Members sfarfsky Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 hide some of your assets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hllraiser Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 remember devorce is always an option you dont have to be there. the reason why most marriages dont work is because for some people it clicks from im so lucky to be here with her to oh {censored} im stuck here. as long as you keep the mind set that you dont have to be there your more likely to want to be there. best of luck.... never believed in marriage myself because i dont see how church, state, and hallmark condoning my relationship will add anything to it:idk: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members VanHalen Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 hide some of your assets Yeah, and tell the new bride to hide her ass.... whoops! I missed honey. It slipped out. I'm sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beck Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 hide some of your assets Seriously... give your music gear to the one girl you could always trust come hell or high water -- your mom! You keep it at your house and she let's you use it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lukenskywalker Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 Happily married now...11 years March 11th, 18 years total together. First wife chased me down, followed me everywhere, Why I married her? She was pretty enough , the sex was great, and she had a reliable car. After my daughter was born she became a vindicative shrew, never happy, she used to stomp around the house, slam doors, and actually growl at me, She was of the feeling that I would never leave because of my strong family values. No one came to visit anymore. I finally left, we sold the house and I got a Condo about 15 miles away from my old house, didn't she move not more than two blocks away from me? I thought my life was fucked when I was married to her but it ACTUALLY got even worse...she dedicated her life to making mine a living hell. She was a Paralegal and worked for a high powered Law Firm and that "Rat's Nest" of "Ambulance Chasers" were always on me like a cheap suit, even though I was paying Max Child Support on time every month they still found ways to torture me...she was sleeping with half of the firm. I was to the point where I was going to 'OJ' the bitch. She finally found some one that she was happy with after sleeping with a army of men.... Yup, a woman. I brought alot of my problems on myself, I married for trivial reasons, I was forewarned by countless people about her. Things are great for me these last years and I never regret getting remarried even though I said I never would. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sventvkg Posted March 28, 2010 Author Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 Happily married now...11 years March 11th, 18 years total together. First wife chased me down, followed me everywhere, Why I married her? She was pretty enough , the sex was great, and she had a reliable car. After my daughter was born she became a vindicative shrew, never happy, she used to stomp around the house, slam doors, and actually growl at me, She was of the feeling that I would never leave because of my strong family values. No one came to visit anymore. I finally left, we sold the house and I got a Condo about 15 miles away from my old house, didn't she move not more than two blocks away from me? I thought my life was fucked when I was married to her but it ACTUALLY got even worse...she dedicated her life to making mine a living hell. She was a Paralegal and worked for a high powered Law Firm and that "Rat's Nest" of "Ambulance Chasers" were always on me like a cheap suit, even though I was paying Max Child Support on time every month they still found ways to torture me...she was sleeping with half of the firm. I was to the point where I was going to 'OJ' the bitch. She finally found some one that she was happy with after sleeping with a army of men.... Yup, a woman. I brought alot of my problems on myself, I married for trivial reasons, I was forewarned by countless people about her. Things are great for me these last years and I never regret getting remarried even though I said I never would. congrats man! Sometimes we do weird shit for sure! I've lived with a few women before this and said I would never do it again unless it was right. Neither of us HAD to do it and Nancy and I won't be having any kids as she has 2 is can't have any more unless we spend A LOT of $$! Also, she is so CHILL, kindhearted, family oriented, Cooks great and above all..ABOVE all...FLAT OUT LOVES ME..I do it for her in every way and that my friends, is my criteria for marriage:) Everything I do artistically and musically, she is the biggest fan of and is nothing but encouraging. She just wants to be with her kids and me and be happy. she is NOT Career oriented or materialistic which is good because I'm not either. She's happier with small rather then large and realizes like me, that stuff ultimately "owns you" rather then you owning it. She's a simple person and everything about her is down to earth. I dig that. As far as all the fear based stuff, like I said, I don't fear anything or anyone much less a spiteful Partner! LOL If I goes bad, I'll grab my guitar and move on! The thing about me is I DON'T WANT THE STRESS OF ALL THE CRAP ANYWAY! She can have it! Having stuff and then having to pay for it takes away my ability to have a chill existence and thus be able to hang out and write material, play music, etc. I know I'm weird but that kind of stuff is FAR MORE important to me then any material junk. We're both much happier with less crap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members UstadKhanAli Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lukenskywalker Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 congrats man! Sometimes we do weird shit for sure! I've lived with a few women before this and said I would never do it again unless it was right. Neither of us HAD to do it and Nancy and I won't be having any kids as she has 2 is can't have any more unless we spend A LOT of $$! Also, she is so CHILL, kindhearted, family oriented, Cooks great and above all..ABOVE all...FLAT OUT LOVES ME..I do it for her in every way and that my friends, is my criteria for marriage:) Everything I do artistically and musically, she is the biggest fan of and is nothing but encouraging. She just wants to be with her kids and me and be happy. she is NOT Career oriented or materialistic which is good because I'm not either. She's happier with small rather then