Members Bitt81 Posted January 9, 2008 Members Share Posted January 9, 2008 Actually, to some extent, it does! I think in many respects, parents can be TOO deferential to the wants and desires of their kids. I mean, obviously, as a parent one is responsible to meet the needs of the child, but too many folks sacrifice too much to ensure that their children have every material possession they want, and as a result, there are some pretty {censored}ed-up kids in this world. I think children need to understand that a mom and dad were together before the kids, and hopefully will remain together long after the kids are grown and gone. Therefore, it is vital that parents not totally subsume their needs in meeting every whim of the children.*click* I would agree that parents are too deferntial to the WANTS and DESIRES of their kids. The drive for kids to have the designer labels, the best of everything, is actually (I believe) destructive to their development. But I believe that too many parents these days are extremely selfish and create children that are that way as well. When it comes to my kids, nothing will get in the way of their needs. If you actually said that "Mom and Dad come first" then you did a lot of things right outside of that. If the kids are well adjusted adults today, I'm sure you did plenty to make sure that they knew they were a priority. I think there is a bigger issue these days with parents that put themselves first than vice versa. Pusuing the almighty dollar, having the luxury SUVs, bigger house, etc means two incomes and absentee parents where care givers provide too large of a share of the child's development. Keeping a marraige together is a lot of work and staying together for the long term includes having a unified vision for how the kids are raised. If you can't agree on those principles, there will eventually be troubles that strain the relationship. While you will never agree on everything, the big picture principles need to be shared by both parents. Your success as parents just goes to show that there is no blueprint to raising kids ...my lecture is also done... now... I am one of those that played some as a teen and young adult but not with a real passion for the instrument. Once my kids were grown, I rediscovered the guitar and this time it became a passion. My guitars are out and I allow my 2 Y/O grandson to touch it, make noise with the strings and get used to the sound when I play. I hope to some day sit with him and teach him his first notes and chords. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hudman Posted January 9, 2008 Members Share Posted January 9, 2008 I would agree that parents are too deferntial to the WANTS and DESIRES of their kids. The drive for kids to have the designer labels, the best of everything, is actually (I believe) destructive to their development. But I believe that too many parents these days are extremely selfish and create children that are that way as well. When it comes to my kids, nothing will get in the way of their needs. If you actually said that "Mom and Dad come first" then you did a lot of things right outside of that. If the kids are well adjusted adults today, I'm sure you did plenty to make sure that they knew they were a priority. I think there is a bigger issue these days with parents that put themselves first than vice versa. Pusuing the almighty dollar, having the luxury SUVs, bigger house, etc means two incomes and absentee parents where care givers provide too large of a share of the child's development. Keeping a marraige together is a lot of work and staying together for the long term includes having a unified vision for how the kids are raised. If you can't agree on those principles, there will eventually be troubles that strain the relationship. While you will never agree on everything, the big picture principles need to be shared by both parents. Your success as parents just goes to show that there is no blueprint to raising kids I agree 100%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cripes Posted January 10, 2008 Members Share Posted January 10, 2008 Gave up many things when the first knee-high neighborhood terrorist came along. I removed all pursuits/hobbies that presented even the smallest risk to myself - motorcycling, SCUBA, flying, etc. - and then extended it to personal benign hobbies such as playing guitar and fine arts as I came to recognize the importance of time and where mine was most needed. Plus, I had a business and that alone was a black hole of time. Guitar playing was just that - playing - and I couldn't field the guilt of the compromise it selfishly asked. So, 33 years later I picked it back up but now I've become indoctrinated with my years of subordinating it to everything else. No sour grapes. I made the choice and now I play again with renewed passion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members d28andm1911a1 Posted January 10, 2008 Members Share Posted January 10, 2008 I don't know the answer, but if you can work out a way do it. I'm one of those who had a 15 yr period of once a month playing, and I regret the time I missed, and the skill I could have gained. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members C70man Posted January 10, 2008 Members Share Posted January 10, 2008 ...It's kind of rewarding to share this with the kids, though I admit it's rare and I tend to get a little too self-involved when I'm playing. For example, right now as I'm typing my little one is doing his best to walk so I need to get going and Do The Right Thing. Music can be the "right thing". I started my son at 4. Ultimately, he became a pianist. Oh well, but he does play around with a guitar though. My youngest plays the sax and a guitar. But prefers the sax. Geez, I hope it wasn't because of my playing. Music is one of those things that stays with you all your life. It enlightens the soul. I would involve your children at any age. They can only benefit by it. Don't find time...make time. It's still time with your children they will never forget. