OT - My divorce is final

[philbo]

It just happened today. Single again!

 

I've been doing a little liquid celebrating...

[Jeff da Weasel]

Congrats. Here's to getting closure and fresh starts and new opportunities.

[deanmass]

Congrats and Condolences....Don't forget the lessons of the marriage, and best luck with your fresh start....I am 2 years on from mine, and generally am thankful for every day now that I chose to be single again.

[Gus Lozada]

Another divorced here.

Time will tell if you did the right thing.

 

I guess you did

 

You'll be fine. As The Weasel says, here's to fresh starts and new opportunities.

 

If you have children, keep in very close contact with them. You and them will be glad if you do so. They need their father and you need them too.

[UstadKhanAli]

A new chapter begins! Fresh start!! May it bring you happiness!

 

~~

 

Gus, that's an excellent new avatar!!!

[steveg]

 

Congrats and Condolences....Don't forget the lessons of the marriage, and best luck with your fresh start....I am 2 years on from mine, and generally am thankful for every day now that I chose to be single again.

 

 

I have been there too, this is EXCELLENT advice. Good to move on, good to find a better life, but DO learn the lessons!!

[philbo]

Thank you all for the perspective of experience and the well wishes. I am delighted and frightened and excited and daunted. It is all a new adventure!! A new path on the journey to tomorrow, I guess.

[uncle psychosis]

I never quite know what to say..."good luck", I guess

[Super 8]

I'm trying to remember if you were the one who was sharing some of the issues leading to the divorce some time ago on the forum....maybe even at Music Player?

 

In any case, I'm sorry things didn't work out. I can't really say 'congrats' since I don't think anyone (except maybe the Hollywood set) gets married with the intent of eventually divorcing, but I do know from personal experience that it can be a very bittersweet sense of relief. And it is a new beginning.

 

 

You may want to hold off on any romantic relationships for a while. The statistics of marriages within 5 years after a divorce are pretty dismal. That said, my wife and I both married within 2 years after our respective divorces. We've been together for just over 13 years, and I swear it doesn't feel longer than maybe 5. But I was very fortunate to find a woman like her.

 

I wish you all the best, man.

[bbach]

 

You may want to hold off on any romantic relationships for a while. The statistics of marriages within 5 years after a divorce are pretty dismal.

 

 

Yea, it's almost unreal how many "rebounders" end up divorced a second time. Maybe it has something to do with the loneliness after a divorce or a sense of failure that makes people rush back into marriage. Or, they just got too horny.

 

Philbo - time is the great healer. Give yourself some.

[philbo]

Yeah, I found that out - an early experiment with a relationship bombed due to what I call "whiny clinginess" - - it was like dumping ice water on the relationship; I ran the other way.

[Ani]

Yea, it's almost unreal how many "rebounders" end up divorced a second time. Maybe it has something to do with the loneliness after a divorce or a sense of failure that makes people rush back into marriage. Or, they just got too horny.

 

I don't know which is worse... rebounding too soon or getting too set in your ways by kicking it single too long

 

I stayed single for 8 years after my first divorce and I've been apart from my 2nd husband now for 12 years/divorced for 9 of them. Waiting between marriages didn't make a difference for me. I think that it's more a matter of waiting to tie the knot once you have found what seems to be MR/MISS RIGHT; take your time in getting to know the person you want to marry!!! As hard as it might seem; leave the sex out of the picture and get to know the person first.... You can fall in love with the sex and later find out that you don't even like the person...

[UstadKhanAli]

I would imagine it's different for each person and each couple, but common sense would seem to indicate just laying low for a while and relaxing, and assessing what you really want out of a relationship, and how to make that work.

 

A lot of people (well, hell, just about all of us!! ) will make the same mistakes or have the same issues in their subsequent relationships, so it's important to try and have some self-awareness and try and improve on those.

 

Regardless, enjoy yourself!! And may you have wisdom and luck on your side!!

[philbo]

I would imagine it's different for each person and each couple, but common sense would seem to indicate just laying low for a while and relaxing, and assessing what you really want out of a relationship, and how to make that work. A lot of people (well, hell, just about all of us!! ) will make the same mistakes or have the same issues in their subsequent relationships, so it's important to try and have some self-awareness and try and improve on those. Regardless, enjoy yourself!! And may you have wisdom and luck on your side!!

 

Thank you. I have delved deeply into Buddhism recently which has really helped me get a grip on my situation and become aware of many things I once did not notice or consider.

