Members flanc Posted June 4, 2009 Members Share Posted June 4, 2009 My dad is involved in local politics and is a proud father....all good things. Over the years at various political functions, he takes delight in inviting me, his singer son, out these functions to perform a ceremonial national anthem or some other patriotic diddy; all very apple pie and motherhood. So, having done this more times than I can count, I generally work (by hiding from my dad) to avoid getting roped into these performances. I love my dad and would do anything he asks; the trick is not getting asked. Anyway, my "epic fail" occurred at the last of these events and one that was most important to me and my dad...his swearing in ceremony as Judge of our local Orphan's court. The local politicos gathered to celebrate this honor for my dad and have him sworn in publicly. My dad called plenty early for this one and asked that I perform "God Bless the USA" popularized by Lee Greenwood. The mostly white haired attendees at these events go crazy for this stuff. He went on to further tell me that the hall that had been arranged already had a modern sound system, so all I needed was an instrumental track to plug into their PA and I was "good to go". This was good news for me since, in the past, I've lugged speakers and wireless mic's and various PA gear to accommodate my three minute song, but normally had to work the fader on all public speakers who like to hold the mic down by their naval, but want to hear their voice through the PA with the projection and timbre of God...but that's another story. On the night of the event, I arrive at the rented hall with an MP3 player loaded with one track - the instrumental backup to Lee Greewood's "God Bless the USA". I made sure no song like "Crazy Bitch" or "Why Don't We Get Drunk and Scew" could possibly/accidentally be played afterward...a clean MP3 player with one lone song....what could possibly go wrong? With forethought, I brought along the necessary 1/8" headphone out to stereo RCA cable with a couple RCA to 1/4" converters to make sure I could connect to this modern PA of unknown specification. It was a simple task and I was prepared. Traffic was a bit rough as this event was held during our rush hour and I only arrived at the hall 10 minutes prior to the announced cocktail hour. I generally like to get to something like this a bit earlier...but this was a simple task...right? I stroll into the hall with the confidence of a seasoned soundman and singer who has a simple task ahead. I sigh as I see the modern PA setup on the stage...it was a Fender Passport...one of the larger models they make. They work just fine for small crowds and I got over my gear snobbery and quickly moved onto worrying about testing my MP3 lash up. I plugged my player into the "tape in" jacks and did a quick check to make sure we had everything working. Folks were already mulling around so I couldn't do a full sound check with me singing to the track...but no worries...I did a "check 1, 2" on the mic and it worked...and I played five seconds of the track and it worked; They would certainly work together...it's Miller time! I settle in with a beer and a plate of food and I'm now convinced that I'm ready. The agenda has me going on toward the end of the program so I have at least and hour to chill. They do the pledge of allegiance and the system seems to cover the room nicely...maybe 125 folks in the hall. Next up the anthem....ooops the singer that was lined up is still in traffic...so I'm pressed into duty...no problem...accapella version...the mic/system works great and I'm feeling really comfortable that my next tune is going to come off without a hitch. Fast forward to the end of the program now. The master of ceremony announces that Frank Jr (me..son of the esteemed honoree) will now sing Lee Greenwood's God Bless the USA. A healthy amount of applause is echoing while I hurry my wife up to the stage to work the MP3 player and to mix the levels between my Mic and the MP3. She does a fine job of getting the music started...I hear the jingly intro and launch into my vocal. But I can't really hear the track now. My wife is a singer in my band too and is pretty familiar with all this stuff. I gesture to her to raise the track volume but nothing is working. I'm still singing but now preoccupied as I can't hear the track...at all. I stop singing for a moment to announce we are having a problem and that we'll have to start over. I'm embarrassed now...actually horrified, but it's not my first time in front of a crowd and I'm playing it cool. As I pause to turn and help her work this Fender Passport PA...the music now blasts through at hair parting volume. My wife, God bless her, is fumbling with this big plastic, tinker toy, knob on the PA desperately trying to turn the track volume down...which she does. Rather