Depersonalization

[Phait]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Depersonalization

 

Individuals who experience depersonalization feel divorced from their own personal physicality by sensing their body sensations, feelings, emotions and behaviors as not belonging to the same person or identity.[3] Often a person who has experienced depersonalization claims that life "feels like a movie" or things seem unreal or hazy. Also, a recognition of self breaks down (hence the name). Depersonalization can result in very high anxiety levels, which further increase these perceptions.

 

Has anyone experienced this?

 

I think I am.

 

I searched HC about this too and found this thread http://acapella.harmony-central.com/showthread.php?t=2407133 but it's all dicking around and jokes, which does not help me. Now, I don't mind a sense of humor... I have one. But, I figure with the variety of people around here - and us all being creatives, could I have something in common?

 

I could not sleep tonight. I just felt detached... like, I was thinking about my boss who I'd met up with today (I recently went back to a job I left, he was happy with me and wanted me back - so I am back part time). And I was thinking... I almost feel like he's a complete stranger yet... distanced from him -- most would say this is a good thing but my boss is really cool, down to earth (bit immature), but hey - good guy. And he will understand when I call in today to tell him I had a bad night and will start my shift proper Monday (it's a 5 hour gig I've chosen to do 3 - 4 days/wk instead of 5 -- the rest, focus on my design business).

 

Anyway, now that there is some context why I'm posting this this morning...

 

I have felt this on and off but not everyday, nor is it debilitating. Seems like the past couple months really. In fact I could tell you when I was working I don't think I felt any detached from people around me -- likely because the job is relatively social (door to door canvassing), out in the sun, walking/exercise.

 

Now, I wonder to myself... why has this happened?. I don't know. I can only think of 2 things:

 

1.) I'm not socializing enough (I'll explain)

2.) I went through some heart wrenching drama last year that I pushed through, and moved on within March to June this year -- which involved a former friend (who was a romantic interest gone bad. I have not spoken to her since last year, that was what I had to do - cut my ties. And I feel fine. I am not sad, depressed, what have you. I have a great girlfriend who, despite being in a different state, is a wealth of happiness, laughter and smiles for me and vice versa. We talk on the phone or voice chat every day and spend most of our free time watching movies at the same time, playing games, chatting, maintaining a photo blog that gets us outside and active (see sig), etc. It's all good.

 

So, that should dispel "get a job/get a gf" replies. Some may say "get a gf in muuuuuuch closer!". Well after 3.5 months together and 7 months of knowing eachother, the answer is no.

 

So, where does this leave me? Oh yes, socializing. Alright, my best friend of 14 years lives in town, we hang out a couple to a few times a month. My last friend, Melissa - she lives in town but we hang out maybe a few times a year. She's a single, young mother who works often and needs to find time to squeeze me in her schedule. We'll get coffee or malt shakes and walk around, discuss our lives - friends. And yet after 2 years of knowing her she's still a bit of a mystery to me, and I don't feel close to her - yet we dish on everything.

 

Recently, my girl and I watched the movie Numb - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Numb_%28film%29

 

I watched it moreso for my sake because it described what I've felt sometimes. It was an interesting movie that gave me some relation and I hope ultimately explained to her what I couldn't.

 

Aa60FdWbdYY

 

Interestingly in this movie it's apparently too much weed intake that cause's his DP. I do not smoke weed, I have over a year ago and was not a pleasant experience (after a bar nonetheless) - blabbing with a friend, my memory frame was 3 minutes at a time. Dry heaving over a sink for half an hour while my head spun. But I didn't experience any DP symptoms at all that year. So it can't be that.

 

I have quit smoking cigs after a year, I generally "quit" early this year and completely quit with no more desire for a cig (wouldn't finish 1/5th) in the last month. I don't know if nicotine withdrawal could be a cause...

 

I really wonder if it's just the BS I put up with last year with my ex-friend/interest. I would be more than willing to bet I just need to socialise more but I've already explained that part... I don't know. I'm just posting to vent, because well I almost wanted to cry last night, with not being able to sleep. I'd said goodnight to my girl a half hour prior but wasn't able to call her back, as my dad's cell is not around this week (see part where I mentioned going back to my ol' job this week). So I texted her via web, but she must be out cold.

 

I feel alright right now. The sun has risen, I walked outside. I'm fine.

 

I don't exercise, I've been meaning to, I'm kinda concerned to be jogging because of a damaged big toenail that has mostly healed but is likely ingrown... have a few pounds o'gut to shed. My diet, I eat well. I've cut back on soda cause of a few sugar crashes (occasional diet beverage), I eat oatmeal, brown rice, drink teas and water.

 

I began studying Buddhism casually 4 years ago, haven't reached an authoritative perspective on it, but definitely something that interests me and has shaped me into a better person. I've never meditated though.

 

/shrug

 

Best I can explain my situation. I'm really curious other's suggestions and/or experiences.

