Your Best/Worst Wedding Gig Story

[Mr. Botch]

I was originally going to call this thread, "The worst wedding toast", as I heard a doozy tonight, but then I thought, there's a lot of funny/bad things that happen at wedding dances, and a lot of us in cover bands have been subjected to this stuff, might be kinda fun.

 

Anyway, I attending a wedding this evening that was very warm, happy, la-dee-da, etc, several heartfelt toasts, then the best man gets up, said a very nice little bit, then ended with, "May all of your marriage's ups and downs, be in the bedroom". Now, it WAS kinda funny, but with the bride's dad, the groom's mom, and a platoon of geriatrics in the audience, I thought that was a little overboard (but then I'm gettin to be an old fogey too).

 

The best wedding story I have was for a biker wedding we did about five years ago. It was an outdoor affair, the aisle was composed of Harley's parked end-to-end the full length (kinda classy, I thought). We got ready to play, and the wedding coordinator got with us with the usual "You'll play the bride's dance, then the wedding party dance, then do about four numbers for everyone, then break for the garter/bouquet stuff, then another four numbers, then break for the wet t-shirt contest, then another fou..."

 

WTF Did You Just Say??!?!?!?!

 

YES! They had a wet t-shirt contest during this wedding dance! About seven gals got up to participate, and like so many wet t-shirt contests, the urge to win overrode any semblance of civility, soon pants were coming off, then some angry poking, then a full-on cat fight. At least the bride wasn't involved.

 

Let's hear some more!

[rhat]

Bikers know how to party....rat

[Scafeets]

Many years ago -- I go to girlfriend's family's traditional Polish wedding. I'm 18 and play in a rock band doing originals; but I'd been taking jazz guitar lessons for years. I'm just here for the girlfriend. And the party. And the free beer.

 

Well, somewhere around Hour 4, most everyone, including the polka band, is blitzed. People are drinking vodka and beer like it's water.

 

Suddenly, the band breaks into a pretty good version of Coltrane's "Giant Steps." You haven't lived until you've heard Giant Steps performed on accordian, clarinet, bass and drums. To their credit, they kept the polka beat and everyone kept dancing.

 

Then, it was Stardust, also done polka. So, on their break, I go over and talk to these guys and find out they all play different instruments in different bands, but the Polish wedding gigs pay great. They said that after a few hours they can play anything and it'll go over, as long as the drummer keeps the Polka beat happening. To prove their point, they invite me up to play guitar (the accordian player had one there) and sure enoungh...we're doing everything from "Girl From Ipanema" to "Moonlight In Vermont" to "Pipeline" to "Louie Louie" to Chuck Berry's greatest hits, Polka-style, and the crow is loving it.

 

Never had so much fun at a wedding.

[tubedude]

We played for a wedding for a young teenage couple. It is the custom in this area to steal the bride and groom, then ask the wedding guest to booty up a ransom to get them back.

Well the bride returned, but the groom stood gone for couple hours. He returned and met his bride in the middle of the dance floor and she broke into tears. Well he was covered with hickeys on his neck. The brides Dad walked out on the dance floor and decked him. The tables emptied like a dugout of a pro baseball game during a fight and I witnessed one of the biggest fights I have ever seen, family against the other family.

 

I did a wedding and we were doing Grand Funks "Footstomping Music". Well there is this part were the Keyboard player sings "everybody want to" and I answer back on the guitar. The keyboard player had moved his stool off to the side, but he forgot. Well went to sit down as I has watching him and he flipped off the stage and his leg went in to this big bowl of chile. He climbs back up on stage shaking the chile off his pants and started to sing his parts. I and the bassplayer are in tears from laughing and we barely made it though the song.

 

 

Were plaing this wedding and the keyboard player drank a pint of this weird liqueur that I have never seen before on the way to the gig. Can't remember the song we were doing, but is was the keyboad player's part and he was playing his part to low. I was on the other side of the stage so I walked out a little bit to get to his attention and I yelled out ot him " turn it up". He looked at me with glistening eyes, you know when somebody is drunk, and I yelled again to turn it up. He then turned his head to the side and with the greatest velocity and in the spirit of Linda Blair in the Exorsist he started to puke. I yelled I said turn it up not throw it up. Well he grabbed an empty 12 pack container and continued to loose it. I told the audience, who unbelievable did not notice what was going on because the keyboard player ducked behind the speakers, that he were going to take a break. However, to the dismay of the audience I walked back and forth from the the janitorial closet across the dance floor several times with a mop and bucket, Perhaps they thought were a very tidy band.