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cozmo Posted January 10, 2008 Members Share Posted January 10, 2008 Music can be the "right thing". I started my son at 4. Ultimately, he became a pianist. Oh well, but he does play around with a guitar though. My youngest plays the sax and a guitar. But prefers the sax. Geez, I hope it wasn't because of my playing.Music is one of those things that stays with you all your life. It enlightens the soul. I would involve your children at any age. They can only benefit by it. Don't find time...make time. It's still time with your children they will never forget. +1000 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kwakatak Posted January 10, 2008 Author Members Share Posted January 10, 2008 Music can be the "right thing". I started my son at 4. Ultimately, he became a pianist. Oh well, but he does play around with a guitar though. My youngest plays the sax and a guitar. But prefers the sax. Geez, I hope it wasn't because of my playing. Music is one of those things that stays with you all your life. It enlightens the soul. I would involve your children at any age. They can only benefit by it. Don't find time...make time. It's still time with your children they will never forget. Good point. I remember over a year ago working on my Travis picking and looking over at my then 2 year-old son to see him bopping his head in time. This morning we had a little bit of bonding time while the younger one napped. He helped me put on a new set of Elixirs! BTW - OT, but apologies to the ESC: I tried those D'Addorio EXP's and they weren't for me; they went dead in a month. Elixir Nano PB's last me 2 or 3 before I get bored with the tone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members totamus Posted January 10, 2008 Members Share Posted January 10, 2008 Several things to never bring up in polite company: Sex, Politics, Religion, Sports and the correct method of raising kids. As a father of 5, I could offer my experience. But also as a father of 5, if I have learned anything, it is that it is tragically impossible to bestow your experience upon another being. They must scrape their own metaphorical knees. So it is. The children will grow up and find their own lives. My opinion is that it is a tragedy if you don't get your life back under your control until that happens. D28M1911A1 (love that name, and I also have a D28 and a Colt 45), regrets the loss of time and skills. Others regret putting their music first and losing their family. One word: Balance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhat Posted January 10, 2008 Members Share Posted January 10, 2008 Buy a digital recording rig. You can build backtracks...put your headphones on ,, and totally escape into your own jam world. rat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BackPocket Posted January 10, 2008 Members Share Posted January 10, 2008 I have been wondering about playing as your get older. I'm just starting to get into the professional world by substitute teaching. Most days I come home pretty tired and just want to take nap. I try to push myself some days to play guitar for a little bit. It really just make me happy too which is nice. I imagine when I get my full-time teaching job, I will be a lot busier with lesson plans and things like that so who knows. Only time will tell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members alahen Posted January 11, 2008 Members Share Posted January 11, 2008 I have 3 kids, ranging from 2 to 9 and I tend to get most practice time after they've gone to bed. Unfortunately I can end up playing from 10pm to the early hours of the morning and then I'm really tired the next day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hamhand Posted January 12, 2008 Members Share Posted January 12, 2008 As some of you know, I am divorced. One of the things I never made clear while I was married was what I needed from the marriage including time for guitar. As soon as as my wife would hear the catches and latches on my guitar case, just like clockwork, she would call me. Time for dinner. Please take the trash out, go to the store, pull the clothes out of the dryer; just about anything. (I guess she wasn't my biggest fan.) But it seemed to serve as a signal to her that I was free for chores or having some down-time, or awaiting my next assignment. Of course, I felt a certain amount of resentment, but I never said anything. Perhaps if we had communicated better, on this, and lots of other things, who knows?Frankly, these days, I enjoy being single in part because I make lots of time for myself, and I am very involved in my music. . Amazing Q, realizing I'm not alone....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Terry Allan Hall Posted January 12, 2008 Members Share Posted January 12, 2008 In the spirit of the mid-life crisis/want to learn to play guitar thread I have a little bit of a different angle/parody: how do you make time to keep up on your skills when you have kids? I've known many people who have put it aside when life demands more of their time and come back to it later when the kids are grown, the career is on track, they retire, etc. but what if you're just getting started in the game of life and don't want to give up on your passions - even if they're just a hobby? I can respect people who do give up playing for higher priorities but that's not for me. I'd rather just do without sleep since I find playing to be more rejuvinating. I've been playing at least since I was 10 which makes it nearly 30 years and apart from a few years in the late 90s to the earlier this decade I never put it down for any long period of time. Even now that I have kids I won't give it up again but finding time to play is the tricky part. Here's my take: wait until after bed and play quietly or keep a beater around that you don't mind getting knocked over when the kids are about. If they're too young to play this will get them used to the guitar, but a word of warning: if you fool with it too much or play something they clearly don't like be careful that they don't see it as competition for your attention. I leave my Tak out all the time and only play it when the kids. One will be a year old in March, the other will be 4 next month but he's PDD-NOS so he's basically a big 2 year-old) seem content - both are boys and all about gross motor skills right now. If they're restless in any way - which is often - then I know that I'm just setting up a potential conflict. When there's a connection