Dignity is over-rated

[FitchFY]

The below e-mail was forwarded to me by ZZZZ, a friend who's offered to fill in for another band. This is the e-mail that band sent to a local venue regarding booking. I ended up getting it from ZZZZ because A) I was name-dropped and B) this is just epic on a bad level.

 

Hey XXXX,

 

I haven't heard back from you yet. I hope I didn't ask for too much money. If I did we will work for less money. Just pay us what you think is fair for a new band trying to build on their fan base at the VENUE. The pay isn't everything we just want to play.

 

As for our draw, all my friends are in bands and play at the VENUE. I go to see them play and I also have attended several open mics at the VENUE in the past so I suspect people will return the favor and come see BAND. You even told me yourself you like my voice so I should be able to draw. Some of my friends include Fitch who drummed for Griffon, Zagnutt and currently Head First and ZZZZ who sings in XXXX. Both of them play the VENUE all the time and have friends who would come see BAND.

 

As an added incentive ZZZZ wants to fill in on bass for BAND the night you book us so if people know he's playing a show with us that may help the draw too.

 

So can we please work out a date for late September or October. Ill do everything I can to promote the crap out of the show.

Ill look forward to hearing from you.

 

- XXXX

 

1.) Don't say "I haven't heard from you" when your e-mail is actually in response to theirs.

2.) Don't name drop someone without telling them.

3.) Don't claim to go see bands when it's only once every 6 months, especially when the bar owner knows who you are... and your girlfriend, who knows the bartenders very well. It doesn't hold up.

4.) Don't take every compliment so literally.

5.) I don't play that venue and the owner knows why. And you probably shouldn't vouch for my well-experienced musician buddies.

6.) E-mailing in mid-August about a date 45 days down the road isn't exactly timely. Just because your band can't get a gig has nothing to do with the venue being booked months in advance.

7.) For God's sake, man, have some dignity and take the hint.

 

Ah, this is just full of funny to me. Carry on.

[caeman]

"Just pay us what you think is fair."

 

[ggm1960]

Maybe he should have also offered to DJ with electronic dance music during the bands breaks as well.

[BlueStrat]

I'm surprised he didn't offer to bus the tables and swab the head as well.

[scr@tchy]

"You even told me yourself you like my voice so I should be able to draw."

 

The people walking by outside will hear "the voice" and decide that whatever they were planning that evening couldn't compare to witnessing "the voice". The bar across the street will empty out after they caught the sound of "the voice" in the silence between songs on the jukebox. Cops will start directing traffic towards the voice. Psychics will show up in droves.

[kmart]

Have you called this d-bag out yet?

I'd like to see THAT communication.

[StratGuy22]

"You even told me yourself you like my voice so I should be able to draw." The people walking by outside will hear "the voice" and decide that whatever they were planning that evening couldn't compare to witnessing "the voice". The bar across the street will empty out after they caught the sound of "the voice" in the silence between songs on the jukebox. Cops will start directing traffic towards the voice. Psychics will show up in droves.

 

 

[EightString]

Someday he'll learn that, same as most women, venue bookers don't book dates with needy little bitches.

[FitchFY]

Have you called this d-bag out yet? I'd like to see THAT communication.

 

The truly sad thing here is that this guy, who IS a friend of mine, is really a huge sweetheart and doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He just SUCKS so bad at communicating in writing. He's awful at it. And he's one of those guys that always sends e-mails to his band mates about his aspirations, band goals, strategies...

 

Saddest irony: He was an English major.

[kmart]

The truly sad thing here is that this guy, who IS a friend of mine, is really a huge sweetheart and doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He just SUCKS so bad at communicating in writing. He's awful at it. And he's one of those guys that always sends e-mails to his band mates about his aspirations, band goals, strategies... Saddest irony: He was an English major.

 

 

So your answer would seem to be NO, you have not done so yet...?

[caeman]

Maybe the OP should have a chat with the friend and discourage him from sending any more e-mails out to prospective venues. If that e-mail gets out to other bar owners, he may never get another paying gig again. It's all about the love of playing, right?

[FitchFY]

So your answer would seem to be NO, you have not done so yet...?

 

That is correct. There's no need to "call him out," as it's been, oh, 13 years of the same thing with people constantly telling him these things. You can't fix stupid.

[caeman]

Ah, okay. Never mind then.

[nchangin]

Just curious..... what is the education level of the guy that wrote the email?

[wheresgrant3]

The truly sad thing here is that this guy, who IS a friend of mine, is really a huge sweetheart and doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He just SUCKS so bad at communicating in writing. He's awful at it. And he's one of those guys that always sends e-mails to his band mates about his aspirations, band goals, strategies... Saddest irony: He was an English major.

