Members Goofball Jones Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0503/atheists.html Five Tips on How to Spot an Atheist 1. Usually Atheists are pale of skin. They spend a lot of times indoors, because they are afraid to come outside. They believe the preposterous lie that Christians are trying to kill them, when in fact, all that we really want to do is force a quick conversion or to kindly place them in a maximum security prison for their own protection from devout Christians who may try to kill them. Many Atheists will try to throw you off by spending time absorbing carcinogens in tanning beds, so it important to remember in hunting Atheists that many, if not most, have very dark skin, too. CAUTION: Do not confuse these artificially dark folks with genuine Negroes. Real Coloreds need to be watched carefully around anything of value, but do not need to be brought to the Lord, as they all unblinkingly accepted Jesus as their loving God during Biblically-sanctioned slavery. 2. Atheists are overweight. The stereotypes of typical Atheists are the trim, granola cruncher who jogs and plays racquetball or the vain hedonist, party-goer who worships only her full-length mirror, Recent studies have shown, however, that Atheists have become aware of these signifiers of their lack of faith. In order to blend in undetected with evangelical Christians, most Atheists now tend to be morbidly obese and will tell you, whether asked or not, that their enormous girth is the result of an undetectable thyroid condition and not the box of Little Debbie cakes they are holding. 3. Atheists have too many university diplomas! These folks are chock full of secular knowledge. They toss the Bible aside in favor of so-called, "research" and "theories." They spend their days studying and trying to gather facts and data to support their ridiculous scientific theories, such as evolution and gravity. Don't let it fool you, Christian Brothers and Sisters! All the secular knowledge in the world can't disprove that the reason we are all here today was because Eve got some bad advice from a talking snake! Atheists are too full of their silly "logic" to understand that only blind faith leads to sighted Truth. Why, the homo-lovers in England have already accepted that most scientists are naturally Atheists. Don't let it happen in America! Report your Biology professor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members t3ch Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 A man should dress and act like a man, and a woman should dress and act like a submissive female helpmate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Retrovertigo Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 Not too far from what I was taught in Catechism class. But honestly, do we need a fight on this beautiful Sunday? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members willsellout Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 Beautiful? Maybe in Chicago. God is pissing all over Oregon:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members venturawest Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 [quote=Goofball Jones;33392006 They call themselves, "humanists, agnostics, secular-humanists, moral relativists, Catholics... pfffffT! coke, meet keyboard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Flâneur Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 Turn or burn, brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members perrydabassman Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 Catholics?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Crescent Seven Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 pfffffT! coke, meet keyboard. I hate it when I spill coke on my keyboard. That {censored} is expensive, yo.C7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Goofball Jones Posted March 15, 2009 Author Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 I hate it when I spill coke on my keyboard. That {censored} is expensive, yo. C7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Flâneur Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 Doesn't feel the same, though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members perrydabassman Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 Doesn't feel the same, though That made by Trojan? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tubealot Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 I added this website to my Favorites. It's a new folder called "Religious Extremist". I can't believe that because I'm not "religious" that I belong in jail. Wow. And what a nice quote by our former president. It's to bad the Catholics of the middle ages didn't wipe out Christianity. My mother is Catholic and it's a larger religion that Christianity is only a part of, to my understanding, making them heretics for only viewing part of the arguement. IMO. Not trying to start anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members venturawest Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 I added this website to my Favorites. It's a new folder called "Religious Extremist". I can't believe that because I'm not "religious" that I belong in jail. Wow. And what a nice quote by our former president. It's to bad the Catholics of the middle ages didn't wipe out Christianity. My mother is Catholic and it's a larger religion that Christianity is only a part of, to my understanding, making them heretics for only viewing part of the arguement. IMO. Not trying to start anything. sat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members willsellout Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 the website is a joke dude:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Derek5272 Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 I added this website to my Favorites. It's a new folder called "Religious Extremist". I can't believe that because I'm not "religious" that I belong in jail. Wow. And what a nice quote by our former president. It's to bad the Catholics of the middle ages didn't wipe out Christianity. My mother is Catholic and it's a larger religion that Christianity is only a part of, to my understanding, making them heretics for only viewing part of the arguement. IMO. Not trying to start anything. Did you miss the part where the OP says it's a satirical website? And, am I reading this right? You think Christianity is a part of Catholicism? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators isaac42 Posted March 15, 2009 Moderators Share Posted March 15, 2009 Beautiful? Maybe in Chicago. God is pissing all over Oregon:D That bastage! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators isaac42 Posted March 15, 2009 Moderators Share Posted March 15, 2009 Catholics?? I was assured by an adorable young woman in my math class that Catholics are not Christians. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators isaac42 Posted March 15, 2009 Moderators Share Posted March 15, 2009 sat Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members willsellout Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 However, the quote from George H. W. Bush, Vice President at the time, is legitimate. Speaking of which: I watched Will Ferrell's "You're welcome America; A Final night with George Bush" It was funny as {censored}, I highly recommend:D Dan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members blueyedmule Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 Did you miss the part where the OP says it's a satirical website? And, am I reading this right? You think Christianity is a part of Catholicism? You don't? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Pickdust Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 Not too far from what I was taught in Catechism class. But honestly, do we need a fight on this beautiful Sunday? +1 I just came in for a late lunch and am going back out to enjoy this beautiful day! PD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Derek5272 Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 You don't? Nope. Christianity is not a part of Catholicism. Catholicism is part of Christianity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Super Bass Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 Doesn't feel the same, though The ribbed version is better. It helps the coke run off the sides. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members MrJoshua Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 Hey, I have a great idea! Let's start a real religious argument over a satirical website! It'll be awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 82Daion Posted March 15, 2009 Members Share Posted March 15, 2009 Hey, I have a great idea! Let's start a real religious argument over a satirical website! It'll be awesome. Any excuse for a 30-page thread that retreads the same old talking points... This forum has no sense of humor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.