The new Embarassing Moments Thread

[Space coyote]

Dude, almost the exact same thing happened to me when I was about 16, only substitute my computer keyboard for the garbage can and (luckily) I was alone in my room. Woke up the next day, my keyboard was filled with pee and I had a very vague recollection of the sleepwalking. Luckily I had a desktop, not a laptop.

 

 

God, I almost pissed MYSELF reading this!

[OceansBetweenUs]

First day moving in with one of my best friends, we got bombed drunk. Middle of the night he gets up, walks over to my side of our room, and pees in my (empty) laundry basket. The entire time I'm talking to him and asking him what the f*ck he's doing, and he's mumbling about going back to sleep.

 

GF on her 21st is subletting a furnished apartment from a friend, wakes up in the middle of the night, walks over to her coffee table, hover-pees on it like a toilet, climbs back in bed and goes to sleep.

 

Hooked up with my roommates girlfriend, ran out of the room yelling, "Roommate's girlfriend just blew me!" while roommate is staring at me.

 

There are probably more...

[sneakerpimp]

at work we have designated mens and womens restrooms each with just a commode. i had to take a big one and just couldn't wait for the other dude to finish so i went into the womens. well, the lock is funky and i didn't close it right and one of the girls busted in.
1. she's cute and i have a mad crush on her.
2. she's bangin one of the dudes at work (ironically the one tying up the other restroom).
3. she doesn't speak english.

not a big deal now but the initial shock was pretty bad. i'm grateful that at the moment the door opened i was just sitting there... 30 seconds later it would have been bad... 3 minutes later it would have been really bad.

[sneakerpimp]

my best friends and i sometimes get together to hang out at someone's house, just drinking, eating pills and dancing to house music. one of them is an attractive girl and for whatever reason likes to fart on people. so after farting on me all night i tried to get her back and ended up splattering my $200 jeans. it was only me, my two long-time friends and one of those friend's girlfriend who were present.

fortunately i was with friends, and something similar already happened to each of them, so i was able to calmly tell everyone i just {censored} myself and ask for clean shorts, pants and a shower.

[munizfire]

my best friends and i sometimes get together to hang out at someone's house, just drinking, eating pills and dancing to house music. one of them is an attractive girl and for whatever reason likes to fart on people. so after farting on me all night i tried to get her back and ended up splattering my $200 jeans. it was only me, my two long-time friends and one of those friend's girlfriend who were present. fortunately i was with friends, and something similar already happened to each of them, so i was able to calmly tell everyone i just {censored} myself and ask for clean shorts, pants and a shower.

 

[Valtiel]

Me and an ex were REALLY going at it one night, and I've really outkicked my coverage in terms of stamina and performance.

 

Oh man, this is always the most badass/awful thing when this happens. Two different occasions, one I had to lay down for about 20 mins as I literally could not stand up because my leg muscles had gone on hiatus and the other I sat in the bathroom for about 15 minutes trying not to faint because my blood sugar was too low to be doing what I did.

 

The second one was pretty pathetic as it was probably only 20-25 minutes but #1 was more than 90 minutes so I feel ok that I was basically paraplegic afterwards.

[NITROHOLIC]

one of a million {censored} storys

had to {censored}.
did 15 over
pulled over
told him to hurry the {censored} up and write the ticket i have to {censored}
hand cuffed on curb
{censored} pants
wouldve facepalmed but hands were busy

got off with a warning and much lols over the radio ({censored} you officer hunt) and {censored}ty pants

[-Assy-]

one of a million {censored} storys had to {censored}. did 15 over pulled over told him to hurry the {censored} up and write the ticket i have to {censored} hand cuffed on curb {censored} pants wouldve facepalmed but hands were busy got off with a warning and much lols over the radio ({censored} you officer hunt) and {censored}ty pants

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

When I wrecked my first car, Honda Accord, I had just gotten it, it was a tuesday (Taco Tuesday) to be exact at my high school. Well normally after Taco bar at lunch, I spent the next 2 periods in the private {censored}ter in the library (soundproof walls) with my PSP and a few Transworld Skateboarder magazines to cruise through. Not this particular Tuesday. Snowed like {censored} and we got out of school early just after lunch. My car has 65k miles on it, original tires

