Members Neilrocks25 Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 Why do I see all these posts by non regulars Really I would tell her move out because women are devoiuse if she can get the house and our retirement he will. Trad carefully but do NOT give up the house. Was she being nice when she got some younger Californian studd to cum all over her face? I know it's a horrible thing to say (I am married with a child) but he screwed you over now is the time to stop being mr nice guy. Plan a head just encase, I have to here for example as my wife could legally stop me from seeing my son at any time If se wanted to (due to then bad Japanese law's here) so I would be hiring lawyers all over the place if I thought there was the slightest chance of that risk. If necessary sell you house now and split the money. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse G Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 I think the non regulars come out in these threads because they are lurking and normally don't post but maybe a thread like this hits close to home so they offer advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse G Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 There is also a good chance the non-regulars are more regular than the regulars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HKSblade1 Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 Wants to try counseling but wants half your retirement (at least part of discussions you have had)? hate to inform you......... caution is needed. In divorce the man has to cover his ass big time. You best have all bases covered and that means financially, banking accts, credit, other. In every experience I have seen and had personally there is no such thing as a clean happy split. Her lawyer will feed her entitlement speak. I had a 2 year first marriage (young dumb ass I was). Ex moved out to "find herself" and later came back. I stopped all proceedings to fix our marriage... HUGE mistake. That stupidity ended up worse. I was the nice guy while she f'd old boyfriends. Next thing, she has a lawyer and I have to leave. Then like an idiot I believed her lawyer, signed his "temporary" agreement like a dumb ass. This in turn was seen as a more permanent agreement in the court because I signed it. That one year marriage cost me my house (I paid nearly half down when I bought it before we married), my new truck (I got the POS car), plus she kept all furnishings, electronics, appliances.. etc. I got my clothes. She was entitled to alimony, as support, and I was living on about 30% of my income. later she remarried (in another county) and never reported to the court. It took her sister contacting me out of state 18 months later to find out. By time that court {censored} was settled, I had overpaid her by over 20 {censored}ing thousand dollars. The courts just said well, let it go.She was supposed to tell the court if she remarried. Ex remarried just a few months after we divorced. I over paid her by nearly 28 mos when it was all said and done. DONT SIGN ANYTHINGDONT MOVE OUTDONT TRUST THEIR BULL{censored}, nor any of her friends or family members.DONT PLAY NICE.......... PLAY SMART I see too many guys.. some close friends.. that get shelled in the court room. Wife {censored}s some dude or old fling etc. Husband gets butthurt and moves out. Next thing she's {censored}ing this guy in your old bed and living high off your alimony payments. MAKE HER LEAVE if she wants out. If she wants counseling? still, have her move out while you work on things. YOU need to take over the responsibilities and the household. Another friend and co worker of mine had teh same bull{censored} you have going on. Wife says nothing going on but she was {censored}ing around. HE was smart and divorced her instead of the separation. WHY? because IF and when she decided to return, he would force an agreement she gets nothing if this fails or she bails. Marriage is love and it is also legal arrangements. Costs you just the wedding.Divorce is often more than total distrust, and very tangled legal agreements. Costs you the divorce charges, massive lawyer fees, guardian atlitem fees, any proceeds or valuations of savings, 401, retirement etc.... you can bet when the ex plays nice they are more than suckering you for the kill. Get a good lawyer. Dont sign {censored}, don't leave the home, don't trust your soon to be ex, and don't give in not even for sex.... (sex in some courts is seen as reconciliation) In one way it's better because its not the late 80's like it was for me. Courts are a little better, but not much. You have to cover your ass and forget about hers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members uppercasenoises Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 I had a 2 year first marriage (young dumb ass I was). Ex moved out to "find herself" and later came back. I stopped all proceedings to fix our marriage... HUGE mistake. That stupidity ended up worse. I was the nice guy while she f'd old boyfriends. Next thing, she has a lawyer and I have to leave. Then like an idiot I believed her lawyer, signed his "temporary" agreement like a dumb ass. This in turn was seen as a more permanent agreement in the court because I signed it. That one year marriage cost me my house (I paid nearly half down when I bought it before we married), my new truck (I got the POS car), plus she kept all furnishings, electronics, appliances.. etc. I got my clothes. She was entitled to alimony, support, and I was living on about 30% of my income. later she remarried (in another county) and never reported to the court. It took her sister contacting me out of state 18 months later to find out. By time that court {censored} was settled, I had overpaid her by over 20 {censored}ing thousand dollars. The courts just said well, let it go.She was supposed to tell the court if she remarried. Ex remarried just a few months after we divorced. I would have killed that bitch and moved to Brazil or some other country where you cannot be extradited. Seriously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members uppercasenoises Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 Just out of curiosity, has there ever been cases where the woman pays the man alimony? