The new Embarassing Moments Thread

[NixerX]

Sacrifice your pride for the amusement of your HCAF brethren.

 

I'll start, The Bodybuilding thread I posted earlier reminded me of a lets epic but pretty hilarious personal encounter. Here is the tale as I recall it.

 

 

Back when i was 15 I ended up going home with this cute little Portuguese number. Anyone from RI knows that there are a LOT of hot Portuguese women. The more ol' school the parents less of a chance you have if your not Portuguese. Just the way it is. Apparently she was 2nd Gen. Like, her mom and pops are just off the boat. She was 19 and had her own place, rented an apartment from her 'rents so I was feelin mighty cool.

 

So we started off the usual way, tounge bashing, Dry humpin, and generally stankin each other up. All is going well. Some how my cumbersome 15yo tactics landed this hottie. This is still a mystery to me...she must have been {censored}in horny. Yay luck! So I go for the back shoulder rub which was a signature move of mine back in the day. We were on the floor and she was between my legs, back to my sack. Im rubbing away shes moaning, and leaning back into my perpetually pitched tent.

Then,suddenly, I feel this familiar gurgle in my guts....FUUUUUUUUU...I gotta cut a log. God damned taco bell is rounding the bend and im in the {censored}ing zone! I will be writing to the company.

 

I dont know what i was thinking but I thought..I can hold it...and you know what..it subsided. So I go for the titties...access granted. Squeezin on them for a while and start to go for the gold. reach down, shes ready, in the panties....no hair... (spriong) get to the honey pot and im just about to suggest a more coital local as she leans back harder against my junk to give more "access" and then it happend.

 

I cut the biggest fart of my {censored}ing life right on her hardwood floor. So loud that it woke her downstairs tenants dog and got that mother{censored}er all barking at 1am. It was hot, and smelled like Bad Broccoli, Rotten Eggs, and Fetid bacon. the next few second hung like hours..I though "Shes Portuguese, they cook really weird things so shes probably used to strange smells." I remember her looking at me in disbelief, and what I too as awe but it could have been disgust, and she asked me if "There was anything Id like to take care of." Which was pretty hot sounding..but It was completely taken out of context. So I said "where is your bathroom"

 

she just pointed......

[Gary Cohn]

There's a thread I started about {censored}ting in the church my gf sings at. Was hilarious. Lemme see if I can find it.

[Gary Cohn]

http://acapella.harmony-central.com/showthread.php?1876989-OT-I-dropped-the-fattest-gangster-in-a-church-last-night&highlight=choir

 

 

"Last night my girlfriend was trying out for the church choir, and im like whatever (as far as the church is concerned) and i was sitting in my car, then it happened:

 

I get the bubble guts. You know, the roller coaster stomach syndrome. I couldnt leave, the home is too far away, and i dont think i could last the drive across the street to a 7-11. There was only one last option.

 

I ran into the church, and headed straight for the bathroom, and i sat down. The holy'st of all {censored}s blew out of my ass. I had to flush twice.

 

Then i go and sit in the chapel their all singing in, and the {censored} smell is seeping in. I could smell this {censored} creeping slowly into the chapel. Knowing this, and not wanting to be given up, i made a rush to my car.

 

 

I waited there the rest of the night. My girlfriend came out, and said that afterwards people went to the bathroom and all of em came back with disgusted looks on their faces, i then told her that i dropped the fattest gangster ever. She didnt think it was funny."

[NixerX]

 

http://acapella.harmony-central.com/showthread.php?1876989-OT-I-dropped-the-fattest-gangster-in-a-church-last-night&highlight=choir "Last night my girlfriend was trying out for the church choir, and im like whatever (as far as the church is concerned) and i was sitting in my car, then it happened: I get the bubble guts. You know, the roller coaster stomach syndrome. I couldnt leave, the home is too far away, and i dont think i could last the drive across the street to a 7-11. There was only one last option. I ran into the church, and headed straight for the bathroom, and i sat down. The holy'st of all {censored}s blew out of my ass. I had to flush twice. Then i go and sit in the chapel their all singing in, and the {censored} smell is seeping in. I could smell this {censored} creeping slowly into the chapel. Knowing this, and not wanting to be given up, i made a rush to my car. I waited there the rest of the night. My girlfriend came out, and said that afterwards people went to the bathroom and all of em came back with disgusted looks on their faces, i then told her that i dropped the fattest gangster ever. She didnt think it was funny."

 

 

{censored}ing lol!!!

Nice offering Nancy! and by that I mean to god! lol

[ej]

Nixer, did you get the sweet Portuguese poontang or not?!

[NixerX]

Nixer, did you get the sweet Portuguese poontang or not?!

