Members Phil Clark Posted August 12, 2011 Members Share Posted August 12, 2011 I don't remember the lead-in... but the punchline is... Behringer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members W. M. Hellinger Posted August 13, 2011 Members Share Posted August 13, 2011 I'm pretty sure that the "C" is at the third fret - the "F" on the third string too but yah got that "G" right . Or was you makin' a bass player joke about how they only get 1/3 of the notes right ? As Fat Freddie sez: "Well...I'll be dipped..."Because: Your post got me thinking: I haven't looked at a fingerboard while I'm playing for... oh... about 35 years. Furthermore... I couldn't hazard a guess where an "A"... or anyother note is on a bass without doing an internet search or some such thing. In-fact, I can't remember the last time I knew (or cared) what key a song is in that we're playing. I just play... don't even think about which fingers are doing what or where... kind of like when I type... I have no idea what finger is doing what (usually I'm watching a U-Tube video or such when I type... I couldn't possibly tell you what character is where on a keyboard. I've never read a fingering chart... I just listen to a song, and if it's in my head, the fingers just seem to work without thinking about what they're doing.Anyhoo... At tonight's gig... I actually attempted to pay attention to what my left hand was doing (and asked some questions... like "What key was that last song in?) It threw everyone in the band for a loop, including myself. I couldn't keep it up for very long 'cause I was fumbling around all over the place attempting to watch what my left hand was doing while it was doing it... but:I discovered that whatever note I'm playing, it's the frikken fret above where-ever my left hand finger is placed that defines the note... so I guess a "G" on the "E" string is "the third fret".I'll be dipped... Who'd thunk it?Oh... and BTW (I guess this is the "humor thread")... our guitarist asked me why I'm suddenly interested in what key a song is in... I told him (and the band)... "It's cause I'm trying to figure out what the names are of the notes I'm playing." They all thought that was funny as hell.I'll shut-up and lay low now for awhile. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RoadRanger Posted August 13, 2011 Members Share Posted August 13, 2011 Q: How do you get an electric guitarist to stop playing ? A: Put some sheet music in front of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members modulusman Posted August 13, 2011 Members Share Posted August 13, 2011 My favorite " How can you tell the stage is level" The drummer is drooling out of both sides of his mouth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TuMadre Posted August 13, 2011 Members Share Posted August 13, 2011 Did you hear the one about the sound guy that walked into a bar and thought the mix was perfect? Me neither. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Coaster Posted August 13, 2011 Members Share Posted August 13, 2011 whats the difference between a D112 and a hammer? a hammer sounds better on a kick drum. what do you do with an orchestral violinist that cant play? give them two sticks and put them in the back. what do you do if they still cant play? take one stick away and put them in the front. what do you see if you look under a soprano's skirt? a tenor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mogwix Posted August 13, 2011 Members Share Posted August 13, 2011 A man is browsing around in a library, and after finding a book he walked to the counter to check it out. In line ahead of him is a chicken... the chicken clucks, "book". The librarian, slightly confused, handed the chicken a book. Chicken tucks the book under his wing and waddles out the door. The man checks his book out and carries on about his day. The next day, the man goes back to the library to return the book. Again, the chicken is at the counter. This time he hands the book back to the librarian, and this time, clucks "book, book". The librarian, catching on by now, hands the chicken two books. Chicken tucks both books under his wing and waddles out the door. The man checks out another book and decides to come back the next day, to see if the chicken is there again. The next day, the man returns and sure enough, the chicken is there. The chicken places both books on the counter and clucks "book, book, book". The librarian hands the chicken three books, which he tucks under his wings, and waddles out the door. This time the man can't help himself, he places his book on the counter and follows the chicken out the door. The chicken walks down the street to the edge of town, crosses the train tracks, through the field, down to a meadow, and eventually comes to a large pond. The man waits in the bushes and watches as the chicken wades out into the pond, to a huge lily pad, on top of which is perched a large toad. The chicken holds out the three books to the toad and clucks, "book, book, book". There's a pause, and the toad croaks "reddit" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members W. M. Hellinger Posted August 13, 2011 Members Share Posted August 13, 2011 Q: How do you get an electric guitarist to stop playing ?A: Put some sheet music in front of him. Q: How do you get a violinist to stop playing? A: Take their sheet music away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members W. M. Hellinger Posted August 13, 2011 Members Share Posted August 13, 2011 Little Johnny's father finally agrees to teach him to play bass, I palgerized your joke at last night's gig. Went like this: The song "Kansas City" somehow made it on the set list (again). The leadman announced the song... I knew there'd be a call for a bass solo during the song, so I said: "Before we play Kansas City... I have something to say." The leadman stepped away from his mic & motioned me up, where-upon I stepped up to the mic and told your joke... even played the notes on my bass to demonstrate... EEE-EEE... AAA-AAA...A-E-A-E-A-E-A-E. Seemingly nobody in the crowd "got it" (except maybe the band wives)... the band thought it was halarious. I still was put-upon to whip out a bass solo during Kansas City (sigh). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RoadRanger Posted August 13, 2011 Members Share Posted August 13, 2011 I still was put-upon to whip out a bass solo during Kansas City (sigh).I've found that if you avoid the pentatonic notes entirely and just play the other 7 all over the neck as randomly as you can pretty soon the band stops asking you to puke up a solo as they think you're playing above their comprehension level . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members W. M. Hellinger Posted August 13, 2011 Members Share Posted August 13, 2011 I've found that if you avoid the pentatonic notes entirely and just play the other 7 all over the neck as randomly as you can pretty soon the band stops asking you to puke up a solo as they think you're playing above their comprehension level . I tried that years ago. The result: A talent scout in the audience came up afterward and stuffed his card in my pocket... said he knew a band that mostly plays beatnick clubs... they need a bass player and I "had the right stuff"... except / if I could do the same sort of licks on a fretless stand-up bass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RoadRanger Posted August 13, 2011 Members Share Posted August 13, 2011 ^^^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BillESC Posted August 14, 2011 Author Members Share Posted August 14, 2011 A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?' 'Of course, child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvellous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WynnD Posted August 14, 2011 Members Share Posted August 14, 2011 A priest and a minister were sitting beside each other on a flight. Stewardess - What can I get for you? Minister - Cup of coffeePriest - Scotch on the RocksMinister to Priest - Father how could you?Priest - Christ drank wine didn't he?Minister - Yes, but I would have thought so much more of him if he hadn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members loco_p_man Posted August 14, 2011 Members Share Posted August 14, 2011 What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians ? A drummer. How can you tell it's a drummer at the door ? He knocks 3 times and then comes in late. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RoadRanger Posted August 14, 2011 Members Share Posted August 14, 2011 Did you hear about the drummer who was so despondent about his poor timing that he threw himself BEHIND a train? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members madjack Posted August 15, 2011 Members Share Posted August 15, 2011 How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They have machines to do that now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RoadRanger Posted August 26, 2011 Members Share Posted August 26, 2011 Q: What do you get when you cross a skunk with a jackass? A: A promoter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rezrover Posted August 26, 2011 Members Share Posted August 26, 2011 A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked," Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RoadRanger Posted August 26, 2011 Members Share Posted August 26, 2011 Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season is Like Christmas 10. Decorating the windows (with plywood and tape X's) 9. Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season (camping gear, flashlights) 8. Last minute shopping in crowded stores 7. Regular TV shows pre-empted for "specials" 6. Family coming to stay with you 5. Family and friends from out-of-state calling 4. Buying food you don't normally buy ... and in large quantities 3. Days off from work 2. Candles And the number one reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas ... 1. At some point you know you're going to have a tree in your house! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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