Members strathound Posted November 10, 2008 Members Share Posted November 10, 2008 you have to stamp this out immediately. i'd tell everyone " leave your ego at the door, we're doing what sounds best regardless of whose feelings it hurts. be a team player or go solo"if that's not good enough, start firing people. Well put. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kramerguy Posted November 10, 2008 Members Share Posted November 10, 2008 This seems exactly like the same problem that comes up constantly with bands that have 2 lead guitarists. I was against two-guitar bands for a long time because of my desire to avoid the drama. What it all boils down to is what Luigi said. They each bring something unique to the band and have to work as a team. The drummer being married to the singer is just more drama on top of the main drama. I'd say to explain it in small words to both of them and remind them that jealousy and envy are human nature... we all suffer it time to time, but it's time they realize when it consumes them and robs them of their reason. If they can't grasp that, then maybe they should hit the road, and take their drama with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MartinC Posted November 10, 2008 Members Share Posted November 10, 2008 I was in a band with a husband/wife. The problem was when wifey drank a bit much. She was fired and a new singer flown in. Big surprise, the husband, a great bassist, quit. auditioning bass players on the washington coast proved interesting, and we ended up with a guy named Richard Nixon. The band never recovered. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members gbb Posted November 10, 2008 Members Share Posted November 10, 2008 I do find it hard to imagine how a husband & wife team can fit into another team unless they are the driving force. It seems almost inevitable that they would be either at each other at rehearsals, or forming a "block" of their own. Theoretically it's their job to look out for one another, people are fierce in defending their mate etc etc. Of course there are always exceptional people out there. Are there any tales of "husband and wife pairs that fit right into a band"? GaJ Well I have to agree and disagree with this.......First let me say that I have a Vagina!!!! Secondly I am married to my Drummer. I've played guitar with him for 10 years now. I've been in several bands with him and without. We've never had a problem with ganging up on anyone. If anything we make a conscious to be fair and not gang up or try to intimidate. In fact, he is the first one to tell me I suck or need to change something. He feels comfortable enough to be the one to "yell" at me I guess! And vice versa. Maybe we are rare or maybe there are alot of selfish stupid people out there. I could see a couple being a problem if one of them is a drama queen or they are young and imature or in it for the wrong reasons. You have to be a team player in a band. If they can't do that than they can leave and start some duo and save everyone else the drama. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SpaceNorman Posted November 10, 2008 Members Share Posted November 10, 2008 My family is very involved in youth hockey. One of the long running debates in the sport is the issue of "parent coaches" versus "non-parent coaches". Over the years I've come to the conclusion that parent coaches fall into one of two distinct categories. In one group, the coach's kid plays on the #1 line, sees more ice time than anybody else on the team, plays every power play and penalty kill - regardless of whether the youngster is truly the best choice for that role. In the other group - coaches go the opposite extreme to avoid any criticism that they play favorites with their child. If somebody has to sit - their kid sits first, in the younger ages - their youngster plays defense while the rest of youngsters get their crack at center, etc. I suspect band couples are much the same. There are certainly lots of examples where the couple wield their combined clout like a club for their personal benefit. I've been in the opposite situation however, where the couple is extremely conscious about not wanting to be perceived as a "controlling couple" and are actually harder on each other than the rest of the band. Like hockey - you keep your eyes open and avoid one group ... and happily join up with those in the other group. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Janx Posted November 10, 2008 Members Share Posted November 10, 2008 Ever wonder why most big companies forbid spouses from working under the same manager or from being managed by the other? It avoids issues, or the appearance of issues.It's really that simple. And since folks are talking about the problems with working with maried couples in the same band, it obviously can be a problem. Granted, every band member can be a problem. The difference is, with a married group, 1 person being a problem is actually 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tommyboomer Posted November 10, 2008 Members Share Posted November 10, 2008 Relationships in a ban can cause trouble. End of story. While it may not be a problem in some cases, you are just taking chances waiting for it to happen. Two lead guitarists in my band now and ego's are checked at the door.I do more but only beacause he's done if for years and wants me to have a chance to shine. That's the kind of people you need on your team. Unless you are doing it for a living and have business reasons for putting up with it, I say the hell with it and get rid of at least one of em. Tommy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rccCrawler Posted November 10, 2008 Members Share Posted November 10, 2008 My family is very involved in youth hockey. One of the long running debates in the sport is the issue of "parent