 

Ahh the ponanny duncan style......lets just say I left her something to remember me by in more than one way

[peavey_impact]

Sacrifice your pride for the amusement of your HCAF brethren. I'll start, The Bodybuilding thread I posted earlier reminded me of a lets epic but pretty hilarious personal encounter. Here is the tale as I recall it. Back when i was 15 I ended up going home with this cute little Portuguese number. Anyone from RI knows that there are a LOT of hot Portuguese women. The more ol' school the parents less of a chance you have if your not Portuguese. Just the way it is. Apparently she was 2nd Gen. Like, her mom and pops are just off the boat. She was 19 and had her own place, rented an apartment from her 'rents so I was feelin mighty cool. So we started off the usual way, tounge bashing, Dry humpin, and generally stankin each other up. All is going well. Some how my cumbersome 15yo tactics landed this hottie. This is still a mystery to me...she must have been {censored}in horny. Yay luck! So I go for the back shoulder rub which was a signature move of mine back in the day. We were on the floor and she was between my legs, back to my sack. Im rubbing away shes moaning, and leaning back into my perpetually pitched tent. Then,suddenly, I feel this familiar gurgle in my guts....FUUUUUUUUU...I gotta cut a log. God damned taco bell is rounding the bend and im in the {censored}ing zone! I will be writing to the company. I dont know what i was thinking but I thought..I can hold it...and you know what..it subsided. So I go for the titties...access granted. Squeezin on them for a while and start to go for the gold. reach down, shes ready, in the panties....no hair... (spriong) get to the honey pot and im just about to suggest a more coital local as she leans back harder against my junk to give more "access" and then it happend. I cut the biggest fart of my {censored}ing life right on her hardwood floor. So loud that it woke her downstairs tenants dog and got that mother{censored}er all barking at 1am. It was hot, and smelled like Bad Broccoli, Rotten Eggs, and Fetid bacon. the next few second hung like hours..I though "Shes Portuguese, they cook really weird things so shes probably used to strange smells." I remember her looking at me in disbelief, and what I too as awe but it could have been disgust, and she asked me if "There was anything Id like to take care of." Which was pretty hot sounding..but It was completely taken out of context. So I said "where is your bathroom" she just pointed......

 

ROFL that is epic

[NinjaRaf]

OMFG YOU GUYS IM {censored}ING DYING OVER HERE

Me and my 2 roommates, about 5 years ago, were going skateboarding at this loading dock we used to skate at. Sometimes we would stop at bubalous bodacious bbq before heading out, which was the case this one night. So we are skating, everything is good, and suddenly I hear and feel bl;aksdjf;ahdjhfajsdhf and I stop and say OH {censored}!! Obviously, the loading dock is in some warehouse district in the middle of nowhere, plus its like 11 pm, and nothing is open. So, I start pinching my ass cheeks together as much as possible. I look at one of my buddies and I say, DUDE I GOTTA GO RIGHT {censored}ING NOW lol. We hop in his car, and start driving...closest place we can think of is a walmart, which is about 15 minutes away. I dont think I can make it. I couldnt sit in the car...I was in this kind of straight backed diagonal position in the front seat, my ass suspended in mid air lol. He can hear my stomach, and cant stop laughing, which of course, make me laugh, and makes the drive take longer than it should be taking. Finally get to walmart. I SPRINT into the place and into the bathroom, and I begin to unleash my projectile missiles before I can even sit. I then walked out of there as fast as possible and went back to skating lol.

Similar things have happened to me on NUMEROUS occassions because I eat everything and anything, without thought as to the after effects

[ej]

Ahh the ponanny duncan style......lets just say I left her something to remember me by in more than one way

 

all. freakin. right.

[NinjaRaf]

Heres another one, but more about my buddy driving the car in the previous story.

We used to go mountain biking in Ocala (santos) all the time. Well, close after the time that waiting came out, and all any of us could do is pull our nuts out to try to get the other guys, we went to santos. We get done with our day, and frank (friend in previous story) starts biking toward the bathroom. As he is heading over there, I get on my bike to bike around a bit while hes gone. About 5 minutes later he comes running out of the bathroom cracking up laughing...none of us know what is going on lol. He starts to explain...He saw me get on my bike and thought I was going to the bathroom too. When he got into the bathroom, he pulled his nuts out, and was swinging them in a circle right in front of the door. Some other dude walks in, and frank is like OH {censored} SORRY, and this guy is just looking at him like WTF!!! We still laugh about that {censored}...like 5-6 years later lol.

[NixerX]

OMFG YOU GUYS IM {censored}ING DYING OVER HERE Me and my 2 roommates, about 5 years ago,...

 

HAHAHA Close call mate! close call!!

