Members mutant_guitar Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 I notice some of you guys are pretty wise, and perhaps you guys can help a youngster such as myself get through some stuff he's going through in his life. I've started to get into a phase of my life where I've begun to question who I am, and whether or not I like the person I've become. The short answer is no, I'm not the person I want to be, and as a result, I'm not happy. My basic problem is I have a very negative outlook, and it seeps into every facet of my life. Have any of you guys ever been through such a phase, where you're just not happy with who you are as a person? You notice the things you do and say drive people away, and you know you need to change. What helped you through it, and did you come out feeling better about yourself? I'd appreciate it if any of you guys could share some experience that might be useful to someone such as myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cbh5150 Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 I notice some of you guys are pretty wise, and perhaps you guys can help a youngster such as myself get through some stuff he's going through in his life. I've started to get into a phase of my life where I've begun to question who I am, and whether or not I like the person I've become. The short answer is no, I'm not the person I want to be, and as a result, I'm not happy. My basic problem is I have a very negative outlook, and it seeps into every facet of my life. Have any of you guys ever been through such a phase, where you're just not happy with who you are as a person? You notice the things you do and say drive people away, and you know you need to change. What helped you through it, and did you come out feeling better about yourself? I'd appreciate it if any of you guys could share some experience that might be useful to someone such as myself. Being 46 and been around people (some VERY close to me) with the same thought process, I would suggest you take yourself to your doctor and be completely honest with him/her. Since I am not a doctor or a medical professional, I hate to use the "D" word, but you may have an issue that could be dealt with medically. Whatever it is, don't keep it to yourself. Talk to someone, and seek help if you need it. Good luck, mojo, and happy thoughts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cratz2 Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 Sorry to hear it man, but I think the fact you are thinking about it is a very good thing. I had a very good friend that went through something similar about maybe 10 or 12 years ago. He was a very smart guy, pretty successful but some aspect of his life was missing and he sort of wallowed in the negativity of his existence and the world in general. Not in a goth or emo sort of way at all, it's just for a number of years, he was just sort of existing rather than seemingly enjoying anything. I think part of his 'problem' was that he was too smart and tried to analyze everything and continued to seek the answer as to why he was unhappy while most people around him seemed to pretty happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WGH Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 To be honest, when I find myself feeling down it means I've been spending too much time thinking about me. I find I'm happiest when I'm being of service (usually some sort of physical work), when "me" is the last thing on my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Arr0wHead Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 I had a very good friend that went through something similar about maybe 10 or 12 years ago. He was a very smart guy, pretty successful but some aspect of his life was missing and he sort of wallowed in the negativity of his existence and the world in general. Not in a goth or emo sort of way at all, it's just for a number of years, he was just sort of existing rather than seemingly enjoying anything. This. The years for me from 22ish to 34 are a big wasted blur to me. Same thing, I was just kind of existing. Left the job I've been at for about the same amount of time, an whoa - the "old" me started creeping back VERY VERY fast. I became more creative again, and altogether happy. For over 10 years, I'd told myself I'd finally just come to accept the world as awful, or that I was a cynic, or disillusioned. I felt the world was just an awful place, and so was my place in it. Turns out that a lot of that unhappiness traced directly back to my job, but manifested itself in every single other aspect of my life. Two VERY important things I want to elaborate on a tiny bit: 1) Change what you can change2) Learn to accept the things you cannot change. Don't for a second think I'm about to throw religion at you. My own faith would likely offend 99% of the people here. These are practical rules of adulthood that will KEEP YOU SANE. Let's elaborate. #1 - If something is making you unhappy, CHANGE IT. Change jobs, change studies, change location, friends, anything that might be bringing you down or holding you back. Also remember, sometimes the things we think we CANNOT change, we are lying to ourselves. Again, for 10+ years my job stole my soul, but I felt financially trapped there. I had to get fired and lose 10 years before I learned that was UNTRUE, and there are a million other ways I could have gotten by. #2 - The stuff you can't change, don't even TRY. I've seen people struggle with family, and beg them to change. Lovers, kids, parents, siblings, etc. I've seen people hate themselves for things they can't control, like looks, size, etc.... Even little things, if you can't realistically fix it or make it better, don't spend even a minute losing sleep over it. Keep positive, and try to