Overcoming musical insecurity

[gthom]

you need to get right up in her face with an electric and pwn her, totally demoralize her. then when she's broken you can let her join your band

 

 

 

A better method is to get her to join your band, then during practice sessions constantly turn up your amp and/or turn hers down. Then start suggesting she simplify whatever it is she's playing, until you get to the point where you're telling her "look, just play these two chords." After a month or two of this, start having "impromptu practice sessions" where nobody notifies her. Finally, tell her that the band has decided to change its musical direction and no longer neads a keyboardist...even though you're playing the exact same songs you were when she was in the band. Then, about a year later, run into her on the street and say you're looking to reform the band. Wash, rinse, repeat.

[Old Coot]

You sure have got one sick pyscho wife ! Get a divorce !.....

 

 

I agree. If she's so insecure as to feel threatened by you playing an instrument what else is she going to view as a threat to herself? I see major problems down the road.

[garthman]

I agree. If she's so insecure as to feel threatened by you playing an instrument what else is she going to view as a threat to herself? I see major problems down the road.

 

 

DON'T FEED THE TROLLS!

[Sangemon]

Most well meaning amateurs have little grasp as to the complexities of neurosis, jealousies and paranoias. If you had even the slighest understanding you would have cured youself years ago. Sieze the moment ! ... To hell with putting up with crap ! - Live, fly, be free and happy! When confronted with a bad situation we all hacve two choices. One.....Accept the situation and live with it. Two.....Change the situation by taking control and doing something about it. How can this man grow mentally and spiritually when he has a bitter sick and twisted partner that inflicts her insecurities on him. Some times a man has to fight for his survival and that includes emotional as well as physical survival. How do you know that this man after having been freed from this twisted chain around his neck won't find a happier healthier and more fullfilling life. This may be his moment to "sieze the moment" and find a partner that is supportive, rational, sane, loving and caring. To hell with slowly becoming infected by her mental insecurities! Life is to short to endure such madness ! Divorce her for her sake as well as yours !

 

 

I know that this guy is something of a troll around here. I've seen him trolling this board before. But I have to say, I agree with this. All but the last line, at least.

 

As someone who has been married three times, the last of which has lasted nearly 29 years, I would suggest that if you cannot speak from the heart with your wife about this problem and work through it, then you should consider couples therapy.

 

There is certainly no help here for the problem you have described.:poke:

[Michael Martin]

New York's insights, although apparently heartfelt, are undermined by the vituperative spew of his writing. Always a shame when that happens.

[jamesp]

Newlyweds...

I say just let her play what she wants to play and keep on doing your own thing musically, DH. If she's saying that she's not so big on doing a duet, then hey, at least you're communicating.

As I'm sure you already know, music isn't the important stuff.

[NEWYORK]

New York's insights, although apparently heartfelt, are undermined by the vituperative spew of his writing. Always a shame when that happens.

 

 

Succinctly phrased my well learned friend however may I suggest it is possible that you have misinterpreted blatant honesty, directness, forthrightness and passion for vituperation ?

[Ohioarrow]

Hmmm...from where I sit: if you've described this situation accurately, and there's no essential context left out that would explain this "insecurity" on her part, then I'd say your wife has maturity "issues". Her attitiude and behavior sound downright childish to me. I mean, aren't married people partners, as opposed to competitors? And wouldn't the music (made by either of you) become strengthened by collaboration, rather than diminished?

I think Michael is right on taget here. Moreover, I'd be concerned about deeper relationship issues as well in terms of competitive issues. This doesn't sound like mere insecurity.

What's a marriage for if you can not share something as basic as music? Perhaps some theraputic consultation & intervention is appropriate here? If all that fails maybe you should slime down to NY's level..


[YOUTUBE]91euERWH2M4[/YOUTUBE]


The latter was an attempt at humor, please don't try this at home kids.

[Gary Palmer]

Succinctly phrased my well learned friend however may I suggest it is possible that you have misinterpreted blatant honesty, directness, forthrightness and passion for vituperation ?

 

 

Here's a quote

 

"A man who would call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is all he is fit for" Oscar Wilde

 

Take it to PM if you don't like it.

[Brokepick]

My wife plays keyboard, and she didn't like it when I expressed interest in the keyboard. She is afraid that I'll pick it up real fast and become better than her, which I don't think she has anything to worry about because when I play around on it it sounds like a keyboard, when she does it sounds like a piano (she has some natural talent for it). However, I do know what it feels like the feel threaten by a better player than you and I can understand not wanting some better than you. I decided not to take up keyboard because it would stretch my time too thin, with college, work, and playing my acoustic. However a new problem has surfaced. She doesn't want me to learn any songs that she knows or is learning (a part of it is she is overly competitive). I want us to play together, but how is that going to happen if we can't learn the same songs? The first song she learned is Fur Elise. I later found a simple transcription for Fur Elise in a Guitar World issue and learned it about a day, and it made her feel a little threatened, even though her transcription was harder and she learned it fast for a beginner. Most recently I have learned to sing better (not good, just not bad enough to make dogs howl). She is a good singer, but now she doesn't like it that I can sing okay, never mind that she has a larger range than I do, better tone, a wonderful vibrato, and good force and volume for a woman. It seems to be that I can't do something if she is already doing it, even is she does it better. Any tips on helping her overcome her musical insecurity?