[BrendanO]

How is that embarrassing? You had to go, and you made it to the toilet. That's not a {censored}in' embarrassment. That's a close call.

 

An embarrassment would have been if you'd {censored} all over your friend's car, and then gotten in some kind of fist-fight about it, in the car, and then got {censored} all over the both of you.

 

Incidentally, if that happens, you walk to those Wal-Mart bathrooms holding hands. Because {censored}'em, couple of dudes, covered in {censored}, holding hands. Don't act like you ain't seen this before.

[NixerX]

 

Heres another one, but more about my buddy driving the car in the previous story. We used to go mountain biking in Ocala (santos) all the time. Well, close after the time that waiting came out, and all any of us could do is pull our nuts out to try to get the other guys, we went to santos. We get done with our day, and frank (friend in previous story) starts biking toward the bathroom. As he is heading over there, I get on my bike to bike around a bit while hes gone. About 5 minutes later he comes running out of the bathroom cracking up laughing...none of us know what is going on lol. He starts to explain...He saw me get on my bike and thought I was going to the bathroom too. When he got into the bathroom, he pulled his nuts out, and was swinging them in a circle right in front of the door. Some other dude walks in, and frank is like OH {censored} SORRY, and this guy is just looking at him like WTF!!! We still laugh about that {censored}...like 5-6 years later lol.

 

 

Dude this is {censored}ing great!!!

[BrendanO]

 

Heres another one, but more about my buddy driving the car in the previous story. We used to go mountain biking in Ocala (santos) all the time. Well, close after the time that waiting came out, and all any of us could do is pull our nuts out to try to get the other guys, we went to santos. We get done with our day, and frank (friend in previous story) starts biking toward the bathroom. As he is heading over there, I get on my bike to bike around a bit while hes gone. About 5 minutes later he comes running out of the bathroom cracking up laughing...none of us know what is going on lol. He starts to explain...He saw me get on my bike and thought I was going to the bathroom too. When he got into the bathroom, he pulled his nuts out, and was swinging them in a circle right in front of the door. Some other dude walks in, and frank is like OH {censored} SORRY, and this guy is just looking at him like WTF!!! We still laugh about that {censored}...like 5-6 years later lol.

 

 

"I thought you'd be someone else" really doesn't make that situation any less weird, either...

[jds22]

Walmart checkout line on a Saturday afternoon, so of course it's packed. My wife and I are unloading our cart when I notice the bottle of hair conditioner's top is cracked open. So I pick it up and give it a pop to close it, not thinking of course, and I'm sprayed with milky white goo. It's on my face and splattered all over my dark blue t-shirt. The couple behind us look away real quick, I know they're trying not to crack up. My wife starts digging in her purse and hands me a kleenex like that's going to make it better.

[NinjaRaf]

How is that embarrassing? You had to go, and you made it to the toilet. That's not a {censored}in' embarrassment. That's a close call. An embarrassment would have been if you'd {censored} all over your friend's car, and then gotten in some kind of fist-fight about it, in the car, and then got {censored} all over the both of you. Incidentally, if that happens, you walk to those Wal-Mart bathrooms holding hands. Because {censored}'em, couple of dudes, covered in {censored}, holding hands. Don't act like you ain't seen this before.

 

 

it was just the whole situation of leaving one of my buddies at the loading dock for like an hour wondering wtf was going on, and the laughter it caused. I guess its more of a funny story...I dunno.

[Murdoch]

Okay...um...have no idea how to describe this without diving headfirst into "waaaaaay too much information" territory, but I'll give it a shot. Me and an ex were REALLY going at it one night, and I've really outkicked my coverage in terms of stamina and performance. I mean this is something that a man cites as example when asked how good he is in bed. I was damned proud of myself. So after a while, the epicness is getting ready to end, and since the both of us had said "{censored} it" to any latex product, I extract myself, and am about to let fly in a VERY serious way, when I get hit with two absolutely CRIPPLING cramps in both hamstrings at once. Talk about conflicting sensations. Let's just say that I probably looked like someone having a major seizure for a bit there. I'm glad she got a good laugh out of it.

[NinjaRaf]

"I thought you'd be someone else" really doesn't make that situation any less weird, either...

 

 

Yeah, it kinda makes it worse, I think lol.