just tolerate it. Associate the negative stuff with POSITIVE things whenever you can. Don't like mowing the lawn? Throw your favorite album on headphones, and look at mowing the lawn as your favorite time to be alone and listen to an entire album undisturbed. You get the idea. The MOST IMPORTANT THING you've already done. Reach out to the people around you. Tell them you want help, and let them know the negativity you may display is NOT the person you feel you want to be, or SHOULD be. Sometimes people think the negativity is intentional, and it will drive them away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CoqBelliqueux Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 Try Open Jam, less Jesus freaks there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mister natural Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 see a therapist - many are very affordable there's nothing like being completely down-to-the-bone honest with someone you can trust completely & confidentially imo - most "negative" people are very unhappy with a certain aspect of themselves but don't know what to do about it; how to change best of luck to ya (sincerely) at doing the work of change Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Arr0wHead Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 Try Open Jam, less Jesus freaks there. I surely hope you're not referring to me. (as mine was the only topic with even a glancing mention of religion here) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BoneNut Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 I notice some of you guys are pretty wise, and perhaps you guys can help a youngster such as myself get through some stuff he's going through in his life. I've started to get into a phase of my life where I've begun to question who I am, and whether or not I like the person I've become. The short answer is no, I'm not the person I want to be, and as a result, I'm not happy. My basic problem is I have a very negative outlook, and it seeps into every facet of my life. Have any of you guys ever been through such a phase, where you're just not happy with who you are as a person? You notice the things you do and say drive people away, and you know you need to change. What helped you through it, and did you come out feeling better about yourself? I'd appreciate it if any of you guys could share some experience that might be useful to someone such as myself. First... keep in mind that all things will change. Nothing is permanent. Second... Make a plan. It's good you're thinking about things but also give thought to where you want to go, where you want to be a few years down the road, set up a goal and then work towards it. Third... I sincerely hope you get over this soon. It's safe to say most of us have been there before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cratz2 Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 I surely hope you're not referring to me. (as mine was the only topic with even a glancing mention of religion here) He's a {censored}ing asshole, man... don't even waste your time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members revans513 Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 Being 58, my advice (and I'm being very serious here) is not to air your problem here or any other board (too many {censored}tards). Go see a therapist. You cannot self diagnose or treat yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members diceman1000 Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 i'm almost 36 and still in that phase so i can't really offer any advice... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members scolfax Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 Two VERY important things I want to elaborate on a tiny bit:1) Change what you can change2) Learn to accept the things you cannot change. +1000. Also, might not apply to you, but what the heck, try to lighten up and not to care too much about what other people think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members GAS Man Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 Life can indeed be tough. Always keep putting one foot in front of the other. Take a deep breath and move on. Negativity can stem from the frustration of trying to make things right. Sometimes the happier go-lucky folks aren't necessarily better at coping, but merely dead from the neck up. Sort of like a Irish Setter. But believe it or not, one of the best solutions is the simplest age old recipes, i.e. exercise and/or athletics. I'm not your typical jock type, more like the average guy who's usually strapped to desk or recliner. But I do find that the physical activity does help with the endorphin levels, makes you feel better about yourself, and thereby armors you a bit more from the slings and arrows life will always throw your way. They still come at you, but the key is to try to learn the things that help you to deflect them. Pfizer makes a fortune selling meds to do that, but I think those paths have their own downside. You can't be numb either and succeed in all pursuits. Buena Suerte! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members PrawnHeed Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 ... not to care too much about what other people think. epecially therapists and especially especially untrained thrapists on a guitar forum! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kayd_mon Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 Having a positive outlook goes a long way. At least that's what happy people tell me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mutant_guitar Posted April 10, 2011 Author Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 Wow, thank you guys for the amazing responses. I think I can relate to the whole "existing but not enjoying" thing. Just thinking and talking about it has kind of given me a boost about the whole situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cratz2 Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 Being 58, my advice (and I'm being very serious here) is not to air your problem here or any other board (too many {censored}tards). Go see a therapist. You cannot self diagnose or treat yourself. +11,000. Not so much advice to not to talk to anyone on the forum but in such an open situation as this, {censored}tars like what's his cock up there with the chicken avatar. Nothing helpful to add, just wants to be a dick head like the little infantile little {censored} that he is. I so anticipated a response like his, that I specifically didn't finish the story about my friend which I will do later in a PM to the OP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CoqBelliqueux Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 I surely hope you're not referring to me. (as mine was the only topic with even a glancing mention of religion here) No, but your post certainly reminded me that the religion squad is sure to stop by any time soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Oldskool Texas Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 I notice some of you guys are pretty wise, and perhaps you guys can help a youngster such as myself get through some stuff he's going through in his life.I've started to get into a phase of my life where I've begun to question who I am, and whether or not I like the person I've become. The short answer is no, I'm not the person I want to be, and as a result, I'm not happy. My basic problem is I have a very negative outlook, and it seeps into every facet of my life. Have any of you guys ever been through such a phase, where you're just not happy with who you are as a person? You notice the things you do and say drive people away, and you know you need to change. There are two very good signs here: you're aware of the issue and the role you play in your situation, and you're asking for help. Keep going -- keep examining your patterns of thought and behavior, and continue to consult your friends, family members, or professionals. You might find it helpful to start keeping a journal, in which you note when your negativity emerges, how long it lasts, and how it's quelled. After awhile, you may see some patterns that are within your control to change or adjust. I'm also a big believer in meditation and daily physical activity, eating right, and indulging in intoxicants responsibly and moderately. Get that bike out and go for a ride; take a yoga class, go rock climbing, or just carve out a half an hour every morning to sit quietly and reflect. If you're drinking or smoking habitually, now might be a good time to take a couple of weeks off, just so you can see yourself without those filters. In short, start taking extra-good care of yourself for awhile: Go get a physical. Pop a multi-vitamin. Get a haircut and some new shoes. Pass up the bacon-double-cheeseburger, and order the salad with grilled salmon instead. Break a sweat every day. I'm not suggesting that these are simple solutions to what might very well be depression, but I find that my general self-esteem and emotional health is often affected by my physical well-being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Special J Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 Be wary of doctors whose first suggestion is drugs as a solution. Usually these feelings stem from something specific, whether you know it or not. An unhealthy relationship, a bad job, a wrong turn you made in life. Identifying and eliminating that thing, or coming to terms with it if it's not something you can undo, will go a long way in helping you cope. Also, watch who you hang out with at this time. Negative people feed off of and breed negativity in others. Surround yourself with people who will empower you and help you through a difficult time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Arr0wHead Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 No, but your post certainly reminded me that the religion squad is sure to stop by any time soon. #2 - learn to tolerate what you cannot change. If you slow down, you can learn something in this thread about happiness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members CoqBelliqueux Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 #2 - learn to tolerate what you cannot change. If you slow down, you can learn something in this thread about happiness. Learn to reject what slows you down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Arr0wHead Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 Learn to reject what slows you down. Or, to get all "religious" on you, "When walking in open territory, bother no one. If someone bothers you, ask him to stop. If he does not stop, destroy him" or "Have respect because pity will make you weak." Consider your place in this thread, and your lack of respect for the beliefs of others. Not all faithful are Jesus freaks. Learn tolerance. No one is bothering you, yet you attack a group with no provocation. This shows you wear your own personal struggle on your sleeve. It's weakness, and like a sick animal it will cause people to turn on you. Tolerance, Respect, and go on with your life. There's room for everyone, and their beliefs, if it is personal and private. TLDR - Don't be a jackass Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ralph onion Posted April 10, 2011 Members Share Posted April 10, 2011 You made a big step opening up in here. Remember this; "Life Equals Change!" k Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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