large and realizes like me, that stuff ultimately "owns you" rather then you owning it. She's a simple person and everything about her is down to earth. I dig that. As far as all the fear based stuff, like I said, I don't fear anything or anyone much less a spiteful Partner! LOL If I goes bad, I'll grab my guitar and move on! The thing about me is I DON'T WANT THE STRESS OF ALL THE CRAP ANYWAY! She can have it! Having stuff and then having to pay for it takes away my ability to have a chill existence and thus be able to hang out and write material, play music, etc. I know I'm weird but that kind of stuff is FAR MORE important to me then any material junk. We're both much happier with less crap. She sounds like a great woman and it's obvious you guys are 'crazy-go-nuts' in love. Do you get on with her kids? I got two more daughters when I married my wife...they are great kids and we get on well, that's important to a strong marriage. I Wish the two of you the best, and congrats. I forgot to mention that one of the Lawyers that was riding me is now in his fifth year of a 7 and a half year Federal corruption sentence...and yours truly was partially responsible in his ultimate conviction. Yes, there IS a God. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Beck Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 My three greatest fears in the world:1) Divorce2) Marriage3) Getting stung by bees But getting stung by bees can be good for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gomer Pyle Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 I've never been married and at 55 I realize now more than ever that it's a good thing. If women came with a volume control on their mouth's and an on/off switch to control their needless shopping spree's I might reconsider. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Geoff Grace Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 I was shocked to read things like: Partners are ethnically very similar Partners are from the same country of origin Partners are not more than 10 years apart in age Partners come from similar financial/class strata of origin Partners have similar IQ's Partners have accrued similar education Partners vote identically Partners received similar, if not identical, religious denomination and instruction and, as banal as it may sound--- Propinquity is a big factor. ie., we tend to partner up with people who are near us physically (in the same office, neighborhood, university, etc.) My wife and I can only tick off a third of those boxes, and yet we've been married nearly 20 years. The most important factor in my experience is sharing the same values. Having similar IQs also helps. Last but not least, the more kind, thoughtful, loving, and committed the two people involved are, the better the odds are that their marriage will succeed. All that said, though, there are no guarantees; and I'm sure someone here will probably find an exception to what I've written above. Congratulations and best of luck, sventvkg. Best, Geoff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members UstadKhanAli Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 What Geoff said. And much of that lovingness and thoughtfulness should be communicated, shown, etc. Continual effort should be put in to any serious relationship. It's not something where you just roll it downhill and hope for the best. It really needs continual thought and effort...and that effort is quite a lot of fun more often than not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members timmit65 Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 I used to tell Musicians to buy a big rack. So when you bought new gear it wasn't so obvious. But in today's world I guess I should say, buy a large hard drive. So when you buy new gear it won't be so obvious! Good Luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ernest Buckley Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 Men who marry live longer and enjoy better physical and mental health than those who don't. Men who marry get more sex than those who don't. Maybe Newlyweds... Man is incomplete without a woman; with one, he is finished. -Chinese Proverb or something The best of luck mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ernest Buckley Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 congrats man! Sometimes we do weird shit for sure! I've lived with a few women before this and said I would never do it again unless it was right. Neither of us HAD to do it and Nancy and I won't be having any kids as she has 2 is can't have any more unless we spend A LOT of $$! Also, she is so CHILL, kindhearted, family oriented, Cooks great and above all..ABOVE all...FLAT OUT LOVES ME..I do it for her in every way and that my friends, is my criteria for marriage:) Everything I do artistically and musically, she is the biggest fan of and is nothing but encouraging. She just wants to be with her kids and me and be happy. she is NOT Career oriented or materialistic which is good because I'm not either. She's happier with small rather then large and realizes like me, that stuff ultimately "owns you" rather then you owning it. She's a simple person and everything about her is down to earth. I dig that. As far as all the fear based stuff, like I said, I don't fear anything or anyone much less a spiteful Partner! LOL If I goes bad, I'll grab my guitar and move on! The thing about me is I DON'T WANT THE STRESS OF ALL THE CRAP ANYWAY! She can have it! Having stuff and then having to pay for it takes away my ability to have a chill existence and thus be able to hang out and write material, play music, etc. I know I'm weird but that kind of stuff is FAR MORE important to me then any material junk. We're both much happier with less crap. You sound like someone I know really well. His wife was very supportive and encouraged him to no end, even carrying his guitar to gigs and then they had kids, bought a house and things changed. The cool singer-songwriter lifestyle was eventually seen as a hobby and "something he does for fun with his pals". Beware. You say you don`t have a lot so I`m assuming your income is not that much, meaning, she will probably have to work as well. After a long day and the bills are just getting paid and you`re both stressed out, its tough to stay "in love". Thats when you find out how much someone loves you but you probably know that already. I`m 37 and married 10 years. My wife still supports me musically but the days of her drooling over me are far over. My music career brings in a decent salary so thats why its not knocked but I think most women want the same thing... a pretty house, a nice car and the