[ned911]

2 signs of a successful party

 

1) the cops show up

 

2) someone projectile vomits

[KeysBear]

Ten years ago I'm on a break downstairs at a country club walking out of the men's room. I see a big comfy overstuffed chair and sit down to relax for a minute.

I look up and a gorgeous woman in a low cut gown is almost falling down the stairs. She's totally drunk. At the foot of the stairs she takes two steps toward me then collapses on top of me. Then she wraps her arms around me and kisses me. She was the mother of the bride. It only lasted for a moment before some idiot groomsman appeared to help her up.

[Tedster]

Mine was a bit more threatening. We played a biker wedding...these bikers weren't the mellowest sort. We got done playing, and a couple of them asked for a couple more tunes. So we did. Thank you, goodnight! A COUPLE MORE! So, what the hey, we were after our time, but they seemed like an okay crowd.

 

Thank you, goodnight!

 

"No, you play some more"

 

"Uhhh...we already played an extra half an hour" (for free)

 

About three rather threatening looking gentlemen looked me in the eye and said..."Either you play more, or we'll tear down your equipment for you".

 

I calmly looked him in the eye and said..."No".

 

Something about the calmness with which I uttered the word "no" must have unnerved them...which is a good thing, really. It could have gotten very, very ugly. I might have had to open the extra Fender Jazz Bass case I was carrying...just for safety.

 

I don't do that sort of thing anymore.

[HOOMER]

JUST GOT HOME FROM A BIKER WEDDING THAT WAS A COMPLETE SUPRISE...(TO MOST)...WAS A LABOR DAY PICINIC...WITH A TWIST FOR THOSE IN THE KNOW........(WHICH WE WERE THANK GOD...).........AFTER THAT....COULD NOT HAVE PLAYED A BAD TUNE....SO WE DIDN'T..................

[RupertB]

Played as a duo (acoustic & bass) for a wedding reception. The groom's family ran a bar where the full band played frequently. They knew what we played & we had them give us a list of "special" songs to play at the reception. We learned every one.

 

Half-way through the reception, a very drunk father of the bride comes up and tells us its time for his dance with the bride & wants to hear "Daddy's Little Girl". At the time I'd never heard this tune. Neither had the bass player. It wasn't on the list. Oh {censored}.

 

Drunk Daddy launches into a loud 5 minute tirade about how there's no way in hell he's gonna pay us and "how DARE you book a wedding reception without knowing 'Daddy's Little Girl'. " The whole party stops. Everyone is embarrassed. Jackass has to be pulled away by groomsmen. The father of the groom wound up paying us.

 

I don't do wedding receptions any more without a sit-down with whomever is writing the check and going over all the reasons why they DON'T want us to play their reception. Ironically, we still get those gigs occasionally.

[GZsound]

I was playing a wedding where the groom got up on stage and started addressing the crowd with the mic.

 

He said he wanted to thank his mother and father in law for spending so much money on the wedding, the week long honeymoon in Mexico, the photographer, etc.

 

He then said he had a gift for everyone. He had taped a manila envelope to the bottom of each chair and he asked the crowd to take out their envelopes.

 

He then asked them all to open their gifts. Full color 8 X 10 of the bride screwing the best man. He had hired a private detective.

 

He had the marriage annuled the next day.

 

Stunned silence....cost to brides parents.. $40,000.

[cooterbrown]

Originally posted by GZsound I was playing a wedding where the groom got up on stage and started addressing the crowd with the mic. He said he wanted to thank his mother and father in law for spending so much money on the wedding, the week long honeymoon in Mexico, the photographer, etc. He then said he had a gift for everyone. He had taped a manila envelope to the bottom of each chair and he asked the crowd to take out their envelopes. He then asked them all to open their gifts. Full color 8 X 10 of the bride screwing the best man. He had hired a private detective. He had the marriage annuled the next day. Stunned silence....cost to brides parents.. $40,000.

 

Pardon me while I call bull{censored}.

 

http://www.snopes.com/weddings/embarrass/bothered.asp

 

Please...lets all try to be honest.

 

There's no shame in not having an actual story to contribute.

 

[Outrider]

We were playing a wedding as an all-purpose funtime cover band and the bride asked if "Uncle Larry" could sing with us. Puh-leeeeeeeez? Uncle Larry is a professional singer and it'll be great! Puh-leeeeeeeeeez?

 

Whaddaya say to that? We didn't want to be mean to the brride and say no, but we didn't want to be set up for failure, either. Okay, fine. Call up Larry. We'll take our chances.

 

Turns out, Larry could sing. He could actually sing pretty well. The catch was that Larry was a profesisonal LOUNGE singer, and by this I mean on-par with the old Bill Murray SNL longe singer parody. Every nuance of his act screamed "Lounge Lizard" and you know, it was actually kind of fun for a while.

