Members Dancebass Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 Do you guys do this? My wife always bitches at me for not letting myself enjoy playing as much as I should. I agree with her, but can't seem to change it. I try, but for some reason I tend to under celebrate good things. I've been trying to stop this behavior and just enjoy the moment. Well, I think I figured some of it out yesterday. Yesterday my band secured a super {censored}ing cool gig. (I'll tell all about that in another thread soon). Anyway, my wife and our friends were very happy for us and I was hesitant to celebrate with them. They asked me why I acted like that, and it all hit me. I've had the rug pulled out from under me so many times in the past, that I can't seem to enjoy good news when it's first delivered. I always hold back, expecting the worst, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Then, if it all does fall into place and nothing bad happens, I have lost the moment. The news is no longer "new" and I just kind of exhale with relief and that's it. I think I'm letting past disappointments completely ruin all the fun for me. I got to stop doing that!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 3shiftgtr Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 meh...a gig is a gig is a gig is a gig is a gig..... Play a coffee shop, play a shed. Same thing to me. Notes don't know who is playing them, much less where they are being played and for whom. And WHO I make the music with is waaay more important to me than where. ....and I've been biz f*cked so hard so many times, my eyes STILL water. So it is an elaborate rationalization for a good defense mechanism. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dancebass Posted July 23, 2010 Author Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 elaborate rationalization for a good defense mechanism. I think I've caught myself being foolishly superstitious. Like if I actually get happy over something I'm sure to jinx it! That's retarded villager think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Microtilt Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 Tailoring a song list around a perceived need to play 3 chord bar standards will do this to me, every time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cephus Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 I think I've caught myself being foolishly superstitious. Like if I actually get happy over something I'm sure to jinx it! That's retarded villager think. I was the same way - but it invaded other areas of my life, too. I'm not like that anymore. For me, recognizing the possibility of a higher power helped me see that I was foolish to think I could prevent disappointment in my life by being a crabby cynic all the time. Maybe the higher part isn't for you, but you do have to accept that bad things happen beyond your control. All you can do is your part in it. The next step is forgiving the other dumb asses in the band and those prick club owners when it's their fault Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members FitchFY Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 I felt the same way until I recently joined up with a killer band that's just fun to play with in practice. We've got some shows in the future, but all I think about with them is sharing the music. They're nasty cats. I work with one band, drink with another, and jam with the third. It's the trifecta! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TrickyBoy Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 Do you guys do this? I used to. However by the time I reached my mid 20's I realized that I'm not solving world problems here. I'm playing music. Have fun. Are you going to take some hard knocks along the way. Of course you are. But at least you got them playing music. Think of the alternative. Get a desk job that's truly no fun and you still take it in the ass on a regular basis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members maxnew40 Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 Sometimes it is easier to lighten up a little when you realize how important playing some local venues in a local band really is. Some people take the whole thing a little too seriously and forget to just have some fun. Too me it is too funny seeing some guys in local bands that really think they are special. Max Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vito Corleone Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 Do you guys do this? Yeah. I tend to be a pessimist. That way, I'm never dissapointed when things go horribly and I'm thrilled if they go better than I expected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kramerguy Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 Do you guys do this? I've had the rug pulled out from under me so many times in the past, that I can't seem to enjoy good news when it's first delivered. I always hold back, expecting the worst, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Then, if it all does fall into place and nothing bad happens, I have lost the moment. The news is no longer "new" and I just kind of exhale with relief and that's it. I have to admit, not just in music, but in all aspects of life, I've become so accustomed to the more-than-likely letdowns that I can't let myself enjoy the moments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vito Corleone Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 I have to admit, not just in music, but in all aspects of life, I've become so accustomed to the more-than-likely letdowns that I can't let myself enjoy the moments. I think musicians--especially those who perform--tend to be this way by nature. I think it's WHY we perform. We need that extra rush in life to be happy. We're looking for something more than we get from the 9-to-5. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TrickyBoy Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 I think it's WHY we perform. Speak for yourself. I perform so hot chick might, just for a second, think I'm cute. Of course, then I begin talking and screw the whole thing up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kramerguy Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 I think musicians--especially those who perform--tend to be this way by nature. I think it's WHY we perform. We need that extra rush in life to be happy. We're looking for something more than we get from the 9-to-5. I'm not sure- I don't think I was a pessimist before I was a musician... I fell in love with music at a very young age- but also had a *very* happy childhood.. It wasn't until my late teens that I started "preparing" myself mentally for letdowns, and my mid 20's the letdowns came in droves. The 30's haven't been much kinder... So maybe it's environmental? I play for the love of music, and.. the $$ doesn't hurt! I often think that it was because my childhood was so positive that I have always had an unrealistic expectation since.. I dunno.. we need a philosophy & psychiatry forum lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Vito Corleone Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 I'm not sure-I don't think I was a pessimist before I was a musician... I fell in love with music at a very young age- but also had a *very* happy childhood.. It wasn't until my late teens that I started "preparing" myself mentally for letdowns, and my mid 20's the letdowns came in droves. The 30's haven't been much kinder... So maybe it's environmental? I play for the love of music, and.. the $$ doesn't hurt!I often think that it was because my childhood was so positive that I have always had an unrealistic expectation since.. I dunno.. we need a philosophy & psychiatry forum lol I had a good childhood. I've just always been pragmatic and realisitic to a degree that puts me on the negative side of a lot of things. My 20s were great, my 30s sucked, my 40s have been great again. I'm a genuinely happy person, but I just have that overly-pragmatic view. I never let my anticipation for something good to happen cloud my expectations of what is most likely to happen. I play for the love of music and the thrill I get from playing live and entertaining crowds. They go hand-in-hand for me. If I only have one without the other, I feel I let myself down and didn't accomplish my goal. Money I make is more of a happy side-effect from doing a good job on those first two than a goal in-and-of itself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dancebass Posted July 23, 2010 Author Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 Speak for yourself. I perform so hot chick might, just for a second, think I'm cute. Of course, then I begin talking and screw the whole thing up. That's still pretty positive! I do it because I tried to quit and couldn't! I need the gig-a-way patch or something. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members fishmanrod Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 That attitude is the major reason my X divorced me, or so she says. "Can't you just be happy?" she used to asked. One has to try to find happiness in the everyday, and the resiliance to withstand the BS. I'm cursed with the same attitude as you, but I'm working on it. The divorce was a bit of a mac truck moment. It's a lot more fun to be excited and occasionally dissappointed than it is to be constantly expecting the {censored} storm, and constantly unhappy, and simply relieved when the {censored} storm does not happen. My current (exceeding sexy and wonderful) girlfreind says "Life is not a dress rehearsal". Carpe the damn diem. Be aware of the moment. What's that silly saying, the only thing that matters is NOW, RIGHT NOW. What is the worst that will happen, the gig will get cancelled and life will go on, and you will get another really cool gig that WILL work out. True story, the biggest gig of my musical career was two weeks after my X said she wanted me to leave. Somehow, I enjoyed it, and it's a great memory. Ya gotta let the good in!! Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Lee Flier Posted July 23, 2010 Members Share Posted July 23, 2010 I've had the rug pulled out from under me so many times in the past, that I can't seem to enjoy good news when it's first delivered. I always hold back, expecting the worst, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Then, if it all does fall into place and nothing bad happens, I have lost the moment. The news is no longer "new" and I just kind of exhale with relief and that's it. I think I'm letting past disappointments completely ruin all the fun for me. I got to stop doing that!! Yeah, you do! Not that I can't relate. I didn't used to be this way but I had a series of events around 10 years ago that kinda made me that way subsequently. That is, whenever it seems like something cool is going to happen, I can't really celebrate until it actually happens. I find it hard to get too excited ahead of time. BUT, I will say that usually, when and if something good DOES happen, I can and do really enjoy the hell out of it. It's not lost on me. In fact maybe I appreciate it even more than I used to because I know it's not easy to come by. So maybe you can work on at least getting to that point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 24, 2010 Moderators Share Posted July 24, 2010 Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps forward one step back. Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps forward one step back. Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps forward one step back... The natural rhythm of personal progress. Celebrate? Naw. The work is the celebration. Celebrate through the work. When the inevitable and necessary disappointments occur, accept them as a time of regrouping and rest to facilitate the next two steps of forward motion. Premature "celebrating" is breaking that natural rhythm. Keep riding the wave till it naturally stops then take a break and regroup. "Celebrating" is a great way to slow or halt the forward progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted July 24, 2010 Moderators Share Posted July 24, 2010 And with regards to taking the FUN out if it... By all means leave the fun in it. It's fun isn't it? That's why you're good at it. Cause it's fun. Leave the fun in it and keep doing it well. There's the celebration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SpaceNorman Posted July 24, 2010 Members Share Posted July 24, 2010 Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps forward one step back. Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps forward one step back. Two steps forward, one step back. Two steps forward one step back...The natural rhythm of personal progress. Lot's of wisdom in those words. Recognizing that it's the "natural rhythm" is key. Accepting it without getting one's self get all twisted up about the any one step back is the part that some folks seem to have the biggest struggle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SpaceNorman Posted July 24, 2010 Members Share Posted July 24, 2010 I think it's natural to get excited about new opportunities. I've come to learn that my biggest disappointments have usually come - not because a specific opportunity wasn't a good one - but rather because I raised my expectations to unreasonable levels as a result of my excitement. Nowdays, I try to temper my excitement and not overthink something that hasn't happened yet in either positively OR negatively. I've come to realize that I'm likely to make the most out of every opportunity if I keep my excitement (translate: expectations) in check and simply take it as it comes. I don't see that as being negative in the least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members fanblade Posted July 24, 2010 Members Share Posted July 24, 2010 Threads like these get started because someone is hanging around assholes...so they think the key to being happy, and getting along with everyone is to drop to their level, lower expectations, executing psychological kung fu, in order to be happy around idiots.. The key to dealing with idiots is to cut them loose, and anyone for that matter who is holding you back... It's a pretty common theme that all the type B guys bash on the type A guys that are workaholics, serious about music, want to get it right....well {censored} them.... I would rather be alone then in a room full of dumb {censored}s..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MusicalSchizo Posted July 24, 2010 Members Share Posted July 24, 2010 If you don't let yourself have fun and ignore your own negative thoughts and the crap people say that is kind of down then being a working musician can really suck. I'm a really honest bandmate, and even though my criticism is always rooted in making us all sound better, in the past I haven't sugar coated it enough for some people's taste, and as a result, for them I was the one taking the FUN out of it, unintentionally... But the band got better as a result, and sometimes those people quit. Those who weathered it and stuck around became better musicians and were paid better for their effort. At shows I always try to put my heart into everything - even crap I would tune away from on the radio with an angry, "{censored} THAT {censored}..." because I know that the song is loved by many people and they deserve my all, even if I think the song is dog {censored}. I find joy and challenge in that sort of commitment to the music - trying to find heart in something that is really hard to put your heart into (because you don't like it). That's what keeps it fun for me - OWNING what I do. I know I did my best, even if I messed some stuff up. Of course, crowds, bar owners, grumpy bandmates, past transgressions, gear problems, and all sorts of other {censored} can conspire to take the FUN out of it, but you know? You just have to find a way to insulate the fun so that stuff doesn't ruin it for you. And therein lies the big challenge...best of luck, man - I hope you find a way to keep the FUN in there...Brian V. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SBF3000 Posted July 24, 2010 Members Share Posted July 24, 2010 I would rather be alone then in a room full of dumb {censored}s..... wait a minute Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BlueStrat Posted July 25, 2010 Members Share Posted July 25, 2010 I would rather be alone then in a room full of dumb {censored}s..... Or you could just try being a decent human being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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