than start over...and since I now have the accompaniment of my musical track to keep me in time and key....I trudge forward. Except, every time I sing, the volume of the track drops to the point that I can't hear it. So, I'm singing along..basically acapella and when I pause...the music blasts through. My wife is turning the volume knob on the instrumental track up and down trying to help compensate and she is gesturing wildly to me in an attempt to convey her wholesale confusion and sympathy...she's also chuckling a bit in evil delight...I probably would have done the same. I wrestle with the idea of just stopping but resign myself to my fate and finish this crazy version of the song. The end of the song slows a bit with the last "God...Bless..the...U.....S............Ayyyyyyyyy" and I was totally out of time with the track. The crowd gave me a generous amount of applause as they could tell I was struggling with technical problems. I stayed on key for the whole song...just not in time. Awwwwwww....I get flush with embarrassment just thinking about it. So...I go home and look up this friggin Fender Passport on the internet and download the manual. Mic channel one has an added "ducking" feature that quiet's (ducks) all the other channels when Mic 1 is in use...great for bingo and announcements. A full sound check would have revealed this and I would have worked around the problem (by using channel 2 for the mic). The morale of my long-winded story...always get a full sound check no matter how simple the perceived setup...and perhaps do a better job at avoiding your dad when you know he is going to ask an embarrassing favor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members agedhorse Posted June 5, 2009 Members Share Posted June 5, 2009 Good example of a product that tries to act smarter than you need. I really prefer thatthese features (gottchas) are reallylabeled clearly. Imagine the number of defective units that must br returned because of this feature??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members The Real MC Posted June 5, 2009 Members Share Posted June 5, 2009 I just remembered this one. We played a fourth of July party. The hosts had driven to the next state to stock their camper trailer full of fireworks for the party and they had the whole kit on a flatbed trailer. So we go on break and it's time to light the fireworks. These guys are volunteer firefighters so they know what they're doing. Well this is back in the days of indeterminate drinking before DWI laws got serious and people started working their way towards the trailer and setting off some stuff on their own. I was sitting on the hood of our bus watching this, and it wasn't long before some careless drunk set off the trailer full of fireworks and stuff started going off. It was out of control. I immediately abandoned my seat on the hood and decided to put a windshield between me and that mess. Sure enough a random rocket struck the very spot where I had been sitting!!! It wasn't a disaster but afterward the crew went around asking everybody to keep their distance and stay away from the trailer. The highlight was this great big cannister with explicit bold instructions "Light fuse and RUN AWAY!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members J the D Posted June 7, 2009 Members Share Posted June 7, 2009 That reminds me of a 4th of July here. The Manatee River flows between the two largest towns in our county and they frequently join together for the 4th of July fireworks. One year they were launching the fireworks from a barge anchored in the middle of the river and things were going in the typical manner, one or two bursts at a time, when all of a sudden it seemed the whole area lit up. It turned out one of the people doing the lighting dropped his railroad flare. It fell in one of the mortar setups and set it off all at once which caused everything else on the barge to go off at the same time. We were disappointed to see the show so short but it was something to see all those asses and elbows diving off the barge into the river. No one was hurt but somehow the shows since then just don't seem to compare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mogwix Posted June 7, 2009 Members Share Posted June 7, 2009 Oh man, fireworks. I used to work as maintenance staff for my local parks and rec department, and every year at our fall fair we naturally have a big-ass fireworks display. Due to some staffing issues (NOBODY wants to work for the director of parks and rec... lots of bull{censored}... one of the many reasons I quit that job a year ago) they ended up hiring a - clearly incompetant - full time maintenance employee despite my (and the rest of the maintenance staff) many objections. Day of the fireworks, and all maintenance staff were supposed to be there. I was working in the morning and