OT - My divorce is final

[bbach]

Could be. Could also be that some people who initiate a divorce erroneously believe all the problems were due to their spouse, and fail to work on themselves, thus carrying the same issues to each subsequent marriage / relationship. One subset of this is that some folks have an unrealistic idea of marriage that no one can meet. You can work out almost anything in a marriage if both people are calm, honest, reasonable in their expectations, and committed to the marriage. So many factors. How you were raised, what your parents' marriage was like, your religious beliefs, how much TV you watch, how much education you have, how much money you each make. About the one constant I can see in all breakdowns is the need to communicate about small problems before they turn into huge ones. As they say, "Love isn't killed by a single blow, but bleeds to death from a thousand tiny wounds." Something like that. Terry D. P.S. Good luck, Philbo.

 

It's always been my belief that marriage is all about tolerance. If you can tolerate each other, you have a good chance. People should quit looking for love and start looking for toleration.

 

Quite the romantic aren't I?

[MrKnobs]

It's always been my belief that marriage is all about tolerance. If you can tolerate each other, you have a good chance. People should quit looking for love and start looking for toleration. Quite the romantic aren't I?

 

Tolerance is the key to happiness.

 

 

Terry D.

[philbo]

Tolerance can also be a continually-provided favor that breeds resentment.... but everything has it's 'dark side' ("use the floss, Luke!")

 

The fuel for real tolerance needs to be integrity, love & respect, else it ends up running on empty.

[Ani]

Tolerance and accommodation seem to be what a lot of marriages are based on anymore; especially those that turn out to be marriages of convenience. What amazes me is that some people will live an entire lifetime of misery "tolerating" or "accommodating" in their marriage. It's one thing if BOTH people are partaking in the process of give and take, but it's an entirely different subject if the marriage is manipulative and one sided. In those type situations, usually one person is the main one that does all of the accommodating while the other remains happy until they don't get their way....

 

To me, there is no life in living solely to please somebody else. If I can't be myself without making someone else miserable, well then, it's a situation that I don't belong in for very long. I tolerate bad bosses, nuisance neighbors, and other persons that bring grief into my life; my home is my palace and I will not become a servant to, nor will I tolerate something or someone that disturbs the balance.

 

Marriage needs balance, not tolerance and it needs compromise, not accommodation......

 

just my .02

 

Now you guys see why I'm down with divorce number 2 and apprehensive about ever seeing marriage number 3......... There's two ways to look at number 3. Third times a charm, or Strike 3, YOU'RE OUT!!!

[UstadKhanAli]

I've still never been married, or even engaged.

 

Not sure...I had just sorta thought that someday, I'd do it. Never been opposed to it or anything. But lately...it just doesn't seem as alluring anymore. I'm not down on a serious relationship or anything, just marriage. Dunno.

 

Anyway, yes, tolerance - or acceptance (as I often think about it) - is essential. And not to get caught up in the minutiae.

[Dr. Gruv]

 

It just happened today. Single again! I've been doing a little liquid celebrating...

 

 

Wish you the best - life will go on and so will you - but time is the key...

[philbo]

 

Tolerance and accommodation seem to be what a lot of marriages are based on anymore; especially those that turn out to be marriages of convenience. What amazes me is that some people will live an entire lifetime of misery "tolerating" or "accommodating" in their marriage. It's one thing if BOTH people are partaking in the process of give and take, but it's an entirely different subject if the marriage is manipulative and one sided. In those type situations, usually one person is the main one that does all of the accommodating while the other remains happy until they don't get their way.... To me, there is no life in living solely to please somebody else. If I can't be myself without making someone else miserable, well then, it's a situation that I don't belong in for very long. I tolerate bad bosses, nuisance neighbors, and other persons that bring grief into my life; my home is my palace and I will not become a servant to, nor will I tolerate something or someone that disturbs the balance. Marriage needs balance, not tolerance and it needs compromise, not accommodation...... just my .02 Now you guys see why I'm down with divorce number 2 and apprehensive about ever seeing marriage number 3......... There's two ways to look at number 3. Third times a charm, or Strike 3, YOU'RE OUT!!!

 

 

Yep! I can totally relate... Sooo many years spent doing things I didn't like or want or need just to keep 'the peace'.... never again, baby!

 

In any scenario like that, nobody wins - the person 'keeping the peace' by accomodating the other ends up being taken advantage of by habit. The person who does the demanding ends up with a mate who tolerates, accomodates and resents them. Lose - lose...

 

I am fairly determined to never marry again. I don't have any objection to relationships, whether short or long, but having the state control whether it ends or not is something I'll never subject myself to again. Life is too short for such nonsense!