 

I guess I can close it with this... recently I was thinking, this is why I feel this way: sometimes, I can go to sleep and start wondering "why are we here, how did mankind come about (I am agnostic, I believe in a higher force but nothing particular).... what is the force that keeps us living, it's beyond blood and oxygen... ever try to contemplate the distance between the earth and the sun? It'd dizzying.

 

I don't have the answers for these things, so it seems to make me think in those DP-ish moments, "man, I don't know how we as humans, or life works... beyond what science has taught us about biology and cells and atoms... there's something more to it -- I mean how do you explain BEYOND atoms? If there is a god, how did it become? If there isn't, how did the universe become from... nothing? How does one grasp nothing?" -- I don't have the answers, so it's hard to sometimes quantify life as having depth or feeling real. What is reality anyway?

 

UGH.

 

My gf wants me to watch The Matrix. I say no.

[oolceeoo]

Ahh, so you are seeking the guru? You sometimes feel that you are not sure if any of this is real, or start to question: just how much of the Universe does man really know or understand? Or how much do you know or understand?

 

I'm afraid you won't find the answer from deux ex machina. If or when you are ready, the guru will find you.

[Phait]

Well, I don't necessarily feel like life is an illusion, or that I believe it's not real. But it's just like I lose my touch with people around me - which are part of my life/reality. Or best I can explain the feeling one time... i.e. I could take a {censored} in a public parking lot and not care because I felt detached enough.

 

x_x

[oolceeoo]

I guess I can close it with this... recently I was thinking, this is why I feel this way: sometimes, I can go to sleep and start wondering "why are we here, how did mankind come about (I am agnostic, I believe in a higher force but nothing particular).... what is the force that keeps us living, it's beyond blood and oxygen... ever try to contemplate the distance between the earth and the sun? It'd dizzying. I don't have the answers for these things, so it seems to make me think in those DP-ish moments, "man, I don't know how we as humans, or life works... beyond what science has taught us about biology and cells and atoms... there's something more to it -- I mean how do you explain BEYOND atoms? If there is a god, how did it become? If there isn't, how did the universe become from... nothing? How does one grasp nothing?" -- I don't have the answers, so it's hard to sometimes quantify life as having depth or feeling real. What is reality anyway? UGH. My gf wants me to watch The Matrix. I say no.

 

If you are seeking answers, you must seek out the guru. I cannot go into further detail. But, I'll give you a hint: 5=6.

[rasputin1963]

Loved the movie trailer. That story seems lifted from my life.

[Lee Knight]

 

And he will understand when I call in today to tell him I had a bad night and will start my shift proper Monday

 

 

 

Phait.

 

You're going to to hate me but ... all the deep thinking and contemplating is good for the soul, no doubt. It can also be bad for the soul too. The simple answer is in getting your tired ass up and out to work even when you've had a "bad night". The answer is usually the simpler of the two. Occam's Razor.

 

To me, your quote above says more about any feelings you might have regarding depersonalization than your whole post.

 

"And he will understand when I call in today to tell him I had a bad night and will start my shift proper Monday"

[Ernest Buckley]

The problem I have noticed from the frustrated creative life is that one gets depressed often and stays there. Most artists have to spend time alone to create but when there are no other interests or outlets, one feels separated from others around them and eventually with ones own feelings.

 

The best way to balance this is to spend more time thinking about how you can serve other people. Reach out to friends and truly listen to them. Its not all about you.

 

Most artists who are not creating, are lounging around waiting for something to happen. Instead of creating, they are staring at their navels most of the time, wondering, thinking, wondering... the mind needs some sort of regime so get out there and make a call to some friends. Invite people over for dinner, start running with a friend or working out.

 

In other words, start to socialize and exercise. You will not only start to feel again, but you`ll feel better and then you`ll probably get creative. Its a win win.

 

Been there, done that...

[Lee Knight]

 

The answer is usually the simpler of the two. Occam's Razor.

 

 

^The answer.^

 

But what is the question? Is it "How do I feel connected again?" Do you want to feel connected or are you liking this self examination and possible reason/excuse for inaction?

 

I think that is a very important first question to answer yourself.

 

If you want to feel connected, start making connections. Go to work regardless of your mental or physical state, write a song, fix the faucet, shine your shoes, do what's difficult, say hello to a stranger, smile though your heart is weary...

 

move.

[nuclear arsenal]

you said you study buddhism. one thing that might help you feel more a part of yourself would be to spend some time just meditating on your breath. i'd do a little reading about it, but basically all it is, is sitting still and focusing on your breath as it moves in and out of your nostrils. as your thoughts wander, don't worry about it, just bring your focus back to your breath. it's good for decreasing anxiety and making you feel like yourself more.

another is to just lie down and, from your toes to the top of your head(or vice versa), relaxing every muscle and part of your body deliberately, telling your toes to relax, and paying attention to the sensation of relaxation.

going for a walk in the afternoon sun is also a great way to center yourself, calm your mind, and get rid of your undue worries and regrets.

[Phait]

I find when I can't sleep, I focus on my breaths. Or I count down from 100, by the time I get to 30-40 I'm losing track cause I'm almost asleep.

