Members jamesp Posted January 16, 2009 Members Share Posted January 16, 2009 First off, don't feel you need to apologize about bringing it up here. Off topic? Yes. A trivial matter? No. YMMV, but I appreciated that apology and look forward to him keeping his promise to knock it off. We return you now to your regularly scheduled soap opera. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members panhandler Posted January 16, 2009 Members Share Posted January 16, 2009 Hang in there Darkhorse! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members StaffyDaddy Posted January 16, 2009 Members Share Posted January 16, 2009 I'm terribly sorry to hear about your situation. There is a day in your future when you will be free of this pain. You will be happy and in a relationship with someone who respects and loves you and all this current mess will stand out as a turning point in your life at which you started changing for the better. First, though, you have a lot of pain to endure. First things first. The marriage is untenable and will end one way or another. You have a little input into choosing how that happens. Make up a list of how you will split things up, who will move where, who takes the car, etc. It is best if you can come to an amicable agreement about this, and will save you both money and grief in the legal system. Discuss it with her when you are both as calm as possible. As you, her victim, tries to break free she will make an effort to hold on to you. Anything she says she will do or change is a lie, and cannot be believed. Above all, don't sleep with her, as, miserable as it would be, she may see a child as a way or permanently binding you. I'd also worry about pregnancy if she is sleeping with someone else, since that child is as good as yours if she conceives during the time she is married to you. As you get some distance, think about how you came to allow yourself to be shackled to such a destructive creature. For some people, this kind of thing is repeated all the rest of their lives, while others learn from it. Good luck. -John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kwakatak Posted January 16, 2009 Members Share Posted January 16, 2009 I think I agree with the consensus: it's over with her. Hire a lawyer and PI and CYA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RKO Posted January 16, 2009 Members Share Posted January 16, 2009 I have had my own marital issues, which I publicized on these very internets. In my own situation, I was the horse's ass. I'm still trying to get back home. Assuming this is not a gag, you sound like a good guy who is being f-ed over by a not very nice person. I concur with my esteemed colleagues. CYA, and run. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hamhand Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 I had the perfect cure for a similar situation in my first marriage. I popped him in the eye, turned and told her she could find her stuff on the front porch, changed the door locks when I was done. Gave her whatever money (all savings) she wanted as long as she went her own way. Wasn't easy, but it was effective. The best part is I saw her recently after 21 years. And she was just as fat and ugly as her mother. I actually busted out laughing as I continued walking. Never said a word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members valentsgrif Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 You got kids bro? Assuming no kids, then do what your wife is telling you to do: get a new woman, get a new life and get going now. From what you've described no amount of counseling, male self improvment or persuasion will change your wife's mind. As an aside, can someone explain to me the mindset of guys who take up with married broads? Wrecking lives for a little trim? I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dagurasu Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 Get out now and think of yourself, not anyone else (relative or not) around you. You can't change anybody but yourself. +1 to you! My friend once told me, you've gotta love yourself first, and by staying in that situation you're only giving the other person the love that you should be giving yourself...there are better things to do with your time on this world than put up with something like that, good luck to you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AndrewGG Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 Wow, talk about wanting to have your cake and eat it too! She's taking the piss and taking advantage of your generosity of spirit and home security. She needs to go; yesterday would be quick enough. I'm sorry that this will hurt you but for your own self-esteem and mental health the faster she goes the less time you'll need to put up with the self-centred lady. And when, after a few weeks, she starts whining to come back because it hasn't worked out with Mr. Wonderful you can kick her sorry arse out again. Win-win for you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hoddy Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 pics? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AndrewGG Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 pics? I note you are displaying the same intelligence, sensitivity and insight we experience daily on HCPP:facepalm: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Melodeous Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 Sounds like you're a snowball in hell. You need an exit plan my friend and others here have hit all the key points of it. I'll shake them out onto the table in order. With a focus on amicable, consult a legal beagle and ensure him there will be no battle lines drawn. You just want out with what is rightfully yours. Identify all parties and events causing this injury and he/she will serve the papers to them. If you were honest with the points you delineated you are the injured and have the grounds to push her out. Ask the attorney how to best mitigate your marriage (your conduct and behavior) to your advantage in the meantime. Be objective as much as you possibly can and keep it professional. Ever hear of the mail-in divorce? It's easy when there's no children and property is negligible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DaveAronow Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 Dude. Tell her to beat feet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members totamus Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 Whats to add to the unanimous consensus? There is nothing left of your old life or relationship. Only memories remain. Wanting the memories to be reality won't work. Leave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members boxorox Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 LAWYER!!! YESTERDAY!!! Secure your personal possessions elsewhere if possible. Ask LAWYER how to maintain passession of the house and get her out. NEVER accept anything said about an open relationship, and never say you'll forgive what she's done if she just goes to counselling with you. This is called "condoning" her actions, and takes them off the table as grounds for divorce. When she keeps up the behavior, and she