 

I have a friend who is very 'heart on his sleeve' type. Ironically he name dropped us a few times and I had to tell him to stop. In his mind I'm sure he thought 'we are friends, this is what friends do'... in my mind I'm thinking "friends are friends, and they usually aren't asked to vouch for a substandard band."

 

Must be that mindset.

[FitchFY]

Just curious..... what is the education level of the guy that wrote the email?

 

BA in English. Just... oh man. His former band mates are some of my close friends, and we've had a riotous decade and change giggling at his exploits. My brother started writing fictitious blog posts about his journeys to find "the perfect sound to make it."

 

January 2007:

I awoke inside the sturdy S.S. MONTPELIER as it was crossing a northern line of latitude over the Atlantic. How I prayed for a quick death upon reaching the Mediterranean. I deeply missed my workshop and its variety of wind chimes, bongos and alabaster skin drums. There was little chance that I would see them again. My only peace came from the happy chirping of dolphins that swam against the hull. Yet another marine life form whose sounds I would never record for musical posterity.

 

May 2007:

Madame Viper and the Snake Charmers is a favorite of the festival. They usually tour the former Soviet states as an opener for the New Guinea Fife & Drum. Their set lasts for at least two days with no bathroom breaks. I just realized they all wear diapers

 

It goes on... is it kinda mean to mock a guy behind his back? Sure. But in that we mock him to his face, and sub for his band when needed (cause hey, we are friends), it's all fun.

[sventvkg]

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

[wheresgrant3]

BA in English. Just... oh man. His former band mates are some of my close friends, and we've had a riotous decade and change giggling at his exploits. My brother started writing fictitious blog posts about his journeys to find "the perfect sound to make it." January 2007: I awoke inside the sturdy S.S. MONTPELIER as it was crossing a northern line of latitude over the Atlantic. How I prayed for a quick death upon reaching the Mediterranean. I deeply missed my workshop and its variety of wind chimes, bongos and alabaster skin drums. There was little chance that I would see them again. My only peace came from the happy chirping of dolphins that swam against the hull. Yet another marine life form whose sounds I would never record for musical posterity. May 2007: Madame Viper and the Snake Charmers is a favorite of the festival. They usually tour the former Soviet states as an opener for the New Guinea Fife & Drum. Their set lasts for at least two days with no bathroom breaks. I just realized they all wear diapers It goes on... is it kinda mean to mock a guy behind his back? Sure. But in that we mock him to his face, and sub for his band when needed (cause hey, we are friends), it's all fun.

 

It's all fun and games until someone gets a call from a barowner... "Your friend said you'd help bring 50 people to the bar" LOL Well it sounds like he's a good sport about his delusion. LOL

[tim_7string]

Someday he'll learn that, same as most women , venue bookers don't book dates with needy little bitches.

 

This. LOL!

[FitchFY]

Well it sounds like he's a good sport about his delusion. LOL

 

He really is - a truly sweet guy who just is really bad at "sending the message." Interestingly, the guitarist in his band is NASTY - a crazy good player with a tremendous ear, shredding ability out the wazoo, and the "Latin metal" image to be in any shred band he wanted.

 

THAT makes an odd pairing when they're playing "Good" and "Inside Out."

[kmart]

That is correct. There's no need to "call him out," as it's been, oh, 13 years of the same thing with people constantly telling him these things. You can't fix stupid.

 

One fix is to sever the friendship. There's only so much stupid someone should be subjected to.

[rog951]

Has this guy considered adding a pair of dancing girls?

[FitchFY]

Has this guy considered adding a pair of dancing girls?

 

Jeez, don't give him any ideas!!!!

[kmart]

 

We're very different people, kster. Just because someone isn't good at being in a band doesn't mean I don't value their friendship.

 

 

What you described goes a whole lot further than just being a bad band member. His capabilities in a band setting actually didn't come into consideration for me at all.

 

First priority is the whole issue of this guy thinking it's ok to speak 'for' you, the assumptions made in using your name without asking, etc.

That speaks to issues of trust, understanding what is and isn't appropriate, common courtesy, etc., all of which is high on my list. Break that trust, and you're gone. Period.

Those are fundamental things I require from GOOD friends (and they should expect the same from me); minimum requirement for a 'just a friend' friend is that they don't abuse the relationship, which this guy has done.

 

It has absolutely zero to do with the fact that he was doing what he did to further his music/band.

The setting is actually irrelevant to me.

The action itself is what's the problem.

[FitchFY]

 

First priority is the whole issue of this guy thinking it's ok to speak 'for' you, the assumptions made in using your name without asking, etc. That speaks to issues of trust, understanding what is and isn't appropriate, common courtesy, etc., all of which is high on my list. Break that trust, and you're gone. Period.

 

 

I can understand why you