 

We were in front of his family, and he was pretty good at his schtick. We whupped through 4 or 5 numbers to great applause and then he called for "The Tennessee Waltz." Dave knew it, but Mike & I didn't. Larry proceeded to lecture us on how any wedding band worth their salt knew the Tennessee Frkn Waltz and that he couldn't believe we were so unprepared. The mojo was instantly lost. He went on to sing one other song, then vacated the stage.

 

The crowd had a great time. We got paid. We learned the Tennessee Waltz at the next rehearsal, and it's come in handy a few times since then. Uncle Larry is now part of our band folklore.

[vanlatte]

Originally posted by cooterbrown Pardon me while I call bull{censored}. http://www.snopes.com/weddings/embarrass/bothered.asp Please...lets all try to be honest. There's no shame in not having an actual story to contribute.

 

+1

[LiveMusic]

Originally posted by cooterbrown Pardon me while I call bull{censored}. http://www.snopes.com/weddings/embarrass/bothered.asp Please...lets all try to be honest. There's no shame in not having an actual story to contribute.

 

A musician friend of mine has told me this exact story about a wedding in his neck of the woods. Except it was a video tape.

[fastplant]

 

Originally posted by Outrider We were playing a wedding as an all-purpose funtime cover band and the bride asked if "Uncle Larry" could sing with us. Puh-leeeeeeeez? Uncle Larry is a professional singer and it'll be great! Puh-leeeeeeeeeez? Whaddaya say to that? We didn't want to be mean to the brride and say no, but we didn't want to be set up for failure, either. Okay, fine. Call up Larry. We'll take our chances. Turns out, Larry could sing. He could actually sing pretty well. The catch was that Larry was a profesisonal LOUNGE singer, and by this I mean on-par with the old Bill Murray SNL longe singer parody. Every nuance of his act screamed "Lounge Lizard" and you know, it was actually kind of fun for a while. We were in front of his family, and he was pretty good at his schtick. We whupped through 4 or 5 numbers to great applause and then he called for "The Tennessee Waltz." Dave knew it, but Mike & I didn't. Larry proceeded to lecture us on how any wedding band worth their salt knew the Tennessee Frkn Waltz and that he couldn't believe we were so unprepared. The mojo was instantly lost. He went on to sing one other song, then vacated the stage. The crowd had a great time. We got paid. We learned the Tennessee Waltz at the next rehearsal, and it's come in handy a few times since then. Uncle Larry is now part of our band folklore.

 

 

We played a wedding last Friday and the groomed jumped up on the drums. He wasnt' all that great, but it was fun nonetheless. I figure, it's their party, as long as they don't ruin anything I let them play/sing.

[tucktronix]

I have a real doozer for you guys...

 

A couple of years ago, my r&b band was booked for a wedding gig at a state park. Later, I get a call from the guitar player of my blues band, asking if I can play a wedding gig on the same day, at the same park. I told him that I would not be able to make the gig, having committed to another wedding gig booked that same day with the r&b band. Hmmm...? At first, I figured that they were probably different weddings at different areas of the park. Letchworth Park is huge and a lot of folks have their weddings there. But, when I arrived at the gig, I couldn't believe my eyes. I see the r&b group setting up, but I also see the big grey Dodge van(owned by the blues guitarist) in the parking lot. It turned out that bride booked both bands. The bride was being nasty towards the guitar player of my blues band, saying that he was late. AFAIK, no contract was created or signed, so nothing came of the litigation betw the guitarist and the bride.

[bobvex]

Okay guys, you can't beat this one...

 

i was playing this wedding gig back in the 90's right, and our keyboardist plays the weding march, and at the end of the aisle, the bride gets on her knees, undoes the grooms pants and whips out his condom wrapped pecker.

 

apparantly he was with a stripper the night before.

 

crazy {censored}. We packed our {censored} and left.

[Outkaster]

 

Originally posted by tucktronix I have a real doozer for you guys... A couple of years ago, my r&b band was booked for a wedding gig at a state park. Later, I get a call from the guitar player of my blues band, asking if I can play a wedding gig on the same day, at the same park. I told him that I would not be able to make the gig, having committed to another wedding gig booked that same day with the r&b band. Hmmm...? At first, I figured that they were probably different weddings at different areas of the park. Letchworth Park is huge and a lot of folks have their weddings there. But, when I arrived at the gig, I couldn't believe my eyes. I see the r&b group setting up, but I also see the big grey Dodge van(owned by the blues guitarist) in the parking lot. It turned out that bride booked both bands. The bride was being nasty towards the guitar player of my blues band, saying that he was late. AFAIK, no contract was created or signed, so nothing came of the litigation betw the guitarist and the bride.