 

 

Ask yourself a question. How far are you willing to go to humor her insecurities? You are being asked to give up some things you like (I guess) just because you might intimidate or outshine her? That seems a bit selfish and unreasonable coming from one who is supposed to love you and want you to be happy.

[RizinRico]

the reason one loves another is both very simple and very complicated both at the same time. determining that someone is psycho and sick from a single post on a guitar blog, without ever having met or spoken to that person is curious indeed. i guess the old saying, "takes one to know one" applies.

[NEWYORK]

Here's a quote "A man who would call a spade a spade should be compelled to use one. It is all he is fit for" Oscar Wilde Take it to PM if you don't like it.

 

Gee Gary,...... that's just brilliant !

( forgive my being so forthright. )

 

I can see your well read and must surely enjoy reading the works of Oscar Wilde.

 

Tell me Gary,... wasn't Oscar Wilde a bit " Hello Sailor ! " ?

( I don't want to say gay as that would be "akin" to calling a spade a spade )

 

Do you admire Oscar Wilde Gary ?

 

Do you know all of Oscar Wilde's quotes Gary ?

 

I can also tell that your a man who refers to a spade as.....

"a gardening implement of specific form and function"

 

Am I right Gary?

 

If I am not, then why don't you refer to a spade as an "Oscar Wilde" that way you'll never be accused of calling a spade a spade.

 

Just a little something to contemplate Gary.

[Gary Palmer]

Gee Gary,...... that's just brilliant ! ( forgive my being so forthright. ) I can see your well read and must surely enjoy reading the works of Oscar Wilde. Tell me Gary,... wasn't Oscar Wilde a bit " Hello Sailor ! " ? ( I don't want to say gay as that would be "akin" to calling a spade a spade ) Do you admire Oscar Wilde Gary ? Do you know all of Oscar Wilde's quotes Gary ? I can also tell that your a man who refers to a spade as..... "a gardening implement of specific form and function" Am I right Gary? If I am not, then why don't you refer to a spade as an "Oscar Wilde" that way you'll never be accused of calling a spade a spade. Just a little something to contemplate Gary.

 

 

I'm very happy with life and no contemplation necessary, so go take your frustrations out on your GI Joe you pimple faced little man.

 

The only reason I know that quote is due to the fact that people like yourself can make life hell for those less forthright. I think "bullying attitude" is a more apt way of describing your overall demenor and the way you try to portray yourself.

 

There's nowt as queer as folk and you're a reet queer one. Perhaps a little too big for your boots, or very plain, ordinary and mouse like in everyday life, but using the internet as a way of boosting one's own self esteem by way of jousting with words and oneupmanship behind the veil of a pc screen. You'll come a cropper one day laddo and my troll feeding days are over.

 

I've better things to do with my time and I have my shovel ready.

[Michael Martin]

Succinctly phrased my well learned friend however may I suggest it is possible that you have misinterpreted blatant honesty, directness, forthrightness and passion for vituperation ?

Nope. Vituperation can be honest, direct, forthright, and passionate. The problem with it is that it's vituperative. It's insulting in tone; it's dropping bombs when persuasion is in order; it's intentionally disrespectful. Your argument doesn't have to be any of those things--and if it wasn't any of those things, it would be way more effective.

 

What do you want to accomplish here? If you alienate your readers, your point is lost, because we begin to regard you as the flaming dickhead. And it really is a shame when that happens, because I think you have good insights underlying all the frothy bombast.

[bigald18]

And there's a fool born every minute in Coneticut ! Here you are a self confessed insecure neurotic. A pale shadow of the man you could and should have been. So who are you with your insecure disturbances to give advice to a man who has a wife that is mentally immature and in need of psychiatric treatment to lecture on the subject of psychology ? Most well meaning amateurs have little grasp as to the complexities of neurosis, jealousies and paranoias. If you had even the slighest understanding you would have cured youself years ago. Sieze the moment ! ... To hell with putting up with crap ! - Live, fly, be free and happy! When confronted with a bad situation we all hacve two choices. One.....Accept the situation and live with it. Two.....Change the situation by taking control and doing something about it. How can this man grow mentally and spiritually when he has a bitter sick and twisted partner that inflicts her insecurities on him. Some times a man has to fight for his survival and that includes emotional as well as physical survival. How do you know that this man after having been freed from this twisted chain around his neck won't find a happier healthier and more fullfilling life. This may be his moment to "sieze the moment" and find a partner that is supportive, rational, sane, loving and caring. To hell with slowly becoming infected by her mental insecurities! Life is to short to endure such madness ! Divorce her for her sake as well as yours !

 

 

Hey fool learn to spell you moron!

