Members 78pbass Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 I need advice, o' sagelike forum. Remember my thread awhile back about playing with an old songwriter friend of mine again? Well, things are pissing me off and I need a 3rd party opinion. I'm going to start at the present and work back. Last night, I arranged an audition for a permanent drummer, as we've been using subs since I returned. he no call, no showed. As the drummer (a husband of a co-worker no less) was packing up I got this text "have 2 work in celina [a remote town pretty far out] all nite on tile job 4 builder,signal sucks. tried to reach all afternoon, I hope you get this one". Similarly on friday, he showed 40 minutes past downbeat to a gig. Not to paint the wrong picture, when he's there, he's there unquestionably. But the term schedule to him is a fluid concept that he uses as a guideline, but not a hard rule. Foolishly, I hired him to re-side and paint my house. he said it would be a week or two, but it took 4 months due to some health issues he was working through, the rain and a few changes we made to the project plan. I don't think that he showed up before 10am and stayed past 5 more than a couple of times. Most of the time it was noon/1 to 4:00. The work is top notch, but I'm still picking up the beer cans and cigarette butts. Mrs Pbass was nearing the point of stop-payment on the checks. In the band realm, I keep picking up the slack because he dumped his GF who did the mailing list, myspace, set lists and promo. I've told him, and acted upon, that I don't have time to deal with it much, so only the mailing list is specifically my responsibility. I bring setlists and the folder to get names and addresses to add. I've tried to explain to him that it's not my name on the marquee and for his benefit, he'd better learn how to handle these things. Here's where I need some guidance. If you confront him, he uses learned behaviors and his 'charm' to satiate you and diffuse the situation. Its disingenuous and I know it, but its exhausting to press to try to get the point across. If I just tell him to {censored} off, he'll miss the point entirely. If I politely discuss it, it'll fall on deaf ears. The worst part is that I now remind myself of the many women he kept around who used to come to me for advice for similar ails to their relationships. What would you do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members frunobulax Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 What would you do? turning up 45 minutes late for a gig would be a dealbreaker. time to find a new band. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lug Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 I'd tell him "I'm not your mother.....listen carefully...I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER, YOU LAZY ASSCLOWN! Then I would maybe shoot him in the foot. "Try to charm your way outa that ER bill!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members B-Bottom Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 turning up 45 minutes late for a gig would be a dealbreaker.time to find a new band. +1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members dDigitalPimp Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 dude seems like he has been making excuses and snaking his way out of things his whole life. not likely he is going to change his ways now. seems like he also isint really commited to the band. id explain to him your reasons and tell him you have to find someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators ThudMaker Posted July 14, 2009 Moderators Share Posted July 14, 2009 Is there a reason anyone thinks his behavior will ever change? I'd be fairly certain that he will struggle to prioritize properly in consideration of other people ever. The funny thing is when you drop him in favor of a different act, he'll find someone else to do those things for him. You should move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members hawkhuff Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 Is there a reason anyone thinks his behavior will ever change? I'd be fairly certain that he will struggle to prioritize properly in consideration of other people ever. The funny thing is when you drop him in favor of a different act, he'll find someone else to do those things for him. You should move on. +1 If you keep him you're an enabler. We don't need more enablers, we have an entire female gender for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Ender_rpm Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 Time to pick up stakes and move on bro. Or hire a publiscist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members P1gg1e Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 We don't need more enablers, we have an entire female gender for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members vanlatte Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 that ^^^ time for him to find a new band... Looks like a landslide to me... :poke: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members t3ch Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 I echo everything else said, except for piggies ":mad:" I'd approach him and get everything off my chest, and at least give him one final chance. If he didn't comply, I would straight up walk out next time he decided to showup to a gig an hour late, or whatever it may be. That way, you can't say you didn't at least give him a fair warning, but then you don't waste anymore of your time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members BigPigPeaches Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 Regarding your concern about him "Missing the point entirely": Your job is to run the band, not to make people understand a damn thing.If he hasn't gotten the point by now, he's not going to get it, no matter how you handle it. Time to make the donuts. And then fire them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members 78pbass Posted July 14, 2009 Author Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 I think I'm done. its the same sheet, part deux. With Respect T3ch, I don't think anything'll stick long-term. I'll offer myself as a sideman for cash, but other than that, he's on his own. Its a damn shame too, because we have musical chemistry and personalities that work great on stage. Its the real-life version of the 70s country we play: when its good, its great but when its stressful, its old honky-tonk in action: Jail, drugs, missed gigs, trail of dead left in our wake, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members t3ch Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 I'm the type of person who has to get a last word in, or at least let his feelings be known, so no disrespect to my opinion taken I'd feel bad just up and leaving without giving reasons, but I've never been taken advantage of in a band. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members JovialEvil Posted July 14, 2009 Members Share Posted July 14, 2009 I am with everyone else. Time to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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