Sad band behavior

BACKSTORY: So I gave my band a 5 month notice that I'm leaving (I'm a founding member/ drummer/ business manager). They still haven't said whether the band is going on or not (mixed responses depending on who you ask).

So last night, they had a drummer audition. I'm totally cool with that - in fact, he's the guy I said they should go to ask if they want to keep moving on, since he's a GREAT drummer.

I'm dumbfounded, though. They had him come down WHILE I WAS THERE. We were running our set to practice for Saturday's show while he's setting up his set across the room. When we finished, they started running songs with him, checking out his playing, while I was in the room breaking down my kit.

I felt AWFUL for him. It was so incredibly awkward, and the band HAD NOT TOLD ME he was coming down. I wouldn't have shown up so they could audition! Can you imagine how weird it must have been for him to audition for the drum chair while the drummer, who's still playing with the band until the end of the year, is there?

It really disgusted me that my "friends" thought that little about other people.

Play maybe?

...other people, or YOU. Give the other drummer a call and apoligize (even though it wasn't your fault) and consider that last practice 5 months fast forwarded.

justsayin

Sounds like your band and my ex bass drummer would get along fine.

Believe me, man, he got a very heart-felt message from me the second I got home (I don't have his number). I consider him a friend and have made my opinions on him well known to him (he's incredibly talented!). They threw him under the bus doing that, though.

In my last band, our bassist had to pass the torch. He just couldn't spend time with the band and keep his wife and two kids happy. He told us he wanted out, and helped us with our bassist search.

We invited a couple prospective bassists over while the original member was still there. The two of them worked together explaining how to play certain parts and working out any bugs.

It was a smooth transition and the two of them ended up becoming friends. I wish if any band members ever have to leave a band it could remain as open and friendly as that.

Sorry your soon-to-be ex bandmates are lame.

Thats a crappy thing to have done to both of you!

He certainly didnt deserve the anxiety of playing in front of you, and you shouldnt have had to be involved.

I wonder what gets into people sometimes...I mean, obviously, I dont know your band, but I would think that a stand-up guy like you wouldnt be hanging around with assholes, no matter how good they were.

That being said, maybe it was just an unintentional scheduling screw up?

I wish that had been the case, man, but it very clearly wasn't. It had "selfish" written all over it. They barely talked to the guy, they didn't turn down their amps when they played with him (amps aimed at him versus next to him, like me), and the singer DIDN'T EVEN SING! Can you imagine auditioning for stuff like Griffon (lots of changes and shifts) with no vocal cues?

Ugh.

I left a voicemail for my singer later on and really chewed him out. Y'all know me and that I'm very reasonable, level-headed, and as pro as I can be, but I was/ am PISSED.

Do you know for a fact that they didn't tell him the situation all around?

Could be that he was aware that you're leaving, when you're leaving, etc.

And if it truly is amicable all around, there wouldn't be anything odd with him showing up once you were done practicing.

It sounds like you should cut your 5 month notice short and bail.

Fitchinski...as crazy as it sounds and as much of an idiot as I may seem to be at times, I took this whole thing another way.

In Second Coming, when I announced that I was leaving the band after 6 1/2 years, I was put pretty much in charge of auditioning the new drummers. It was all professional, we were all friends, but they really really wanted my opinions on who could do the gig. We were a band of brothers for sure and we respected each other without question, but they came to me and said..."look, you know this band, you know what we need, can you make sure we get going with the right guy?" It was professional and personal at the same time. These were the brothers I never had that I was leaving...they didn't ask me to leave...I gave notice. So with that, I wanted to see them succeed!

I sat after work, at 3am for a week and auditioned a bunch of drummers. I watched tune after tune being played with MY band, and when it was all said and done, I picked out the guy who was going to succeed me...and it wasn't their real choice. In fact they questioned me and I said "look...he's gonna be good...he just needs some seasoning and support. He was a "tapper" and they needed a "hitter". I told them that it would come in time with confidence.

And I did with him what Billy (the previous drummer for 2nd Coming) did for me in the last weeks of his performances with 2nd Coming. I had my kit on stage, and Steve put his kit on stage...side by side. He learned the tunes and played the dance sets, and I played the shows...up until my last week with the band. Then he played the shows while I sat on stage behind my kit watching, and making sure everything went off OK. The audience didn't need to know a change was taking place, so we were cool with the whole deal. I do remember one time when he got to the "Whole Lotta Love drum break and couldn't figure out how to end it and get into the next tune. I pointed over to him and told him I would get him out of it. I tooked over, did the big transition into Hendrix, played for 8 bars or so, and then handed it back over to him...(true story) On my last night with the band, the second saddest heartbreaking night I've ever had in my life, Steve's (the new drummer) wife came up to me and gave me a big hug and kiss and said "thank you for doing what you did in helping him get started".

And I told her what I'm telling you Fitcheroo..."it's all about the gig...nothing more or nothing less. It was good karma, it was about making sure the gig would survive without missing a beat (no pun intended...well maybe just a little) and making the best of a very melancholy situation.

