Why don't I believe it when people tell me that I'm good?

[DarkHorseJ27]

I get a few compliments a week on my playing, some of those from other musicians. I get the feeling that that is more than most people get. I think I'm an okay player, but not that good of one.

 

I know a part of why I get compliments is because of differentiation. Most guitarists in my dorm are electric players, and they tend to riff or play solos. By itself, electric guitar usually sounds like the rest of the band hasn't shown up yet. I'm the only acoustic fingerstyle player in the building, and I have a penchant for playing fingerstyle arrangements of popular songs most people already know.

 

Am I just too hard on myself?

[Stackabones]

Be grateful for any compliments and humble when receiving them.

[Oldskool Texas]

I think we tend to be our own harshest critics.

[Michael Martin]

I've noticed something weird: When I hear myself playing guitar on a recording, I'm always surprised. It sounds like somebody who's a bit better than the "real" me. No idea why this would be.

 

So maybe there is a more critical "ear" WHILE we are playing? And thus you are better than you imagine that you are. Everybody else is right. You are wrong. :

[masterbuilt]

 

I've noticed something weird: When I hear myself playing guitar on a recording, I'm always surprised. It sounds like somebody who's a bit better than the "real" me. No idea why this would be.   So maybe there is a more critical "ear" WHILE we are playing? And thus you are better than you imagine that you are. Everybody else is right. You are wrong. :

[LiveMusic]

This subject is something that I have fought for years. It's due to the fact that on many websites, people give accolades to performers who, IMHO, clearly suck. This site is not one of those. But others I go to, it's maddening. It makes you question your own ability. Usually, these are songwriting sites but I have seen many times where someone plays a cover and to me, there just isn't much anything good going on and people will ooh and aah over it.

 

You can also reverse it. The American Idol (contestants) syndrome is real. Many people have no clue what good music sounds like. They think they are awesome and nobody with any fraction of musicianship will think so.

[Jimmy Chaos]

I've noticed something weird: When I hear myself playing guitar on a recording, I'm always surprised. It sounds like somebody who's a bit better than the "real" me. No idea why this would be.

 

I can relate to this. It doesn't apply to my vocals though!

[TSMusic]

 

Interesting. Most people become more critical when they hear their recordings.

 

 

Ain't that the truth.

 

Tony

[Tartanlad]

Ain't that the truth. Tony

 

It's the tooth the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth

 

Seriously OP you are most probably better than you may think

[recordingtrack1]

My question is "why don't people believe it when I tell them that I'm good? Geez!!! :poke:

 

RT1:D

[guildfire]

I think we tend to notice our own mistakes and imperfections more than the audience. As long as you play in tune and sing on pitch your odds of getting favorable reviews are heightened.

[FretFiend.]

The lengths that sober people will go to in the name of courtesy never ceases to amaze me.

 

As far as playing goes, I suck... and yet people will sit there, grin, applaud when I'm finished, and tell me how good it was.

 

Think about it. Getting negative responses from anyone who is not drunk is a rare occurrence regardless of how good or bad you are.

[Hudman]

You define "good" different than they do.

[gull12]

We're programmed that way. There is something in most human beings that causes them to think negatively toward themselves; thinking that they're not good-looking or that they don't play that well, or that they weigh too much, etc. It's a learned response because children don't have it....yet.

 

It's the same learned response that enables children to solve Rubik's Cube with no problem; while adults will sit there with it all day, accomplishing nothing. Children are able to do this because they, very simply, don't tell themselves that they can't. They don't program themselves with negativity. They don't approach it saying to themselves, "Oh, I can't do that." They just do it.

 

Everyone in the world is actually three people:

a) I am who I think I am.

b) I am who other people think I am.

c) And then, there's me!

 

We should really stop putting ourselves down, stop telling ourselves that we're not that good, and start receiving compliments as they are intended........as compliments.

[Opa John]

We're programmed that way. There is something in most human beings that causes them to think negatively toward themselves; thinking that they're not good-looking or that they don't play that well, or that they weigh too much, etc. It's a learned response because children don't have it....yet. It's the same learned response that enables children to solve Rubik's Cube with no problem; while adults will sit there with it all day, accomplishing nothing. Children are able to do this because they, very simply, don't tell themselves that they can't. They don't program themselves with negativity. They don't approach it saying to themselves, "Oh, I can't do that." They just do it. Everyone in the world is actually three people: a) I am who I think I am. b) I am who other people think I am. c) And then, there's me! We should really stop putting ourselves down, stop telling ourselves that we're not that good, and start receiving compliments as they are intended........as compliments.

 

Mike, you are a virtual font of good information. Right now I feel like I can play my guitar as good as Tony Rice! Oops!. There I go again!

 

I notice you're posting the Ducks' scores in your signature. I truly hope the Ducks and the Bucks get to meet again this year. I don't care who wins it. I just hope they get to play each other again this year.

[fastblueheeler]

"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me."

[seagullplayer77]

I find myself doing the same thing. I've never taken a psychology class in my life, but my best guess is that it's a way to garner even more compliments.

 

When you get a compliment, it typically goes one of two ways:

 

Way 1

Person: Hey! You sounded great!

You: Thanks!