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HKSblade1 Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 I would have killed that bitch and moved to Brazil or some other country where you cannot be extradited. Seriously. Our band was playing often and we traveled heavy in the summer. That was her big deal in court. I was in a rock band so I must have been the one that made her do what she did. After our divorce my life went to hell. I moved out of state and never looked back. It was all I could do to minimize any ill will towards that woman. Similar results happened with other friends of mine having short marriages. They got nailed with alimony even when their wives cheated or were the ones pressing for divorce. {censored}ed up huh? After a while I told them what to do.... Investigate. Some as it turned out had ex's saying they had no income or minimal incomes (poor me line to the courts for alimony), but after some investigating found them having 2-4 kids a week babysitting. 100 bucks each.. that's not bad money. Then they find they are on food and energy assistance programs while making an extra 1600 a month under the table. Bitches know the system and they've been networking long before the internet!! Men can get alimony (not ever if they cheat).... but in more cases its better not to request alimony, especially with custody battles. You are seen as an evil man if you do, or one that is not looking out for his family unit.. but more to avoid having to pay an ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ComOp Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 I just checked with my bro Satan. He said, "Yup. It's all me, Bro." He gave me a fist bump afterwards too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 3shiftgtr Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 O.k., grwhitefan. I am assuming you don't want to give up, and I am assuming you are a Christian and you have entered into Christian marriage. This is what you do. It's simple.Sit your wife down and say the following:1) I stood before God and asked him to bless this marriage. And to stay through the good times and bad. These are the bad times. My personal character will not allow me to quit. I have vowed to love you for the rest of my life. ONLY YOU CAN UNDO THIS. 2) Here's how: deliver divorce papers and tell me you cheated. Or tell me you disavow our God. (It's a Christian thing HCAF, you wouldn't understand:lol:) No divorce will ever come from me.3) I'm not going anywhere. This is my home, and my family whom I still love. If you want out of this marriage, it's your play. Not mine. I'll do whatever it takes for however long it takes. Ball is in your court. I love you. Please help me make this work.Here's the deal: don't say it with emotion. Say it with sincerity and passion, not emotion. No anger, no sadness, no 'wall', no tears. Just real and full of soul. She will inevitable start in. Let her go....listen, but don't let it get to you (she'll be lobbing bombs). Say sorry when you are supposed to, and shut up the rest of the time. Then pull out 1 Corinthian 13. Tell her that is your vision of love and why. Then ask her if she has ever defined what love is. Not who she wants you to be, but what love is. Does she agree with verse? If not why? And tell her that your goal is to be this scripture:4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. The difference in men and women can be seen in how they leave a marriage. When men decide they don't want it anymore, they find something better (usually) and tell their wife "I'm done. It's over. You are not what I want." Women on the other hand SURELY can't be seen as the one wanting out, so they do whatever they can to make it the man's fault. I've seen it countless times, woman marries the man, doesn't turn out like she wants, and she makes the man pay until it HAS to be over. Don't let this happen to you.And I know there are alot of athiests here at the ol HCAF, but slap dicking the poor op's beliefs when he is getting his ass handed to him is weak. Cut him some slack. You guys look down on Christians who quote the Bible trying to 'convert' you, so don't his satan reference.....it's just respect. Dolf even got that one..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Neilrocks25 Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 But what If she is not a good Christian and I gues not by banging another guy ^ Not being disrespectful just realistic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 3shiftgtr Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 But what If she is not a good Christian and I gues not by banging another guy ^Not being disrespectful just realistic. It is not about her being a 'good Christian'. It is about her disrespecting the marriage by choosing new caulk. There are piles of folks who consider themselves believers while they are {censored}ing a hooker and sucking on a crack pipe, ya know? The Bible references are only good if she made her vows in God's name. That is where the 'disavow God' part comes from. If she is like "I don't believe anymore" then there you have it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members :cool: Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 BUT HE BATHES HIS 12 YEAR OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why is noone talking about this?!?!?!?