Tragic occurrence at home

I had new furniture delivered today. 2 guys bringing sofas and chairs into the house. I give them each a few bottles of water, pay them, and thank them for coming out on such a hot day.

One of the guys asks me if he could use the bathroom, and I tell him sure and go about my business. I unload the dishwasher, arrange the furniture a bit, that kind of thing. My wife and kids are visiting family, and not expected home till about 8pm

After about 15 or 20 minutes, I realize this guy is still in my bathroom. Im thinking its nothing...hes probly having some stomach issues, and let me give him his peace. We've all been in situations where we were praying to be near a bathroom, and as someone who has a weak stomach, Im sympathetic to that kind of thing. Nevertheless, I ask if hes ok. No answer. I call again. Nothing. I go knock on the door, and it wont open all the way because he has collapsed in front of it.

I call his partner back in, and call the cops. They come 5 minutes later, with EMTs and get to work on the guy. CPR, paddles, you name it. They eventually take him away in an ambulance, dead.

Cops declare my house a crime scene till they can figure out what happened.

Eventually we find out he was 43, wife, kids...stressed out because of the economy, family history of heart disease...and for all intents and purposes dead when he hit the floor of my bathroom.

what a horror...I cant help thinking that maybe I should have checked on him sooner. I mean, after 5 minutes, maybe I should have looked in on him! Its killing me that I may have contributed to this. But, I really thought he was just doing what comes naturally in a bathroom.

Anyway, I feel so bad for his wife and kids.

Take care of yourselves, guys.

Hind site is 20/20 man...you couldn't have known....don't beat yourself up for it! When its time to go, it really doesn't matter where or when. I feel for you, him and his family. If ther is anything I can do or say to help, let me know! It does go to show YOU one thing! Live your life to the fullest because at any moment it can be over in the blink of an eye! Stay healthy and give your wife and kids a big hug as soon as you see them!

Not your fault at all, bro. And I agree with taking this moment to hug your family.

There is no possible way you (or anyone) could have known that's what was about to happen. Wouldn't have mattered if you had done anything differently. Of all people, his partner would have known if he had a history of fainting on the job, and HE didn't even know the guy was down in your bathroom.

God takes us when it's our time to go, regardless of where you happen to be at the moment.

Stay strong and know that this was nobody's fault.

that's nature for ya man. You wear down and then it hits. For some faster than for others. Just a part of life. I'm sure it will take you a while to get over the shock of it but as others have said....you can't beat yourself up over a couple of minutes....wouldn't have changed anything.

wow..Not something that happens everyday. Seems like his partner would have been the one wanting to check on him, what was he doing fo 20 minutes out in the truck?

I found my dad dead in my own apartment when he he spent the night with me when I was 21. You want to talk about guilt! They didn't do an autopsy but from blood tests was able to determine that he had a myocardial infarction. AKA a Major heart attack. My dad smoked, drank and didn't work out, so is no wonder he had health problems. There is NO WAY you could of known this so don't beat yourself up!

A guy with a history of heart disease, under stress and who knows what, is a prime target for this stuff. He most likely had no ideal and how were you to know??? Really?? It's not your fault. Really and truly, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. You did it all right. The point that he had heart problems and it ran in his family speaks volumes. Even if you would have known about his history, is nothing you could've done. Sorry to hear this and hope it gets better. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Take Care.

Sorry to hear that you had to go through that. When the man upstairs pulls your ticket, you're goin'. Not a damn thing you or anybody else could have done about it.

Just appreciate life every day you are here, because it can be gone in an instant.

yikes. that's terrible, Matt. Not your fault at all, that is something nobody expects.

Take care of yourself, man. it could happen to any of us.

Things just get curiouser and curiouser. Hope nobody was traumatized to badly.

Sorry to hear that, I really feel for you. About ten years ago I was playing hockey- same as always on a Sunday night. Our captain was a 41 year old guy, in decent shape, maybe 15lbs overweight, but not bad. He played hockey a couple of times a week, so he seemed to be in good shape. Anyways, we were playing our usual Sunday night game and as we are sitting on the bench he says to the guys, "Anyone else feeling tired tonight?" We all sort of laughed/grunted, etc...

