Members kwakatak Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 I thought I'd throw out a work in progress of my own for critique. I'd like to get some ideas on how to refine it. It's nothing all that complex, though I threw some fingerstyle flourishes over the basic chords to convey a melody that's been stuck in my head for the past year or so. It's nowhere near finished but it's come along nicely so far and I'm going to keep at it. One thing I really want to do is write some lyrics to go along with it (which are coming along in their own rite) so all the fingerstyle stuff will possibly be reduced to an interlude and I'll be focusing more on multi-tracking some light percussion and electric guitars parts along with the vocals. Anyway, here's the link. It's titled "Than To Have Never Loved At All" and apologies in advance for the format, but it's trying to either be a Keith Urban/Tim McGraw country song or a Sting-affected jazz song. Please give it a listen: http://media.putfile.com/ThanToHaveNeverLovedAtAll-V2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members riffmeister Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Very nice!! My only suggestion would be to have a section of the song move out of the 1st position......use more of the range of the guitar. BTW, this is a criticism I have of many of the songs I write, too! . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hudman Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 It has a "Tommy Emmanuel goes to Nashville" flavor to it. I can imagine the melody being played by piano on a Keith Urban song. Your guitar sounds amazing and your playing is very smooth. Your use of dynamics keeps the song interesting. I really enjoyed the "bridge / break" at the half way point and your slow fade out towards the end. Good work! You should play it this week at your open mic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MattSkibaIsGOD Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 It has a "Tommy Emmanuel goes to Nashville" flavor to it. I can imagine the melody being played by piano on a Keith Urban song. Your guitar sounds amazing and your playing is very smooth. Your use of dynamics keeps the song interesting. I really enjoyed the "bridge / break" at the half way point and your slow fade out towards the end. Good work! You should play it this week at your open mic. +1. The main melody is very very nice. Not to try and "should" you to death, but if I were you, I'd give it a shot and just try to write some lyrics to it. The song is a great canvas as is. Your playing held my attention because you had just enough flash with the right amount of substance. Keep up the great work Neil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kwakatak Posted January 26, 2008 Author Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 It has a "Tommy Emmanuel goes to Nashville" flavor to it. I can imagine the melody being played by piano on a Keith Urban song. Your guitar sounds amazing and your playing is very smooth. Your use of dynamics keeps the song interesting. I really enjoyed the "bridge / break" at the half way point and your slow fade out towards the end. Good work! You should play it this week at your open mic. Thanks, Hud. Once it's done I plan to. The local open mic is frequented by many talented (and younger) singer/songwriters and they've been sort of an inspiration. This song has a sort of personal story behind it that needs telling IMO; it's kind of a labor of love. As for the Keith Urban inspiration, I've been listening a lot to "You'll Think Of Me" and that's the sort of vibe I'm going for. I've got a story of my own in mind (partly true, though it's in 3rd person) and that's the reason for the dynamics. I'm just trying to dream up a happy ending, that's all - the real story doesn't but that's not how I want to remember the person who inspired the song. As for the recording, that's the new K&K-equipped OM-03R plugged directly into my mixer/PC chain with a little reverb throw in to "wetten" it up a bit; no microphones so I was able to record it in a not-quite silent room! You know how it goes; silence is hard to come by with little ones and two stressed-out parents all going at each other! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mrmoe Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 ....well, since we're critiquing originals?.......actually, that third one was written by a friend, Carl Watanabe.....they're quick and dirty scratch recordings done on a tascam dp 01fx http://media.putfile.com/age-9http://media.putfile.com/jealousy-16http://media.putfile.com/hey-hey-babe-50 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kwakatak Posted January 26, 2008 Author Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Wow, mrmoe! That's some good stuff! I like the ragtime/folk feel of the guitar picking and your voice has a nice timbre reminiscent of Cat Stevens. If you're not on the HCAG Annex, you should be! The female harmony vox are a really nice touch too. Is that mrsmoe? I give you props for sharing your gift with ones close to you. I'm not that lucky; my wife only sings lullabys and my kids don't let me sit for long to play, though my younger one is fascinated by the guitar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OldGuitarPlayer Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Wow...such beautiful music Kwak...I am sorry if I don't know anything about Keith Urban except that he is married to Nicole Kidman Anyhoo...I really