will, it will be harder to get proof. Ask LAWYER if you can record conversations in your jurisdiction. It may be neccessary, though not admissible, depends on jurisdiction. This is going to be hard, and you may have to do things that you feel are less than honorable, but it is self defense. If there is one thing you can cling to, it is that you are not alone in this, and it is not caused by some flaw in your character. You are not a freak who deserves this. A lot of us have shared the experience, and we support you. PS_ a good time to change the locks is when she goes out with the boyfriend. A statement of "If you go, don't come back" is pretty much an eviction that stands. But I don't know the law in your state. So Lawyer, Lawyer, Lawyer. Hurry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Blamalam Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 Pull your cash out of any joint accounts. Change the locks (tell her you're doing so) the next time she leaves. Retain an attorney on MONDAY! Paraphrase your thread: "I bought this scorpion home and gave it a nice cage, good food, and all the roaming space it needs. However, the little {censored}er goes out of its way to bite and sting me. Should I keep petting it until it gets used to me? The doctor says he's gonna have to amputate my right hand." Sounds a little different put that way, right? Good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guitarplay Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 Pull your cash out of any joint accounts.Change the locks (tell her you're doing so) the next time she leaves.Retain an attorney on MONDAY!Paraphrase your thread: "I bought this scorpion home and gave it a nice cage, good food, and all the roaming space it needs. However, the little {censored}er goes out of its way to bite and sting me. Should I keep petting it until it gets used to me? The doctor says he's gonna have to amputate my right hand."Sounds a little different put that way, right?Good luck to you. well put. Your whole situation is what eventually happens when you don't lay down the law as the dominant male. If you act submissive, then any girl will naturally assume total control. She obviously thinks she can do whatever she pleases because she sees you as a {censored}. so man up, don't take her {censored} and kick her to the curb where she belongs. book a flight to Thailand and bring back a smoking hot 24 year old, then let's see who has the last laugh. slay that dragon and get on with your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bigald18 Posted January 17, 2009 Members Share Posted January 17, 2009 However I may differ with the opinions expressed by many in these forums, on this matter all I can say is everyone is 100% correct in telling you to end it. Best of all, when you finally do, you will actually feel RELIEVED. Best of luck bigald18:thu: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members boxorox Posted January 18, 2009 Members Share Posted January 18, 2009 This is not about "Manning Up" or "Being a {censored}". Personally, I think it takes one Hell of a man to stand in the face of a deteriorating situation and try to do the right thing and resolve it. But you also have to know when to quit, and that was probably about the time you sent your first post. There's been some bad advice given. DO NOT punch anybody in the nose. It may be justified, but you do not want to be judged as a physically abusive hothead. DO NOT give her assets in the hope she will accept them and walk away. What is GIVEN to her is hers. What remains will still be subject to division as marital assets. Anything you owned before the marriage is not subject to division. Any gift or inheritance given specifically to you is not subject to division. This extends to interest and royalties such property may have accrued during the marriage. DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. Unless it is absolutely secured. Your stuff is there, and it won't be if she get's control of it. If this is not realistic, photograph everything that is yours in place. Any conversion (sale), destruction or wastage of your personal property or marital property wil be held against the offender at settlement. So don't go wrecking her stuff either. Be smart. Be strong. Feel free to PM at any time. You are not unique. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's an unpleasant part of life. And someday you will realize that you are better off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Raj Posted January 18, 2009 Members Share Posted January 18, 2009 Your wife's been emotionally abusing you for a long time, I remember thinking that even from some of your music-based posts in which you mentioned her behaviour on that front. I sincerely hope you're able to get yourself out sooner rather than later and start a new life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members DarkHorseJ27 Posted January 20, 2009 Author Members Share Posted January 20, 2009 Sorry for the late reply, haven't had access to the computer for almost a week. I'm ending it. I gave it one more shot and she went and messed around with him again. She wants a seperation too. We're thinking anullment because someone who knows that stuff said it is quicker, easier, and we qualify. No kids to worry about, so that is a good thing. She was bugging me for a baby because she wants one and thinks I would be a good father, but I said no because above all else it would not be fair to the kid. I wanted and still want to beat the living crap out of the other guy, but have refrained because my better judgement tells me it is more trouble than it is worse. One of her friends is pushing her to take half of my stuff, but she doesn't want to do that, and we've already divided everything and we are happy with what we each will be getting. Now it is just a matter of going down to the courthouse. I've been talking to friends too, and getting help from them. Only one of them is married, so I thought it wouldn't hurt to ask here. Thanks for the advice and sorry for not wising up sooner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Brokepick Posted January 20, 2009 Members Share Posted January 20, 2009 Sounds like about the best outcome that could come out of this bad situation. Good Luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Krash Posted January 20, 2009 Members Share Posted January 20, 2009 Get it done, and never look back. And forget about the other guy - he didn't make your wife a slut. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members babablowfish Posted January 20, 2009 Members Share Posted January 20, 2009 This too shall pass. Meanwhile, get into therapy to see why you saw what you thought you saw in her that was never really there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Stackabones Posted January 20, 2009 Members Share Posted January 20, 2009 Best of luck through this difficult time. One thing more thing, mentioned a couple of times already ... GET A LAWYER! It sounds like someone is trying to sway her into taking you to the cleaners. CYA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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