I used to be a nice guy...

ravelm3nt · April 8, 2008

Here's my take on this...

The "nice guys never get any" is the excuse used by every dude who is nice and has NOTHING else going for them. Just like the guy who posted the Craigslist thing said..."a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself". It's not the fact that you're NICE that is {censored}ing it up...it's that you're {censored}ing UGLY and NOT EXCITING.

Would you date a girl who is nice, but oh...she happens to weigh 400 pounds and forgot to shave since 1986? Hell no. Will that girl go home and cry about the fact that "nice girls never get any"? Nope. She knows she is a fat ass. Guys don't think this way. Most ignore the fact that they are fat and blame it on the nice guy syndrome. Guess what...FAT ASS BALD SLOBS WHO ARE ASSHOLES AREN'T GETTING ANY EITHER. Do you guys really expect girls to not care about your looks?

I had a friend recently ask me why he is always put directly into the "Friend" bracket. I didn't have the heart to tell him, but I knew exactly what it was. He is 27, lives with his grandmother and hasn't worked out...ever. He isn't exactly eye candy. He honestly believes it's because he's too nice.

I come across as an asshole in this post. I may even come across as an asshole in most of my posts. I'm just a bit frank at times. In real life, any of my friends will tell you I'm a nice guy. I treat women like gold. I try my best to be a gentleman. I also had a model beg me to come home with her this past Saturday night (I'm sure many will call bull{censored}...doesn't matter). Nice guys don't get any? I don't think so.

Agreed

The main issue is that you dumbasses are trying to get with girls who want to be treated like {censored}! There are some chicks out there who don't need a dude playing mind games on them to get them to fall in line. If a girl treats you like this when you are nice to her, run. Some girls actually like honest, caring men.

MetalHed · April 8, 2008

Shades of truth.

Brother, that's an understatement.

yourguitarhero · April 8, 2008

Ja, I've seen this before and felt in the same position and I've been on other side. A lot of it is to do with the girls as well - sometimes they can be a bit mixed up about what they want, and in a weird way enjoy being treated badly.

But what I've found is that they aren't girls I'm into.

What is important is not to be fawning over a girl, but be confident, have other interests - show them you are out there and part of a bigger society and are happy with your life and that you consider them to be on this level and want to get involved or whatever.

I've started going out with a new girl - I think it is going well. We have a mutual respect for each other - she is well educated, smart, independent and I am too. We defer to each other on things cos we know that one of us is better than the other at certain things.

Giving her a good hard {censored} every couple of days goes a long way in keeping the lady (and yourself) happy too.

But when you speak to girls what they want is (in their words) "a man". Be nice to them, listen to them, make them dinner or take them out, {censored} them properly, but don't be a bitch - stand up for yourself, tell them 'no, i don't want to go shoe shopping with you - I'm going to check out some guitars or motorbikes or go for a pint, but I'll meet you later for lunch'.

My take on it.

If you are really good, you could suffix ^ with "and when I buy my brand new motorcycle, I'll pick you up and we're going for a cruise and then a {censored}".

FrThib · April 8, 2008

Yeah, in highschool I used to be the biggest {censored} with girls, always SUPER nice to them and I never got any. Than right when I graduated I said {censored} it and became a badass

and now women flock.

I wish I would of had more balls in highschool, there were so many girls I wanted to pork.

It's never too late young one.

johnfrusciante · April 8, 2008

...until I figured out that girls were generally a fraud

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html

That post is pretty much spot on. I used to be that dude. Now I'm more self centered and derisive than ever before and guess what? Things have improved dramatically.

that was the best thing i've read in a long time. i'd be lying if i said i hadn't typified that puppy dog bull{censored} more than once.

dreamspace · April 8, 2008

Used to be me.

I was always that pansy nice guy that eventually ended up as "just friends", while watching some douche{censored} steal the girl.

Now I'm the obnoxious asshole that asks random girls at partys "hey you're nice, wanna go and {censored} in the bathroom?"

and for some reason, it works 1000% better than being a nice-guy, at least now that I'm young

And when you're a nice guy, you usually hang on to one girl for a good time...like months, assholes usually drop 'em in a day or two if they don't get any asap.

god-damn bitches are weird kinda like that Seinfeld episode where George finds out that he's going to do the opposite of everything he's ever done before...BAM! {censored} works.

fr0sty · April 8, 2008

Great plan for getting laid. Not so great if you ever want to spend a lifetime with someone.

Will you know when it's time to turn off the asshole and be yourself? Will you be able to?

rockstrongo · April 8, 2008

Story of my life. The guy that my last ex is with right now is a complete total waste of life....and I've been through a marriage, and at least I feel comfortable in the fact that guy is a pretty good person.

mseriously30 · April 8, 2008

LOL @ this thread.

"I used to be a nice guy, now I'm an asshole and all the ladeeez luv me!!! *high five*"

mhr74 · April 8, 2008

I've never been like that with girls, every girl I meet that I'm just friends with, I always treat them like crap. Than we drift apart or the girl will end up liking me, and I'm not into it.