[MrKnobs]

Yea, it's almost unreal how many "rebounders" end up divorced a second time. Maybe it has something to do with the loneliness after a divorce or a sense of failure that makes people rush back into marriage. Or, they just got too horny.

 

Could be.

 

Could also be that some people who initiate a divorce erroneously believe all the problems were due to their spouse, and fail to work on themselves, thus carrying the same issues to each subsequent marriage / relationship.

 

One subset of this is that some folks have an unrealistic idea of marriage that no one can meet. You can work out almost anything in a marriage if both people are calm, honest, reasonable in their expectations, and committed to the marriage.

 

So many factors. How you were raised, what your parents' marriage was like, your religious beliefs, how much TV you watch, how much education you have, how much money you each make.

 

About the one constant I can see in all breakdowns is the need to communicate about small problems before they turn into huge ones. As they say, "Love isn't killed by a single blow, but bleeds to death from a thousand tiny wounds."

 

Something like that.

 

 

Terry D.

 

P.S. Good luck, Philbo.

[UstadKhanAli]

 

Thank you. I have delved deeply into Buddhism recently which has really helped me get a grip on my situation and become aware of many things I once did not notice or consider.

 

 

Oh, cool! Buddhism (depending on who is teaching it, just like anything else) can be a very pragmatic philosophy, one of the many things I really like about it.

 

Even (or especially?) when one is in a relationship, it still takes a great deal of self-awareness and tenacity to keep it going and not fall into bad habits and patterns of behavior.

[deanmass]

Me to re: Buddhism...

 

Pema Chodran is the one I listen to and read....It in general is very helpful stuff regardless of whether you are religious/spiritual or not. One of the things I like about most of the Buddhist teachers I have heard is the sense of ease and gentleness, and pragmatic sense of humor and irony.

[kylen]

Congrats! Good fortune to you.

 

Speaking of philosophy..."Planets that collide may not always establish orbit...[between the sheets]". You can bet your fortune cookie on that one!

[philbo]

My starting point so far:

Buddhism Plain and Simple

 

It has a wonderful clarity I haven't found elsewhere.

 

And (though purists might disapprove) I also picked up a new copy of the I Ching (my ex had convinced me to get rid of my original during a brief burst of Christianity).

[The dman]

 

Could be. Could also be that some people who initiate a divorce erroneously believe all the problems were due to their spouse, and fail to work on themselves, thus carrying the same issues to each subsequent marriage / relationship. One subset of this is that some folks have an unrealistic idea of marriage that no one can meet. You can work out almost anything in a marriage if both people are calm, honest, reasonable in their expectations, and committed to the marriage. So many factors. How you were raised, what your parents' marriage was like, your religious beliefs, how much TV you watch, how much education you have, how much money you each make. About the one constant I can see in all breakdowns is the need to communicate about small problems before they turn into huge ones. As they say, "Love isn't killed by a single blow, but bleeds to death from a thousand tiny wounds." Something like that.

 

 

Bingo

[ViLo]

It just happened today. Single again! I've been doing a little liquid celebrating...

 

I wish you the best! Be careful.............

 

Here you go!!

143 Reasons That I Will Be The Best Girlfriend You've Ever Had

 

I'm reposting this because I got some really awesome responses. (I added some!)

 

Please note: this is an ad for a people who are looking for a possible girlfriend, if that is the farthest thing from your mind please head to the next post or the NSA section!

 

1. I don't like to snuggle everytime we bang.

2. Sex isn't always love-making to me. Sometimes its just wild, sweaty monkey {censored}ing. It's cool.

3. I'm short so I will always be able to look up at you

4. I have gorgeous eyes

5. I enjoy being a girl (But not a valleygirl!)

6. Can be one of the boys

7. I don't wear grannie panties!

8. I am curvalicious!

9. I go to the gym

10. I love dogs and cats, even lizards!

11. I have long hair

12. I won't drag you shopping with me (that's what girlfriends are for!)

13. I will scratch your back (in and out of the shower)

14. I will not move into your apartment the first chance I get.

15. Like you, I am scared of commitment

16. I won't steal food out of your plate after ordering a salad.

17. I wont order a salad.

18. I'm genuine.

19. I have all my shots.

20. I've travelled.

21. I didn't vote for Bush or Arnold Swaggawaggadingdong either.

22. I'm in.

23. I will hide around corners and try to scare you in the dark of the night.

24. I will end up scaring myself and you'll have to calm me down.

25. I will sneak out of the bed and brush my teeth before you get up so we can have hygenic morning sex. (I might drop a mint into yours. don't choke)