like the music and the sound of your guitar, the arrangement and everything. I can hear some beautiful lap steel or bottle neck playing over it.... I am also giving mr.moe's songs a listen and so far I like what I hear there too..you folks are all so creative and talented. Thanks for sharing these nice original songs with us. All the best! OGP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kwakatak Posted January 26, 2008 Author Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Wow...such beautiful music Kwak...I am sorry if I don't know anything about Keith Urban except that he is married to Nicole Kidman Check it out: [YOUTUBE]Jk1nw4Uoxig[/YOUTUBE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OldGuitarPlayer Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Ummm..I'm really sorry..is it ok if I say I am too not crazy about that? I am not gonna get into why other than it sounds very very formula and "Radio Friendly"...That kinda stuff just doesn't appeal to me..it never did. I find your song to be more original actually. I hope that I didn't offend any Keith Urban fans who might be reading this and if I did I am deeply sorry...please stop the hate mail... Regards, OGP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kwakatak Posted January 26, 2008 Author Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 It's OK, OGP. There are some things about it that rub me the wrong way too, which I'm trying to avoid with my own stuff. Still, I can't help but fall into the same literary cliches while attempting to write lyrics. That's what's giving me trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cripes Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Very nice, very mellow. Riding shotgun on your kids and the house it's a wonder you could write this at all. This sounds like a big sigh in the wee hours when you can escape from it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hudman Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Ummm..I'm really sorry..is it ok if I say I am too not crazy about that? I am not gonna get into why other than it sounds very very formula and "Radio Friendly"...That kinda stuff just doesn't appeal to me..it never did. I find your song to be more original actually. I hope that I didn't offend any Keith Urban fans who might be reading this and if I did I am deeply sorry...please stop the hate mail... Regards, OGP Keith Urban has some serious guitar chops (electric and acoustic). He had to learn to dial it back a bit and focus more on the song. He's a very talented guy. Here's a cool video of him playing in a guitar store. mIDiCoRkDeI Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kwakatak Posted January 26, 2008 Author Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Very nice, very mellow. Riding shotgun on your kids and the house it's a wonder you could write this at all. This sounds like a big sigh in the wee hours when you can escape from it. It's been over a year of nights short on sleep, Cripes. Like I said though, it's almost like it wants to be written. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OldGuitarPlayer Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Keith Urban has some serious guitar chops (electric and acoustic). He had to learn to dial it back a bit and focus more on the song. He's a very talented guy. Nice try...he is a very pretty young man and did enjoy all the girls in the audience with their dreamy eyes on him...but...ummm... I am sorry it just doesn't work for me. This man on the other hand is as far as I am concerned the greatest songwriter of the last 20 years. He sure ain't pretty...and sure he can be an outspoken asshole at times and did time for a serious drug problem but that makes me love him even more... He is the only one who can bring tears to my eyes..I have seen him in concert more than anyone in my life. He is the only person I have ever seen sell out a 500 seat venue with just him and his guitar and play for 4 hours straight. Here he is with the beautiful EmmyLou... [YOUTUBE]bjTSRJLn15k[/YOUTUBE] Here he is rockin' it up like only he can do [YOUTUBE]NyRmz4jJb9I[/YOUTUBE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mrmoe Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Wow, mrmoe! That's some good stuff! I like the ragtime/folk feel of the guitar picking and your voice has a nice timbre reminiscent of Cat Stevens. If you're not on the HCAG Annex, you should be! The female harmony vox are a really nice touch too. Is that mrsmoe? I give you props for sharing your gift with ones close to you. I'm not that lucky; my wife only sings lullabys and my kids don't let me sit for long to play, though my younger one is fascinated by the guitar. ....what exactly is the HCAG Annex?......and yes, that's mrs moe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Hudman Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Nice try...he is a very pretty young man and did enjoy all the girls in the audience with their dreamy eyes on him...but...ummm... I am sorry it just doesn't work for me. This man on the other hand is as far as I am concerned the greatest songwriter of the last 20 years. He sure ain't pretty...and sure he can be an outspoken asshole at times and did time for a serious drug problem but that makes me love him even more... He is the only one who can bring tears to my eyes..I have seen him in concert more than anyone in my life. He is the only person I have ever seen sell out a 500 seat venue with just him and