[Beck]

Heya Phait,

 

Firstly, make an appointment with your doctor as soon as you can. There can be underlying conditions that cause these symptoms. How have you been sleeping? Sleep deprivation can bring on feelings of detachment, or disassociation. Life stresses like a breakup can set you up for sleep problems; as can other things like sleep apnea. Your symptoms could be related to something else like simple partial epilepsy. Too many things to list really, so make that appointment.

 

As far as the artistic thing, we

[Phait]

 

Heya Phait, Tell her YES next time she wants to. By 3 - 4 months even I may say yes to a special someone... if she

[Hard Truth]

First eliminate physical causes which could be any medications you use, withdrawal from medications you used, sleep problems (such as apnea) and lightheadedness from breathing or circulatory problems. Being stressed or unusual activity can affect your breathing which can make one lightheaded with a detached feeling.

 

Otherwise I agree with the advice to socialize and get exercise. Too much thinking about yourself can be problematic. There's something to be said for avoiding excessive rumination. On the other hand, avoiding feeling your emotions can cause problems also. I believe in fully experiencing your grief, but then moving on after awhile.

[Rudolf von Hagenwil]

 

Individuals who experience depersonalization feel divorced from their own personal physicality by sensing their body sensations, feelings, emotions and behaviors as not belonging to the same person or identity. Often a person who has experienced depersonalization claims that life "feels like a movie" or things seem unreal or hazy. Also, a recognition of self breaks down (hence the name). Depersonalization can result in very high anxiety levels, which further increase these perceptions. Has anyone experienced this?

 

 

 

Every day since I make music

 

except for the anxiety

[blarin]

I did not read your whole post, cuz im a fool, but i have experienced this frequently. Usually the day/week/month/year after smoking lots of weed, drinking a crap load of booze, having a {censored}ty sleep schedule, eating badly, or avoiding social situations. It sucks cock :eek:AND:eek: balls.

The best cures i have found are: doing shrooms(psylo), drinking lots of water/eating well, sleeping well(or differently, getting up with the sun really, really helps), doing a silly dance in front of lots of people without feeling the least bit odd, getting some exersize, and GOING OUTSIDE! preferably all at the same time.

 

EDIT: oh yeah, and if you wank off/get laid a lot, try cutting it down to less then once a week.

 

 

 

and eat wasabi.

[Phait]

EDIT: oh yeah, and if you wank off a lot, try cutting it down to less then once a week

 

 

Haha.

 

...is there any evidence for that being a cause?

 

[Beck]

Tell who yes? I've read all the other replies and will do a proper reply but this stumps me right now.

 

Tell your girlfriend yes to getting closer. You said you keep saying no, even after knowing each other so long.

 

Might want to take a rain check on reading the post until after the doctor visit.

[Phait]

Tell your girlfriend yes to getting closer. You said you keep saying no, even after knowing each other so long. Might want to take a rain check on reading the post until after the doctor visit.

 

No, what I meant by that post is... saying "no" to finding a different person who is closer to me (like in town). Not to my gf, I am moving where she is once I've saved money

 

So we misunderstood eachother there.

[Beck]

No, what I meant by that post is... saying "no" to finding a different person who is closer to me (like in town). Not to my gf, I am moving where she is once I've saved money So we misunderstood each other there.

 

Oh. No wonder the joke didn't work. I thought you meant she was still saying no about getting closer physically... I mean, well, you know... intimacy. So I turned it around to make it look like you were saying no. The phrase, "get a gf in muuuuuuch closer" conjures up images of kissing (with tongues) holding, clawing, biting, cherry lip-gloss, and possible (recommended) clothing optional recreational activities.

 

Some may say "get a gf in muuuuuuch closer!". Well after 3.5 months together and 7 months of knowing each other, the answer is no.

 

See what I mean?

[Phait]

Yup, I think I mistyped when that word "in" was... /edits

[Phait]

Today it rained out. I walked to the store and felt the cold rain hit me. Nothing severe, just a little. It felt nice, always felt nice.

 

But I realised tdoay it makes me feel alive.

 

I like the rain.

[Synonym Music]

 

Today it rained out. I walked to the store and felt the cold rain hit me. Nothing severe, just a little. It felt nice, always felt nice. But I realised tdoay it makes me feel alive. I like the rain.

 

Well.. Guess you're no Ann Peebles.

[UstadKhanAli]

Are you only happy when it rains?

 

[rjt]

It sounds like you have neither depersonalization nor derealization. However, if you are really worried about it, see a psychiatrist or psychologist.

[Ernest Buckley]

 

Today it rained out. I walked to the store and felt the cold rain hit me. Nothing severe, just a little. It felt nice, always felt nice. But I realised tdoay it makes me feel alive. I like the rain.

 

 

Yeah, you really need to just get out of the house more and stop staring at your navel. Really, I think you had similar threads going when you went AWOL several years ago. Remember that?

 

History repeats itself if you don`t learn from it.