 

I am driving home, about to diarrhea myself and turn my car into the next court for OOzeball (look it up, mudpit volleyball) yet I stay 10 under the speed limit (45mph country road). I fish tail a corner somehow, overcorrect, wind up about 30 yards into the woods with my car wrapped around a tree and my pants full of {censored}. Here comes the {censored}ing irony and lolz. I get out of my car through the sun roof, door is broken shut, passenger door is lodged up against some tree stump or some {censored}. I pop open trunk, remove army shovel (part of my emergency kit) and my change of clothes (gym bag). I bury my {censored}ty underpants and jeans in the snow and change into my gym outfit. State trooper spots me in the woods, calls tow service etc. I explain what happens, told him I {censored} myself etc. He says something along the lines of "you're 16, single car accident, probably totaled. I am pretty much SUPPOSED to give you a reckless driving ticket, but how about failure to obey traffic sign? sounds good to me. $16 fine". Turns out, when I got to court, I never got the officers name, but his last name is Anis (pronounced Anus by the judge). I lol'd. A lot. In the middle of the silent court room.

[superflyinmonke]

When I was in college, I went out for cheap draft night and we were at it hard and I was keeping pace with my buddy that had about 30lbs. on me. So we're buying draft at $.25 a glass, slamming beer after beer and we decide we should get the shooter girl over.

 

So she comes over with her sexy low cut shirt and two bottles of jack in her holsters and she stood on a chair behind my buddy. He tilted his head back, she pours it down the chute and gives him some wicked motorboat action.

 

My turn. I tilt my head back, knowing full well I'm hammered, get liquor poured into my mouth. I didn't get a shake or I just don't remember because as soon as I swallowed and my other buddy went up to bat, I projectile vomited a good 2 liters under the bar stool area we were standing around. I wiped my mouth, looked around for disgusted looks and didn't see any but my buddy saying, "You gotta cut that {censored} out."

 

I then resumed beer consumption.

[munizfire]

When I was in college, I went out for cheap draft night and we were at it hard and I was keeping pace with my buddy that had about 30lbs. on me. So we're buying draft at $.25 a glass, slamming beer after beer and we decide we should get the shooter girl over. So she comes over with her sexy low cut shirt and two bottles of jack in her holsters and she stood on a chair behind my buddy. He tilted his head back, she pours it down the chute and gives him some wicked motorboat action. My turn. I tilt my head back, knowing full well I'm hammered, get liquor poured into my mouth. I didn't get a shake or I just don't remember because as soon as I swallowed and my other buddy went up to bat, I projectile vomited a good 2 liters under the bar stool area we were standing around. I wiped my mouth, looked around for disgusted looks and didn't see any but my buddy saying, "You gotta cut that {censored} out." I then resumed beer consumption .

 

that's what a man does!

[RUExp?]

that's what an alcoholic does!

 

fix'd

[Shodan5000]

Ironically I was taking a {censored} when I decided to take a peek at this thread. I laughed out loud a few times.

[NITROHOLIC]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA When I wrecked my first car, Honda Accord, I had just gotten it, it was a tuesday (Taco Tuesday) to be exact at my high school. Well normally after Taco bar at lunch, I spent the next 2 periods in the private {censored}ter in the library (soundproof walls) with my PSP and a few Transworld Skateboarder magazines to cruise through. Not this particular Tuesday. Snowed like {censored} and we got out of school early just after lunch. My car has 65k miles on it, original tires I am driving home, about to diarrhea myself and turn my car into the next court for OOzeball (look it up, mudpit volleyball) yet I stay 10 under the speed limit (45mph country road). I fish tail a corner somehow, overcorrect, wind up about 30 yards into the woods with my car wrapped around a tree and my pants full of {censored}. Here comes the {censored}ing irony and lolz. I get out of my car through the sun roof, door is broken shut, passenger door is lodged up against some tree stump or some {censored}. I pop open trunk, remove army shovel (part of my emergency kit) and my change of clothes (gym bag). I bury my {censored}ty underpants and jeans in the snow and change into my gym outfit. State trooper spots me in the woods, calls tow service etc. I explain what happens, told him I {censored} myself etc. He says something along the lines of "you're 16, single car accident, probably totaled. I am pretty much SUPPOSED to give you a reckless driving ticket, but how about failure to obey traffic sign? sounds good to me. $16 fine". Turns out, when I got to court, I never got the officers name, but his last name is Anis (pronounced Anus by the judge). I lol'd. A lot. In the middle of the silent court room .

