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Crazy "ole' timer" sayins you've heard.


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"It's hotter than two rats {censored}in' in a wool sock."


"Quality is like buying oats: If you want nice, clean, fresh oats you must pay a fair price. However, if you can be satisfied with oats that have already been through the horse, that comes a little cheaper..."


I overheard this last week after finishing 1/4 mile of bobwire fence. Possibly the first time in human history this saying has been used properly. Spoken by an actual ol'timer:


"That'll hold 'em 'till the cows come home"

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you cant {censored} the {censored}er.


i'll be on you like rust on a pump handle.


you couldnt pour piss out of a boot if it had directions on the bottom of it.


you dont know {censored} from shinola.


you are two bricks short of a load.


you are lower than whale {censored} and thats on the bottom of the ocean.


money dont make the world go round but it greases the hell out of the axle.


wish in one hand and {censored} in the other and see which one fills up faster.


the list just keeps going on..................

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If they put your brain in a bird, the bird would fly backwards.


...and if the dog hadn't stopped to {censored}, he would have caught the rabbit.


I'll slap you to the far side of nowhere. (my father was fond of this one)


Hornier than a two-peckered owl.


He looked like he'd been drug through a knothole.

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I'm busier than a...one-armed paper hanger.


...a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.


...a cat on a beach with a case of the {censored}s.


...a tired cat in a room full of rocking chairs.


You'd {censored} up a wet dream!


You'd {censored} up a battleship with a rubber mallot.


You'd {censored} up a soup sandwhich.


You're useless as tits on a boar hog.


You're useless as a priest's balls.


Hornier than a ten-peckered billy goat.


If you were _____ for {censored}, you wouldn't get a smell.



(I got lots more. Sort of a family tradition. I just need to think on it.)

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Son, you're as useless as tits on a Turtle!


Turn around, or I'll slap a face on the back of your head!!!


Don't break your back being proud!


If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture!

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