Members summit111 Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 My Brothers, We're getting close to a decision to let our bass player go. He's a really nice guy and we like him, but it just isn't working out. He was a guitar player and switched to bass to be in our band. Still needs sheet music for the simplest of songs, and still struggles after several years. Now he's involved with another activity that interferes with our regular weekly rehearsal forcing us to reschedule, with difficulty. We have another guy, great player and singer, that wants to join the band. He's subbed several times with us and did a great job with little practice. Wow, on paper, he's gotta go, but in my heart, it's a tough call. But, he also started playing with another band that's just starting, but with no gigs booked. We have a busy spring schedule coming up. Any thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tim_7string Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 Tough decision indeed. I had a good friend in my band 3 years ago. We got in a slight argument at practice the night before a gig. He basically told me that I couldn't talk to him that way and that he'll take his {censored} and go right now, implying that he would not play the gig the next day. Knowing his history, I knew he was serious. I had to do damage control and basically kiss his ass so I didn't have to cancel the gig. I wouldn't have been able to get a fill-in on such short notice. If he wasn't a friend, I would have told him to go f*** himself for even suggesting it. I'd rather have a band of people that I know are there for one reason and one reason only: the money. Loving the music is secondary, but that's how it goes with cover bands sometimes. I know where I stand with them and I know where they stand with me. We are friendly and get along well, but make no mistake....they would not be around if I didn't put gigs on the books. However, I know they are professionals and that they WILL show up, even if they are in a bad mood, or had a fight with their spouse/girlfriend, or dead tired from long days at work. I'm the same way. My friend wasn't. It's never easy to tell a friend "it's not working out." But the fact that your friend is part of another project that may or may not conflict with your current band probably means he isn't completely onboard either. We had a bassist/vocalist that was basically in two bands, equally. We told her we wanted a full-time bassist, but she would book weeks and months in advance with the other band, which shut out dates for our band. We decided to cut ties rather than continue to wonder if she would take the 'better' (i.e. more money) gig with the other band on the same night as our gig. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jimiv Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 The decision is easy.....it's the face to face that will be a bit challenging Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Mutha Goose Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 We had to let a guitar player go a few months back. Great guy, but there were some things he was missing. It broke his heart and wasn't easy, but in the end we had to do what was best for the band. Good luck to ya. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members kmart Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 The decision is easy.....it's the face to face that will be a bit challenging This, X1000000000. He isn't picking the material up, has conflicts outside the band AND started in another band? How much more of a clue does he need to drop you that he doesn't want to be in your band? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members StratGuy22 Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 Wish him luck in the other band, and get the new guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tomm Williams Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 I was involved in this twice and it absolutely sucked. One was a bass player whom I've been friends with since high school (I'm 51) He developed a drinking problem and had to go. The rest of the band just sort of split up for a few months and regrouped with a new bass player. Guy didn't say anything, he knew why. Had a drummer that was killing us. He caused 3 other people to join/quit so we just stopped calling him. He figured it out too. Glad it worked out that way, it would have been a suck day for everyone to have to have the conversation.----------good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TIMKEYS Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 The decision is easy.....it's the face to face that will be a bit challenging For gosh sakes dont say how much it hurts you to let him go. Thats a real bull{censored} line that gets used way to often when people get let go. Just man up and tell him the truth why the band feels its not working out and get it over with. Friends should be honest with each other. You owe him that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members metronome_jones Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 You might be making more of this than your friend will.He's already made it clear he'll put your band on the backburner to do whatever else he's doing. Plus he's got that 2nd band.Just be straight up with him. He may be clueless enough to not see how his other activities don't exactly demonstrate 100% dedication to your band. Then again he may turn around & go "lol, actually I HAD been meaning to say I was gonna quit anyway..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dan88z Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 The decision is easy.....it's the face to face that will be a bit challenging Nah, just send him a text. For the op, I think you already have it figured out. Don't make excuses on why you can't do it, and be professional and courteous when you make the call. If he's a real friend he'll understand and won't hold a grudge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jwlussow Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 Chances are he realizes he is struggling. That would make every show very stressful to me. He might want to quit but he likes you guys and he doesn't know how to tell you. Just sit down and talk to him. It's not personal, it's business. The band comes first and he should realize that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Chip Stewart Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 Does he play guitar or bass in the new band? If he plays guitar in the new band, he might want to quit your band anyway. It might not be that big of a deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tim_7string Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 Does he play guitar or bass in the new band? If he plays guitar in the new band, he might want to quit your band anyway. It might not be that big of a deal. Another great point. Most guitarists don't want to play bass. Even if they say they do, they still eventually get the urge to go back to playing guitar. It's something I have to consider with my own band since the other guitarist is currently playing bass now. My question is "How long will it be before he quits?" Maybe never, but we shall see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members New Trail Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 My Brothers,We're getting close to a decision to let our bass player go. He's a really nice guy and we like him, but it just isn't working out. He was a guitar player and switched to bass to be in our band. Still needs sheet music for the simplest of songs, and still struggles after several years.Now he's involved with another activity that interferes with our regular weekly rehearsal forcing us to reschedule, with difficulty....... IMO when the time comes for the actual firing don't mention his musical issues, just the scheduling conflicts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members totheengravers Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 Been there before and probably will be again soon. I know I've mentioned it before, but I had to let go a good friend in my old band who was the bassist back in '07. Great guy, just lacking greatly in skill. I was on vocals only, but after a few shows and several practices of him not really getting up to speed or playing songs