Members guitarsjb Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 Ok, we had an instance awhile back...our guitar player talked {censored} about me (the other guitar player) to someone outside of the band. Of course, he forgot to realize she is one of my best friends...of course drama ensued, but..we got OVER it. He apologized, I vented at him, whatever...During all the bull{censored} it was said..if something needs to be said about the band say it to the band. Like I said we moved on (or so we thought) For the past few months everything has been fine, writing some new stuff, playing shows, having fun. Last night, we were supposed to practice..he couldn't make it. No problem, it was NOT a regular practice night, we were trying to make one up that we had to miss earlier in the week. Me, the singer, and drummer were at a separate function that afternoon. Well singer says...I gotta talk to you guys. Seems he's been running his mouth again about ALL of us..to other people not in the band but this time to some guys he and the singer are friends with. These guys (the friends) knew all kinds of stuff about the band, and all kinds of problems we all have (the guitarist is perfect in all scenarios of course). Our singer was floored by what these guys were saying, because none of us were aware we had a problem. Anyhow...I'm tired of this. If you don't like ANYONE in the band, and can only manage to talk {censored} about them, go find another band. I am at the point that I want him gone. I won't let him make up a second time with me. I hate having to find a new band member, but I damn sure don't want one around that doesn't even like us and can only talk {censored} about us to other people. Thanks for letting me vent..sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members chevybusa Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 Man that sucks, nothing like that kind of feminine childish bull{censored}. Kick his ass out and tell him to grow a pair, seriously, what kind of grown man talks {censored} about people behind their backs, "gossip" is something WOMEN do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members guitarsjb Posted June 22, 2009 Author Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 Man that sucks, nothing like that kind of feminine childish bull{censored}. Kick his ass out and tell him to grow a pair, seriously, what kind of grown man talks {censored} about people behind their backs, "gossip" is something WOMEN do. Funny thing is I am the woman, and I'm not doin it LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 6StringSling Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 It seems to me that the guy has to know that what he's saying will get back to you - he just doesn't have the balls to say it to anyone's face. I'll take brutal honesty any day over candy-coated bull{censored}. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SpaceNorman Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 If you haven't heard it cross the guitar player's lips - it's all hearsay at this point. A radical reaction to it does nobody any good - especially if the band is doing well. Were it me - I wouldn't make a huge deal about it. I'd simply mention in passing at a rehearsal that "a friend of a friend mentioned to me that they heard from somebody that somebody in the band said ......" and that you can't believe it. A matter of factly "I'd part ways with a band mate who said that about me behind my back ...." will send the message you need to send just fine. Some people are just too stupid to realize just how small a world it is. If it continues - fire his dumb ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tlbonehead Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 Ok, we had an instance awhile back...our guitar player talked {censored} about me (the other guitar player) to someone outside of the band. Of course, he forgot to realize she is one of my best friends...of course drama ensued, but..we got OVER it. He apologized, I vented at him, whatever...During all the bull{censored} it was said..if something needs to be said about the band say it to the band. Like I said we moved on (or so we thought)For the past few months everything has been fine, writing some new stuff, playing shows, having fun. Last night, we were supposed to practice..he couldn't make it. No problem, it was NOT a regular practice night, we were trying to make one up that we had to miss earlier in the week. Me, the singer, and drummer were at a separate function that afternoon. Well singer says...I gotta talk to you guys. Seems he's been running his mouth again about ALL of us..to other people not in the band but this time to some guys he and the singer are friends with. These guys (the friends) knew all kinds of stuff about the band, and all kinds of problems we all have (the guitarist is perfect in all scenarios of course). Our singer was floored by what these guys were saying, because none of us were aware we had a problem. Anyhow...I'm tired of this. If you don't like ANYONE in the band, and can only manage to talk {censored} about them, go find another band. I am at the point that I want him gone. I won't let him make up a second time with me. I hate having to find a new band member, but I damn sure don't want one around that doesn't even like us and can only talk {censored} about us to other people.Thanks for letting me vent..sorryI hope you guys are in your teens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lespaul1964 Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 It sucks. How bad depends on what was said. I would ask him straight up to discuss his situation in front of everyone. Hear it for yourselves and decide what to do then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members quicksilvergirl Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 "gossip" is something WOMEN do. It's something everyone does. Except for saints. Even then... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members StratMonster Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 I once had a bandmember who was the same exact way. May as well know that he will never change. That is who is he and if you can him, he will move on to the next band and do the same thing to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dogtownmax Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 I hope you guys are in your teens. dam, i was going to say the same thing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members faileddrummer Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 I take by you guys "writing new stuff" that you're an original? If so, drop him. No reason you can't do it with one guitar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members StarGeezers Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 T-Bone , I hear ya'....hahahaha Musicians who work to support themselves develop a thick skin, and a IDGAF attitude... Hey, it's a gig... Like Work ,Dudes ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BlueStrat Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 I once had a bandmember who was the same exact way. May as well know that he will never change. That is who is he and if you can him, he will move on to the next band and do the same thing to them. Yep, I had a great bass player who didn't get along with my drummer (who I had for 11 years). He started talking trash about the drummer to other band members ( a violation of a rule I had in my band that all conflicts came to me first) and as I was about to deal with it, I heard that he had been out at a jam sliming the drummer to other guys in other bands. That was the final straw. I told the guy that he put me in a bad position-dealing with intra-band conflicts was one thing and was probably salvageable-but once he took it out of house, it was over. I had to fire him, or what would it have said to my drummer? This kind of gossip and backbiting is the worst kind of poison to a band, and the sooner you cut it out, the better chance you have of survival. I have pretty much zero tolerance for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Micky Z Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 seriously, what kind of grown man talks {censored} about people behind their backs The insecure, who need to dump on others to inflate their own miserable sense of self-worth, but are too chicken to deal with anyone directly face-to-face? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Kramerguy Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 Just put an ad out on CL to replace him.. when he comes back at you all like WTF?!? just be like.. well we thought you preferred to find out that way.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhat Posted June 22, 2009 Members Share Posted June 22, 2009 Yep, I had a great bass player who didn't get along with my drummer (who I had for 11 years). He started talking trash about the drummer to other band members ( a violation of a rule I had in my band that all conflicts came to me first) and as I was about to deal with it, I heard that he had been out at a jam sliming the drummer to other guys in other bands. That was the final straw. I told the guy that he put me in a bad position-dealing with intra-band conflicts was one thing and was probably salvageable-but once he took it out of house, it was over. I had to fire him, or what would it have said to my drummer? This kind of gossip and backbiting is the worst kind of poison to a band, and the sooner you cut it out, the better chance you have of survival. I have pretty much zero tolerance for it. I figure when its to a point you are willing to back bite a band member behind his back ,, its really the time to just move on. Its somthing I do if I am a new guy. Bands always recruite because someone leaves. You can usually see why the last guy left. You either suck it up and get along or you bail. It doesnt matter whos right or wrong ,, it just makes it easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members boxorox Posted June 24, 2009 Members Share Posted June 24, 2009 Expanding on MickyZ's take, sounds like a self esteem issue. He probably defines himself in/re being in the band. Demeaning other band members makes him feel superior, and gives him creds (he thinks) with other musicians. People like this are trouble, and will be more trouble down the road in all areas of band business. BlueStrat's model is a good one. Have a band meeting, state any probs will be discussed internally. Anyone telling tales out of school gets canned. Any questions? Or just replace him now. You know you'll have to eventually. We recently lost two of our five members, amicably. Replaced them immidiately. However word went around we had broken up. It got back to some of the clubs we were scheduled to play. While it didn't cost us jobs, there was a little tense drama, and I think it lost us some of the faith the owners had in our dependability. Point being, your reputation is one of the most valuable things you have, and the most easily damaged. Unfounded rumors can cost you dearly. If they come from within the band they can destroy you. Protect yourselves. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members guitarsjb Posted June 25, 2009 Author Members Share Posted June 25, 2009 Thanks for all the replies everyone. Yeah, we are going to sit down and talk about this. Me, personally, I have my mind made up. We've got 2 shows this weekend and are going to hash this crap out after that. Oh, and to answer some of you..no, we are not teenagers..one of us is just acting like one. I'm 40 and the rest aren't far behind me. That also makes it frustrating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rhat Posted June 25, 2009 Members Share Posted June 25, 2009 Thanks for all the replies everyone. Yeah, we are going to sit down and talk about this. Me, personally, I have my mind made up. We've got 2 shows this weekend and are going to hash this crap out after that. Oh, and to answer some of you..no, we are not teenagers..one of us is just acting like one. I'm 40 and the rest aren't far behind me. That also makes it frustrating. I think I would get myself prepped up for the band to split up after the talk. the talkin {censored} may well have been after the guy made up his mind that he was moving on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rvschulz Posted June 25, 2009 Members Share Posted June 25, 2009 it always amazes me how some people can be ignorant or naive. i was naive about talking crap about someone else until about the age of 18. this person is either ignorant or doesn't care. since you are all over 18 ... i wouldn't even have a meeting - just call and tell him he's out. no explanation necessary. if he can;t figure it out, no use wasting YOUR time ... it ain't like you're the governor of WV and been having an affair for 8 years with an Argentinian woman or something ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TheAxeMan Posted June 25, 2009 Members Share Posted June 25, 2009 My old band had pretty poor chemistry. Let me tell you, there's nothing worse than poor chemistry to kill the whole experience. People start thinking they're better than everyone else and think they know how to run things. Too many indian chiefs not enough indians. I'd say can that dickweek. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members twostone Posted June 26, 2009 Members Share Posted June 26, 2009 What's up JB? hate to hear about your guitarist talking trash about you guys. In my book your great person because you sure didn't mind helping me out. We will always thank you for the help; Guess it's time to move on with another guitarist. Keeping band together is tough at times . Some of the stuff I have to put up with some times makes me wonder if it's worth being in a band. All I can say if my singer keeps drinking with that new kidney of his I'll be looking for a new singer. He won't listen to me or his family and friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members faileddrummer Posted June 26, 2009 Members Share Posted June 26, 2009 My old band had pretty poor chemistry. Let me tell you, there's nothing worse than poor chemistry to kill the whole experience. People start thinking they're better than everyone else and think they know how to run things. Too many indian chiefs not enough indians. I'd say can that dickweek. I hear that. My guitarist has a huge superiority complex. But it's only half the time. It's weird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tlbonehead Posted June 26, 2009 Members Share Posted June 26, 2009 Thanks for all the replies everyone. Yeah, we are going to sit down and talk about this. Me, personally, I have my mind made up. We've got 2 shows this weekend and are going to hash this crap out after that. Oh, and to answer some of you..no, we are not teenagers..one of us is just acting like one. I'm 40 and the rest aren't far behind me. That also makes it frustrating.I would think you'd be at the point where it didn't bother you anymore. JMO, but by that age I think we know that we can't control other people's actions and that it makes no sense to allow it to mess up out world. If you know what they are saying isn't true, why not just roll your eyes a little and consider the source. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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