This is how ignorant this woman is: She told my neighbor that in a few weeks time, she is going to school. Her husband will be in work, so does he mind keeping an eye on her (FOUR!) kids for a few hours a day on school days until she comes back?

 

She known him for a few days, and she wants him to look after her kids. Remember how he looks... WHAT THE FFFFFFOK!!!?

 

He was almost tearing up when he was telling me all this. He said the neighborhood is gone, they have ruined it and he can't take it anymore and is thinking of moving. In the space of a week, this family has landed on his doorstop like a hate bomb of noise, favors, distractions and worse.

 

He also said something that tickled me: She wears saggy crotch sweatpants and baggy tshirts every day and he said he cant stand to look at her anymore, not just because of the interaction, but because of how she dresses day in day out.

 

Proof of how bad she has him: While he was talking to me about her, she opened her front door and walked over to us and asked him did we see which direction her kids went? I told her to follow the screams (because I could fkn hear her kids) as a joke and it didn't register. I introduced myself and she said hi, and I said something like "I don't envy you, moving is manic right?"

 

her

"What?"

 

me

"Moving: It's manic right?"

 

her

"Manic?"

 

me

"Yeah"

 

her

"What do you mean? Whats manic?"

 

me:

"moving"

 

her:

"No, what does manic mean?"

 

:lol::love:

 

What a {censored}ing dunce. I just brushed it off and said it meant mad/nonstop etc. I looked at the neighbor and he is visibly shaken. Just being near her was making him die on the inside.

 

To avoid any smalltalk that would lead her into thinking I'm doing {censored} for her, I excuse myself and pat the neighbour on the back and walk off.

 

He shouts over my shoulder, "Thanks for listening man."

 

So the neighborhood has gone down a notch, but in a perverse way if I am in my front yard, and I hear yapping dogs and screaming wife/kids, it is like music to my ears because I know he can hear it 24/7 through the thin crappy walls of his little shack. hahahah

 

Cry me a river bitch!

 

CS to da B

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46&2 Newbie

46&2

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Heh. My favorite Seinfeld:

 

 

Woman: I started riding these trains in the forties. Those days a man would give up their seat for a woman. Now we're liberated and we have to stand.


Elaine: It's ironic.


Woman: What's ironic?


Elaine: This, that we've come all this way, we have made all this progress, but you know, we've lost the little things, the niceties.


Woman: No, I mean what does "ironic" mean?

 

 

To this day I say the Woman's line whenever someone says that something is ironic.

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thefyn Newbie

thefyn

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I think I feel sorry for your neighbor. I'd rather deal with the guy who goes a little too far out of his way to be friendly (or nosy) rather than the hell that he's going through right now.

 

 

I kinda feel sorry for him too to be honest. The Karma is a bit lopsided, but it is crazy because I never thought he would ever meet his match, let alone be bettered.

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olgluefoot Newbie

olgluefoot

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HAHA gotta love the crazy asshole neighbor. You hobbyist neighbor now seems like a saint. :lol:

 

My "neighbor" behind me is the kinda asshole who pays his dogs no attention. Leaves them outside ALL THE TIME. LITERALLY. Snow, rain, heat, cold. :facepalm:

 

Some people are just assholes. :lol:

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Lucius Newbie

Lucius

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This is so satisfying. Long story...but I just have to share my joy.


I have a neighbor opposite me who is the only problem in a very quiet neighborhood.


Basically he is friendly enough on the surface, but everyone knows he is a piece of work. He basically is one of those people who is always in his yard from 10am to 10pm. His garage open, grinding, welding, tinkering. I get the mail "Hey Owen!", I open my door "Hey Owen!", get out of my truck "hey Owen!". Picture Vincent Sansevere, with a brown mullet and you have what he looks like. Only strip him to the waist with jean shorts and boots. Not great.


He is in EVERYONES business: He'll stop the mailman about driving an inch on his lawn and making a track, he'll talk to people who pull up in my driveway and ask them all about themselves (only if they are chicks of course), he is "Mr grass" who goes around complaining to neighbors about their grass (only to turn around and offer to cut it for $$$) etc etc. I had a builder do $200 worth of work for me (put up 12 feet of privacy fence) next to my hot tub and obviously he was asking my builder for permits etc etc. So the whole street does a roll eyes whenever him and his fat fkn dog walk by because they put up with his thinly veiled helping hints.


He has the worst {censored}tyest house in the street, a little shack but it is well maintained because THAT IS ALL HE DOES DAY AND NIGHT. haha.


