Jump to content

Jay's mother is a hamster and his father smells of elderberries!


Doctor Morbius

Recommended Posts

  • Members
{censored}. You {censored}ers are probably gonna weasel another discount outta Jay. Just like last time, right after I'd just placed a {censored}ing order.


And guess what. My latest GFS order arrived today. Too late for any {censored}ing discounts. Again.


{censored}.
:mad:

You {censored}ers.:arg:



You've been {censored}ed by the fickle finger of fate. ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 116
  • Created
  • Last Reply
  • Members

Jay, it really is the perfect time to have a promotional sale because I purchased a GFS Alnico Fatbody 10K OVERWOUND Tele Bridge Pickup YESTERDAY and it has already shipped (shipped the same day as ordered)!!

 

So go ahead, make my life business as usual: offer a "{censored}ity{censored}{censored}" discount NOW - after my purchase has shipped! If the {censored}ity{censored}{censored} discount is big enough I'll buy a guitar. I am totally not kidding.

 

All joking aside, Jay, thanks for being here and showing what an honorable man you are. No brown nosing or a trick compliment to getcha to have an irresponsible moment. I appreciate what you do and your prices are already amazing. Thank you for showing us that people like you still exist.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I went to bed last night thinking the other {censored} thread was {censored}'d....

 

Awaken this morning to see we're getting {censored}'d all over again.

 

Well, {censored}ity, {censored}, {censored}, I'm gettin' me a new {censored}'n geetar....

 

Happy "go {censored} yourself" Wednesday everyone -- and a special {censored} U to Jay...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I hope those are organic elderberries! They better {censored}ing be organic!

and hampsters {censored}ing suck. They don't have a tail you can {censored}ing tie string on to. Gerbils are what you want mom to be. {censored}ing organic elderberry eating poncho wearing gerbils.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

 

Gee this is fairly weak- ass...don't you think...


I think we're trying too hard here...


If somebody comes up with something cool maybe I'll name it after them!!

 

 

OK big fella, I'll call you out.

 

GFS Royales

 

They'll be a single coil set for Strat type guitars, one bridge pickup and one neck pickup with oversize poles....you get where I'm comin from eh?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Alright, this is truth.

 

Jay is into some strange new age {censored}. The reason he has his products manufactured in China is not purely due to price.

 

Jay believes that the pickups will invoke and retain the emotions of the builders. So the various pickups have work conditions that best match the sound desired in the pickup. Here are examples...

 

Mean 90's - built in deplorable work conditions where everyone is... mean. There is lots of shouting and beatings by workers and managers alike.

 

Dream 180's - the workers are drugged to keep them in a dream like state. They work at two tables. Every 30 minutes they turn 180 degrees. This adds to the dreamlike confusion. It goes without saying there are a lot of rejects from this department as the quality control is hard to control.

 

Vintage pickups - are built by geriatric workers. The older the better. These pickups are hard to keep in stock because the workers are slow and sometimes die on the job.

 

Fat pats - you guessed it. Built by extremely obese workers. The fatter the better... more bottom from the pickup output. The positive thing about this department is that ex sumo wrestlers have been able to make an easy work transition where their weight is an asset.

 

Jangly style pickups - another work re-location for addicts in the single coil departments that create jangle sounding pickups. It seems that it is believed their detox shakes help create the tone. The bad part is that there is not any help to get them off of the drugs. In fact, they are kept on the drugs, but only given a fix when the pickups they create start to get to brassy sounding. They are then pulled from the line until the drugs wear off and the dt's began again.

 

Pro-Tube Lipstick Pickups - Now this dept gets A LOT of attention and may even be included in the "Girls of GFS" calendar. Of course all the workers wear lipstick. But they also have to be "pro" meaning that a lot of women from the world's oldest profession are broadening their horizons and dropping their "johns" to work for GFS building these.