Then with 10 minutes left in the game, he collapsed on the ice from a major heart attack. He was dead before he hit the ice. (I can still hear his wife screaming as the refs performed CPR.) All of us held ourselves accountable because Tom had mentioned he wasn't feeling right, but no one did a damn thing about it. I have grown to accept that really there is nothing anyone can do in situations like this. They just happen.

that's crazy. mojo sent to you and the guys family.

how's the new furniture look in the room? (DUCKS AND RUNS!!!!! )

I'm really sorry to hear this, Matt, but as others have said, when the time comes, the time comes. There's nothing you or anyone could have done different.

Life can be short, and this reminds all of us that what we have is a gift - make sure your loved ones know that they're loved every day!

Sorry you had to endure that kind of thing.

It's good he wasn't driving when it happened or his partner or others could of been hurt. I've heard of it happening like that,not much you can do when they are gone before they hit the floor.

Just be thankful your family was not there when it happened,your kids could of been traumatized over it.

Take care.

Guys, thanks for all the kind words. I truly, truly appreciate it. I have to say that while I feel much better about it today, the last two nights have been {censored}ty. I havent slept, and when I have, Ive had nightmares. I sound like a little girl, but its the truth. Im not the kind of guy who really gets "in touch with his feelings" or any of that kind of thing. What IS...IS. Nothing I can do about it...but this thing has really bothered me. I cant seem to get the smell out of the house. When you die, all types of bodily fluids escape, and the fact that I seem to be the ONLY one who can smell anything in the house is driving me nuts! I KNOW its all in my mind, but the smell of death is stuck in my nose, it seems.

Please dont misunderstand. This isnt about ME (although I guess it really is)...Im not the one who died. But frankly, Ive never seen a dead body, never seen anything like that before, and I guess its left a little mark. Im not "traumatized" or "wounded" or anything like that. Just really, really sad.

Oh well. Life does go on. Thanks for the support, Lads. Your all good people!

Sorry to hear about this unfortunate event. I hope that you can get through it without loosing too much sleep. You know that you have friends here that you can talk with to take your mind off of it.

With regards to the smell you are smelling, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it is all in your head. I've had residents pass away in my housing program and found them, so I know what you are going through. I don't think the body "releases" any fluids until after rigor goes away, so unless the guy was in your bathroom for 12-18 hours nothing was released.

Thanks man, I appreciate that. The "fluids" I was talking about was actually a nice way of saying blood, urine, and saliva. I think that the guy hit his head when he fell, as he was bleeding from his mouth and nose.

The smell of death is NOT in your house. It's a new beginning...a do over for him and his wife and kid. They just won't be doing it together...I had to comfort a friend of mine lately who had his best friend pass away after 65 years of friendship. Here is my email...

I'm sorry your friend is gone, but he's not really gone at all...he just changed a bit. Here's a scientific non religious thought for you to ponder to lighten your heart...and it's FACT! Einstein proved it way back when...did you know that all matter can never be lost...or gained for that matter (hehe) That means whatever is around today, was around at the beginning of time, and will be around at the end as well. Matter does change but cannot be gained or lost...it's like a candle. You light a candle...it burns...the wick and the wax go down, but they are not gone, they turned into gas. The gas and vapor are now in the air...they might not look like a candle any more, but they are still there. That's how everything works...it goes from one thing to another but is never really gone...fact!

There was a really old movie called "Houseboat" and it starred Cary Grant. In that story, he had lost his wife and his son was really sad. They were living on this boat and his son was really really sad because he lost his mom. He asked his dad, why she had to leave...it made him feel so bad. And Cary Grant explained it this way. He and his son sat on the edge of the boat. He had a pitcher of water in his hand and he said "Imagine if this was mom...she's wonderful and bright and meant the world to you. And then he took the pitcher of water and poured it over the side into the river. "Now, he said, did she really go and disappear because the water is no longer in the pitcher, or did she really just become part of something that was really bigger." When I heard that story, the light bulb went on in me. I may not be able to see the big picture cause I'm still in this universal little box as we know it, but I know the world is bigger than this little box. I just don't have the perspective to see it yet. You see, if you couple that story with the fact that scientifically nothing has the capability of ending, you have to come to the conclusion that he, Charlie, my mom and dad, yours etc...they're all still here...we just can't see the connection because we don't just have the correct perspective yet.