Aaaanayway, I put him straight after a few months of being civil that he keeps his opinions of my parking/lawn/offers for paid labor to himself. Fair play that worked, I get less of his BS on a daily basis. But I still see him interacting with other neighbours like he did with me. So now it is a hello, wave and no conversation.


Tidy.


The house next to him was vacant and up for rent. A week ago I am taking out the trash and I can barely make out a screaming argument. I look over to the house next to his and I see moving trucks.


There is a "woman" in the driveway next to his. She looks like a cross between Bette Midler and Rossanne Barr. She is SCREAMING in the face of a kid, who isnt listening because it looks like screaming does not work. I see 4 kids jump out of the moving truck like a wave of sugared up noisemakers. Squealing, playing, pinching their way into the house.


Over the next week every time I go out front, her kids are everywhere, mother screaming at them, yapping dog in tow and it is just CHAOS.


It's not a big deal for me because they are a distance away, and I spend my outside time at the back of my property...so it is far away from me where it isnt too bad, but it is RIGHT next to nosey neighbor 2000.


A load of times I have seen Rosanne Midler knock on the neighbours door, I have seen the kids in his yard and the yappy dog having barking competitions with Vinces fat dog. This is day and night.


I got a new truck so he comes over to ask me about it... Only it was more of a shoulder to cry on.


He told me he is at his wits end. They don't have a toolbox, and every 30 mins they are asking him for a screwdriver, or a flashlight, or a screw etc etc. The funniest story is he said he was grinding in the garage and he heard a blood curdling scream OVER his grinder. He said his heart dropped and he ran outside. A 7 year old girl was on his driveway SCREAMING down the road to try and get the attention of her brother who was literally about half a mile away. He told her never to scream like that again in this neighborhood, and she just ignored him and said her mother wanted to know if he knew anything about plumbing? He said he did, but he was working so he will come over later.


So the girl went back in her house and he got back to his grinding. 2 mins later Rossanne came over, and scared the {censored} out of him because she tapped him on the shoulder while grinding. And she asked him the same question the little girl just asked him. He asked her "didn't the girl tell you I was working?", and she said "yeah but it will only take a second". haha


wtf? She just walks into his garage...just like that? And won't take no for an answer.


It gets better: He's jumping through the hoops for her (she has a husband BTW) who I saw once. He looks like the diabetus cat with dead eyes (my heart went out to him when I saw him). He's always working. They have a nice place/car etc but the wife and kids are just a circus of color noise and drama.


This is how ignorant this woman is: She told my neighbor that in a few weeks time, she is going to school. Her husband will be in work, so does he mind keeping an eye on her (FOUR!) kids for a few hours a day on school days until she comes back?


She known him for a few days, and she wants him to look after her kids. Remember how he looks... WHAT THE FFFFFFOK!!!?


He was almost tearing up when he was telling me all this. He said the neighborhood is gone, they have ruined it and he can't take it anymore and is thinking of moving. In the space of a week, this family has landed on his doorstop like a hate bomb of noise, favors, distractions and worse.


He also said something that tickled me: She wears saggy crotch sweatpants and baggy tshirts every day and he said he cant stand to look at her anymore, not just because of the interaction, but because of how she dresses day in day out.


Proof of how bad she has him: While he was talking to me about her, she opened her front door and walked over to us and asked him did we see which direction her kids went? I told her to follow the screams (because I could fkn hear her kids) as a joke and it didn't register. I introduced myself and she said hi, and I said something like "I don't envy you, moving is manic right?"


her

"What?"


me

"Moving: It's manic right?"


her

"Manic?"


me

"Yeah"


her

"What do you mean? Whats manic?"


me:

"moving"


her:

"No, what does manic mean?"


:lol::love:

What a {censored}ing dunce. I just brushed it off and said it meant mad/nonstop etc. I looked at the neighbor and he is visibly shaken. Just being near her was making him die on the inside.


To avoid any smalltalk that would lead her into thinking I'm doing {censored} for her, I excuse myself and pat the neighbour on the back and walk off.


He shouts over my shoulder, "Thanks for listening man."


So the neighborhood has gone down a notch, but in a perverse way if I am in my front yard, and I hear yapping dogs and screaming wife/kids, it is like music to my ears because I know he can hear it 24/7 through the thin crappy walls of his little shack. hahahah


Cry me a river bitch!


CS to da B

 

 

Wow, what an eye opener...i never knew your name was Owen! Cheers, Lucius

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