though it's the greatest thing. The little one likes to strum the strings (and chew the guitar but we'll work on that) and the older one appears to have been grooving along a couple of times and has even tried approximate my technique on his little toy 6 string. It's kind of rewarding to share this with the kids, though I admit it's rare and I tend to get a little too self-involved when I'm playing. For example, right now as I'm typing my little one is doing his best to walk so I need to get going and Do The Right Thing. When my daughter, Kat, was a youngster, she went literally everywhere I'd go (her mom - my ex - found her to be "exhausting")...one day, when she was about 5, she accompanied me to the Dallas Guitar Show and discovered that a mandolin was about her size, but she really wanted a guitar-shaped one (a mandolinetto)...The only playable one we found that day was about $3K, but I found a booth selling some well-made soprano ukeleles for $35 and I bought her one of her very own...strung/tuned it like a single course mandolin (using very light guage strings, of course) and taught her G, C, and D...after that, whenever I picked up one of my guitars, she'd race to her room and get her "baby guitar" and we'd play songs together! Later, she saw a friend playing fiddle and would try to get that sound by rubbing a bow made from a tree branch and an old tennis-shoe-string over her "baby guitar"'s strings, so for her next b'day, she found a fiddle of her own amongst her presents and started taking violin lessons a week later.Several years later, she took an interest in what my percussionist, Raoul, was doing on the congas, Raoul showed her a little, next thing I know I'm buying a set, she takes over for Raoul when he can't make the gig...and she still plays percussion/violin/mandolin/harmony vox in my trio from time to time, as her college schedule permits.Involve your kids...it's just too much fun not to share music w/ 'em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Terry Allan Hall Posted January 12, 2008 Members Share Posted January 12, 2008 Actually, to some extent, it does! I think in many respects, parents can be TOO deferential to the wants and desires of their kids. I mean, obviously, as a parent one is responsible to meet the needs of the child, but too many folks sacrifice too much to ensure that their children have every material possession they want, and as a result, there are some pretty {censored}ed-up kids in this world. I think children need to understand that a mom and dad were together before the kids, and hopefully will remain together long after the kids are grown and gone. Therefore, it is vital that parents not totally subsume their needs in meeting every whim of the children. *click* Absolute agreement X infinity, although in my case, it wasn't the child that was the problem, it was the (now ex)wife! She resented the fact that Kat got in the way of her plans just as much as she resented the fact that gigging took my attention at times...Fortunately, my very, very good friend Brian ran off w/ her about 12 years ago...I'm ashamed to admit that I'd never recognized just how great a friend he was until he did that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bsman Posted January 13, 2008 Members Share Posted January 13, 2008 Fortunately, my very, very good friend Brian ran off w/ her about 12 years ago...I'm ashamed to admit that I'd never recognized just how great a friend he was until he did that! That's the most tragi-comic thing I've read in quite a while! I don't know whether to laugh or cry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Minitruth Posted January 13, 2008 Members Share Posted January 13, 2008 I'm always the oddball. Wife and I never wanted kids, we had careers, likedto have things, liked to have time for ourselves. Don't tase me, bro. I'm justlike you, only different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Terry Allan Hall Posted January 13, 2008 Members Share Posted January 13, 2008 That's the most tragi-comic thing I've read in quite a while! I don't know whether to laugh or cry! Go ahead and laugh...I promise that I still am, even 12 years later.See, I was literally packing my bags when the ex- announced that we were going to be parents, so I put my escape on the ol' back-burner, promising myself that in 18 (or so) years, just as soon as Kat was old enough to move out on her own, I'd be behind her by no more than 15 minutes...Bryan saved me 10 years of Hell!OTOH, poor Bryan didn't realize that with the ex-wife came the ex-mother-in-law, the ex-sister-in-law and her various lazy kids (and their kids, nowdays, too) and lots of other insane "baggage"...I, on the other hand, am now married to one of the sweetest women that ever walked this Earth...and we adopted two really great sons, who I love as much as if they were the fruit of my own loins, to go along w/ my daughter.Like I said, I'm ashamed to admit that I'd never recognized just how great a friend he was until he did all that for me! And I got 3 good songs out of the experience, as well! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members bsman Posted January 13, 2008 Members Share Posted January 13, 2008 And I got 3 good songs out of the experience, as well! I guess there is that! My life has been way too comfortable (I've been married for 28 years and never had a wife leave, truck stolen, dog die). Maybe that's the reason I seem to lack inspiration!!! Oh well, maybe I'll get fired next week... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Queequeg Posted January 13, 2008 Members Share Posted January 13, 2008 Fortunately, my very, very good friend Brian ran off w/ her about 12 years ago...I'm ashamed to admit that I'd never recognized just how great a friend he was until he did that! I often stop to think how we just don't know what's good for us.Another fine example of this, Terry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members totamus Posted January 13, 2008 Members Share Posted January 13, 2008 Cop: "Why were you fleeing?"Suspect: "My wife ran off with a cop. When I saw the flashing lights in the mirror, I was deathly afraid he was bringing her back..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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