I had the option of not showing up for the night (which I knew was going to be a disaster) so I decided not to be there. Now, when we're doing fireworks, basically our job was to drop the fireworks into the corresponding tubes when given the cue. We had all attended a fireworks course and had our little fireworks safety certification, but our scape-goat was on duty and there's no stopping a raging stupid. The maintenance crew sans me were scurrying around the launch zone dropping charges into the mortars (2", 3", 4", 5", and 6" tubes, all colour-coordinated with the charges) which is easy work. I guess our scapegoat got excited and managed to drop a couple smaller charges into the bigger tubes... so when they fired they kind of shot out at a low angle and flailed around at great speed. Everyone hits the deck and thankfully there are no injuries... after a delay the fireworks resume and the next day we clean the mess. Due to that mishap my boss was yelling at ME because I was not there to supervise our scapegoat (it was kind of my job to make sure this guy didn't do anything stupid), but obviously none of this was really my fault and he had told me before hand that I could stay home if I wanted. Ah well, at least since then, we hire a real pyrotechnics company to come and set off the fireworks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members heyitbebt Posted June 8, 2009 Members Share Posted June 8, 2009 Oh, I have one from when I was running sound. Once a month our church group does a praise & worship gathering at a local bar. They're normally closed on Tuesday nights, so we rent the place out and set up for a band, and have about an hour and a half of music and worship. Good times. Anyway, I usually run sound with my rig, since it's a pretty small club and my gear is capable of handling it easily. It's basically a case of just getting everything else loud enough to sound right with the drums. The guys in the band are usually very helpful when it comes time to break down, and for the most part know that I mainly just want them to get their gear broken down and off the stage while I break down the PA. It's important to note here that while the band is breaking down and I'm breaking down the monitors and mics and such, I usually leave a CD playing through the mains for those people who haven't left yet. There are usually a good few dozen folks still milling about while I'm breaking down, and then when there's nothing left but the mains and snake, I kill the CD, power down the rest of the system, and finish breaking down. No big deal. This particular night, there was a new bass player sitting in with the group. After the gig I'm in the process of coiling the speaker cables from the monitors when the guy asks me where I want this cable. "It shocked me when I touched it," he says, "but I just grabbed it by the cable and yanked it out." And I see he has the 1/4" speaker cable from the mains in his hand. The mains were still live. So of course I hurriedly shut everything down, and tell him he shouldn't have unplugged that speaker cable yet. He's very proud of himself for figuring out how to unplug the cable without getting shocked again. I gathered everyone together after that and we had a short talk about unplugging cables when you don't know what they do, asking before handling potentially dangerous gear, and WHY YOU SHOULDN'T TOUCH STUFF THAT SHOCKS YOU. We also covered a little general electrical safety, why you shouldn't mess with electrical equipment if you don't know what you're doing, etc... I also changed over to Speakon cables for the mains after that gig. It seems a little more difficult for people who don't know what they're doing to unplug those. Thankfully, no people or gear was injured in this. How the guy managed to coil up the cable without hurting himself, the speakers, or my amp I've never figured out. Blind luck, I guess. It never ceases to amaze me how many people think thousands of watts worth of gear can't hurt them, because it's just music stuff. Recently we had a gig where a helpful friend handed our sound guy, after the gig, a speakon speaker cable.......only the tip was still partially inside the speaker!!!!! The guy says "Yeah, this one was a bitch getting out for some reason..." NO {censored}.................from then on no more helpful friend roadies....HHAHAHA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members raagam Posted September 1, 2009 Members Share Posted September 1, 2009 I occasionally run audio for Indian classical music events in our area. It's usually a small acoustic ensemble: singer or two, violin, hand-drummer or two. Audience around 50-125 people. The venue is a community room at the local temple. The last concert was by an excellent North Indian Hindustani singer. The rig is very basic: there is a powered mixer and a couple of 12" speaker and horn cabinets in place. I bring in mics, stands, cables, since the ones there aren't too good. Anyway, the house gear gets constantly used by any number of people from the community who have little idea about how to do live sound. (What little I know I've gleaned from watching engineers, reading, and listening critically to my own sound). The first thing I do during set up is of course to zero the board, because usually things are way off, smiley-face eq, etc. But this time, EVERY knob on the mixer was on 10, up all the way!! Except pans were set to center, master out not too high. So, I think that somebody must have intentionally turned every eq, level and send up all the way! Imagine the sound... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mogwix Posted September 1, 2009 Members Share Posted September 1, 2009 But this time, EVERY knob on the mixer was on 10, up all the way!! Except pans were set to center, master out not too high. So, I think that somebody must have intentionally turned every eq, level and send up all the way! Imagine the sound... kids like to do this as a prank, turn everything to 10 and wait for the hapless user to come by and turn it on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members raagam Posted September 2, 2009 Members Share Posted September 2, 2009 kids like to do this as a prank, turn everything to 10 and wait for the hapless user to come by and turn it on. true. i posted in part to bump this great thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators MrKnobs Posted June 1, 2010 Moderators Share Posted June 1, 2010 Just doing some cleaning up, don't mind me.... Here it is, the long awaited (partially complete) index to the Knobs Stupid Stories Just click on the links! *Bad Power, Good Crossover *Attitude Correction with a Pitch Corrector *Concussion mortar astronaut mishap *Talk Box Error *Flaming Confetti Mishap *Flaming Bifurcated Crotch Incident *Doc Goes Nuts with a 2" x 4" *FNG Gets Some OJT with Fog Machine *15 Year Old Terry Hired by Strip Club *Joe Pukes, Then Steals the Show *Ovation? NOT! *Lesbian "Woodsie" *Sometimes You Gotta Break Some Chairs *A Good Groupie'll Give You the Shirt Off Her Rack *Don't Put No Mike in My Kick! *Crowd Lifts the Stacks, Alrighty Then! *Embarrassing 80's Video (now with VIDEO LINK!) *Candy and Sandy *Working for the Mexican Mafia *First Adventures with Pyro *Shots Fired in Plantersville TX *Strip Search at Mexican Border *Jailed in Mexico for Being "Gay" *"Jewels on the Flagpole in Dime Box TX *Dime Box Body Slam *Search Him THREE TIMES!!! *Sound System Refuses to Run Itself *The Mirror at Kashim *Live Wiring the Hutto Hippo *Hey Guys, the Monitors Haven't Worked in Years *EQ Knobs Ain't Workin' but the MAINS Sure Are! *Cops Can Hear A Guitar Amp From Miles Away *The Stolen Church Fire Extinguisher *Cop in a Box *KD *Extermination Fee is EXTRA *Roach on a Date *Terry Can Be a DICK *Standoff in Mexia TX *Attempted BJ on Stage *F*ck Me, Bear Photographer! *Dyke Administers Cardiac Test, Laughter *Letters in a Bag, Letters in a Name *One Strange Night in Port Aransas, TX *Jailbreak in Matamoros *I Hope the Elgin Police Don't Read This *60 Seconds from Death, For Real the chick pulling the train backstage at GS **** Under construction below, check back soon ****** the two lesbians, *the fistfight with the born again guy, , the dude who plays slap bass with his feet, my singer Julie and the two strippers, Joanna the puker, Mooning at the radio station, the soundman's mother, *my name is Blanca M., a little fun with wireless guitar, Light guy mixes "Cotton Eye Joe", See-through dimmer pack, TV stolen solo by Bill B., Kevin plays in the wrong key, Bathroom boob flasher, ShowCo transistorized George S., Melting w/ the big boys at Silver Wings, *"Barnell" and the girls, Scott B. quits over barbecue "Bad" fuel pump in Brenham Kicking a dead dog in Industry, TX Nick & Herb fistfight over change Nick's gf enters through the window Box wrench + hose clamps = tie rod xHouse of oriental delight Fired for being ugly! Terry D. $$$TD0$$$ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members abzurd Posted June 2, 2010 Members Share Posted June 2, 2010 RREEAALLYY Long awaited.... LOL! I remember reading these back in 02'! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members agedhorse Posted June 2, 2010 Members Share Posted June 2, 2010 Oh {censored}, another "must do" time waster. Fortunately I have a string of shows where this will be the perfect reading material. Can't wait. Seriously, there's some really good {censored} in these stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members modulusman Posted June 2, 2010 Members Share Posted June 2, 2010 Oh {censored}, another "must do" time waster. Fortunately I have a string of shows where this will be the perfect reading material. Can't wait. Seriously, there's some really good {censored} in these stories. Yeah when I get some free time I will have to read them too. Mr Knobs has a way with words. Seriously he could write a great novel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members agedhorse Posted June 2, 2010 Members Share Posted June 2, 2010 Seriously he could write a great novel. No kidding, they would make great books on tape! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members srp72ee Posted June 2, 2010 Members Share Posted June 2, 2010 The "First Adventures with Pyro" is great... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RoadRanger Posted June 9, 2010 Members Share Posted June 9, 2010 Friday night the keyboard player managed to pull out my FOH extension cord when he shifted his bench and I didn't really notice right away . One of the singers had gone out on the dance floor to sing with the 25 well liquored young ladies having a bachlorette party there and they were so loud I didn't notice that the PA and monitors died. I did notice a change in the mix but thought the singer stopped and let the crowd pick it up at first . I crawled under, over, and though a VERY crowded stage and plugged it back in - band didn't miss a beat as only the singer noticed and it actually sounded planned and kinda cool . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BluesJamPlayer Posted June 13, 2010 Members Share Posted June 13, 2010 I don't think this counts as 'epic'...but as a guitar player and not a sound man, I thought it was interesting.. Sitting in the sound booth at a blues jam, sound guy nice enough to show me how a mixer works.....this button does that, this knob does that...ect.. So as the band plays, and gets louder and louder, it becomes apparent that the only thing the sound guy has 'up' is the vocals...all mic'd instruments are off, and what's coming off the stage is still too loud and running the patrons out of the bar...the sound guy looks at me, gives shrug like he's has has run out of options...so of course he keeps bumping the mic volume up to match the amps... I tell him, 'why don't you bring the lead singer's volume down?'....having personally played with the lead singer, he's smart enough to bring the band down if he can't hear himself... So the sound guy slowly brought the singer down..singer started waiving the band down...problem solved.. I keep hearing that the best sound men are musicians, because they know what goes on up on stage... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dogoth Posted June 16, 2010 Members Share Posted June 16, 2010 You Know that you're a stage hand when you break a shoe lace on your leather steel toe shoes and for the last 6 months, trick line has worked just fine :>). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators MrKnobs Posted September 7, 2011 Moderators Share Posted September 7, 2011 Wow, someone from my past (in these stories) just showed up here.... Terry D. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMS Author Craig Vecchione Posted September 7, 2011 CMS Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 Do tell, Terry!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members RoadRanger Posted September 7, 2011 Members Share Posted September 7, 2011 Wow, someone from my past (in these stories) just showed up here... Karma's a bitch for sure . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators MrKnobs Posted September 7, 2011 Moderators Share Posted September 7, 2011 Do tell, Terry!!!! Added this one in RJ's honor (he was the better man, as usual) Chick pulling a train backstage at George Strait * (language warning, adult situation) Terry D. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members agedhorse Posted September 7, 2011 Members Share Posted September 7, 2011 Some of my favorite storytelling Terry. You still retired or back to asphalt consulting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators MrKnobs Posted September 8, 2011 Moderators Share Posted September 8, 2011 Some of my favorite storytelling Terry. You still retired or back to asphalt consulting? I've re-retired yet again. Been working at my old workplace again, but their penchant for sending me on 12 hour commutes to Dallas plus their occasional failure to pay me for hours worked has caused me to rethink whether I need to slosh in that piss bucket again. Terry D. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members agedhorse Posted September 8, 2011 Members Share Posted September 8, 2011 Yeah baby, enjoy the feedom yet again The 12 hour day is the new 8, it's like this pretty much everywhere. I really pitty the poor kids entering the job market these days, they are a dime a dozen and the employers know how to take advantage of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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