Is this offensive at all?

[M_C_D]

Our singers been a bit flaky since she joined a couple months ago, she missed one or two practices but not she can't come at all till exams are over and I'm afraid it'll only get worse.

 

So I wrote this but didn't send it yet, good singers are harder and harder to come by and we're finally getting some original material together.

 

"Hey XXXXXXX,

 

After exams you should be able to make it to most band practices right? becuase us having only one practice a week makes it really imperative that evvvryone comes as often as they can. Not that I'm looking to kick you out of the band, You and I are the two most committed members, going it without you would suck, and I love having a GOOD female singer cause we don't sound like every other bands vocals.

 

I just want to make sure that coming isn't a problem, because I could probably arrange for you to get a ride to here or something is that stops you from getting here. Are there any other problems with you getting here? If there are let me know, cause I can probably work out the better part of them.

 

~M_C_D"

 

I just wanted to let her know that I'm concerned about her flaking out cause I'm pretty sure she's committed but she's had a lot of trouble making it here.

[SBF3000]

I wouldn't send that.

 

too many "v"'s and "kick you out of the band" is in there

 

and it is too long

 

sounds like you are being threatening and trying to not be threatening only to be threatening......

 

Dear lady that never comes,

 

one night a week is the commitment required. Wassup?

 

Love,

 

The Band

 

 

Should be more than enough, or...rather than a letter/email/txt...have a band meeting AFTER practice with her where it is an open forum where EVERYONE gets to talk and voice their opinions/concern.

 

{censored}s business.

[crossways]

never EVER send loaded questions like that through email/texts etc.

 

from experience. You send it...think and stew about.

they get it..misinterpret the tone, etc....sit and stew...send a loaded reply..and the cycle continues.

 

I have had to deal with more crap through email than you can imagine. And 99% was all misunderstanding.

 

Call her! Just explain your position in person or over the phone. Trust me you will get better results.

[mikerol]

 

never EVER send loaded questions like that through email/texts etc. from experience. You send it...think and stew about. they get it..misinterpret the tone, etc....sit and stew...send a loaded reply..and the cycle continues. I have had to deal with more crap through email than you can imagine. And 99% was all misunderstanding. Call her! Just explain your position in person or over the phone. Trust me you will get better results.

 

 

This is dead on. I spend most of my professional life posturing to clients via email. If you say this, they might take it the wrong way. If you say that, it's not a strong enough statement. ETC. Just call her and ask if it'll be a problem for her to make band practice once a week once she finishes exams.

[Hegmatronicon]

 

This is dead on. I spend most of my professional life posturing to clients via email. If you say this, they might take it the wrong way. If you say that, it's not a strong enough statement. ETC. Just call her and ask if it'll be a problem for her to make band practice once a week once she finishes exams.

 

 

Motion carried.

[King CẠD]

I love to cum....

 

[SpaceNorman]

Like most respondents before me - this one is one that needs to be done in "real time" - perferably in person. A telephone conversation would be a somewhat distant second option. Trying to do it via email is flirting with disaster.

[rhat]

I wouldnt get too excited. How far along are you in the band process? If she is full time in school... exams and papers come first. she is either going to flake or hang on. Not much you can do about it. Practice without her and keep playing. If she flakes you need a singer. Start up projects are just like that. You find a core that will hang in there and keep reshuffling the deck till you have a band.

[3shiftgtr]

Does she just not show up? Called practice, and she's a no show, no call?

 

If not, chill. As stated, just call and say it's all good, you just want to makes sure she has a ride, etc.

 

But if she is a no show, no call, boot her now. No call is TOTAL disrespect and unprofessional.

[GCDEF]

 

Like most respondents before me - this one is one that needs to be done in "real time" - perferably in person. A telephone conversation would be a somewhat distant second option. Trying to do it via email is flirting with disaster.

 

 

I agree. Talk to her face to face, in a non-confrontational, non-threatening manner.

 

As soon as you say "Not that I'm looking to kick you out of the band,", that's a strong indication that that's exactly what you're thinking of doing. Otherwise you wouldn't have even brought it up.

[RupertB]

+1 for not sending it & having the conversation (sans references to "kicking you out of the band") in person.

 

/ she can't come at all till exams are over ./

 

Midterm exams or finals?

 

Unless she is on some non-traditional calendar, even mid-terms would be another month or so away. Finals, not for another 4-5 months.

 

Not making a month of practices is a big deal. Missing 4 months?

 

Don't make it a "kick her out" deal. The band should decide what the minimum requirement is and tell her it is HER decision.

[cephus]

I wonder if this aversion to email is a generational thing. I was just reading an article about younger people's views on communication. It wouldn't surprise me if us old folks would be more likely to blow off an email than people who grew up with texting and emails being the norm.

 

With that in mind, I thought it was well stated. It can be difficult to hold on to good people and I can see benefit on not coming on too strongly.

[crossways]

 

I wonder if this aversion to email is a generational thing. I was just reading an article about younger people's views on communication. It wouldn't surprise me if us old folks would be more likely to blow off an email than people who grew up with texting and emails being the norm. With that in mind, I thought it was well stated. It can be difficult to hold on to good people and I can see benefit on not coming on too strongly.

 

 

I don't know if I am old or not. i am 35, but veryinto and open to technology. I love a lot of things about being able to communicate via email/text. I had set up a private forum on our old bands msg. board, so that the band could communicate quick and easy about practices and shows (this was just before texting was so cheap and easy).

 

an email/text saying "practicing 7pm thursday" or "what do you think about this set list", etc. GREAT

 

an email/text about potentially frustrating/emotionally charged subjects, IMO always bad.