You're a pro and you decided to move on. I would not feel bad in your situation at all...it's simply about the gig...nothing more and nothing less. I'm still sorry to see you leave cause I dug you guys...but hey...I'll catch up with ya on the next gig...

No video no sympathy.

Kidding. What I mean is maybe you're a little too close to it and being high strung? Black and white footage looks like they brought in the guy YOU recommended while you were there - {crossroads} - all concerned parties present and in context - sounds like a good opportunity for initiating a smooth transition.

I think some of you guys are missing the point. There was NO communication about this. I didn't know, and HE didn't know. No one asked me anything about it, though I'd be the first one to show people the licks - no one asked.

And no one told him I'd be there - that's the worst part. Can you imagine learning a band's tunes, driving an hour with your kit and setting it up... while the drummer was watching you? That's just incredibly sick to do to someone in my eyes.

Maybe I was raised in the wrong time, and maybe this internet society is just that self-serving, but you do NOT treat other people like that.

I don't really see the problem, I guess. I'm actually the person who told my current band that the guy they were auditioning for drums (I was playing bass at that point) wasn't going to make it. I'm going to finish up with them after New Years, and I expect that I'll help finding a new drummer.

I dunno. I just don't see the big deal.

Can I imagine myself in that guys shoes? Sure. Why not? I might even be able to get some feedback about bits and pieces I was struggling with. In fact, I tried out for a band a while ago and I WISH the drummer would have been around, because there were parts I just couldn't figure out by ear.

Well I'm just looking for angles. Obviously you were offended but that's all that's apparent. I think I'll go back to spambot for a while. lol.

Sorry man but I still don't see the problem. There are no secrets here. You told them you were leaving, they're getting somebody else. I don't see where he would feel awkward either. He knows you, he knows you're leaving. so...what am I missing. He's not taking the gig from you...you're giving it up? There's no underhandedness all the way around. It doesn't mean you can't be in the same room together.

OK call me a dick but I think maybe you're a little perturbed cause they are apparently moving on quite fast without you. After all you gave blood to these guys for how many years now (as a founding member) and now it feels like you're possibly just been treated like another side man. But remember, it's not personal, man, it's just business that's all.

I've auditioned for gigs with other players there. Hell I knew most of the players who held the gig while they were auditioning others. Maybe they coulda said to him "hey you'll be coming in to audition after our rehearsal so Fitch might still be there, but I don't know if that's an upsetting the apple cart situation. And I'da still gone ahead with the audition. But maybe it's because you know this other guy you recommended. Maybe it's the personalness of it. In which case, that's the issue you'll have to think about for yourself.

OK now you can say it..."you're a dick Carmine" you're a heartless insensitive prick. And you're old and don't know anything about how it really is! Um...no...not really, just been there done that more times than I care to mention.

I'll leave now cause I've overstayed my welcome...sorry you feel bad. Have fun playing with the other gig:thu:

You're a dick Carmine. You're a heartless, insensitive prick.

It's all good, man - you know I love ya. Guess it's just a situational thing - you know I'm a professional guy in all things band, so I guess you'd have to trust me that this didn't go down the right way.

Got an e-mail from the singer (who I left the very upset VM with) who apologized; my last show with them will be Halloween night. At this point, it's more important to preserve the five years of friendship then play a few random shows at local bars!

Oh, and Carmine, you're old and don't know anything about how it really is.

Plus, your drum set is backwards.

I love yuz too Fitch, and I can kinda sorta see where you are coming from.....but in the big picture it's not a huge deal. You have moved on to another band you are happy with, the old band wants to move on without you (they don't really need your permission to move on, do they??), the "new" drummer knows you and wants to play in your old band, you know this guy and suggested this guy in the first place.....I can understand SOME of the ackwardness.....but this is what you wanted, right? No I guess not, but yes it is. ??

Thank You!!!!

Oh I do know you're a pro...and I trust your judgement. And you are definitely right about preserving friendships...THAT's the real deal cause all else is just ground clutter.

Did I ever mention what was the worst night of my life? That would be the Monday night after I left the 2nd Coming band. Ya see we were playing the Ocean for 6 weeks, and lo and behold, the Admirals were coming into that same club to play the next 6 weeks (sounded very convenient). On Sunday night, 2nd Coming packed up without my gear in the truck for the 1st time in 6 1/2 years. I left my tubs on stage for the new setup on Tuesday. Monday night (our dark night) I was left at the Ocean all alone. We stood at the hotel where we played so I went out, had dinner, walked into the showroom at about 8:00 and there was only my kit still on stage. I felt like a man without a country and nowhere to call home. I sat down on the edge of the stage, in the dark...and as stupid or wishy washy as you wanna call it, I welled up inside and cried...no {censored}!

worst night of my life...

Not when I look in the mirror...

If the drummer performed well in that situation then it sounds like he's good and confident enough.

I greatly dislike a lack of communication also. It's disrespectful.