time and $$$ to tend to themselves, their kids and enjoy the nice things in life. I don`t care how much a woman loves you, if you cannot provide those things for her, they will eventually resent you on some level. I`ve seen it time and time again with friends and even my own experiences. All women want security more than love. Wow, thats staggering to think about but I have noticed it so many times. They will stay in unhappy relationships with men because their men provide for them rather than spend the rest of their lives with men they truly love but will also call for them to sacrifice some. I know this may seem mean and unfair but its a trend I have seen in many women. Women back in the day, my grandparents for example stayed together because divorce was never an option so they stayed miserable forever..... That "loyalty" is no longer. I would like to think that at mid life, a couple who decides to get married are pretty much aware of all the pitfalls of a long term relationship. I don`t give advice on relationships, I have a hard enough time keeping mine intact so I only wish you the best and I can only share what I have experienced with myself and observed in others. With all that said... I never understood the pre-nup thing like so many here mentioned or condone... to me, if you are considering a pre-nup, you should not marry that person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ernest Buckley Posted March 28, 2010 Members Share Posted March 28, 2010 My wife and I can only tick off a third of those boxes, and yet we've been married nearly 20 years. The most important factor in my experience is sharing the same values. Having similar IQs also helps. Last but not least, the more kind, thoughtful, loving, and committed the two people involved are, the better the odds are that their marriage will succeed. All that said, though, there are no guarantees; and I'm sure someone here will probably find an exception to what I've written above. Congratulations and best of luck, sventvkg. Best, Geoff I agree Geoff with everything you said. I think that list is valid but first and foremost, a couple must have the same values. Once their values and goals start to differ, tension builds and over time, it separates a couple to the point where neither one can recognize the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sventvkg Posted March 29, 2010 Author Members Share Posted March 29, 2010 She sounds like a great woman and it's obvious you guys are 'crazy-go-nuts' in love. Do you get on with her kids? I got two more daughters when I married my wife...they are great kids and we get on well, that's important to a strong marriage. I Wish the two of you the best, and congrats. I forgot to mention that one of the Lawyers that was riding me is now in his fifth year of a 7 and a half year Federal corruption sentence...and yours truly was partially responsible in his ultimate conviction. Yes, there IS a God. :thu: That's AWESOME about that SWINE Lawyer! Good going! Yes the boys and I get along famously. I love them and will look after them as if they are my own. They do have a did that is their lives as well so that makes them all the more lucky:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members spokenward Posted March 29, 2010 Members Share Posted March 29, 2010 Good luck and happiness for both of you. I have only one piece of advice. You mentioned that your partner is not materialistic. Be aware that your partner is not being materialistic when she thinks increasingly about security in her forties. That is pretty much a biological need. That need for safety grows. Be aware of it and work on it. Being successful probably doesn't hurt either. So good luck with that too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members buttefly320 Posted March 29, 2010 Members Share Posted March 29, 2010 I wish you and your husband a great lovely life together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sventvkg Posted March 29, 2010 Author Members Share Posted March 29, 2010 Good luck and happiness for both of you. I have only one piece of advice. You mentioned that your partner is not materialistic. Be aware that your partner is not being materialistic when she thinks increasingly about security in her forties. That is pretty much a biological need. That need for safety grows. Be aware of it and work on it. Being successful probably doesn't hurt either. So good luck with that too. Thanks! I'm all to aware of the need for security coming into our 40's and beyond and that's why I came out here to get into something completely different with a nice income potential. Oh, I plan to become successful. Thats the goal! Got to do the happy go lucky artist thing almost till 40. Now it's time to BURN! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sventvkg Posted March 29, 2010 Author Members Share Posted March 29, 2010 I wish you and your husband a great lovely life together. I'll tell my soon to be wife for ya LOL. thanks though..I really appreciate it everyone:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sailorman Posted March 29, 2010 Members Share Posted March 29, 2010 Married 11 years May 1st. Was 47 and it was the 1st time. We were good friends 1st, really helps. Now let's see, she's 14 years younger, 2 kids by her 1st marriage, and reported to me at work after I hired her. Nothing complicated about that, right? Her ex is a drunken bum who hasn't worked in 2 years. Makes me look great..!! My first rule is to never lie about anything. We have a great relationship, couldn't be happier. Being laid off Friday, and she's supporting me as I retire. Couldn't imagine being without her. Best of luck to you..! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dahkter Posted March 29, 2010 Members Share Posted March 29, 2010 Congratulations Sven, hope you have a nice wedding and a happy marriage! FYI - I'm 38, I've been in a relationship for eight years, two kids, not married yet. Seems like an expensive pain in the ass, I always thought having kids is 100x more official than being married. Maybe in a few years if we have more income, however if we have more income I would prefer to put that towards a house instead of a wedding. Maybe when I'm 50... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rudolf von Hagenwil Posted March 29, 2010 Members Share Posted March 29, 2010 some people are really made for marriage, but usually not musicians. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members claveslave Posted March 29, 2010 Members Share Posted March 29, 2010 Just remember... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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