Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 23, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted August 23, 2011 It's blue and it's yella and I always see red It's a good 10 mile walk if you just want a shelf! funny stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 23, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted August 23, 2011 page 1 - 4 posts up...... Ah! Cool... So shift pattern clash isn't a name of a song? What does that mean? It sounds great... Edit: OK, got it. Shift Pattern = hours. Shifts. Shift Pattern Clash, now that's interesting. He's clocking out and she's clocking in? I love that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted August 23, 2011 Members Share Posted August 23, 2011 Other Cool song titles that we can leverage:NoveltyTransmissionNew Dawn FadesShe's Lost ControlAtrocity ExhibitionIsolation Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted August 23, 2011 Members Share Posted August 23, 2011 Ah! Cool... So shift pattern clash isn't a name of a song? What does that mean? It sounds great...Edit: OK, got it. Shift Pattern = hours. Shifts. Shift Pattern Clash, now that's interesting. He's clocking out and she's clocking in? I love that. Yeh! Maybe they dont call them "shifts" over in the US.... basically as you said.... they got put on the same shift...or maybe as you say one was in as one was out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 23, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted August 23, 2011 Other Cool song titles that we can leverage:NoveltyTransmissionNew Dawn FadesShe's Lost ControlAtrocity ExhibitionIsolation I don't know about you, but I'd like to keep it about those two as much as possible. I think that's kinda cool. A little missed love opportunity between the two, tying in nicely to the name of JD's biggest tune. Maybe I'm wrong here, but moving too far into song name territory might bring it too far into either novelty of fan gush land. What do think? It's working for me as is. Everybody knows these characters. It kinda funny but but kinda cool too. Endearing. I mean, it really doesn't have to be a novelty song. I say lets try and make it cool too, not wacky. Maybe drop my bagel/fanagle lines. Maybe I'm way off here... I think as far as the amount of material, we're there. I'd love to work up something and pass it around for you and Stick to play on and sing if you guys are inclined? Or at least track some JDesque keys and guitar and whatnot. ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted August 23, 2011 Members Share Posted August 23, 2011 I don't know about you, but I'd like to keep it about those two as much as possible. I think that's kinda cool. A little missed love opportunity between the two, tying in nicely to the name of JD's biggest tune. Maybe I'm wrong here, but moving too far into song name territory might bring it too far into either novelty of fan gush land. What do think?It's working for me as is. Everybody knows these characters. It kinda funny but but kinda cool too. Endearing. I mean, it really doesn't have to be a novelty song. I say lets try and make it cool too, not wacky. Maybe drop my bagel/fanagle lines. Maybe I'm way off here...I think as far as the amount of material, we're there. I'd love to work up something and pass it around for you and Stick to play on and sing if you guys are inclined? Or at least track some JDesque keys and guitar and whatnot.? definately dont go song title crazy and yes lets all get on it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rsadasiv Posted August 23, 2011 Members Share Posted August 23, 2011 808/909? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blue2blue Posted August 23, 2011 Members Share Posted August 23, 2011 Can't wait to hear how Lee makes kinda gay rhyme with latte. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members oldgitplayer Posted August 23, 2011 Members Share Posted August 23, 2011 It looks like you all had some fun while Australia slept. It's looking good. I tried singing along with it, and stumbled with the title line. You may purposely express the bumpity-bumpity 'All the Joy Division fans', but as an alternative, could just take out 'the':Suicide makeup and a black tee top All Joy Division fans work in coffee shops She's nice to the hippies and she's nice to the cops All Joy Division fans work in coffee shops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 24, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted August 24, 2011 It looks like you all had some fun while Australia slept.It's looking good.I tried singing along with it, and stumbled with the title line.You may purposely express the bumpity-bumpity 'All the Joy Division fans', but as an alternative, could just take out 'the':Suicide makeup and a black tee topAll Joy Division fans work in coffee shopsShe's nice to the hippies and she's nice to the copsAll Joy Division fans work in coffee shops All(1) the(+) Joy(2) Di-(+) vi-(3) sion(+) fans(4) Work(1) in(+) co-(2) ffee(+) shops(3) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members u6crash Posted August 27, 2011 Members Share Posted August 27, 2011 As I clicked on this thread, I crossed my fingers that this was the name of a song. Very nice. The only thing that seemed weird to me off the bat was "pushes the eject button on". I don't know why, but the word "on" kind of bugs me. Could just be a personal thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted August 27, 2011 Members Share Posted August 27, 2011 As I clicked on this thread, I crossed my fingers that this was the name of a song. Very nice. The only thing that seemed weird to me off the bat was "pushes the eject button on". I don't know why, but the word "on" kind of bugs me. Could just be a personal thing.It is a great title, isn't it? Can't wait to hear Lee's first draft of the music. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 27, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted August 27, 2011 I've been buried and haven't had a chance but hope to start working up something today... Yeah, the "pushes the eject button on" is sort of idiomatic. Or not. It struck me as slacker speech. My slacker speech. It may change based on actually singing the phrases. Well, it will change. The tongue, teeth, lips and palate seems to win out with these things lately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SixStringAxis Posted August 30, 2011 Members Share Posted August 30, 2011 Love the lyrics butt I dont think of hippies at all with the sound of Joy Division. They might have a lot of hippie fans but so did Zeppelin. Its depressing music ya but so many of the bands they influenced are not hippie sounding. NIN, Husker Du, Metallica, Sonic Youth, Pixies, Cure, Nirvana, Minutemen, Throwing Muses, Tool, AIC, Radiohead, REM, lots of metal, ambient, texture music. They dont mention it because some of the bands (NIN, Sonic Youth,Pixies, Metlica on Ride the lightning) ripped their signature sound straight from part of a Joy Division song. Maybe I just dont get it, lol. but I know Joy Division is