Crazy "ole' timer" sayins you've heard.

[78pbass]

From Mrs Pbass (and one of her favorites)

 

you'd bitch if you were hung with a new rope.

 

 

but from our friend Grumpy (who's in his mid 60's)

Second cousin to a gorilla (to a hairy person)

fart like a pack mule

Always fill the back of the shovel and the frint'll be all taken care of

[james on bass]

...is like trying to put an oyster in a parking meter.

 

or pushing a marshmallow through a key-hole.

[toolbar]

you're as mechanical as a ballbearing

 

you're all spark and no fire

[way2fat]

If you fell into a barrel of titties you'd come out sucking your thumb.

[bnyswonger]

That went over like a turd in the punchbowl

 

If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous

 

Whey O' Wheat! (this is an exclamation of disbelief similar to Bull{censored}!)

 

If "ifs" and "buts" were candy & nuts, every day would be Christmas

 

The smeller's the feller

[Psilocybin]

"Now you're {censored}ting in tall cotton" (I gather this is a good thing from the context I normally hear it used)

[Peaveyherman]

I once heard my grandpa refering to someone as a "Paper asshole".I think it describes someone with a weak consitute.LOL.

R.I.P.Love ya gramps.

[Texas Noise Factory]

I didn't just fall off of the turnip truck you know....

[bassesofalessergod]

my grandfather, the greatest man ever, used to say "I'll knock you loose from your {censored}bag!"

 

I named my son after him.

[Perfessor]

Ve get too soon oldt and too late schmart.

[hawkhuff]

Could you use that in a sentence, please?

Chris-Dax, you're as cute as a fart in a mitten.

[JacieFB]

You wanna fight or run a foot-race? (Grampa always asked that of us grandkids. )

[superiorparts]

either {censored} or get off the pot!

 

that's as {censored}ed up as a box of bream hooks!

 

why fart it out and waste it when you can burp it up and taste it!

 

like taking candy from a baby.

[Perfessor]

It's more than just good. Man, that's the bees knees.

[Tim in WV]

that boy was as excited as a 3 peckered dog in heat.

[way2fat]

It would bring a tear to a glass eye.

[whatsabass?]

That's the c*ck for Dolly

 

It's tougher than hobo {censored}

 

It's sticking up like a sore c*ck

[Thumper]

Like watching two monkeys trying to f*ck a football

[lowboy]

I wouldn't f**k her with a dog's dick.

I'm hornier'n a dog with 2 dicks.

Hmph, look. It's the Lee sisters. Ugh & Home.

Oh look, it's the bag brothers. Douche & Duffle.

[superiorparts]

tougher than a 2 dollar steak at a truck stop.

 

we were so broke when i was a kid, i didnt get my first pair of shoes until i was 9. i walked backwards for two days just to look at the tracks they made.

 

i am as full as a tick that's been on a dog for 3 days.

 

i am so full, my belly button is sticking out so far you could hang a hat on it.

[Johnny Duart]

"I'll bet you dollars to donuts that............................"

"I'm hanging over a snake pit by a thin thread."

"She's called potato chip because she's Frito-Lay!"

"It's better to be pissed off than pissed on!"

 

 

Peace and laughter be with you, Johnny

[chris-dax]

Christ on a crutch, Annie....

 

That frosts my balls....

 

That chaps my hide....

[Synonym Music]

you dont know {censored} from shinola.

I've heard that one.

 

[basshunter]

My favorite, from an old Vermonter, in response to a question: "Hard to say, not knowin'"

 

Another common to old Vermonter's "You take a left where (insert store, name, barn, sign, etc. here) used to be"

[poorboy]

I played with a drummer that "couldn't swing on a meat hook".