Members Carminemw Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 A friend of mine sent these to me and I thought I'd pass them along. These are words to live by: 1. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. 2. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop. 3. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 4. For high blood pressure sufferers: Simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer. 5. A mousetrap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough. 7. You only need two tools in life: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape. 8. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. 9. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem. Daily Thought: Some people are like slinkies - not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Marko Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 9. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem. Made me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Carminemw Posted January 22, 2008 Author Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 No7 I'm hanging on my wall! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 1001gear Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 Yup 7 and 9 are keepers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members genghiskog Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 Thats great. I always love a good laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members cearleywine Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 The idea that women get mad about the toilet seat is strange. I can't remember a time where I didn't look before sitting anywhere, especially on the toilet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members genghiskog Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 Some people don't look. Thats why we put plastic wrap and vaseline on the toilet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SweetDrummerQT Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 #3, yeah, that will make things better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members boomboomdrums Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 I like #8 the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fr!tz Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 The idea that women get mad about the toilet seat is strange. I can't remember a time where I didn't look before sitting anywhere, especially on the toilet. Ya, I know... WTF? Yet I've been scolded in the middle of the night cuz she fell in the toilet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members SweetDrummerQT Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 The idea that women get mad about the toilet seat is strange. I can't remember a time where I didn't look before sitting anywhere, especially on the toilet. I don't get it either, I always look...... If for some reason I don't look and I end up "ass in toilet water" then it's my own damn fault Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HottKarl Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough. I actually laughed out loud at this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members manoeuver Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 I don't get it either, I always look...... If for some reason I don't look and I end up "ass in toilet water" then it's my own damn fault AAAAAAHHH! A girl! EEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! NO! HEY. oh hi. um, nevermind. Duct tape? {censored}. you guys will NEVER LEARN. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BonzoMcbrain Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 # 8 is actually pretty damn good advice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BroadST Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 5. A mousetrap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button. Damn, I could have used this advice in college. I might have made it to a lot more classes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Fender Picker Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 Carmine, you're a genius. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WhiplashBand Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 Ya forgot #10 Carm: "Bar napkins make everything better" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members zarazabas Posted January 22, 2008 Members Share Posted January 22, 2008 3. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. Yeah, that argument is always lame. Put the damn seat down yourself woman, we don't complain when we have to lift it up. Works both ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Carminemw Posted January 23, 2008 Author Members Share Posted January 23, 2008 Ya forgot #10 Carm: "Bar napkins make everything better" You laugh now, but one day, your moongel store will be closed and the lighting companys will only be taking orders, and you'll be in a studio at 500 an hour when Lars Ulrich leans over and says...hey Whip, give me somethin' to tone down this tom and you won't have anything. But one of your best buds who drove you to the gig says "hey man...how about this bar napkin...these used to work pretty well". And HE will get, after being so gracious, the 1% royalties because he was so well prepared, and you'll be driving HIM to the next gig with Lars... So go ahead...go ahead and laugh! I'll be the one prepared for anything!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WhiplashBand Posted January 23, 2008 Members Share Posted January 23, 2008 You laugh now, but one day, your moongel store will be closed and the lighting companys will only be taking orders, and you'll be in a studio at 500 an hour when Lars Ulrich leans over and says...hey Whip, give me somethin' to tone down this tom and you won't have anything. But one of your best buds who drove you to the gig says "hey man...how about this bar napkin...these used to work pretty well". And HE will get, after being so gracious, the 1% royalties because he was so well prepared, and you'll be driving HIM to the next gig with Lars... So go ahead...go ahead and laugh! I'll be the one prepared for anything!!! Who was laughing? I was agreeing with ya man... sheesh... try to support a guy a look what happens... :poke: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Carminemw Posted January 23, 2008 Author Members Share Posted January 23, 2008 Who was laughing? I was agreeing with ya man... sheesh... try to support a guy a look what happens... :poke: Oh SSSSSUUUUUUUUURRRRREEEEE you are! You know I'm right there with ya man. I'm going to Sam's Club soon...should I pick up an extra couple of cartons of drum mufflers for ya? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members WhiplashBand Posted January 23, 2008 Members Share Posted January 23, 2008 Oh SSSSSUUUUUUUUURRRRREEEEE you are! You know I'm right there with ya man. I'm going to Sam's Club soon...should I pick up an extra couple of cartons of drum mufflers for ya? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members twosticks Posted January 23, 2008 Members Share Posted January 23, 2008 You laugh now, but one day, your moongel store will be closed and the lighting companys will only be taking orders, and you'll be in a studio at 500 an hour when Lars Ulrich leans over and says...hey Whip, give me somethin' to tone down this tom and you won't have anything. But one of your best buds who drove you to the gig says "hey man...how about this bar napkin...these used to work pretty well". And HE will get, after being so gracious, the 1% royalties because he was so well prepared, and you'll be driving HIM to the next gig with Lars... So go ahead...go ahead and laugh! I'll be the one prepared for anything!!! Sticks here (AKA Duct and Elec. Tape man): I will agree that dad raised me on the bar napkin thing, But I feel the more tape the better! Which is why I skip the napkin and go staraight for duct AND elec tape! Seen My pics?? TOne down a head? TAPE! Finish the gig with a broken head? TAPE! Making sure that cute waitress stays until after the gig?? Yup, TAPE! Boss on your case??? TAPE!! Wife or G/F bitching 'about toilet seat???? Drummer's #1 Friend.....TAPE!! AS Yoda once said: "Strength, powerful Tape is over thee!" Even Darth Vadar was wise when he cautioned "Do not underestimate the power of the TAPE!" Let Tape surround you!! Good Day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rudolf von Hagenwil Posted January 23, 2008 Members Share Posted January 23, 2008 A friend of mine sent these to me and I thought I'd pass them along. These are words to live by:1. If you're choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. An the "Joseph Award 2008" in the category "Too Strange for Normal People" goes to Carminemw [YOUTUBE]FE1PJSQIUiU[/YOUTUBE] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Rudolf von Hagenwil Posted January 23, 2008 Members Share Posted January 23, 2008 Subtropical Logic Bernardo, Italian, born and raised in subtropical Rome and organist in the band I played in until 1974, told me once when we where walking home in winter at -4 Fahrenheit from the railway station to the English country manor the band was living: "In order to not to feel cold and not freeze to death I have to adjust the temperature of my body to the temperature outside, therefor I have to eat ice cream until the temperature in my stomach is the same as outside" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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