Members Gearo998 Posted January 31, 2015 Members Share Posted January 31, 2015 Just wanted to share a little tune I wrote this morning. I hope you like it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators daddymack Posted January 31, 2015 Moderators Share Posted January 31, 2015 Are you ready for an honest opinion? Two chords with no relief, lyrics don't tell a story, and your delivery lacks dynamics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sahariaremon Posted January 31, 2015 Members Share Posted January 31, 2015 I am friend of tune. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members steve mac Posted February 1, 2015 Members Share Posted February 1, 2015 I think it needs a bit of work Mark. Keep them coming though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Voltan Posted February 1, 2015 Members Share Posted February 1, 2015 a frind o' teh debbil izza frind o' mine.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators daddymack Posted February 1, 2015 Moderators Share Posted February 1, 2015 start out runnin', but I take my time... Gearo, what you have there is maybe the chorus or bridge to a much better song you just haven't written yet... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gearo998 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Members Share Posted February 3, 2015 Thanks for the feedback. There are three chords. I'm following a simple progression, but I with throw in some inversions for flavor. There is a third verse that completes the story about a raft going down a river on a summer day, so I will work on that. Maybe more pronunciation on the lyrics. There is a lot of room for dynamics and vocal runs. I have some things to add some flavor for the next draft. More to follow. Are you ready for an honest opinion? Two chords with no relief, lyrics don't tell a story, and your delivery lacks dynamics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gearo998 Posted February 3, 2015 Author Members Share Posted February 3, 2015 I will. I will try to put something out every two weeks and push the limits. I know with musicians we want to squeeze the best out of every performance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators daddymack Posted February 3, 2015 Moderators Share Posted February 3, 2015 good, bring us back a finished product. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Voltan Posted February 3, 2015 Members Share Posted February 3, 2015 And bring to us a shrubbery... Not too big, not too small... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Voltan Posted February 4, 2015 Members Share Posted February 4, 2015 ray wiley hubbards version of redneck mothers with the preamble telling of the origins of the tune is most amusing... he tells of how he feels he has written more clever pieces... and yet this three chord tune written as a joke, has been recorded and re-recorded so many times... and twice a year he goes out to the mailbox and grins... wanna hear it again? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bob Dey Posted February 5, 2015 Members Share Posted February 5, 2015 The chords and melody are similar to 'knocking on heavens door". The problem with this song is the chorus has the same repetitive melody as the verse, as well as the same chords. Try making the melody go up at the end a the 4th line or doing something different with each 2nd and 4th line. I would also come up with a different melody and chords for the chorus. The chorus also needs a hook line. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members STM86 Posted February 21, 2015 Members Share Posted February 21, 2015 Yup. What they all said. It sounds nice and pleasant, but the melody is just way too repetitive. The same two vocal bars over and over is too much. If you had a diverse set of vocal melodies and a story to tell, any issues with the number of chords could be easily forgiven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Gearo998 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Members Share Posted February 25, 2015 Thanks for the feedback. I will post an updated version in about a week. I'm taking all feedback into consideration. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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