light years deeper than just dark and depressing. The things they first did with effects changed music forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted August 30, 2011 Members Share Posted August 30, 2011 Love the lyrics butt I dont think of hippies at all with the sound of Joy Division. They might have a lot of hippie fans but so did Zeppelin. Its depressing music ya but so many of the bands they influenced are not hippie sounding. NIN, Husker Du, Metallica, Sonic Youth, Pixies, Cure, Nirvana, Minutemen, Throwing Muses, Tool, AIC, Radiohead, REM, lots of metal, ambient, texture music. They dont mention it because some of the bands (NIN, Sonic Youth,Pixies, Metlica on Ride the lightning) ripped their signature sound straight from part of a Joy Division song. Maybe I just dont get it, lol. but I know Joy Division is light years deeper than just dark and depressing. The things they first did with effects changed music forever. I think the lyric is saying that even as the depressing emo gothy person she is, she is still nice to everyone including hippies and cops i dont think its saying Joy division fans are hippies as such Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 30, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted August 30, 2011 I think the lyric is saying that even as the depressing emo gothy person she is, she is still nice to everyone including hippies and copsi dont think its saying Joy division fans are hippies as such Correct! It's saying, this chick... wanting some cool to align herself with, via a band that dissolved in 1979, she's got her Love Will tat even, she's playing the part of the depressed sad heavy thinker, is really just a nice chick. Perhaps caught up in some comic book pretenses. It's about the character not the band. Not a judgment but more an observation and empathy for her. By the way... As I'm cleaning up the lyric to flow with the music, I'm feeling the need for either a straight up chorus, or a bridge. And in that section, I really want to get to the heart of this couple of passing ships who perhaps miss out on life a bit, miss out on each other out of shyness or... something about the very thing that gave them strength as kids, latching on to a band their parents might've dug but were too lame to even know existed back then, and now here they are, the cool offspring, with a found and claimed identity (JD), playing that part just might stunt a possible very real connection with another like minded person. I'm looking for some heart here. The irony of it. Some sort of empathy to tie it all together. Stick, the very idea of you bringing those two together seems like it should be explored. What might have been but didn't. ??? Mr. Bee? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 30, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted August 30, 2011 ...As I'm cleaning up the lyric to flow with the music, I'm feeling the need for either a straight up chorus, or a bridge.... And in that section, I really want to get to the heart of this couple of passing ships who perhaps miss out on life a bit, miss out on each other out of shyness or... ...Stick, the very idea of you bringing those two together seems like it should be explored. What might have been but didn't. ??? Mr. Bee? Bridge idea: And if he could look up for a minuteAnd if she took her time clocking inJust a second or two to begin itHe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted August 30, 2011 Members Share Posted August 30, 2011 Bridge idea: And if he could look up for a minute And if she took her time clocking in Just a second or two to begin it He Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 30, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted August 30, 2011 Love this. Would a change of tense make it clearer?And if he had looked up for a minuteOr if she took her time clocking inJust a second or two to begin itBut he had walked out while she walked in You know, I PM'd you and as I did I rewrote it a little in the message to you on the spot, thinking I could check it later. Something along those lines, or maybe not. I forget. Yeah, I agree maybe. But I can't seem to review what I've sent via PM. Can you check and post it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members LCK Posted August 30, 2011 Members Share Posted August 30, 2011 Love this. Would a change of tense make it clearer?And if he had looked up for a minuteOr if she took her time clocking inJust a second or two to begin itBut he had walked out while she walked in That's really good. I think the last line should just be past tense, though, instead of past conditional (or subjunctive). "But he walked out as she walked in..." LCK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhino55 Posted August 30, 2011 Members Share Posted August 30, 2011 great lyric, ramrod Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted August 31, 2011 Members Share Posted August 31, 2011 You know, I PM'd you and as I did I rewrote it a little in the message to you on the spot, thinking I could check it later. Something along those lines, or maybe not. I forget. Yeah, I agree maybe. But I can't seem to review what I've sent via PM. Can you check and post it? Here is the lyric from the PM: And if he could just look up for a minuteAnd if she would take her time clocking inJust a second or two to begin itBut he Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted August 31, 2011 Author Moderators Share Posted August 31, 2011 great lyric, ramrod RAMROD! Kinda like Thor or something. OK... here's what I have so far after trying to shave syllables, get a consistent flow phrase to phrase, and tie it in to a clean story line. I'm trying some preliminary vocal tracking for just working out phrasing. No final stuff, not even close. I'll then pass it on to my illustrious cowriters and have them elevate it to greatness! I am RAMROD! Hear me roar, dude. All the Joy Division Fans Work in Coffee Shops Suicide makeup and a black tee topAll the Joy Division fans work in coffee shopsShe's nice to the hippies and she's nice to the copsAll the Joy Division fans work in coffee shops Fingers in her ears, ejects John MayerThen throws Ian Curtis back into the CD playerShe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bee3 Posted August 31, 2011 Members Share Posted August 31, 2011 A thought: it may make sense to introduce the near-miss dude earlier in the song. Thoughts? An idea for the last verse:Suicide makeup and a black tee topAll the Joy Division fans work in coffee shopsA mischievous smile to the jock and his popAll the Joy Division fans work in coffee shops Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stickboymusic Posted August 31, 2011 Members Share Posted August 31, 2011 Yeh lyrically its kinda there in parts the story kinda gets going and then returns (the last verse) to something that doesnt seem to finish it off properly if you get me. I think we need something more final in the last verse either about missed opportunity OR how they could/do get together Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.