[rebelwoapplause]

I don't know if I am old or not. i am 35, but veryinto and open to technology. I love a lot of things about being able to communicate via email/text. I had set up a private forum on our old bands msg. board, so that the band could communicate quick and easy about practices and shows (this was just before texting was so cheap and easy). an email/text saying "practicing 7pm thursday" or "what do you think about this set list", etc. GREAT an email/text about potentially frustrating/emotionally charged subjects, IMO always bad.

 

+1000

[TrickyBoy]

 

Is this offensive at all?

 

 

In a word, yes.

[Austincowbell]

imagine your wife/girlfriend saying "I love having you around and I'm not saying that if you continue to travel I will bang every single UPS, Fedex, Postman, Cop, door-to-door salesperson and paper boy who comes to my door. But I would like you to travel less"

[GCDEF]

imagine your wife/girlfriend saying "I love having you around and I'm not saying that if you continue to travel I will bang every single UPS, Fedex, Postman, Cop, door-to-door salesperson and paper boy who comes to my door. But I would like you to travel less"

 

[cephus]

I don't know if I am old or not. i am 35,

 

You are

 

the article was about teenagers and 20-something year olds.

 

They don't have hangups that we do about email and privacy. It's just odd to me (at 43).

 

I wouldn't pretend to understand how some young girl is going to react to something. If every time I talked to her, I looked her straight in the tits, I might be better off texting her.

[crossways]

I wouldn't pretend to understand how some young girl is going to react to something. If every time I talked to her, I looked her straight in the tits, I might be better off texting her.

 

[badhabit]

 

Is this offensive at all?

 

 

Yes, it is!

[vanlatte]

 

I wonder if this aversion to email is a generational thing. I was just reading an article about younger people's views on communication. It wouldn't surprise me if us old folks would be more likely to blow off an email than people who grew up with texting and emails being the norm. With that in mind, I thought it was well stated. It can be difficult to hold on to good people and I can see benefit on not coming on too strongly.

 

 

It's not generational at all, it's basic communication. It's impossible to gauge tone, attitude and general spirit via email. Just about every mis-interpretation and blow up I have ever been involved in via email/text has come down to the same thing: "Oh, I took it a different way"

 

It happens all the time on forums too. Pounding out letters on a keyboard is about the worst method of communication I think we ever conceived.

[Coaster]

 

Pounding out letters on a keyboard is about the worst method of communication I think we ever conceived.

 

 

irony?

[bassred]

I agree that face-to-face is the best way. But for the future, my opinion (for whatever that is worth)...

 

When sending an email like this, it is best to not ask any questions. Make statements. Open with a sentence about how much you enjoy the current situation, how important the band is to you *which should get her thinking about how important it is to her* Then talk about your excitement for the next step/future of the band. Then get to the heart with something like "As a band, we need to be rehearsing at the very least once a week with all X members, if not 2 or more to really nail out our original tunes" That gets a point across. Then offer up a time, at a later discussion, to talk about what day would be best for everyone. Finish with another statement of pride and excitement. This completes the Happy sandwich, in which the real issue is mentioned, complete with solutions/offer to work it out, and it doesn't seem like anyone is being attacked.

 

I correspond with customers (prospects and existing) every day, one thing you want to make sure, no matter what is going on, is that you aren't pointing fingers (even if that is exactly what you want/need to be doing).. Wait for phone or face time if it really needs to come to that. There are many more professional ways to handle things, which will tend to get better results.

 

That's my opinion.

[THX1138]

 

I agree that face-to-face is the best way. But for the future, my opinion (for whatever that is worth)... When sending an email like this, it is best to not ask any questions. Make statements. Open with a sentence about how much you enjoy the current situation, how important the band is to you *which should get her thinking about how important it is to her* Then talk about your excitement for the next step/future of the band. Then get to the heart with something like "As a band, we need to be rehearsing at the very least once a week with all X members, if not 2 or more to really nail out our original tunes" That gets a point across. Then offer up a time, at a later discussion, to talk about what day would be best for everyone. Finish with another statement of pride and excitement. This completes the Happy sandwich, in which the real issue is mentioned, complete with solutions/offer to work it out, and it doesn't seem like anyone is being attacked.

 

 

The problem I see here is that what you refer to as a

[bassred]

Corporate or otherwise, people want to start and finish with good things/thoughts. Putting the meat in the middle isn't a way to be passive aggressive (see the part where you discuss fixing/changing things), but to not sound like an attack.

 

Even face-to-face, the happy sandwich seems to work wonders for not having peoples feelings hurt when you approach an issue that they may need to focus on.

 

We recently had a discussion as a band about the lack of use of technology from the one guitar player. He's a good player, he learns the tunes (may take a little extra push) but doesn't really pay attention to his email all that much (at all.). As a band that is working on an album, we've been tracking rough versions of songs or parts and sending them to each other to jam with, so when it comes time to lay down the real stuff, we're all together. It has been evident that this one guy wasn't doing as much jamming, and since we all knew he wasn't into email and stuff, we opened up the discussion. Working with musicians, though (any sensitive types, really) you have to go at things with a soft touch. So we made it seem like more of an objective for the guys who were going to help him install some stuff on his computer and show him how, rather than making it a finger-pointing event. In the end, the guitar player and drummer spent an evening with the other guitar player and set him up. It became a WE thing. WE got it taken care of without hurting feelings. It may sound corporate, but it's still the right thing to do.

 

that said, face to face beats any other option, still.