 

Any pickup that is meant to play "the blues" are assembled by workers kept in a constant state of depression. One of reported methods is said to be playing REM's "Everybody Hurts" repeatedly over the sound system in the department. Though it is not a "blues" song, it does create a lot of depressed feelings which can be heard in the tone of the pickups.

 

Finally, the mini-humbuckers are built by "little people." When enough "little people" cannot be found to keep up with demand, young children are used on the lines.

 

I did not have time to hear about the guitar manufacturing or the other pickups as my ride on the spaceship came to an end, and Elvis (who I was sitting beside and being told this information) had a secret meeting with the leaders of the Illuminati.

 

Elvis did leave me with one more nugget of knowledge about Jay. He said that Jay has sold his soul to the devil for the power to hypnotize us with his gear offerings. He is said to carry the bone of a black cat with him at all times.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Alright, this is truth.

Elvis did leave me with one more nugget of knowledge about Jay....He is said to carry the bone of a black cat with him at all times.

 

 

Um, not to dispute scripture, but in my King Jimi's version of the Rock Bible, Elvis implies that Jay... "smoked a bone with a black cat"

 

Historical circumstance is hard to decipher...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

 

Um, not to dispute scripture, but in my King Jimi's version of the Rock Bible, Elvis implies that Jay... "smoked a bone with a black cat"


Historical circumstance is hard to decipher...

 

 

Hey, take it up with Elvis. Perhaps he carries the bone so he can take another hit if sales seem to be sliding.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Alright, this is truth.


Jay is into some strange new age {censored}. The reason he has his products manufactured in China is not purely due to price.


Jay believes that the pickups will invoke and retain the emotions of the builders. So the various pickups have work conditions that best match the sound desired in the pickup. Here are examples...


Mean 90's - built in deplorable work conditions where everyone is... mean. There is lots of shouting and beatings by workers and managers alike.


Dream 180's - the workers are drugged to keep them in a dream like state. They work at two tables. Every 30 minutes they turn 180 degrees. This adds to the dreamlike confusion. It goes without saying there are a lot of rejects from this department as the quality control is hard to control.


Vintage pickups - are built by geriatric workers. The older the better. These pickups are hard to keep in stock because the workers are slow and sometimes die on the job.


Fat pats - you guessed it. Built by extremely obese workers. The fatter the better... more bottom from the pickup output. The positive thing about this department is that ex sumo wrestlers have been able to make an easy work transition where their weight is an asset.


Jangly style pickups - another work re-location for addicts in the single coil departments that create jangle sounding pickups. It seems that it is believed their detox shakes help create the tone. The bad part is that there is not any help to get them off of the drugs. In fact, they are kept on the drugs, but only given a fix when the pickups they create start to get to brassy sounding. They are then pulled from the line until the drugs wear off and the dt's began again.


Pro-Tube Lipstick Pickups - Now this dept gets A LOT of attention and may even be included in the "Girls of GFS" calendar. Of course all the workers wear lipstick. But they also have to be "pro" meaning that a lot of women from the world's oldest profession are broadening their horizons and dropping their "johns" to work for GFS building these.


Any pickup that is meant to play "the blues" are assembled by workers kept in a constant state of depression. One of reported methods is said to be playing REM's "Everybody Hurts" repeatedly over the sound system in the department. Though it is not a "blues" song, it does create a lot of depressed feelings which can be heard in the tone of the pickups.


Finally, the mini-humbuckers are built by "little people." When enough "little people" cannot be found to keep up with demand, young children are used on the lines.


I did not have time to hear about the guitar manufacturing or the other pickups as my ride on the spaceship came to an end, and Elvis (who I was sitting beside and being told this information) had a secret meeting with the leaders of the Illuminati.


Elvis did leave me with one more nugget of knowledge about Jay. He said that Jay has sold his soul to the devil for the power to hypnotize us with his gear offerings. He is said to carry the bone of a black cat with him at all times.




So according to this I'd be making Fat Mini-humbuckers in his factory!!!:mad:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.


×
×
  • Create New...