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Murk Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 BUT HE BATHES HIS 12 YEAR OLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why is noone talking about this?!?!?!?!?:lol::lol::lol::lol:and: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Razsan Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 To set the record straight: I don't bath my kids amymore!!! I USED to bath them when they were younger! Overall....I was a good dad who was very involved in raising my kids. I APPRECIATE everyone's advice. At this point we both agreed not to divorce. But from everyone's advice, I better get on the defensive. She mentioned wanting 1/2 of my retirement. If a spouse cheats.....& I can prove it.....can I prevent this? I do not want to throw her out in the cold or leave her with nothing either. I've thought about letting her have the house......I would keep my retirement (both are about the same value). Like I said, we are not divorcing.....but I can see that coming down the road. She & I are actually getting along fairly well, & communicating. I have some serious thinking to do; thanks again for the advice. This is so hard. I watched my good friend do the right thing for the last 2 years...His wife has been lying and cheating the whole time. She looks for every tactical advantage, even to the point of being civil at times so he lets his guard down. As more than 1 mentioned..DO NOT MOVE OUT and for your sake, keep a trail of indiscretions and other things you may be able to use. Watch your bank accounts and realize she is waiting for the right time to make her move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cooker Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 Geez OP, you are a pathetic little wuss. You bring shame to real men everywhere. Your wife is the WORST Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ledvedder Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 I'm going through the same exact thing. Wife started screwing around with some guy in May, I didn't find out until July. I love her and our 2 kids more than anything, so I wanted to work things out. She had already "checked out" of the marriage. I actually did move out in July. But, I've been staying there when I have the kids, which has been 3-4 days a week. We just rent our home, so having to sell it isn't an issue. I had thought about telling her to leave, but I didn't. I'm not sure if moving out was the right thing or not, but I'm still spending time and loving my kids more than anything. It just sucks not seeing them every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Inspector 71 Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 She may be associating you with all that is wrong with what she thinks "the good life" is or isn't in her life. Sometimes people expect it to just happen and don't realize how much effort things take and result to feeding their demon shoulder. "Entitlement" is a bitch sometimes most of the time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MetalHed Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 And I know there are alot of athiests here at the ol HCAF, but slap dicking the poor op's beliefs when he is getting his ass handed to him is weak. Cut him some slack. You guys look down on Christians who quote the Bible trying to 'convert' you, so don't his satan reference.....it's just respect. Dolf even got that one..... I think you are missing the point, instead of identifying the REAL problem, his wife, he's looking to hang the blame on "Satan". It's nothing more than a cop out, he's in denial about who his wife really is, and is looking to blame her actions on someone or something else. Pretending that everything positive in your life is "because of God" and everything negative that happens is "because of Satan" is really just a crutch for people who don't want to accept reality. Satan didn't get on a plane and fly off to roll in the hay with some other dude, his wife did. Satan doesn't spend all of his time on Facebook looking for guys to hook up with, his wife does. Denial is a mental sickness. Reality is the cure. He seems not to want to be cured, but would rather pretend that Satan is playing puppet master to his wife, and thereby she holds no blame for her actions. Much easier that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jesse G Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 ^Well said Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Dr.Picklebottom Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 the devil made you say that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members yanktar Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 O.k., grwhitefan. I am assuming you don't want to give up, and I am assuming you are a Christian and you have entered into Christian marriage. This is what you do. It's simple. Sit your wife down and say the following: 1) I stood before God and asked him to bless this marriage. And to stay through the good times and bad. These are the bad times. My personal character will not allow me to quit. I have vowed to love you for the rest of my life. ONLY YOU CAN UNDO THIS. 2) Here's how: deliver divorce papers and tell me you cheated. Or tell me you disavow our God. (It's a Christian thing HCAF, you wouldn't understand:lol:) No divorce will ever come from me. 3) I'm not going anywhere. This is my home, and my family whom I still love. If you want out of this marriage, it's your play. Not mine. I'll do whatever it takes for however long it