It's weird though, I'm an asshole at first when I meet girls, than as the relationship goes on, I become super nice to them. For some reason this scared a TON of my ex girlfriends.

Girls are afraid of nice guys, it's funny.

Wimmen gotta earn respect. They're looking to work at something, give em a project.

Can't hand the broads the keys to tha car when they has not earned it. And ya gotta call em out on their BS. Wimmens don't dig wimps.

mhr74 · April 8, 2008

I'm working on being a jerk since my last break up

It works! Now I'm getting some on a regular level, and I don't have to put up with their bull{censored}!

EPIC WIN!

+1:thu: Just cuz ur not being a pushover wimp and acting like a surrogate woman friend to some broad doesn't make you a jerk.

TU BE · April 8, 2008

LOL!!!!

That was priceless.

DeathMonkey · April 8, 2008

I was that guy, too, except that I actually enjoy my friendships with women. I learned that I really don't have to bang every woman I see, and that "being just friends" is perfectly OK with me - I'm "just friends" with my male friends, right?

Being able to enjoy honest relationships is part of the deal. I have a ton of couples friends who I met hitting on the lady at the bar. Then I meet the boyfriend and instead of getting my panties in a wad, I end up with two new friends instead of nothin.

Being nice to get stuff is full of lose. It's just a passive aggressive form of manipulation. I've learned to be nice because **I choose to be** not to get anything from anyone. I decided that I am also not going to let the superficial view that assholes get the immediate gains change who I am. I'd rather fail as someone I'm proud of than succeed as someone I hate.

Women DON'T know what to do with nice guys. But we still have to earn THEIR respect. And being a pushover and a sap doesn't do that. But as women get to know me, they slowly learn the other reasons that I deserve respect - it's a long road because a lot of it is stuff that isn't superficial. Some of these things are only evidence in a crisis, or in difficulty, know what I mean?

We as a society have fallen to where the IMAGE of strength - the Alpha male uber testosterone asshole crap that truly weak men use to overcompensate for their lack of character - is what sells. True indicators of actual relationship skills - compassion, emotional availability, communication skills - are totally foreign, partly because WOMEN are no longer taught these skills, nor taught to value them.

It's a complex morass of social pressures and rigid gender role enforcement that leads us back to this bull{censored} caveman crap.

The fact is that I could be more sexually successful by adopting a different strategy, but I would never find what I was actually looking for, because the type of woman I am looking for wouldn't be attracted to that. I am advertising to a specialized niche, as it were.

But if I find her, I win. And that's the gamble. I have learned I don't have to be attractive to everyone, just the right one. And in the meantime, making friends because I am a genuinely nice guy is just fine with me.

It's a complex subject, but my overall point is that you can be a nice guy with strength and character, and gain far more than those who cater to the lowest common denominator. They may get short term gains, but for the really important stuff, you have to work to earn it.

antareus · April 8, 2008

We as a society have fallen to where the IMAGE of strength - the Alpha male uber testosterone asshole crap that truly weak men use to overcompensate for their lack of character - is what sells. True indicators of actual relationship skills - compassion, emotional availability, communication skills - are totally foreign, partly because WOMEN are no longer taught these skills, nor taught to value them.

Finally, someone who gets it.

But if I find her, I win. And that's the gamble. I have learned I don't have to be attractive to everyone, just the right one. And in the meantime, making friends because I am a genuinely nice guy is just fine with me.

It's a complex subject, but my overall point is that you can be a nice guy with strength and character, and gain far more than those who cater to the lowest common denominator. They may get short term gains, but for the really important stuff, you have to work to earn it.

Exactly.

I've found that the answer for me is not following sleazy "fast seduction" courses or changing my personality completely to achieve short-term gains. You see, I'm certain I could do just fine if I put a lot of time into practicing that sort of thing. But I end up feeling rotten whenever I try to achieve power for it's own sake over women. It is like my conscience knows it is purely an ego thing and I'd actually just be stringing along the woman in whatever happens. I can't do that. In fact, I envy those of you who can have fun without the moral strings attached.

I also think compromising one's personality for sex is the very definition of desperate. Besides, we play guitar, doesn't that give us some arbitrary advantage anyway?

Aside: I think this is the first hobby I've *ever* done that was considered cool by females. If they're unable to see that I do things for the intrinsic value I find in them and not the validation that they/society brings on me, then I don't want a relationship with them. In fact, I don't want to be friends with them, either.

Uncle_Milton · April 8, 2008

Bottom line: don't chase after women if you don't want to be treated like garbage.

It's best to keep them trying to impress you, even when you are in a relationship.

antareus · April 9, 2008

Bottom line: don't chase after women if you don't want to be treated like garbage.

It's best to keep them trying to impress you, even when you are in a relationship.

Yep. Desperation reeks like nothing else. And she'll likely be able to smell it before you do.

TheAmazingBlob · April 9, 2008