well, the the other guys wanted him out and me to go back to playing bass (my main instrument for the better part of 13 years). I was reluctant and it sucked having to "fire" him, but I think he eventually got over it after being crushed and we're still good friends 5 years later. I'm most likely going to have to face this decision again with my new project. The guy lined up on bass can't practice on the only day our practice space has availability due to a film he's working on and the 2nd guitarist, who was in my previous project has 2 other bands and goes out of town almost every weekend and has at least 3-4 gigs a month with his other bands. In the past month or two, neither of them have made time for jamming, so I think, even though they are friends, it's time for the boot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Tomm Williams Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 For gosh sakes dont say how much it hurts you to let him go. Thats a real bull{censored} line that gets used way to often when people get let go. Just man up and tell him the truth why the band feels its not working out and get it over with. Friends should be honest with each other. You owe him that. Well yeah, sort of. Depends on how long you've been friends and how good of a friend he is. I don't think it needs to be real sappy but if your ties go way back, it's pretty damn hard to keep some emotions out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members guitarguy19 Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 Most guitarists don't want to play bass. Seriously...who the hell wants to play bass? OP, bummer you have to face this situation, but your friend will understand and it might even be a big weight lifted off his shoulders. If he's struggling like you say he is...chances are he's not really enjoying himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members stratotastic Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 IMO when the time comes for the actual firing don't mention his musical issues, just the scheduling conflicts. IMO, not a great idea. What if he comes back with "I'll quit the other thing and make this the focus of my time"? Just gotta lay all the reasons out there and be honest but diplomatic. Rip off the band-aid. Besides, by the sounds of how he's struggling, it might actually be a relief for him. He may be hanging on simply because he dreads having to tell you he wants to quit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Lee Knight Posted February 7, 2012 Moderators Share Posted February 7, 2012 It's always tough. I had to fire my best friend. 25 years later he's still my best friend. It's not easy, but honesty with sensitivity makes right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jimiv Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 I posted this a while back, to Lee Knight's problem which was similar...still applies, but YMMV. "I brought my good friend in to fill the drummer spot thinking he would develop his chops as the band booked more and more. Turned out that the band finally didn't want to play with him after talking with him on two occasions to motivate his need to woodshed. Finally the singer and the lead guitar player (the main pulling horses) came to rehearsal two weeks after a gig and saw that is drums were still in the spots they were in when we unloaded from the gig. He clearly wasn't working it and wasn't going to. Basically he was fired the next day. He passively aggressively over the next 3 years trashed me and my family at every opportunity in our social circle. It was ugly. I never mentioned the matter to anyone even when someone would say "blah blah, he said that you....." I would just have no comment. To this day the bad feelings are still lurking. I just ignore it but its still there. Anyway if your friend is entwined with your social life in other areas, just be prepared for the fallout." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wardjames Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 After having just had to break up a band with a longtime friend, I'm going to make it a personal policy not to be in bands with guys or gals I'm friends with. Bands are destined to disintegrate at some point. Why throw a friendship on top of that fire. There's that old saying "Don't mix friendship with business". Well, at least in business the main point is to make money and there's usually money to be made. In music? The money's not good enough and a myriad of other factors (artistic vision, song choice, etc.) are adding to the problem. Best to keep they guys I work with in the band at arm's legnth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members larryguitar Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 I appreciate that you're a sensitive person, and considerate of your friend's feelings. You're trying to do the right thing for the collective without hurting the individual, and that's admirable. No caring person wants to hurt someone's feelings, especially a friend's. That's why, whenever I have to confront something like this, I take the impersonal, professional route; I hire a hit man. No hurt feelings, no long texts at inappropriate times, just send some flowers and try to book the gig at his wake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members TIMKEYS Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 Well yeah, sort of. Depends on how long you've been friends and how good of a friend he is. I don't think it needs to be real sappy but if your ties go way back, it's pretty damn hard to keep some emotions out of it. true ,, but you dont wanna be the moron that says ,,, it really hurts me ,, but I have to kick you in the nuts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members jimiv Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 After having just had to break up a band with a longtime friend, I'm going to make it a personal policy not to be in bands with guys or gals I'm friends with. Bands are destined to disintegrate at some point. Why throw a friendship on top of that fire.There's that old saying "Don't mix friendship with business". Well, at least in business the main point is to make money and there's usually money to be made. In music? The money's not good enough and a myriad of other factors (artistic vision, song choice, etc.) are adding to the problem.Best to keep they guys I work with in the band at arm's legnth. I guess so, I certainly wish I would have followed that policy a few years back when I jumped into the mess I just posted about. The funny thing about it was that I knew better, but I did it anyway.I really thought he had the talent work and work ethic to bring him up to speed with the rest of us. I took a chance. It failed miserably. And the fallout....well that's another story. You can't believe the lengths this guy went to in gaining his pound of flesh in revenge. On the other hand, if you are friends with another musician (often bandmates can become good friends) who has great chops, why not form a project with him or her. I know a few folks I'm good friends with around here who are monster players and I would play with in a heartbeat if the timing was right. I also know that these same people are adults when it comes to leaving said projects. So, in the end, I guess its always a judgment call, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wardjames Posted February 7, 2012 Members Share Posted February 7, 2012 On the other hand, if you are friends with another musician (often bandmates can become good friends) who has great chops, why not form a project with him or her. I know a few folks I'm good friends with around here who are monster players and I would play with in a heartbeat if the timing was right. I also know that these same people are adults when it comes to leaving said projects. So, in the end, I guess its always a judgment call, right? I guess it's a judgment call, but it's a lot easier to not get into a friendship jeopardizing music situation in the first place then to extricade yourself. In my new band, I kind of like being able to make non-emotional decisions about replacing people if it comes down to it. I let my old situation linger for close to a year before I did finally addressed the issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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