I don't mean to be preachy...that's not my style. And I'm surely not the holy roller, but I think I've got a good enough handle on it to get by now-a-days, and I'm hoping this may help a little. It's just a matter of perspective and you and I and all of us will come to know how it all works one day. For now, just enjoy the ride and your friends and family!

Matto, it's a little sad right now for them, you, and everyone involved. But once you get the right perspective on things, it just amounts to nothing more than a change of sorts. And just remember...nothing leaves this world...it just reforms into something else...

Words of Wisdom, Carmine, beautifully put. Thanks for that. Today has been a much better day since I stayed home and slept for most of it. I feel pretty good today, realize that there was nothing I could do, and am putting this sorry thing behind me.

Thanks for the kinds words, all of you. I wouldnt have thought that they would matter, but they ABSOLUTELY do. You guys are fantastic!

That's what drummers do, "stick" together!

Sorry man, I couldn't resist.

Seriously, I'm glad that you are feeling better about it. All things happen for a reason. Only the Man upstairs knows for sure.

That's what drummers do, "stick" together! Sorry man, I couldn't resist. Seriously, I'm glad that you are feeling better about it. All things happen for a reason. Only the Man upstairs knows for sure.

Too true!

In all seriousness, you can't beat yourself up with 'what-ifs' on this....as in "What if I had checked on him sooner? What if I hadn't let him use my bathroom?"

The reality of someone who is in cardiac arrest is nothing like what you see on TV....at all. The statistics around survival when someone goes into cardiac arrest are something like 12% survival rate. Just because you start CPR doesn't mean you are going to save a person's life....as you see most of the time on TV. Even if FF's/EMT's/Medics show up within 3-4 minutes and begin an aggressive cardiac arrest protocol (which involves CPR, advanced airway control, electric shocks and very powerful medications) the survival rate is still very low.

The reality is there is a reason why that person's heart stopped working. Whether it's an unhealthy lifestyle (diet, drugs, alcohol, etc), heart disease, trauma, etc....most people that usually go into cardiac arrest are just not healthy people. I have yet to pull up on scene to hot 22 year chick in a bikini who is in cardiac arrest (at least that didn't have a hypodermic needle hanging out of their arm.) Generally they are old, overweight, have chronic health issues and live very unhealthy lives (diet, smoking, drugs, etc.) Even if we manage to get a sustained pulse and blood pressure back and deliver them to the hospital technically alive, they still usually pass on.

Lots of people die every single day. It sucks that it happened in your bathroom.....but what's done is done. You really shouldn't feel any guilt over it. You didn't cause it, and to be completely frank, there was really not much you could've done about it.

Nothing you could have done in your situation. If anyone out there ever needs to use it, try "hands only" CPR... http://handsonlycpr.org/ call 911 and push hard on their chest. This video will help you remember... [video=youtube;n5hP4DIBCEE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5hP4DIBCEE

This is exactly right....and the "Staying Alive" rhthym is taught in many CPR classes.

CPR standards change fairly frequently, but the current train of thought is to keep the blood flowing through constant chest compressions. In the past, there was a lot of focus put on ventilating the patient (adding oxygen through 'mouth to mouth' or via bag/valve mask.) In doing this, chest compressions were stopped to add O2 to the blood, then compressions would start again. Research with this method showed two things concerning survivability rates: 1.) Despite highly oxygenated blood, there was insufficient perfusion of that oxygenated blood to the body (particularly where it is most needed; the brain and heart) because chest compressions kept stopping and starting and 2.) When you exhale during normal breathing, you do not clear your lungs completely of oxygen. There is still oxygen in your lungs and in your blood stream after you exhale (actually quite a bit of oxygen.) This supply of oxygen (in both the lungs and blood stream) can provide a semblance of O2 perfusion to the heart and brain during CPR.

Bottom line is: Maintain chest compressions until first responders/EMT's/Medics arrive. Keep that blood pumping...it has O2 in it.