takes. Ball is in your court. I love you. Please help me make this work. Here's the deal: don't say it with emotion. Say it with sincerity and passion, not emotion. No anger, no sadness, no 'wall', no tears. Just real and full of soul. She will inevitable start in. Let her go....listen, but don't let it get to you (she'll be lobbing bombs). Say sorry when you are supposed to, and shut up the rest of the time. Then pull out 1 Corinthian 13. Tell her that is your vision of love and why. Then ask her if she has ever defined what love is. Not who she wants you to be, but what love is. Does she agree with verse? If not why? And tell her that your goal is to be this scripture: 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. The difference in men and women can be seen in how they leave a marriage. When men decide they don't want it anymore, they find something better (usually) and tell their wife "I'm done. It's over. You are not what I want." Women on the other hand SURELY can't be seen as the one wanting out, so they do whatever they can to make it the man's fault. I've seen it countless times, woman marries the man, doesn't turn out like she wants, and she makes the man pay until it HAS to be over. Don't let this happen to you. And I know there are alot of athiests here at the ol HCAF, but slap dicking the poor op's beliefs when he is getting his ass handed to him is weak. Cut him some slack. You guys look down on Christians who quote the Bible trying to 'convert' you, so don't his satan reference.....it's just respect. Dolf even got that one..... What's interesting is that one can modify this very slightly and it can be used by an Atheist or an Agnostic, and drop the Bible references, and it STILL be effective. You don't need it to be a Christian thing unless you are devout Christians (and if she was, she wouldn't be cheatin'). I don't have faith in a god but I DO have faith in my love and in the Love of my life. For example: 1) I stood before you and our friends and family and asked them to bless this marriage. We both pledged to stay through the good times and bad. These are the bad times. My personal character will not allow me to quit. I have vowed to love you for the rest of my life. ONLY YOU CAN UNDO THIS. Take it from there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ultron Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 Tell us more about your drinking. Were you a drinker and a FIEND? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members frankenstone Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 Can't believe we're 7 pages into this an no one has said what we're all thinking: the reason OP's marriage is {censored}ed is because gays can now marry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ron Burgandy Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 Geez OP, you are a pathetic little wuss. You bring shame to real men everywhere.Your wife is the WORST Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, c'mere friend. I want to rub you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rushtallica Posted September 20, 2011 Members Share Posted September 20, 2011 We've been married 17 years, have 2 kids, ages 12 & 8. I am by no means perfect, but I try very hard....have apologized when I've done something wrong. She has issues with my drinking (I do it occasionally, & keep it away from her). She says I don't show enough affection (not one of my strong points).I love my wife & kids dearly, would die for them. I am a good father, bath my kids, read them stories at night, do laundry, clean the house, help my wife with things to make things easier on her, give her breaks. I've given 100% the last year trying to better myself & be a better husband.....not good enough, or too late possibly. I pray for her & my kids alot. My wife is lost. She spends hours typing away on her stupid Blackberry. Claims she's always talking to "her sister" or "a friend", or on Facebook. I know she's probably chatting it up with some guy. She lied to me in May (said she was just getting away for a few days), & flew to LA to see this guy (I also found some emails, & an airline ticket in her purse). She has pulled away from me over the past year-and-a-half.I've agree to move out; I'm in the process of finding a place. We are not divorcing or legally separating, but I know where this is all leading. We will probably break this to our kids in the next week. The scary thing is......how my wife is acting. Very cold & distant, like she doesn't care. She is not the same person I married.WTF?? Well I'm going to do the best to be there for my kids, & to be a good person. I did not want this. I think Satan is doing his best to destroy marriages, because it is happening all around us, even in our neighborhood.Thanks for letting me vent. Man, I'm very sorry to hear what's going on. I can relate to how cold and distant someone can be that you thought was really closer, too, though my first marriage was less than 2 years and with no children. Since she took a trip to meet someone else a while back, she's probably been considering it for a while. I'm glad to hear you cared about the marriage and kids and had been working on things. Nobody's perfect. Based on what you've said, I wouldn't blame yourself or the devil. People can change, and it sounds like your wife has been going in a different direction for a while and may have already had her mind made up regardless of you doing the best you can do. I know there are no perfect words for situations like these. I wish you the very best and hope some good things end up coming out of this for you and the kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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