coaches" versus "non-parent coaches". Over the years I've come to the conclusion that parent coaches fall into one of two distinct categories. In one group, the coach's kid plays on the #1 line, sees more ice time than anybody else on the team, plays every power play and penalty kill - regardless of whether the youngster is truly the best choice for that role. In the other group - coaches go the opposite extreme to avoid any criticism that they play favorites with their child. If somebody has to sit - their kid sits first, in the younger ages - their youngster plays defense while the rest of youngsters get their crack at center, etc. I suspect band couples are much the same. There are certainly lots of examples where the couple wield their combined clout like a club for their personal benefit. I've been in the opposite situation however, where the couple is extremely conscious about not wanting to be perceived as a "controlling couple" and are actually harder on each other than the rest of the band.Like hockey - you keep your eyes open and avoid one group ... and happily join up with those in the other group. Having been one of the latter coaches - the only problem with it is that YOUR child is constantly getting the shaft - even if he IS the best player on the team..... so it becomes a no win situation. This is one of the reasons why I don't coach as much any more - so my kid will get a fair shake!!!! Hockey parents are quite insane sometimes. Stop watches in the stands. It's ridiculous. I had to follow other rules to keep it sane - forwards coach has to have son on defence, defensive coach's son has to be a forward, etc etc. Don't get me started!!! /rant sorry...... lost it for second there..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Guitar Centaur Posted November 10, 2008 Members Share Posted November 10, 2008 Attention seeking like that is just another form of spam... "look how cool I am, I can offend half the world" GaJ Trust me, the last people I need validation from are people on Harmony Central. Nice try at attempting to paint me your way to make a point, but I'm afraid you lose the luggage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SpaceNorman Posted November 10, 2008 Members Share Posted November 10, 2008 Having been one of the latter coaches - the only problem with it is that YOUR child is constantly getting the shaft - even if he IS the best player on the team..... so it becomes a no win situation. This is one of the reasons why I don't coach as much any more - so my kid will get a fair shake!!!!Hockey parents are quite insane sometimes. Stop watches in the stands. It's ridiculous. I had to follow other rules to keep it sane - forwards coach has to have son on defence, defensive coach's son has to be a forward, etc etc. Don't get me started!!!/rantsorry...... lost it for second there..... I was one of those coaches when my youngster was playing house hockey. It turned out for the best though....my kid discovered a love for playing defense. When he moved up to playing at a more competitive level - he went to a team that had a paid, non-parent coach (actually a former NHL'er) that used parent coaches as assistants. Everybody (players and parent assistant coaches) learned a lot. In the end my kid developed into an great defenseman who is looks like he'll be playing for a small D2 college next year. Crazy parents or not - I wouldn't trade my family's hockey experiences for anything. Heck, I'm looking forward to this summer when I'll finally get the chance to play some beer league with both of my kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members THBv2.0 Posted November 10, 2008 Members Share Posted November 10, 2008 Exactly why I'll never again be in a band with any human that owns a {censored}. Stylish as ever, amigo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kevin T Posted November 10, 2008 Members Share Posted November 10, 2008 I will run, not walk from any band I audition for that has 2 or more family members 2 dating members an insecure female diva 30 yrs of bands has tought me a few lessons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MuddyJohnson Posted November 13, 2008 Members Share Posted November 13, 2008 Unless your band is Fleetwood Mac, forget about it. Anyone who fronts a band (especially a lead singer) has to have stage presence. Tell the girl to sing backups or take a hike. Just because her old man is the drummer, it doesn't make her Hillary Clinton. My advice is to either can both of them or live with her bitching because {censored} trumps balls every time. If you're just doing this for fun, it doesn't matter. If you're a working band, find a new drummer and move on. This isn't about who the best singer is. Its about ego and control. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jaxn slim Posted November 13, 2008 Members Share Posted November 13, 2008 The Johnny Cash tribute I have been playing with has been going alright lately. The singer brought in his wife to do the June Carter parts a few months back, and it's been going alright so far. I'm really anxious about it because I've had lots of bad experiences with women in the band, especially ones with relationships within the band. The singer has a bit of an ego, but no one is really showing any drama queen tendencies so far. I think we might turn out to be one of those exceptions. *crosses fingers* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members boxorox Posted November 13, 2008 Members Share Posted November 13, 2008 Yes to recording. Had a studio situation where the drummer & bass player (dating) had a huge fit because the mando player (me) and guitarist were wandering on the beat. Our producer took the evening to put every one's parts against a click track. It was satisfying to see them eat crow. Mostly if someone brings a song, they sing