26. I collect keychains and currency.

27. I won't nag you when you watch sports. (I'll watch if soccer is on!)

28. I write the date with European notation (Today is 13 January, 2007)

29. I'm Indian (from the country) and I speak Spanish!

30. I like the color purple.

31. I will let you be the man in the relationship.

32. I get my toes done.

33. I work.

34. I school.

35. Did I mention that I like the color purple? I do.

36. I have excellent spelling and grammar. (ya, I goof sometimes!)

37. I watch Family Guy, Simpsons, American Dad.

38. I know something about cars.

39. I can't drive automatic (You shouldn't be able to either)

40. I give heart-felt (sometimes homemade)gifts.

41. I don't hold grudges.

42. I will love your penis

43. I always smell good. (well almost)

44. I dance!

45. I keep-up my nails

46. I listen to pretty much everything.

47. I know that 4 stroke isn't a dirty joke.

48. I know what makes the rocking world go round.

49. I'll lay naked in bed with you.

50. My bed isn't overstuffed with furry animals (except my cat, but he's real)

51. I don't ghost ride.

52. But I can get hyphy.

53. I'm artsy without being artsy.

54. I give supreme oral.

55. I have a car (6 speed mani trans anyone?)

56. It turns me on when you work on your car.

57. I'm not opposed to having a hump-session anytime anywhere.

58. I don't want you to spoon me everynight

59. I like you to poke me in the butt in the morning

60. I will rate your burps. (1-10)

61. You can pee while I'm brushing my teeth.

62. I'll put sunburn cream on you if you go crispy.

63. I make a bomb spicy chicken alfredo risotto.

64. I don't mind taking out the garbage.

65. I let you open jars that "I can't open"

66. I won't ever cheat.

67. My first boyfriend used to hit me and then he cheated, so I've learned to stand up for myself.

68. I 'm gracious.

69. I laugh like there's no tomorrow.

70. I would sneak into your office and give you desk head.

71. I would fax you my ass.

72. I know what displacement means. (In reference to cars)

73. I can cook, clean, bake and I'll drink a beer while doing it.

74. I will hold you when you need it.

75. I listen when you need to talk.

76. I will be your date to anything that you need. (even that monster car rally, you hick)

77. I will remember your birthday (and I'll make it so that you will always remember it *wink wink*)

78. I don't need fancy things to have a good time.

79. I don't care what we are doing as long as its with you.

80. You will always look hot as hell to me first thing in the morning.

81. I'll initiate sex.

82. I get free condoms from school.

83. I'm 22 with the mind of a 30 year old and a heart of a 10 year old.

84. I dont do drugs. I don't smoke.

85. I won't sleep with your best friend.

86. Your dog/cat can sleep with us at night.

87. I only need to see you 2-3 times a week.

88. I only need a 2-10 minute phone call everyday. (Make sure you're okay. I worry!)

89. I make bomb brownies.

90. I have sexy lips.

91. I am a bio student and I know all about anatomy. (ie. I know where the good parts are)

92. I will hang out in your clothes to keep your smell close to me (it wont be your gym clothes though, sorry.)

93. I won't put girlie things into your bathroom/shower/room

94. I'll "accidently" leave my sexy underwear in your bed

95. I keep myself well dressed and groomed (for the most part)

96. I won't burden you with my PMS problems.

97. I brush my teeth 2x a day

98. Shower atleast once!

99. I'll never kick you in the crotch on purpose.

100. I won't make fun of your manhood (In public)

101. I take exactly one hour from wake up to car to get ready.

102. I pee as fast as a hamster on crack (but into the toilet)

103. I can operate a fire extinguisher

104. I would rather see an epic movie than a chickflick (that's what girlfriends and gays are for)

105. I treat you for ice cream or dinner too!

106. I love suprises.

107. Any present, big or small, will make me happy because I know that you were thinking about me.

108. I know when Pirate Day is.

109. I have all my teeth (minus wisdoms) and they are straight.

110. I pay my own bills.

111. I'm not looking for financial support

112. I don't want to marry you right now.

113. I can't get pregnant unless I want to. (sex all the time!)

114. I'll let you hug me even when you are sweaty.

115. I won't drag you to the manicurist.

116. I don't eat pizza with a fork and knife.

117. I won't go out all night without letting you know and let you freak out.

118. I'll call when I say I will. (or text in lieu of calling if I'm still occupied)

119. I won't text you while you are out with your friends.

120. Your wallet, car and house don't impress me.

121. Treat me like a lady and I will treat you like a man and I will always be there for you.

122. I have a rack that I will shamelessly display for you.

123. I can pick things up with my toes.

124. I don't hog blankets (well, sometimes)

125. I drink a lot of water.

126. I can burp a couple of letters.

127. I can gleak when I eat sour things. (and pretty far too)

128. I still have the Snoopy I was given the day I was born.

129. I can carry a conversation for long than 30 seconds.

130. I memorize weird facts and will regurge them at random oppurtunities.

131. I love ketchup.

132. I won't go through your drawers or try to get into your cellphone/email.

133. I love showering and just laying in the sun (indoors!) to dry off.

134. I keep my car up to date on her oil changes.

135. Your laugh will make me smile years to come.

136. I will put post-its in random places for you to find when I'm not there.

137. I know what a barometer is.

138. I still have my Minnie Mouse Comforter from way back in the day, because they just don't make them the same anymore.

139. I think quarters are the best coin. and 20's are the best bill.

140. I read a lot.

141. You + Me + Dancing + Outdoors + Rain = Afternoon fun.

142. I don't listen to a lot of pop either.

143. You have already invested by reading this, so take a leap.

[UstadKhanAli]

Okay, I'll share my Buddhist stuff too...

 

Thich Naht Hahn. Wonderfully straightforward and pragmatic. Very useful. I like a book called "Anger", but he has other good ones.

 

Like Deanmass points out, it's often very helpful regardless of whether you are religious/spiritual or not.

[UstadKhanAli]

 

 

 

Sounds like a cool hang. What's her #?

[alphajerk]

you lucky bastard....

[philbo]

 