his guitar and play for 4 hours straight. Here he is with the beautiful EmmyLou... He's 40 years old. He can't help it if the ladies like him. Seriously, you should give some of his stuff a serious listen IF you like modern country. I never got into Steve Earle. I was into heavy metal during the 1980's. Emmylou is on the cover of the March edition of Acoustic Guitar magazine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Queequeg Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 It has a "Tommy Emmanuel goes to Nashville" flavor to it. Good work! You should play it this week at your open mic. Tommy Emmanuel is in Nashville. I mean that's where he lives. Kwak, sounds great. Bittersweet melancholia, for sure, but very well played. That would be a fun one to arrange, too, with mando and bass. But it works very nicely as solo guitar. Good one, man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cripes Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Writing original music is without a doubt the hardest challenge. If a person is a born and bred cover-trained guitarist he or she is going to have a tough time writing truly original music. The tendency to borrow from styles, phrasings, syncopations, etc. is not only obvious, without borrowing the writing inspiration comes to a halt. The change-over from doing covers to producing original works is not something that can be done with the throw of a mental switch. There's a certain period of time a person needs to use to make that switch, while weaning themselves away from heavy use of influences to develop their own musical identity. The influences will never get purged. They will be used and morphed away from their distinct roots to become homogenized into something fresh. Or not, depending upon the person's creativity. Lyrically, cliches are unavoidable. Cliches, similes, metaphors and regional/national colloquialisms are the familiar everyday speech we use. We structure our conversations using them, unwittingly or not, and even our normal speech itself is cliched in structure and verbage. "I went for a walk" though not normally identified as cliche, is in itself the very way anyone and probably everyone would communicate the thought. If you dwell on that you'll never write anything, and if you do write guarding against the "too familiar" you'll probably sound too unfamiliar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kwakatak Posted January 26, 2008 Author Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Good points all, Cripes, I gave up on trying to escape the influence of others' works by expanding the variety of different types of music that I'd listen to. Even though I cited the country influence earlier, that genre isn't particularly my favorite. It just seems to "fit" the content of that song, even though I'd prefer it to have a more R&B or even jazz flair. I'm trying to change it up a bit. On the lyric side, I'm trying to build upon the basic melodies and not be so wordy. The danger with cliches is they pop into one's mind quickly and it's too easy to write them down without thinking how the listener will probably roll their eyes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Cripes Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 Use the cliches as you would an instrumental scratch track. The idea is to capture the idea. You can re-visit the lyric (or leave it alone a-la Nashville) and change it up just as you would the instrumental. Good songs are merely restated cliches, anyway. Edit: Case in point - Krash uploaded some of my songs into the Annex. They are loaded with cliches or near-cliches throughout. They are not great songs. They are experiments probing styles, phrasings and generally stumbling with writing. Sure, when I wrote them I thought I was "onto something" but in restrospect I look at them as having taught me something. You have to finish something to have a feeling of accomplishment and learn from it. You might grimmace a bit after and think the finished work was pointless but it serves a very important role. Fine artists churn out work they are not particularly satisfied with but they do at least complete it. There are countless romance novels and other works of fiction for every one that makes a best-seller list. LOL, even when I do write something one of the biggest hurdles is memorizing my own lyrics. That's important because only then can the song be played without distraction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MattSkibaIsGOD Posted January 26, 2008 Members Share Posted January 26, 2008 That's country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Sparhawk Posted January 27, 2008 Members Share Posted January 27, 2008 Kwak - I think it sounds wonderful - Looking forward to a version with lyrics! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members riffmeister Posted January 27, 2008 Members Share Posted January 27, 2008 Krash uploaded some of my songs into the Annex. Cripes, I just listened to your tunes. Great playing & lyrics, and that's a very strong voice you have! All of it, very nice......very nice indeed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members OldGuitarPlayer Posted January 27, 2008 Members Share Posted January 27, 2008 Cripes, I just listened to your tunes. Great playing & lyrics, and that's a very strong voice you have! All of it, very nice......very nice indeed! +1:thu: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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