the last time i had jury duty the poor lady that sat down next to me to wait for our names to be called was named sharon johnson. i snickered at her in a almost dead quiet huuuge room to her face then the whole situation just made me loose it.
i 'd so hard for hours, loosing it everytime i thought of it. didnt have to serve jury that time. phew.

[BryanFTWL]

My sister walked in on my girlfriend blowing me a few weeks ago.

[Bee_Gee]

 

Way back in 1992 I went through a period where I would piss the bed after drinking too much. Around the same time I was dating a woman who had an empty can of Coke on her nightstand. After a month or so I axe her why she never throw out the Coke can. She proceeded to tell me some lame story about the can being left there by an ex boyfriend and that it hadn't been touched since he left it there and she was going to keep it forever. This same guy also called her up and sang a song to her over the phone called I Saw Red. He said he wrote it for her but she soon found out that it was a Warrant song. When she confronted him about this he said it was a coincidence that both he and Warrant just happened to write the exact same song. She believed the story. Just a little background info. One night after some serious drinking I passed out in her bed. In the middle of the night I woke up to a wet spot. I was hoping it was leftover love juice or maybe night sweat, but soon realized I pissed myself. I spent the rest of the night hogging the bed and playing defense so she would not roll onto the piss. When she finally got up to take a shower, I pissed in the Coke can. The next night I went back to her place and checked the bed. The sheets were dry but there was a stain starting to form. We got drunk and I passed out again on the pee bed. During the night I pissed the bed again. I could see that this relationship was going nowhere, so when she got up to take a shower I took a {censored}ing piss in her closet then left. Haven't talked to her since.

 

 

the last line of that was EPIC

[Shine]

Oh the lulz with {censored} threads, now I don't feel so bad.


I had just started a new job and was a few weeks into training, we couldn't miss any days or they would terminate us. It was about 11:00 am and I couldn't hold it anymore. I went to the bathroom and I usally use the handicap stall as long as its not occupied and its a nice size as I like to take my sneakers, jeans and underwear off when I take a {censored}.

Don't judge me, i like to be comfortable when I take a {censored}.

Anyway, the handicap stall was occupied and I could not hold it a minute longer, so I went into the regular stalls, which are about half the size of regular stalls. Seriously, they are {censored}ing tiny, everyone complains about them. Just about 6 inches wider on each side from the toilet. So I sit down in this cramped stall, and having to really compress myself as I'm a big guy and don't feel comfortable in this situation. So I think I have it all done, stand up and unclench.

Then the {censored} that was in my ass comes flowing out all over my khakis. I'm like, no no no no no no no no! {censored}. No no no no no no! I can't miss any work or I'll get fired, so I stay in there for about an hour until lunch time comes, I have to haul ass out of the building and then make it across a parking lot without anyone noticing me. I was like a {censored} ninja. I was peering around corners, hiding in offices, crouching down, there was no way I was gonna get caught. Made it out to the parking lot without anyone seeing me, saw a lady there and told her, tell my instructor I had to leave because my wife got in a car accident. I get in my truck and driving away when the instructor comes running over and asks me if I'm ok. She comes up the drivers side window and the smell must have hit her because she makes the worst face a person could make. Then I tell her I will be back in a little while, but I won't miss the entire day. I haul ass home which was 45 minutes away, wash the clothes, shoes and take a shower. Then I get dressed in the same clothes, because they would notice if I came back in a different outfit. Came back to work and spent the next two hours between two girls who would have definitely known what happened. But I got away with it and was number 1 in my class.