I'm reposting this because I got some really awesome responses. (I added some!) Please note: this is an ad for a people who are looking for a possible girlfriend, if that is the farthest thing from your mind please head to the next post or the NSA section! 1. I don't like to snuggle everytime we bang. 2. Sex isn't always love-making to me. Sometimes its just wild, sweaty monkey {censored}ing. It's cool. 3. I'm short so I will always be able to look up at you 4. I have gorgeous eyes 5. I enjoy being a girl (But not a valleygirl!) 6. Can be one of the boys 7. I don't wear grannie panties! 8. I am curvalicious! 9. I go to the gym 10. I love dogs and cats, even lizards! 11. I have long hair 12. I won't drag you shopping with me (that's what girlfriends are for!) 13. I will scratch your back (in and out of the shower) 14. I will not move into your apartment the first chance I get. 15. Like you, I am scared of commitment 16. I won't steal food out of your plate after ordering a salad. 17. I wont order a salad. 18. I'm genuine. 19. I have all my shots. 20. I've travelled. 21. I didn't vote for Bush or Arnold Swaggawaggadingdong either. 22. I'm in. 23. I will hide around corners and try to scare you in the dark of the night. 24. I will end up scaring myself and you'll have to calm me down. 25. I will sneak out of the bed and brush my teeth before you get up so we can have hygenic morning sex. (I might drop a mint into yours. don't choke) 26. I collect keychains and currency. 27. I won't nag you when you watch sports. (I'll watch if soccer is on!) 28. I write the date with European notation (Today is 13 January, 2007) 29. I'm Indian (from the country) and I speak Spanish! 30. I like the color purple. 31. I will let you be the man in the relationship. 32. I get my toes done. 33. I work. 34. I school. 35. Did I mention that I like the color purple? I do. 36. I have excellent spelling and grammar. (ya, I goof sometimes!) 37. I watch Family Guy, Simpsons, American Dad. 38. I know something about cars. 39. I can't drive automatic (You shouldn't be able to either) 40. I give heart-felt (sometimes homemade)gifts. 41. I don't hold grudges. 42. I will love your penis 43. I always smell good. (well almost) 44. I dance! 45. I keep-up my nails 46. I listen to pretty much everything. 47. I know that 4 stroke isn't a dirty joke. 48. I know what makes the rocking world go round. 49. I'll lay naked in bed with you. 50. My bed isn't overstuffed with furry animals (except my cat, but he's real) 51. I don't ghost ride. 52. But I can get hyphy. 53. I'm artsy without being artsy. 54. I give supreme oral. 55. I have a car (6 speed mani trans anyone?) 56. It turns me on when you work on your car. 57. I'm not opposed to having a hump-session anytime anywhere. 58. I don't want you to spoon me everynight 59. I like you to poke me in the butt in the morning 60. I will rate your burps. (1-10) 61. You can pee while I'm brushing my teeth. 62. I'll put sunburn cream on you if you go crispy. 63. I make a bomb spicy chicken alfredo risotto. 64. I don't mind taking out the garbage. 65. I let you open jars that "I can't open" 66. I won't ever cheat. 67. My first boyfriend used to hit me and then he cheated, so I've learned to stand up for myself. 68. I 'm gracious. 69. I laugh like there's no tomorrow. 70. I would sneak into your office and give you desk head. 71. I would fax you my ass. 72. I know what displacement means. (In reference to cars) 73. I can cook, clean, bake and I'll drink a beer while doing it. 74. I will hold you when you need it. 75. I listen when you need to talk. 76. I will be your date to anything that you need. (even that monster car rally, you hick) 77. I will remember your birthday (and I'll make it so that you will always remember it *wink wink*) 78. I don't need fancy things to have a good time. 79. I don't care what we are doing as long as its with you. 80. You will always look hot as hell to me first thing in the morning. 