 

1. c-o-n-n-e-c-t-i-c-u-t

 

2. s-l-i-g-h-t-e-s-t

 

:poke:

Then, what qualifies you as analyst? Had you any rational knowledge of psychology you would not be hanging out on this forum judging those whom you do not know. Perhaps the statements you are making are an indication of your own insecurities and your need to feel superior to everyone you have discourse with. You are apparently a true coward who hides behind the anonymity of this forum because he hasn't got the guts to say things face to face to another person. They would squash you like a bug! Based on your actions sir, you are a very angry, insecure, arrogant sociopath with a far lower intelligence quotient than a dead rat. Say what you will about me, but I can live with myself the way I am, while you sir just feed off of your own insanity and most likely cannot look at yourself in a mirror!

 

bigald18:wave:

[Cripes]

Worlds and wisdoms have gone before

But only one truth can remain

Love lies beyond scribes and troubadours

Love lies beyond its joy and its pain

 

And I know you and I will ever be

The story that love wants to tell

In the song of the minstrels and troubadours

Who delight in loves magic spell

 

But wizards dwell only in fairy tales

And this minstrel cannot give them life

All I can do is to be with you

All I can do is give you my life

 

And love you the way that I do

And hold you and try to abide

When love's silk and steel sometimes collide

And I will ever be the effigy

Of the man I wish you could know

[aaron313]

I am highly insecure. One minute I can be playing a song better than I ever have before, yet if a person walks in the room, I shut off the amp and quit. The only time I can play unabated is when I'm in a dedicated jam session. But parents... forget about it. My dad always says I play well (he is not a musician), but that it never lasts long enough. If that's not sufficient encouragement, I don't know what is. Oh well, I'll hopefully break the curse at some point.

[NEWYORK]

I'm very happy with life and no contemplation necessary, so go take your frustrations out on your GI Joe you pimple faced little man. The only reason I know that quote is due to the fact that people like yourself can make life hell for those less forthright. I think "bullying attitude" is a more apt way of describing your overall demenor and the way you try to portray yourself. There's nowt as queer as folk and you're a reet queer one. Perhaps a little too big for your boots, or very plain, ordinary and mouse like in everyday life, but using the internet as a way of boosting one's own self esteem by way of jousting with words and oneupmanship behind the veil of a pc screen. You'll come a cropper one day laddo and my troll feeding days are over. I've better things to do with my time and I have my shovel ready.

 

Gary,

 

It's time for your medication !

[NEWYORK]

Hey fool learn to spell you moron! 1. c-o-n-n-e-c-t-i-c-u-t 2. s-l-i-g-h-t-e-s-t :poke: Then, what qualifies you as analyst? Had you any rational knowledge of psychology you would not be hanging out on this forum judging those whom you do not know. Perhaps the statements you are making are an indication of your own insecurities and your need to feel superior to everyone you have discourse with. You are apparently a true coward who hides behind the anonymity of this forum because he hasn't got the guts to say things face to face to another person. They would squash you like a bug! Based on your actions sir, you are a very angry, insecure, arrogant sociopath with a far lower intelligence quotient than a dead rat. Say what you will about me, but I can live with myself the way I am, while you sir just feed off of your own insanity and most likely cannot look at yourself in a mirror! bigald18:wave:

 

 

Bigald18,

 

Don't supress your feelings.

 

Tell me what you really think about me.

[garthman]

Tell me what you really think about me.

 

 

I suspect that most of us feel that you are either a very sad little boy who would benefit from going off to the toilet and having a wank or Breedlover in disguise.

[Gary Palmer]

I suspect that most of us feel that you are either a very sad little boy who would benefit from going off to the toilet and having a wank or Breedlover in disguise.

 

 

An IP ban would be better suited.

[Michael Martin]

Worlds and wisdoms have gone before But only one truth can remain Love lies beyond scribes and troubadours Love lies beyond its joy and its pain And I know you and I will ever be The story that love wants to tell In the song of the minstrels and troubadours Who delight in loves magic spell But wizards dwell only in fairy tales And this minstrel cannot give them life All I can do is to be with you All I can do is give you my life And love you the way that I do And hold you and try to abide When love's silk and steel sometimes collide And I will ever be the effigy Of the man I wish you could know

Cripes--this is way cool--what song is this?

[Cripes]

Cripes--this is way cool--what song is this?

 

 

It's part of a song I wrote to my wife, Jeanie.

[NEWYORK]

Gentlemen,
I may be wrong but I think some of you may have strayed a little off topic.
Please consider the plight of this poor man that has turned to us and sought advice in hope of finding a solution.
How about recommending a poem, or perhaps a prayer, or a book that may offer some consolation?

[Cripes]

Gentlemen,
I may be wrong but I think some of you may have strayed a little off topic.
Please consider the plight of this poor man that has turned to us and sought advice in hope of finding a solution.
How about recommending a poem, or perhaps a prayer, or a book that may offer some consolation?[/QUOTE]

Some pretty well-read folks here. Good idea.