The other time was last year, my friend and I were in Tampa and went to a strip club, durp, my stomach had been bubbling or the last hour and I wasn't worried about it. Then we get to the club and we're drinking beer, which sometimes makes my asshole pucker. I was sitting on the barstool and then reach down to grab it and lift myself up to get comfortable. I thought it was a silent fart that got out, but we're sitting there talking to a stripper for about 15 minutes and I tell my friend we should go. I'm walking out and the manager who is a friend, starts talking to me, this other stripper comes up and talks to him and must have smelled it as she starts gagging. I go to the bathroom and notice the brown streaks on my khaki shorts. I'm like {censored} it, we'll just go home. I took my friend home and he's one of my oldest, best friends. He never complained about the smell or said anything else after that. I went home, knew I couldn't salvage the underwear, fapped and then took a shower. I don't think I've been back to that club again.

[Murdoch]

Oh man, this is always the most badass/awful thing when this happens. Two different occasions, one I had to lay down for about 20 mins as I literally could not stand up because my leg muscles had gone on hiatus and the other I sat in the bathroom for about 15 minutes trying not to faint because my blood sugar was too low to be doing what I did. The second one was pretty pathetic as it was probably only 20-25 minutes but #1 was more than 90 minutes so I feel ok that I was basically paraplegic afterwards.

Yeah, I know what you mean. The time I posted about was probably a good 90 minutes. You've never lived until you've shnozzed all over a hot, laughing woman while your hamstrings are trying to constrict down to the size of a quarter.

[Ovid9]

Yeah, I know what you mean. The time I posted about was probably a good 90 minutes. You've never lived until you've shnozzed all over a hot, laughing woman while your hamstrings are trying to constrict down to the size of a quarter.

Troof

[-Assy-]

Yeah, I know what you mean. The time I posted about was probably a good 90 minutes. You've never lived until you've shnozzed all over a hot, laughing woman while your hamstrings are trying to constrict down to the size of a quarter.

Something similiar happened to me, only a bit worse. My ass cramped right when I was blowing my load, so I go to pull out, ass cramps, deliver one thor-like hammer thrust into the vagina as I begin to writhe in pain, spewing bromagma all up in her vag. She was loving it, then when I told her about my aching ass she lol'd big time.

[Valtiel]

Yeah, I know what you mean. The time I posted about was probably a good 90 minutes. You've never lived until you've shnozzed all over a hot, laughing woman while your hamstrings are trying to constrict down to the size of a quarter.

 

 

You basically look like someone trying to crack a safe while 3 midgets are clubbing you in the calves with 2x4's.

[NixerX]

Thread Delivers

[Murdoch]

You basically look like someone trying to crack a safe while 3 midgets are clubbing you in the calves with 2x4's.

While firing large amounts of Elmer's glue into the sky.

[R00PE]

one of a million {censored} storys had to {censored}. did 15 over pulled over told him to hurry the {censored} up and write the ticket i have to {censored} hand cuffed on curb {censored} pants wouldve facepalmed but hands were busy got off with a warning and much lols over the radio ({censored} you officer hunt) and {censored}ty pants

 

hahaha something similar happened to one of my friend but the cop wasnt that extreme..my friend told him just write my ticket i'll be back i gotta {censored}. He was 1 street away from his home

[R00PE]

I was in a bar with friend one time so one of them ask me: "are staying here for long?" so i say: "sure,order some beer i'll go to the bathroom and i'll be back".So, i was pissing and i let go what i thought was a fart but it wasnt. I {censored}ing shat my pants... So i go back to the bar and tell my friends:" let's go...NOW" he's like WTF you just told me to order some beer.. i'm like we're out of here NOW... so we take a cab ( i sat in front and it must have smell the {censored} cuz the driver pulled his windows down seconds after we get in) and go home. I didnt told him why i wanted to leave in such a hurry till we got home. So, after i told him the story he {censored}ing call all my friend left at the bar to tell them why we quit so fast benn a couple years since then and every once in a while when we go to bar my friend tell me :" Don't {censored} your pants tonight man"

[Cropduster]

I'm taking a piss in a gas station and there's a dude in the next urinal. There is a divider. So we're both pissing and I finish first and being in a hurry, I sling my schlong really fast to get the pee off and ended up hitting the guys shirt next to me with piss. We just look at each other and didn't say a word. Somewhere in the distance, a dog howled......

Ok last sentence was a fabrication.