 

Way 2

Person: Hey! You sounded great!

You: Aww, shucks. You're just being polite. I sounded terrible!

Person: No, really---you were good! I liked it a lot.

You: I don't know, man. I just wasn't on my A-game tonight.

Person: Well, I sure didn't notice. You sounded good---seriously!

 

The first way, you only get one compliment. If you acknowledge someone's compliment, they're not going to sit there and keep singing your praises to make sure they got the point across. But if you're hard on yourself, they're going to sit there and try to make yourself feel better and inevitably, you'll get a few more kind words.

 

And I'd definitely lend some credence to the fact that people tend to be their own worst critics. You'll notice mistakes that no one else will simply because you're more keenly aware that you're making them. If you were supposed to hit a note and you didn't hit it, you're fully aware that you made a mistake. But all the people in the audience that didn't know there was a note missing aren't going to give two hoots about it.

[Florida_Gator]

I find myself doing the same thing. I've never taken a psychology class in my life, but my best guess is that it's a way to garner even more compliments. When you get a compliment, it typically goes one of two ways: Way 1 Person: Hey! You sounded great! You: Thanks! Way 2 Person: Hey! You sounded great! You: Aww, shucks. You're just being polite. I sounded terrible! Person: No, really---you were good! I liked it a lot. You: I don't know, man. I just wasn't on my A-game tonight. Person: Well, I sure didn't notice. You sounded good---seriously! The first way, you only get one compliment. If you acknowledge someone's compliment, they're not going to sit there and keep singing your praises to make sure they got the point across. But if you're hard on yourself, they're going to sit there and try to make yourself feel better and inevitably, you'll get a few more kind words. And I'd definitely lend some credence to the fact that people tend to be their own worst critics. You'll notice mistakes that no one else will simply because you're more keenly aware that you're making them. If you were supposed to hit a note and you didn't hit it, you're fully aware that you made a mistake. But all the people in the audience that didn't know there was a note missing aren't going to give two hoots about it .

 

This.

 

It's the same with dance. My wife and daughter were heavily into dance, and both were very good (no, EXCELLENT). My wife even taught it for several years. Trust me, if they missed a step, THEY were the only ones who knew!

[kwakatak]

It's all about confidence really. Sometimes in order to truly be good you have to finally admit that you enjoy hearing yourself while/after you play and draw strength from it. When getting positive feedback from others use that good feeling you get to increase that sense of accomplishment so that you can glean some pride in your playing - and then you should really begin to see yourself progress as you forge ahead with less hesitation.

 

The trick is to remain humble though and realize that you will never stop learning and if you ease up on playing or practicing you WILL get worse.

[Tubefox]

Be grateful people acknowledge your skill, even if you don't think it's impressive. At the very least, it means they like you.

[Tartanlad]

Confidence breeds better playing at whatever people like doing

be it guitar playing, singing, Sports etc

 

Instance i know im gd at a certain game / sport whatever way some like to define it. . .

 

And jealousy has made me actually stop playing this Sport/game

2 yrs back although am thinking of showing ma ability again

 

But Guitaring i know i aint gd but didnt expect to be after just over 1 yr

after all it's a past time for masel..for enjoyment

 

Confidence is the thing we all need more off a reckon

[gull12]

 

Mike, you are a virtual font of good information. Right now I feel like I can play my guitar as good as Tony Rice! Oops!. There I go again! I notice you're posting the Ducks' scores in your signature. I truly hope the Ducks and the Bucks get to meet again this year. I don't care who wins it. I just hope they get to play each other again this year.

 

 

John, I've checked the Ducks schedule and it doesn't look like they're going to meet anytime soon, at least thru 2012. We can hope for a bowl clash though. I think it would be one scorcher of a game (sorry for hi-jacking your thread, DarkHorse). Go Bucks, Go Ducks!!!

 

Now, back to self-confidence.

[gull12]

One quick, last thought before I, and this other fool, go cut down a tree in my back yard:

 

When we receive a compliment, the person giving the compliment thoroughly EXPECTS a positive response. Picture this: You look forward to going to a Leo Kottke concert for several months. After the concert, you wait in line to meet Leo, and an hour later you get to shake his hand. You say something on the order of, "Hey, Leo, you were great tonight!" And Leo says, "Ah, it just didn't feel right tonight, I wasn't on my game." I don't know about you, but I'd be pretty pissed off. I would want Leo's best game when I was fortunate enough to attend.

 

And we should also acknowledge the person giving the compliment. Thank them for coming and showing interest in our music, and invite them back to see us again soon. We should share something of ourselves with them. We should make them feel special, in our minds, as individuals.

 

Well, off to play Paul Bunyan. Have a good day, guys!

[recordingtrack1]

 

It's all about confidence really. Sometimes in order to truly be good you have to finally admit that you enjoy hearing yourself while/after you play and draw strength from it. . .

 

 

I saw Mel Torme once on a talk show. He made an unusual comment that I've always remembered. He said, " I was fifty years old before I learned to like the sound of my own voice." Truly remarkable in terms of him being probably the greatest Jazz singer of his time.

[DarkHorseJ27]

I've always been polite when someone's given me a compliment, and thanked them for the compliment. I'm just still a little surprised when someone give me one.