81. I'll initiate sex. 82. I get free condoms from school. 83. I'm 22 with the mind of a 30 year old and a heart of a 10 year old. 84. I dont do drugs. I don't smoke. 85. I won't sleep with your best friend. 86. Your dog/cat can sleep with us at night. 87. I only need to see you 2-3 times a week. 88. I only need a 2-10 minute phone call everyday. (Make sure you're okay. I worry!) 89. I make bomb brownies. 90. I have sexy lips. 91. I am a bio student and I know all about anatomy. (ie. I know where the good parts are) 92. I will hang out in your clothes to keep your smell close to me (it wont be your gym clothes though, sorry.) 93. I won't put girlie things into your bathroom/shower/room 94. I'll "accidently" leave my sexy underwear in your bed 95. I keep myself well dressed and groomed (for the most part) 96. I won't burden you with my PMS problems. 97. I brush my teeth 2x a day 98. Shower atleast once! 99. I'll never kick you in the crotch on purpose. 100. I won't make fun of your manhood (In public) 101. I take exactly one hour from wake up to car to get ready. 102. I pee as fast as a hamster on crack (but into the toilet) 103. I can operate a fire extinguisher 104. I would rather see an epic movie than a chickflick (that's what girlfriends and gays are for) 105. I treat you for ice cream or dinner too! 106. I love suprises. 107. Any present, big or small, will make me happy because I know that you were thinking about me. 108. I know when Pirate Day is. 109. I have all my teeth (minus wisdoms) and they are straight. 110. I pay my own bills. 111. I'm not looking for financial support 112. I don't want to marry you right now. 113. I can't get pregnant unless I want to. (sex all the time!) 114. I'll let you hug me even when you are sweaty. 115. I won't drag you to the manicurist. 116. I don't eat pizza with a fork and knife. 117. I won't go out all night without letting you know and let you freak out. 118. I'll call when I say I will. (or text in lieu of calling if I'm still occupied) 119. I won't text you while you are out with your friends. 120. Your wallet, car and house don't impress me. 121. Treat me like a lady and I will treat you like a man and I will always be there for you. 122. I have a rack that I will shamelessly display for you. 123. I can pick things up with my toes. 124. I don't hog blankets (well, sometimes) 125. I drink a lot of water. 126. I can burp a couple of letters. 127. I can gleak when I eat sour things. (and pretty far too) 128. I still have the Snoopy I was given the day I was born. 129. I can carry a conversation for long than 30 seconds. 130. I memorize weird facts and will regurge them at random oppurtunities. 131. I love ketchup. 132. I won't go through your drawers or try to get into your cellphone/email. 133. I love showering and just laying in the sun (indoors!) to dry off. 134. I keep my car up to date on her oil changes. 135. Your laugh will make me smile years to come. 136. I will put post-its in random places for you to find when I'm not there. 137. I know what a barometer is. 138. I still have my Minnie Mouse Comforter from way back in the day, because they just don't make them the same anymore. 139. I think quarters are the best coin. and 20's are the best bill. 140. I read a lot. 141. You + Me + Dancing + Outdoors + Rain = Afternoon fun. 142. I don't listen to a lot of pop either. 143. You have already invested by reading this, so take a leap.

 

 

Damn! Quite a long ad! What's her phone number?