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If you could be a teenager again, would you?


Thunderbroom

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Since you made the qualification that it would be with the knowledge and experience I currently possess, I would do it in a heartbeat. There are so many things I would do different, and so many horrible things I wouldn't do to people the second time around.

If I just had to live it all over again the way it happened... no way. I'm also operating under the assumption that I wouldn't be suffering chronic physical pain as bad as I did back then.

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This fog crept into my head at that point, and it hasn't lifted but a few times in the last 17 years. I have bouts of anxiety and panic attacks, and go back and forth between being suicidal and obsessively overparanoid that stuff could kill me.


So every day I fight back anxiety, depression, and put constant mental effort into reconvincing myself that all these little dancing lights and spots that I see all over the place, or the muddled speech I hear under various noises aren't anything to worry about. As a result, I'm never 100% sure if my senses are reporting things accurately.

Have you seen a physician about this? The symptoms you are describing (persistent hallucinations, paranoia, suicidal ideation, depression, etc.) are not typical for someone who's dropped acid 17 years ago. They suggest, er..."something else" to me (PM me if you'd like details).

 

There are specialists who may be able to help you get all that stuff under control. [/iRRITATING, KNOW-IT-ALL, MEDICAL LECTURE]

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Borderline personality disorder. It is ugly. She is smart and well put together though, so no one in her circle of friends and family (outside of me, her doctors, a very few select friends that saw it in action) has any idea. They believe her story that I was cheating on her and threatening to kill her.

I had a serious g.f. back in college who, in retrospect, clearly had a borderline personality disorder. All the classic signs, symptoms, and behaviors. Of course, I didn't know it at the time (but I finally figured it out when I learned about personality disorders in med school). At the time, I could just tell something was wrong...and I had a feeling things wouldn't end up well. I was able to convince myself to break it off for my own good.

Thank God I did. She turned out to be a total nut-job. Shortly after I broke it off, she started seeing another guy. Years later, the guy contacted me through a mutual acquaintance. He got sucked into her psycho vortex and was foolish enough to marry her (poor bastard). Basically, he felt that she ruined his life.

I really dodged a bullet there :eek:

One of the things with these borderline types is that they can be so damned seductive. I don't mean that in a sexual way (although that's not uncommon either). They just know exactly what to say and what to do to lure you in and screw up your senses. The worst part is, they're not aware that they're doing it. You just get sucked into their web. The combination of being gorgeous and borderline (as my old college g.f. was) is lethal.

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I had a serious g.f. back in college who, in retrospect, clearly had a borderline personality disorder. All the classic signs, symptoms, and behaviors. Of course, I didn't know it at the time (but I finally figured it out when I learned about personality disorders in med school). At the time, I could just tell something was wrong...and I had a feeling things wouldn't end up well. I was able to convince myself to break it off for my own good.


Thank God I did. She turned out to be a total nut-job. Shortly after I broke it off, she started seeing another guy. Years later, the guy contacted me through a mutual acquaintance. He got sucked into her psycho vortex and was foolish enough to marry her (poor bastard). Basically, he felt that she ruined his life.


I really dodged a bullet there
:eek:

One of the things with these borderline types is that they can be so damned
seductive
. I don't mean that in a sexual way (although that's not uncommon either). They just know exactly what to say and what to do to lure you in and screw up your senses. The worst part is, they're not aware that they're doing it. You just get sucked into their web. The combination of being gorgeous and borderline (as my old college g.f. was) is lethal.



Exactly how it works. Exactly on all counts.

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You mention that you convinced yourself to break things off, and that she was a serious girlfriend. How difficult was it to decide you had to bail? How long did you ponder whether or not you could stay?

It was VERY difficult for me. I was totally in love with her. But I could tell she was nutty. I didn't notice at first, but it slowly became clear as the fog lifted and I came to my senses.

 

After a while I knew that this wasn't going to be a healthy relationship since the girl was sick. I made my decision to break it off. But it was tough, man. She'd call me crying and stop by my place, etc. I don't know if she was being manipulative or genuinely missed me or what. We backslid a couple of times before the break-up actually "took."

 

Thank God I had the support of my sister (whom I'm very close to) and a couple of good friends. At the risk of sounding like a lame-ass, even after we broke up for good, it probably took me a solid year to get over her.

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At the risk of sounding like a lame-ass, even after we broke up for good, it probably took me a solid year to get over her.

 

 

I don't see how it's lame at all. You have feelings and emotions, and when you use them and put so much into one person for a long time, it takes a while to let those go.

 

Hell, I still think about my ex fiance from time to time, and that was 4+ years ago.

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I don't see how it's lame at all. You have feelings and emotions, and when you use them and put so much into
one
person for a long time, it takes a while to let those go.

Well, you know how it is. After you break up with your long-term g.f. you're supposed to bang a bunch of random chicks and hang out in bars with your buddies drinking beer and telling dick jokes :rolleyes:

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