it. Sometimes we'll bring a song for someone else to sing if we think it fits their style. We have four lead singers in our group. All of them sing a decent baritone, three sing good tenor. While we are somewhat jelous of our own songs, we will give them up if somebody else handles lead better, or if switching parts gives us stronger back up harmonies. And if no one else is adding back up harmonies to her songs to give them the texture and authority they need to go over, y'all ought to look into providing that. Even if it doesn't solve the problem, learning to sing parts will make you a better musician. Honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stomias Posted November 13, 2008 Members Share Posted November 13, 2008 Well, it was never an issue for Jefferson Airplane or Fleetwood Mac!:poke::poke: Yes it was.....read their bios Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members New Trail Posted November 13, 2008 Members Share Posted November 13, 2008 To the OP: I must be missing something here. If I understand the situation correctly the female singer gets mad at rehearsal 'cause the male singer steals her song. Later that night she bitches about it to her husband, the drummer, who calls you. Then you call the other guitarist to talk about it! Did any of you ever talk to the other singer? Shouldn't he be involved in all of this more-or-less off the record talking? Can he not be talked to for some reason? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dessalines Posted November 13, 2008 Members Share Posted November 13, 2008 I don't think he did it intentionally. On many occasions we have done songs where maybe he was a little week on them in which case she would take a stab at it and if it sounded better it would become one of her songs. Make it a duet. We actually do this in the band I'm in but not for the same reason. We do it because it works for us. What do you think will work for you short of breaking the thing up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dessalines Posted November 13, 2008 Members Share Posted November 13, 2008 Exactly why I'll never again be in a band with any human that owns a {censored}. Very enlightened..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members piersonm Posted November 13, 2008 Members Share Posted November 13, 2008 AGREE. Same problem different situation. Recorded a band last weekend with the bass player who kept messing up take after take doing his best Flea impersonation. Keep in mind he wouldn't play the song the same, he just did random things. Finally had to tell him "stop playing for your ego and play for the song."Thought I was out of line, but his bandmates quickly agreed with me. Sometimes you just have to speak up you'll be surprised how many people will follow your decision.Worst case scenario, they both leave. But if they want to act like children, let me...in their living room, while you and your new drummer are playing a gig. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members callous Posted November 13, 2008 Members Share Posted November 13, 2008 You have THREE problems in your band: 1. Nobody is in charge.2. Female singer has no stage presence.3. Drummer is in bed with female singer. Who's band is it? Who makes decisions? Who manages gigs and distributes money? That person needs to take charge and put all members in their place. Talk it out as a group, but you need a leader to make the final decision. Once you have established who is in charge, that person must call on the female singer to stand up and shine. Her singing is only half of the equation. If she is too shy, then she ought to step out of the spotlight and take a seat. There can be no voting blocks among band members. Take charge, lay down the law, and make it stick. If no one can control the band members, the band eventually will fall apart. It is the very rare case where all band members democratically agree to follow the same path. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members caveman Posted November 13, 2008 Members Share Posted November 13, 2008 To the OP: I must be missing something here. If I understand the situation correctly the female singer gets mad at rehearsal 'cause the male singer steals her song. Later that night she bitches about it to her husband, the drummer, who calls you. Then you call the other guitarist to talk about it! Did any of you ever talk to the other singer? Shouldn't he be involved in all of this more-or-less off the record talking? Can he not be talked to for some reason? That should have been the first move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Zon5string Posted November 13, 2008 Members Share Posted November 13, 2008 I will run, not walk from any band I audition for that has 2 or more family members 2 dating members an insecure female diva 30 yrs of bands has tought me a few lessons See rule #1 here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members boxorox Posted November 18, 2008 Members Share Posted November 18, 2008 If it's come to this, someone is quitting/getting fired. It's up to you how it plays out. Either they are the band, and you and the singer are fired, or you are the band, and have to find a drummer. {censored}, if you fire them both,he might be back begging for the gig without her. Music is a funny business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cooterbrown Posted November 18, 2008 Members Share Posted November 18, 2008 Of course there are always exceptional people out there. Are there any tales of "husband and wife pairs that fit right into a band"? I've mentioned and complimented our band dynamic, many times. (guitarist and singer have been married for nearly thirty years...band has been together for twenty-five) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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