 

 

Did you play them both then?

[tucktronix]

 

Originally posted by Outkaster Did you play them both then?

 

 

I ended up doing the gig with the r&b band. The gig was crummy at best. The groom seemed like a nice guy. I feel very sorry for him being married to that woman.

[srsfallriver]

I've got so many wedding stories.

 

What comes to mind quickly as one of the worst: I was in a ten piece Portugueses wedding band (that alone qualifies as the worst). We had quite the punk on sax (I think he's in jail right now). During a slow song on which he didn't play he decides to ask one of the bridesmaides to dance. He starts grabbing her and feeling her up as they're dancing so she starts yelling at him. This causes one of the groomsmen to pull him away from her. This starts the two guys fighting. Then the trumpet player, who is a good friend of the sax player, jumps in. Before you know it, half the wedding party is fighting with half the band. I stayed out of it as it was far more fun to watch.

 

Somehow at the end of the night, the bandleader sweet-talked the bride's father enough so that we still got paid.

 

What quickly comes to mind as one of the best: My current band did a wedding on the roof of one of Boston's highest buildings (It was the Double-Tree Hotel which houses Sculler's Jazz Club, I think it is 40+ stories but I'm not sure). The date was July 4. We were facing/watching the Boston fireworks with a full dancefloor in front of us.

[srsfallriver]

Originally posted by Scafeets Many years ago -- I go to girlfriend's family's traditional Polish wedding. I'm 18 and play in a rock band doing originals; but I'd been taking jazz guitar lessons for years. I'm just here for the girlfriend. And the party. And the free beer. Well, somewhere around Hour 4, most everyone, including the polka band, is blitzed. People are drinking vodka and beer like it's water. Suddenly, the band breaks into a pretty good version of Coltrane's "Giant Steps." You haven't lived until you've heard Giant Steps performed on accordian, clarinet, bass and drums. To their credit, they kept the polka beat and everyone kept dancing. Then, it was Stardust, also done polka. So, on their break, I go over and talk to these guys and find out they all play different instruments in different bands, but the Polish wedding gigs pay great. They said that after a few hours they can play anything and it'll go over, as long as the drummer keeps the Polka beat happening. To prove their point, they invite me up to play guitar (the accordian player had one there) and sure enoungh...we're doing everything from "Girl From Ipanema" to "Moonlight In Vermont" to "Pipeline" to "Louie Louie" to Chuck Berry's greatest hits, Polka-style, and the crow is loving it. Never had so much fun at a wedding.

 

That is sooooooooooo awesome! I want to do Wave as a disco tune now!

 

As a side-note. I did a wedding a couple of years ago in an area that was apparently very big into polkas. We had several requests but the band I was in didn't do any polkas. During break we were talking to the photogragher about the situation. He said that he had a CD in his car with polkas on it that we could play during our break. Then he added "Its alot of the new polkas too, not those old crappy ones"

[Tele Vision]

I think I win:

 

We were playing a wedding out of town, and had hotel rooms. My drummer and keyboardist went up the night before with the truck and trailer, while the rest of us drove up the next morning.

 

We were given a hospitality suite as well, and my drummer found a shrimp ring in the 'fridge at 3:00 AM or so ( drunk & high ).

 

Anyway, the result was that he shat his tuxedo about 12 times during the gig, while playing, mind you, and spent every set break in the can barfing. Worst stage smell ever.

[tucktronix]

 

Originally posted by bobvex Okay guys, you can't beat this one... i was playing this wedding gig back in the 90's right, and our keyboardist plays the weding march, and at the end of the aisle, the bride gets on her knees, undoes the grooms pants and whips out his condom wrapped pecker. apparantly he was with a stripper the night before. crazy {censored}. We packed our {censored} and left.

 

 

ROLMFAO!! That one is killer!

 

My question would be as to 'what made her decide to pull down his pants?'

[G-bus]

Originally posted by cooterbrown Pardon me while I call bull{censored}. http://www.snopes.com/weddings/embarrass/bothered.asp Please...lets all try to be honest. There's no shame in not having an actual story to contribute.

 

SNAP!!!

[GZsound]

Originally posted by cooterbrown Pardon me while I call bull{censored}. http://www.snopes.com/weddings/embarrass/bothered.asp Please...lets all try to be honest. There's no shame in not having an actual story to contribute.

 

busted.. I actually had a guy tell me that story about HIS band..and I believed it.

 

I have too many stories to contribute, but that one struck me as funny, and appropriate. Sorry..