[munizfire]

http://acapella.harmony-central.com/showthread.php?1876989-OT-I-dropped-the-fattest-gangster-in-a-church-last-night&highlight=choir "Last night my girlfriend was trying out for the church choir, and im like whatever (as far as the church is concerned) and i was sitting in my car, then it happened: I get the bubble guts. You know, the roller coaster stomach syndrome. I couldnt leave, the home is too far away, and i dont think i could last the drive across the street to a 7-11. There was only one last option. I ran into the church, and headed straight for the bathroom, and i sat down. The holy'st of all {censored}s blew out of my ass. I had to flush twice. Then i go and sit in the chapel their all singing in, and the {censored} smell is seeping in. I could smell this {censored} creeping slowly into the chapel. Knowing this, and not wanting to be given up, i made a rush to my car. I waited there the rest of the night. My girlfriend came out, and said that afterwards people went to the bathroom and all of em came back with disgusted looks on their faces, i then told her that i dropped the fattest gangster ever. She didnt think it was funny. "

 

oh i did!!!

 

 

so you made a Holy {censored}?

[Bee_Gee]

i think 90% of embarrassing stories involve {censored} or {censored}ting in one way or another

[pioneerprogress]

How is that embarrassing? You had to go, and you made it to the toilet. That's not a {censored}in' embarrassment. That's a close call. An embarrassment would have been if you'd {censored} all over your friend's car, and then gotten in some kind of fist-fight about it, in the car, and then got {censored} all over the both of you. Incidentally, if that happens, you walk to those Wal-Mart bathrooms holding hands. Because {censored}'em, couple of dudes, covered in {censored}, holding hands. Don't act like you ain't seen this before.

 

In that vein, then, when we were touring at one point, we had lunch at a Hardee's, and were on our way to Charleston, SC and pretty much just as soon as we had hit the interstate, I had the urge to fart. I grossly underestimated this fart, however I was pretty sure I had caught it in time, before much destruction was done. Well let me say, almost but not quite. I knew I would catch hell for having to make a stop AGAIN after we just got back on the road, but I had to do it. Turn out it was a good call, the streak had most definitely been left on my khaki shorts, and I had to go in to a public restroom to change.

The rest of that week, our merch dude would walk into venues/other places in front of me, proclaiming "He pooped his pants!"

[thefyn]

My brother teabagged our grandmother by accident.

 

My brother was about 17 when ballsgate happened. They had a house full at the time, so all 4 bedrooms were full. She was staying over and they had a small temp bed for when she stays, and it was in his room.

 

So his bed, plus her temp bed meant he had to step over her bed to get to his clothes (he was in boxers). He had socks on, so when he stepped over, he slipped.

 

We all know boxers can let it all hang out when you stretch, and she woke up at the exact wrong moment. There was not much contact, more a whaft, but she just got a closeup of his junk as he was stepping over her.

 

What cracks us all up is what she said and the way she said it.

 

"Oh dear!" in a cute old lady voice. Every time I see my brother, one of us, at one point of the day will say "Oh dear" in an old woman voice.

 

My brother is a walking meme.

[Lucius]

Was at a petstore and the lady was feeding the guinee pigs. Having had a little piggy at home I asked if I could hold it awhile. I sit down on the floor with my legs bent up and this hottie walks in and says something like oh that is soo cute, all bubbly and stuff. She is stroking the piggy and making small talk and I think I have a legit chance of getting a number, well just as i was about to ask about it I let out this little squeaker of a fart. I immediately looked at her and she looked at me, then I was holding the pig and said "it was the piggy". She just turned around and walk out. My face was soo {censored}ing red, I can't stop laughing anytime I tell this story. Cheers, Lucius

[munizfire]

i think 90% of embarrassing stories involve {censored} or {censored}ting in one way or another

 

yep true!!!

Since I dont have my gallbladder, i pretty much have to run every single time... and i'ts always really nasty

 

but for lolz (though prolly some of you are gonna say it's nasty), when my new roommate moved in, he was a pig... Most of the times he didn't flush (sometimes on purpose, sometimes (he says) was out of hurry, but i dont believe him )

So, one day I took a really nasty {censored} (think of black coffee with crumbs ) and i texted him the picture... he freaked out..

But now it's a tradition:

1- Take Huge Dump

2- Take picture of it and text it to my roommate

3- ????

4- profit

 

I just counted... and total i have sent him 48 pics of {censored} :lol: and still have em if you wanna see some nasty {censored}

[NinjaRaf]

I used to have pretty bad social anxiety problems as a kid...to the point where I would not answer questions that were asked directly to me. Teachers, friends, you name it, and I would literally just look at them sheepishly. This caused me to pee in my pants as a kid, until I was in 6th grade, and even sometimes in middle school. Every one knew...how could they not. Thats probably the most embarassing thing Ive ever had to deal with.

One time in HS, I was making out with my gf behind one of the buildings. She started touching below the belt, and I nutted in my pants This was during lunch...had to walk around very awkwardly the rest of the day...every one was asking wtf is wrong with you? I didnt know what to tell them haha.